Olivia: Most leadership advice is wrong. It tells you to manage your team, manage your boss, manage results. But what if the only person you truly need to manage is yourself? And the key isn't what you say, but the 'language' your actions are speaking? Jackson: That's a provocative thought. It flips the whole script on its head. Where is this idea coming from? Olivia: It's the central premise of The Languages of Leadership by Wendy Born. And Born isn't just a theorist; she's a 25-year corporate veteran who's been in the senior leadership trenches—finance, IT, you name it. She even graduated from Harvard's executive leadership program. She wrote this book from a place of deep, practical experience, which is why it hits so differently. Jackson: Ah, so this comes from someone who has actually seen the chaos up close. Not just from an ivory tower. Olivia: Exactly. And she kicks things off with a story that will feel painfully familiar to anyone who's ever been in a leadership role. It’s about a guy named Sam.

Jackson: I’m already nervous for Sam. Lay it on me. Olivia: Sam gets a big promotion to a senior leadership role. He's excited, ready to make an impact. But almost immediately, everything starts to unravel. His new boss, Rod, is one of those leaders who makes grand, unrealistic promises to everyone, creating chaos and impossible expectations. Jackson: Oof, I think we've all had a 'Rod' in our careers. The kind of boss who creates work just by walking into a room. Olivia: Precisely. And Sam's team is a mess. They're spread out, they don't collaborate, and their performance is all over the place. On top of that, his peers are playing political games, and there's this passive-aggressive energy in every meeting. Sam feels completely stuck. He's trying to push his initiatives forward, but he's just spinning his wheels. Jackson: That sounds like a corporate nightmare. He’s trapped. So if he can't fix his boss, his team, or the political culture, what's the answer? Just give up and update his resume? Olivia: That’s the temptation, right? To blame everyone else. To say, "My boss is incompetent," or "My team is lazy." But Born argues this is the fundamental mistake we all make. The book's first big idea is a quote that just stops you in your tracks: "You don’t have control over other people, but you do have control over yourself – your words, actions, behaviours… that is, your leadership language." Jackson: Okay, I like the sentiment, but "leadership language" sounds a little bit like corporate jargon. What does it actually mean? Olivia: It means shifting your focus inward. Instead of trying to change the external world, you change your own output. How do you speak in meetings? How do you react under pressure? How do you frame a problem? Born says that by mastering your own language, you stop being an 'Isolated' leader—which she rates as a -50 on her leadership scale, by the way—and you start the journey to becoming an 'Inspiring' leader, which is a +100. Jackson: A -50! That’s harsh. But it makes sense. You can’t orchestrate the entire symphony, but you can control your own instrument. Olivia: That's a perfect analogy. And once you realize you're in control of your own instrument, the next question is, what tunes can you play? This is where Born introduces her core framework.

Jackson: Alright, so if I'm mastering my own 'language,' what am I actually learning to say or do? What does this toolkit contain? Olivia: It contains six distinct languages, which Born groups into three leadership archetypes. You have the Active Leader, the Directive Leader, and the Perceptive Leader. Each has two languages. Jackson: Hold on, this is starting to sound like a personality test. Are we about to find out if I'm a 'Courageous Lion' or a 'Perceptive Owl'? Olivia: It's less about a fixed identity and more about a set of tools you can choose to use. Think of it as a playbook. For example, the Active Leader speaks the languages of Courage and Strength. The Directive Leader uses Engineering and Abdication. And the Perceptive Leader relies on Trust and Vulnerability. Jackson: Okay, some of those make sense. Courage, Strength, Trust—classic leadership virtues. But 'Engineering' and 'Abdication'? They sound like complete opposites. And 'Engineering' sounds a bit… manipulative. Olivia: I had the same reaction! But the examples in the book make it click. Let's take the language of Strength. It’s not about being a tyrant. Born tells the story of a leader named Peter, who was brought in to review a failing $100 million project. It was a sacred cow, started by a beloved executive six years earlier, and no one had the guts to touch it. Jackson: A hundred-million-dollar zombie project. I've seen smaller versions of that. It’s career suicide to be the one to pull the plug. Olivia: Exactly. But Peter showed true strength. First, he didn't just come in swinging an axe. He spent time with the team, earned their trust, and made them feel valued. Then, he went to his peers and the original executive, not to blame, but to discuss the project's impact and propose better alternatives. He managed up to the CEO to get support. He was tough, but fair. When the project was finally shut down, the founding executive actually thanked him for having the strength to make the call while preserving everyone's dignity. Jackson: Wow. That’s not bullying; that’s a masterclass in organizational surgery. He was strong, but he was also respectful. Olivia: That's the language of Strength in action. Now, contrast that with Vulnerability. This is where leaders often get scared. They think it means weakness. But Born gives this great example of the CEO of United Airlines. He rolled out a new performance management plan, and the employees hated it. There was a huge backlash. Jackson: I can imagine. So did he double down and tell everyone to get on board? Olivia: He did the opposite. He sent an email to the entire company and said, essentially, "I made a mistake. This plan isn't working, and based on your feedback, we're withdrawing it." He admitted he was wrong. That's the language of Vulnerability. It builds trust faster than any "my door is always open" platitude ever could. Jackson: That takes guts. Admitting you messed up to thousands of people. So the languages aren't just about what you do, but what you have the courage not to do, or to undo. Olivia: Exactly. And your point about 'Engineering' and 'Abdication' being opposites is the whole point. A great leader knows when to engineer a situation for success—like the mayor of Bogota who replaced corrupt traffic cops with mimes to shame drivers into obeying the law. Jackson: With mimes? Seriously? Olivia: Seriously. Traffic fatalities dropped by over 50%. That's engineering the environment. But a great leader also knows when to abdicate power—to step back, let their team take ownership, and even let them fail safely. It’s about knowing which language the situation calls for. Jackson: It's a fascinating framework. The book has been praised for being so practical, but I've also seen some readers find it a bit too neat, a bit simplistic. Is it really as easy as just picking a 'language' from a list? Real life is so much messier. Olivia: You've hit on the book's most critical warning. It’s not about picking a language. It’s about balancing them. Because if you get the balance wrong, every single one of these languages can become toxic.

Jackson: A dark side to each language? Now I'm intrigued. What happens when these virtues go bad? Olivia: They curdle. Courage without wisdom becomes recklessness. Vulnerability without strength becomes weakness. And Strength without empathy becomes cruelty. Born uses what she calls a 'language speedometer' to illustrate this. If you're in the red, you're overusing it, and the consequences can be catastrophic. Jackson: You need a story for this one. Give me an example of a leader who floored the pedal on one of these and crashed. Olivia: The book provides a chilling, unforgettable one: Captain Holly Graf of the US Navy. She was the first woman to command a cruiser, seen as high-potential, from a family of admirals. She was the definition of a strong leader. Jackson: Sounds impressive. What went wrong? Olivia: She overused the language of Strength to an extreme degree. Her command was described by the crew as an "environment of fear and hostility." She was known for expletive-ridden rants, for spitting at people, for throwing coffee cups and binders at her crew when she was angry. Her sailors had nicknames for her: 'Horrible Holly,' 'The Sea Witch.' Jackson: The Sea Witch? That is brutal. This is way beyond being a tough boss. Olivia: It was abuse. The chaplain on one of her previous ships said the crew's morale was the lowest he'd seen in his 20-year career. She was strong, yes, but it was a brittle, toxic strength. Eventually, after a formal investigation, she was relieved of her command for cruelty and maltreatment. The book says when the announcement was made, the crew broke out in cheers. Jackson: Wow. That’s a powerful cautionary tale. It shows that just having a 'language' isn't enough. The volume, the tone, the intention—it all matters. It’s the difference between being a strong leader and being a bully. Olivia: It's everything. And this is where the real work of leadership lies. It's not just learning the languages; it's the constant, moment-to-moment calibration. It’s practice. Born says leaders are always on show, like actors in a play. Every word, every action is being watched and interpreted by your audience—your team. Jackson: That idea of being an actor could be taken the wrong way, though. It sounds like you're supposed to be fake. Olivia: But Born's point is the opposite. It’s not about being fake; it’s about being intentional. A great actor doesn't just say the lines; they understand the character's motivation. A great leader doesn't just perform 'strength'; they use it with the positive intention of building a better team and a better organization.

Jackson: So, when you boil it all down, what's the one big idea we should walk away with from The Languages of Leadership? Olivia: Ultimately, Born's message is that leadership is a performance, and you are always on the stage. Your legacy isn't the projects you complete or the targets you hit. It's the impact you have on the people around you. There's that famous Maya Angelou quote the book references: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Jackson: That really reframes it. The job isn't to be the smartest person in the room or the one with all the answers. The job is to make other people feel capable, valued, and safe enough to do their best work. Olivia: Exactly. Your leadership is the sum of all those tiny interactions, all those moments where you chose to speak the language of trust, or courage, or vulnerability. Jackson: So the takeaway isn't to learn a script, but to become a more self-aware actor on your own leadership stage. Maybe the first step for anyone listening is just to pick one interaction from this week and ask: "What language were my actions speaking, and was it the one I intended?" Olivia: I love that. It’s a simple, powerful first step. And it starts with you, not with trying to fix everyone else. Jackson: A little vulnerability can go a long way. We'd actually love to hear from our listeners on this. What's one leadership 'language' you find the most challenging to use? Let us know on our social channels. Olivia: Please do. It’s a journey for all of us. This is Aibrary, signing off.