Olivia: What if I told you the most common advice for tough conversations—'just be direct and honest'—is actually terrible advice? In fact, it might be the very thing destroying trust in your most important relationships. Jackson: Hold on, are you saying honesty is a bad policy? That goes against everything we're taught in the business world. Be direct, be candid, right? Rip the band-aid off. Olivia: It’s not about being dishonest. It's about understanding that the way we communicate is often more important than the message itself. And that’s the central idea in the book we’re diving into today: Saving Face: How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust by Maya Hu-Chan. Jackson: Ah, Maya Hu-Chan. I know she's a big deal in the executive coaching world. Olivia: A very big deal. And what makes her perspective so powerful is her background. She’s Taiwanese-American, so she has this incredible bicultural lens, fluent in both Mandarin and English. She’s lived and breathed the cultural nuances that many Western leaders only read about. This book isn't just theory for her; it's her lived experience, translated for a global audience. Jackson: Okay, so let's start there. What exactly is 'face'? I think for a lot of us, we hear that phrase and immediately think of something vaguely Asian and maybe a little... indirect? Like a polite way to avoid saying what you really mean. Olivia: That’s the exact misconception the book dismantles. It’s so much deeper than that.

Olivia: Maya Hu-Chan reframes 'face' as something universal. It’s the embodiment of our dignity, our reputation, our self-esteem, and our social standing. It’s a fundamental human need to be seen and respected. Jackson: Okay, so it’s not just about avoiding embarrassment. It’s about preserving a sense of worth. Olivia: Precisely. And she offers a brilliant analogy to make it concrete. Think of face as a type of social currency. Every relationship you have—with your boss, your partner, your friends—has an invisible bank account associated with it. Jackson: I love that. A social bank account. So you can make deposits and withdrawals? Olivia: Exactly. When you honor someone's face—by showing appreciation, giving a sincere compliment, or acknowledging their expertise—you're making a deposit. You're building up a supply of goodwill and trust. Jackson: And I’m guessing when you cause someone to lose face—by publicly criticizing them, dismissing their idea, or humiliating them—that’s a massive withdrawal. Probably one with overdraft fees. Olivia: Huge overdraft fees. And sometimes, the account gets so overdrawn that the relationship is permanently damaged. There’s a story in the book that illustrates this perfectly. It’s called "A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Errors." Jackson: I’m intrigued. Lay it on me. Olivia: It’s about a sales manager, let's call him Dave, who had a great working relationship with his software engineering team. They were collaborative, things were going smoothly. One day, they’re in a product review meeting, and the engineers have their work-in-progress sketched out on a whiteboard—ideas, code snippets, some of it messy, some of it with errors. Jackson: Standard brainstorming stuff. Olivia: Right. But Dave is in a rush to catch a flight. Instead of taking notes, he pulls out his phone and snaps a quick picture of the whiteboard to review later. A seemingly innocent, efficient move. Jackson: Oh, I can already feel where this is going. Olivia: Immediately, the vibe shifts. Over the next few weeks, communication with the engineering team becomes cold and formal. Deadlines start getting missed. Dave can’t figure out what happened. He finally flies back and confronts the lead engineer. Jackson: And what did the engineer say? Olivia: At first, nothing. He denied anything was wrong. But Dave pressed, and finally, the engineer admitted it. The team was deeply upset about the photograph. He explained that the whiteboard contained their raw, unfinished work, complete with mistakes. By taking a picture, Dave had created a permanent record of their errors. They had no idea who he would show it to. He had, without any malicious intent, caused the entire team to lose face. He had captured their vulnerability and broadcast it. Jackson: Wow. That's a gut punch. Because you can totally see yourself making that exact mistake. It wasn't malicious, just thoughtless. It really shows how this 'face' currency is so fragile. Olivia: It is. And the damage was real. The trust was broken, and it took a very long and sincere apology from Dave to even begin to repair it. Jackson: That story explains so much. It explains why sometimes you just get a 'vibe' that something is off with a colleague, but you can't put your finger on it. You might have accidentally made a withdrawal from their face account without even realizing it. Olivia: Exactly. We’re all making these transactions every day, whether we’re aware of it or not. The book’s argument is that the best leaders are the ones who become conscious, intentional bankers of social currency.

Jackson: Okay, so if we’re all accidental bankers, and most of us are probably clumsy ones, how do we get better? It’s one thing to understand the concept of a 'face account,' but it's another to know how to consistently make deposits. Olivia: And that fragility is exactly why Maya Hu-Chan doesn't just leave us with the problem. She gives us a blueprint for how to be intentional architects of trust. It's an acronym called the BUILD model. Jackson: Of course, it's an acronym. The business world loves a good acronym. Olivia: (laughing) It does, but this one is genuinely useful. BUILD stands for: Benevolence and Accountability, Understanding, Interacting, Learning, and Delivery. Jackson: Okay, BUILD. It sounds good, but these corporate frameworks can sometimes feel a bit abstract. Let's make it real. What does 'Benevolence' actually mean in practice? It's not just about being 'nice,' right? Olivia: Right. The book stresses that it’s not about being soft or avoiding conflict. It's about showing genuine care and support, balanced with holding people accountable for their work. It's about having the other person's best interest at heart, even when you have to deliver tough news. Jackson: That’s a tricky balance. Do you have an example of that in action? Olivia: A perfect one. The book tells the story of Peter, a global executive from North Carolina who was managing a team in Beijing. He was a classic, hard-charging, results-driven manager. But his 360-degree feedback came back, and it was brutal. Jackson: What did it say? Olivia: His team in Beijing described him as cold, unapproachable, and impatient. They felt he only cared about reports and updates, and that he would publicly point out their mistakes in meetings. He was making massive, daily withdrawals from their face accounts, and he had no idea. Jackson: Ouch. That’s a tough pill to swallow. So how did he turn it around using this BUILD model? Olivia: He started with Benevolence and Understanding. He realized he knew nothing about his team as people. So he started small. He collected their birthdays and sent them personal emails. When he visited Beijing, instead of rushing from meeting to meeting, he extended his trips. He’d have casual lunches with the team, he played Ping-Pong with them, he asked about their families. Jackson: So he started making deposits. Small ones, but consistent ones. Olivia: Exactly. He started Interacting differently. He created a more relaxed meeting environment, offering tea, and he made a point to ask for their perspectives before giving his own. Most importantly, he fostered a 'no-blame' culture. When a mistake happened, the focus was on solving the problem together, not on whose fault it was. He was still holding them accountable for Delivering results, but he was doing it with a foundation of trust. Jackson: That's a fantastic example because it's so simple. He didn't need a huge budget or a new corporate initiative. He just needed to show he was interested in them as people. He shifted from a purely transactional relationship to a relational one. That's the core of the BUILD model, isn't it? Olivia: That’s the absolute core. He started building his 'face' account with his team, which allowed him to then 'Deliver' on results more effectively because the trust was there. The follow-up feedback was astonishing. His team described him as a supportive, kind boss they felt lucky to work for. He completely rebuilt his reputation by consciously applying these principles.

Jackson: So when you put it all together, this idea of 'saving face' isn't about being weak or avoiding conflict at all. It's actually a much more emotionally intelligent and strategic way of operating. It’s recognizing that every single interaction is a transaction of dignity. Olivia: Exactly. And the book argues this is even more critical in today's global, often virtual, work environment where miscommunication is so easy and the lack of non-verbal cues makes withdrawals more likely. The book has been widely praised for this practical, empathetic approach, especially by leaders navigating diverse teams. It’s about preserving dignity for everyone involved to get to a positive outcome. Jackson: It makes you rethink every email, every meeting, every piece of feedback you give. The central question becomes: 'Is this action a deposit or a withdrawal?' It’s such a simple but powerful mental model. Olivia: It is. And it’s not just about preventing withdrawals. The book is equally focused on proactively giving face—making others feel valued, respected, and seen. That’s how you build the kind of trust that can withstand the inevitable mistakes and challenges. Jackson: It’s a profound shift in perspective. From 'how do I get what I want?' to 'how do we both walk away from this interaction with our dignity intact?' Olivia: And that's the perfect takeaway. So for everyone listening, here's a simple action you can take this week, inspired by the book: find one opportunity to proactively 'give face' to a colleague. Acknowledge their contribution in a meeting, send a specific thank-you note that highlights their unique skill, or simply show genuine interest in a project they're passionate about. Make one deliberate deposit. Jackson: I love that. A small investment with a potentially huge return on your relational capital. Olivia: This is Aibrary, signing off.