Olivia: A recent survey of managers found that 80% believe their own behavior perfectly aligns with company values. But when asked about their colleagues? Only 30% thought the same. Jackson: Whoa, hold on. Eighty versus thirty? That’s a massive gap between how we see ourselves and how we see everyone else. It’s like everyone thinks they’re a perfect driver, and everyone else on the road is a menace. Olivia: Exactly. And that chasm, that perception gap, is what one author calls the "leadership void." Our guide to filling it today is the award-winning book The Promises of Giants by John Amaechi. Jackson: Amaechi... that name sounds familiar. Isn't he the former NBA player? What's a basketball star doing writing a bestselling leadership book? Olivia: That’s the fascinating part! He's a truly unique figure—the first openly gay former NBA player, who then earned a PhD and became a highly respected organizational psychologist. Jackson: Okay, that’s a resume. So he’s seen leadership from the locker room to the boardroom. Olivia: Precisely. That dual perspective is what makes this book so powerful. It’s not just theory; it’s forged in the fires of high-stakes sports and deep psychological insight. And he argues that closing that 80/30 gap we talked about, it all starts with looking in the mirror.

Jackson: I can see that. But "self-awareness" is one of those terms that gets thrown around so much it almost loses its meaning. How is Amaechi's take any different from the usual corporate advice? Olivia: He reframes it with a powerful metaphor. He says we all have the potential to be "giants." This isn't about physical size, though he is six-foot-nine. It's about our disproportionate impact on others. A manager, a parent, a senior colleague—you are a giant to someone, and your actions, even the small ones, land with more weight. Jackson: I like that. The idea that your influence is bigger than you realize. It’s a bit intimidating, actually. Olivia: It is, and that’s his point. He tells this brutal story from when he was younger. It was New Year's Eve, and he was at a club, finally letting loose on the dance floor. He was just having fun, completely lost in the music. Jackson: I’ve been there. What happened? Olivia: In his enthusiasm, he threw his arms out and accidentally struck a man standing nearby. He didn't even realize it at first. His sister had to grab him and point to the guy, who was now on the floor, his nose clearly broken. The countdown to the new year started just as he was trying to apologize, and the man was rushed out of the club. Jackson: Oh, that’s gut-wrenching. To cause that kind of harm completely by accident, just by forgetting your own size and strength. Olivia: Exactly. He says forgetting you're a giant, even for a moment, can have dire consequences. It’s a vivid illustration of a blind spot. And this is where his approach to self-awareness gets really deep. It’s not just about listing your strengths and weaknesses. He tells another story about when he was a teenager and decided he wanted to play in the NBA—a wild dream for a kid in England who had just started playing. Jackson: A bold move. What did his parents say? Olivia: He told his mother, a physician, and she didn't ask about his training plan or his diet. She looked at him and asked a single, chilling question: "Would you recognize your soul in the dark?" Jackson: Wow. That’s not what you expect. What does that even mean? Olivia: It means, do you know who you really are, stripped of all the external stuff? Do you understand your own motivations, your flaws, your deepest self? She told him, "It’s blind spots and self-sabotage that derail most people in pursuit of the extraordinary. Not the competition." Jackson: That hits hard. So, how do we actually do that? How do we see our soul in the dark without just spiraling into self-criticism and feeling terrible about ourselves? Olivia: He offers a practical tool for this, which he calls the Effective Feedback Model. It’s a series of questions you can apply to your own inner critic. Is this thought useful? Is it based in reality? Is it cruel? Who does it benefit? By filtering your self-assessment through these questions, you can separate the productive, critical feedback from the cruel, useless noise. It’s about being critical, but not cruel. Jackson: Okay, so it’s like being a journalist for your own mind. You have to check your sources, even when the source is you. That’s a really useful way to think about it. It’s not just about navel-gazing; it’s about structured, honest inquiry. Olivia: Exactly. It’s the foundation. Because once you have a clearer picture of yourself, Amaechi says you need to build something with it. And that's where the 'promises' come in. They are the architecture of leadership.

Jackson: The architecture of leadership. I like the sound of that. It feels more solid than just "leadership principles." So what are these promises? Olivia: There are fourteen of them in the book, and they are all action-oriented. They're commitments. For example, "I promise to reject excuses and embrace discomfort." He talks about the "cult of busy," where we use being busy as an excuse for not doing the hard, important things. Jackson: Oh, I know that feeling. The "I'd love to help, but I'm just swamped" line. We've all used it. We've all had it used on us. Olivia: Right. And Amaechi argues that true leaders, true giants, push past that discomfort. They don't use excuses. And the most powerful example of this in the book isn't from a CEO or a general. It’s from the London Marathon. Jackson: I’m curious. Tell me more. Olivia: An amateur runner named David Wyeth was just a few hundred yards from the finish line, but his body completely gave out. His legs buckled, he was collapsing. Hundreds of other runners streamed past him, some shouting encouragement, but no one stopped. Jackson: That’s tough to watch. You can understand why, though. They're in their own world of pain, focused on their own goal. Olivia: Of course. But then another runner, Matthew Rees, saw him. And Rees stopped. He gave up his own race, his own personal best time, to help this stranger. He put his arm around Wyeth and said, "We're going to finish this." He physically supported him, step by painful step, across the finish line. Jackson: That's incredible. That gives me chills. That’s a promise in action. He didn't just say "you can do it," he made it happen. Olivia: That's the core of it. It’s the difference between sentiment and action. And while that's a huge, dramatic example, Amaechi says these promises play out in tiny ways every single day. Jackson: Okay, bring it down to earth for me. Most of us aren't saving someone in a marathon. We're just trying to get through a day of back-to-back meetings. How does "rejecting excuses" play out there? Olivia: He gives a super simple example. When a colleague comes to your desk to talk, do you give them a half-turn and keep one eye on your screen? Or do you make the promise to be present, and swivel your chair all the way around to face them? Jackson: Ah. That’s so small, but it says everything. One way says "you are an interruption," the other says "you have my attention." Olivia: Exactly. That swivel is a small, physical act of keeping a promise. It’s rejecting the excuse of being too busy. It’s the architecture of action, built one small brick at a time. It’s about doing leadership, not just having a title. Jackson: So we have this internal work of self-awareness, the "giant in the mirror." And then we have these external actions, the promises we keep. But what about the whole system? What if the culture itself is the problem? It feels like one person swiveling their chair isn't going to fix a toxic workplace. Olivia: That’s the final, and maybe the most challenging, piece of the puzzle. Amaechi has a very provocative take on this.

Jackson: I’m ready for it. What’s his take on culture? Olivia: He says, forget the consultants who call culture "smoke" you can't grasp. He gives a definition that is simple, powerful, and a little terrifying. He says, "Culture is defined by the worst behaviors tolerated." Jackson: Oof. Read that back. "The worst behaviors tolerated." So it's not about the mission statement on the wall or the free snacks in the kitchen. It’s about what we let slide. Olivia: Precisely. He uses this brilliant analogy of a small office courtyard. On Monday, it’s clean. Then one person flicks a cigarette butt on the ground. No one says anything. On Tuesday, someone sees the butt and leaves their empty coffee cup next to it. By Wednesday, there’s a small pile of trash. By Friday, people are just adding to the pile without a second thought because, well, that’s just what you do here. Jackson: I can picture this so clearly. It’s the broken windows theory for the office. Olivia: It gets worse. In his story, someone eventually throws an old mattress on the pile and sets it on fire. And only then does everyone look around in shock and say, "Someone should do something about this! This is a terrible culture!" Jackson: But the culture wasn't the burning mattress. The culture was the first person who tolerated the single cigarette butt. Olivia: You got it. That’s the point. We absolve ourselves of responsibility. We think the problem is "them," the bad actors, the broken system. But Amaechi says every single person who walked past that first piece of litter was a co-author of that fire. Jackson: That feels overwhelming, though. How can one person fix a whole "burning mattress" culture? It feels like you’re just going to get burned. Olivia: His answer is that you don't have to fix the whole thing. You just have to promise not to walk past the first piece of litter. You are a custodian of the culture, whether you're the CEO or the intern. Your choices make the culture. When you see something, you do something. Even if it's just swiveling your chair. Jackson: So it all comes back to the individual. It’s a feedback loop. Your self-awareness—seeing the giant in the mirror—shapes your actions. Your actions, these small promises you keep or break, shape the culture. And that culture then reflects back on you. Olivia: That's the entire model. It’s a powerful, integrated system. It’s not a checklist; it’s a philosophy of living and leading with intention.

Jackson: It’s really a radical call for personal accountability. He’s saying that the leadership void we see out there—in business, in politics, in our communities—isn't going to be filled by some charismatic savior. It's filled by us, in millions of small, deliberate choices. Olivia: Exactly. It's filled when we choose to see ourselves clearly, when we choose to act on our values even when it's uncomfortable, and when we choose to take responsibility for the small patch of culture around us. Leadership isn't a destination; it's a daily practice of keeping promises. Jackson: And it’s a hopeful message, too. It means you don't have to wait for permission to lead. You can start right now, with your next interaction. Olivia: That’s the beauty of it. The real question Amaechi leaves us with is: What promises are you keeping, and what culture are your choices creating? It’s a question for everyone. Jackson: So, a challenge for our listeners. Think about one small, concrete promise you could make at work or at home this week. Maybe it's to swivel your chair. Maybe it's to give feedback you've been avoiding. Maybe it's just to pick up that one piece of "litter" that everyone else is walking past. Olivia: I love that. Let us know what you come up with. We're always curious to hear how these ideas land in the real world. It’s a conversation we all need to be a part of. Jackson: This is Aibrary, signing off.