Olivia: Alright Jackson, what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the phrase 'manager-coach'? Jackson: Someone who asks 'How does that make you feel?' right before telling me my project is three weeks behind schedule. A therapist with a deadline. Olivia: (Laughs) A therapist with a deadline! That is brutally honest, and it perfectly captures the skepticism most of us feel. We hear 'coaching' in a corporate setting and our eyes just glaze over. We picture trust falls and awkward role-playing. Jackson: Exactly. It feels like a soft skill for a hard world. But I have a feeling you’re about to tell me we’re looking at it all wrong. Olivia: We are. And that’s the entire premise of the book we’re diving into today: Lead Like a Coach by Karen Morley. She argues that this isn't some fluffy add-on to leadership; it's the absolute core of what it means to be a leader in the modern world. Jackson: Karen Morley. What makes her take on this different from the thousand other leadership books out there? Olivia: That’s the fascinating part. Morley isn't just a business consultant who’s seen a few things. She’s a registered psychologist with a PhD in leadership. She comes at this from a deep understanding of human motivation, fear, and potential. So when she talks about leadership, she’s not just talking about org charts and KPIs; she's talking about the human brain. Jackson: Ah, so it's about the head game of leadership. That I can get behind. It’s less about the spreadsheets and more about the psychology of why people either follow you or quietly resist you. Olivia: Precisely. And the biggest head game isn't with your team—it's with yourself. Morley argues that the first and hardest step to becoming a great coach is overcoming the deep-seated fear that if you empower your team to be amazing, you’ll make yourself obsolete.

Jackson: Okay, let's stop right there because that’s the silent fear in every manager’s heart, isn’t it? If my team can do everything without me, what is my value? What am I even getting paid for? Am I just an expensive cheerleader? Olivia: You’ve nailed it. That’s the existential crisis of the modern leader. We get promoted because we were great doers—the best salesperson, the sharpest engineer, the most creative marketer. Our identity is built on being the expert, the one with the answers. And then we’re told our new job is to… stop giving answers. It feels like we're being asked to give up the very thing that made us successful. Jackson: It feels like giving up control. It’s terrifying. Olivia: It is. And Morley tells this incredible story about a leader named Amy that illustrates this perfectly. Amy was a senior leader put in charge of a security team. Now, she didn't have a technical security background, but the team was used to a manager who was a deep technical expert. So Amy felt this immense pressure to prove herself, to be decisive, to be in control. Jackson: I can feel the imposter syndrome from here. She’s probably overcompensating, trying to be more assertive than anyone else. Olivia: Exactly. She adopted a classic command-and-control style. Then, a crisis hits. A major theft happens in one of the regional teams, and the HR department challenges how one of her managers handled a staff member involved. Amy’s immediate, gut reaction was to go on the defensive. To protect her manager, to control the narrative, to fight HR. She was ready to go to war. Jackson: Which is what most leaders would do, right? Defend your people, show strength. Olivia: It’s the default instinct. But right before she was scheduled to meet with HR, she had a coaching session. And in that session, she had a breakthrough. She realized her desire to control the situation was about her fear, her need to look strong. It wasn't about what was best for her team or the organization. Jackson: Hold on, so what did she do? She can’t just throw her manager under the bus. Olivia: She did something much more radical. She decided not to go to the meeting at all. Jackson: What? That sounds like abdication of responsibility! If a crisis lands on my team, I’m the one who has to face the music. Olivia: See, that’s the 'doer' mindset talking. Amy shifted her thinking. She called her regional manager and the head of HR. She told them she saw this not as a conflict, but as a learning opportunity for both the security team and HR to improve their processes together. She empowered her manager to lead the meeting himself, with his team, and find a collaborative solution. She reframed her role from being the problem-solver to being the person who creates the space for others to solve the problem. Jackson: That is a massive leap of faith. What if they messed it up? It would still come back on her. Olivia: Of course. But that’s the essence of coaching. You are betting on your people's potential. And the outcome for Amy was transformative. She said she finally felt congruent in her role. Her relationships with her team deepened. They started bringing her more ideas, taking more initiative. By letting go of the need to be the hero, she actually became a more valuable leader. The team became more engaged and innovative because they weren't just waiting for her to issue commands. Jackson: So it's less about being the superhero and more about being the Alfred to their Batman. You're not the one throwing the punches, but you're the one making sure they have the right tools, the right mindset, and the support to win the fight themselves. Olivia: That is a perfect analogy. You’re moving from the star player to the coach who develops a whole team of star players. Your value isn't in your individual contribution anymore; it's in your ability to multiply the contributions of others. But to do that, you have to get out of your own way first.

Jackson: Okay, I’m sold on the 'why.' Letting go, empowering the team, being Alfred—it makes sense. But it feels very abstract. How do you actually do it? What does this 'coaching presence' even look like in a real, chaotic workplace? Is it just about asking a bunch of annoying, Socratic questions until your team member gives up and just Googles the answer? Olivia: (Laughs) That’s a fair question. And Morley is very clear that it’s not about a list of techniques. It's about cultivating a certain way of being as a leader. She uses this beautiful quote from Michelangelo, who, when asked how he created the statue of David, said, "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." Jackson: Wow. Okay, that’s a powerful image. So a leader-coach isn't trying to mold someone into something they're not. They're trying to chip away the stuff that's hiding the masterpiece that's already inside. Olivia: Exactly! You see the potential, the 'angel,' in your people, and your job is to help them see it too. Morley breaks this down into four key elements of a coaching presence. The first three are humility, empathy, and appreciation. But the one that always trips people up is the fourth: vulnerability. Jackson: Oh boy. Here we go. Vulnerability in the workplace? That sounds like a recipe for getting taken advantage of. In a competitive environment, showing weakness feels like painting a target on your back. Olivia: I get the hesitation, and it's a common misconception. Morley, drawing on the work of researchers like Brené Brown, clarifies that vulnerability isn't weakness. It’s not about oversharing your deepest fears in the team meeting. It’s about the courage to be authentic. It’s saying, "I don't have the answer here, what do you all think?" It’s admitting when you’ve made a mistake. It’s being human. That authenticity is what builds trust. Without it, you can’t have a real coaching relationship. Jackson: So it’s not about crying at your desk. It’s about being honest enough to not pretend you’re a flawless robot. Olivia: Precisely. And this connects to another powerful story from the book, about a leader named Tom. Tom was great at relationships, but he had this deep-seated issue with authority. He saw a senior leader in his company, let's call him 'Mr. Execution,' who was known for getting things done but was also seen as cold and insincere. Tom was so afraid of becoming like that guy that he avoided exercising his own authority. He wanted to be friends with his team, not their boss. Jackson: Oh, I know that trap. The 'cool manager' who wants everyone to like them, so they never give tough feedback or hold people accountable. It feels good in the short term, but eventually, the team's performance suffers. Olivia: And his own career was stalling because of it. Through coaching, Tom had this breakthrough. He realized he was conflating being authoritative with being a jerk. He was letting his fear of being disliked prevent him from doing his job. His coach helped him see that he could hold people accountable and still be warm. He could set high standards and still be empathetic. He had to unhook his thinking from that one negative example. Jackson: He had to carve away his own self-limiting beliefs to find the 'angel' in his own leadership style. Olivia: You got it. He started being more direct, holding boundaries, and focusing on execution. And what he found was that people didn't like him less—they trusted him more. They knew where they stood. His warmth was now authentic because it wasn't a tool to get people to like him; it was just part of who he was. He learned that true authority comes from trust, not from status or fear. Jackson: That’s a huge mental shift. It seems like the core of this is about creating psychological safety. It’s like the trapeze artist analogy—you’re not going to try a triple backflip if you think there’s no safety net. The leader’s job is to be that net. Olivia: That’s one of the central analogies in the book! The leader's coaching presence is the safety net. It’s what makes people feel safe enough to take risks, to try something new, to admit they’re stuck, and to grow. And you build that net with every interaction, especially by asking the right kind of questions. Jackson: What’s the right kind of question? Olivia: Open questions. Instead of "Have you tried restarting the server?" which is a closed question with a yes/no answer, you ask, "What have you tried so far?" or "What possibilities haven't we explored yet?" The first question is about finding a quick fix. The second is about developing a problem-solver. One is about the problem; the other is about the person. And that’s the whole game.

Jackson: It’s all starting to connect for me. The journey to becoming a leader-coach is really twofold. First, you have to win the internal battle against your own ego and fear—the fear of being irrelevant, the fear of losing control, the fear of being disliked. That’s the story of Amy and Tom. Olivia: A battle for your own identity as a leader. Jackson: Exactly. Then, once you’ve started to win that internal fight, you have to build the external skills—the presence, the mindset, the right questions—to actually empower others. You have to build the safety net. It’s an inside-out job. Olivia: It is. And Morley’s ultimate point, which I think is so powerful, is that leadership isn't a title you hold. It’s not a position on an org chart. It's an action you take in every single conversation. The book received really positive endorsements from leaders at major companies, and I think it's because it feels so practical and real. It’s not just theory; it’s a roadmap for changing your daily interactions. Jackson: So it’s about being intentional. In every moment where a team member comes to you, you have a choice. Olivia: That's it. You have a choice. And the real question Karen Morley leaves us with is this: In your very next interaction with someone on your team, will you choose to be the expert with the answer, or will you choose to be the coach who unlocks theirs? Jackson: That’s a question that will stick with me. It makes you rethink every "quick question" you get during the day. Olivia: It really does. And for our listeners, we’re curious: think about the best boss you ever had. What did they do that made them great? Was it a coaching style? Or think about a time you felt truly empowered at work. What created that feeling? We’d love to hear your stories. Share them with us on our social channels. Jackson: It’s a conversation worth having. This has given me a lot to chew on. It’s about lightening the weight of leadership, for yourself and for everyone around you. Olivia: This is Aibrary, signing off.