Olivia: Everyone thinks Captain Sully was the epitome of calm when he landed that plane on the Hudson River. But the authors of the book we're discussing today would argue that's not quite right. He wasn't just calm; he was deliberately so, and that small difference is everything. Jackson: Wait, what's the difference? Calm is calm, right? He didn't panic. He saved everyone. Isn't that the whole story? Olivia: That's what we see on the surface. But the action itself, the deliberate part, comes from a much deeper place. And that's the central idea in Deliberate Calm: How to Learn and Lead in a Volatile World by Jacqueline Brassey, Aaron De Smet, and Michiel Kruyt. Jackson: Right, and these aren't just academics. They're all senior partners or alumni from McKinsey. They've spent decades in boardrooms watching leaders either thrive or crumble under immense pressure. This book is basically their field guide from the corporate trenches. Olivia: Exactly. And to understand that difference between just being calm and being deliberately calm, we first have to look at why most of us aren't like Sully in a crisis. We have to look at what the authors call the Iceberg.

Jackson: The Iceberg. I feel like I already know what this is going to be about, and I'm not going to like it. Olivia: It’s one of those concepts that feels instantly true. The authors say our visible behaviors—the things we do and say—are just the tiny tip of the iceberg sticking out of the water. Jackson: Okay, I'm with you. Olivia: Beneath the surface, that’s where the real mass is. That’s our thoughts, our feelings, our mindsets, our deep-seated beliefs about the world, and even our core identity—our values, our fears, our purpose. That massive, hidden part is what’s actually steering the ship. Jackson: So it's like when I snap at my partner about how they loaded the dishwasher, my reaction—the tip of the iceberg—is not really about the dishes. It's the submerged part: the stress from a looming deadline, the feeling of being unappreciated, the belief that I have to control everything for it to be done 'right'. Olivia: Precisely! You're already practicing Dual Awareness, but we'll get to that. That hidden iceberg is what leads to what the authors call the 'Adaptability Paradox'. This is a fantastic concept. It says that at the very moment when we most need to be creative, open, and adaptive—when the pressure is highest—our brain does the exact opposite. It defaults to our oldest, most ingrained, and often most unhelpful habits. Jackson: That feels so true it hurts. It’s like when you’re in a really important argument, and your brain just serves up the one thing you absolutely should not say. But why? Why are our brains seemingly wired to fail us when the stakes are highest? Olivia: It's a survival mechanism. Our brain sees high-stakes uncertainty as a threat, like a tiger in the grass. It doesn't distinguish between a physical threat and an emotional or professional one. So it triggers a protection response: fight, flight, or freeze. This response shuts down the most advanced part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for creativity, complex problem-solving, and emotional regulation. Jackson: It's trying to save energy for a quick escape, not for a nuanced discussion about quarterly earnings. Olivia: Exactly. There's a classic experiment they mention that shows this perfectly. You give people a candle, a box of tacks, and a lighter, and you ask them to attach the candle to the wall so wax doesn't drip on the floor. The solution requires creative thinking: you have to empty the tack box and use it as a shelf for the candle. Jackson: Ah, I've heard of this. It’s about thinking outside the box, literally. Olivia: Right. But here’s the twist. When researchers offered one group a financial reward for solving it quickly—raising the stakes—that group performed significantly worse. The pressure made them less creative. It narrowed their focus and they couldn't see the box as anything other than a container for tacks. Their brains went into protection mode. Jackson: Wow. So the very thing that was supposed to motivate them actually sabotaged their ability to think. That is the paradox in a nutshell. We want to succeed, so we try harder, which makes us more stressed, which makes us less likely to succeed. It's a vicious cycle. Olivia: It's a perfect loop of self-sabotage. And the authors argue that in our volatile world, we are constantly being put in these high-stakes, adaptive situations. Our old success formulas, our old habits, they just don't work anymore. Jackson: So we're all holding a candle and a box of tacks, with our boss yelling "Faster!", and we're just trying to melt the candle onto the wall. Olivia: That is a painfully accurate image. And if we want to break out of that loop, we can't just try harder. We need a new tool.

Olivia: So if our brains are programmed to get stuck in these old patterns, the authors say the escape hatch is a skill they call 'Dual Awareness'. Jackson: Okay, 'Dual Awareness.' Break that down for me. It sounds a little floaty, a bit like a mindfulness buzzword. Olivia: It's simpler and more practical than it sounds. Think of it like having two dashboards open in your mind at the same time. The first dashboard shows you the external world—what's happening around you, what people are saying, the facts of the situation. That's exteroception. Jackson: Okay, situational awareness. Got it. Olivia: The second dashboard shows your internal world. Your heart rate, the tension in your shoulders, the thoughts racing through your head, the story you're telling yourself about the situation. That's interoception. Dual Awareness is simply the skill of noticing both dashboards at the same time, without getting lost in either one. Jackson: Ah, so it's not just noticing I'm in a tense meeting. It's also noticing, 'Wow, my heart is pounding, my palms are sweaty, and I'm currently telling myself the story that my boss hates my idea and I'm about to get fired.' Olivia: Exactly! You're not just in the movie; you're also watching yourself be in the movie. And that little bit of distance is where your power lies. Because once you have that dual perspective, you can use the authors' next tool: identifying which 'Zone' you're in. Jackson: Zones? Okay, lay it on me. Olivia: They propose two. First is the 'Familiar Zone'. This is where things are known, predictable, and you have the skills to handle them. It’s your daily commute, filling out a form you’ve done a hundred times, or executing a well-rehearsed presentation. In the Familiar Zone, your existing habits and expertise work just fine. Jackson: That’s the paved road. Easy driving. Olivia: Perfect. But then there's the 'Adaptive Zone'. This is where the ground is shifting under your feet. The situation is new, uncertain, complex, and your old playbook is useless. A sudden market disruption, a personal crisis, or leading a team through a change you've never managed before. That's the Adaptive Zone. Jackson: So the goal is to use Dual Awareness to figure out, 'Am I on a paved road right now, or am I off-roading in a jungle with no map?' Olivia: That’s it! Because the way you operate in each zone should be completely different. In the Familiar Zone, you execute. You perform. You rely on your expertise. In the Adaptive Zone, you have to do the opposite. You have to let go of your expertise, get curious, and learn. The problem is, as we saw with the paradox, the Adaptive Zone is exactly where our brains want to grab the steering wheel and drive us right back to the familiar, paved road, even if that road leads off a cliff. Jackson: This is a really useful framework. It’s like a mental GPS for reality. It doesn't change the terrain, but it tells you what kind of terrain you're on so you can use the right vehicle. But knowing you're in the jungle is one thing. How do you actually navigate it without getting eaten by that metaphorical tiger?

Olivia: Perfect question. And that brings us to the most practical part of the book. Knowing which zone you're in allows you to make the most important shift the authors talk about: moving from a state of 'Protection' to a state of 'Learning'. The best way to see this is through the story of a sales head they call Jeff. Jackson: I'm ready. Let's meet Jeff. Olivia: So, Jeff is a successful, hard-driving sales head at a lighting company. Suddenly, the market changes. Supply chains are a mess, new competitors have better tech. His numbers tank. His boss, Janice, calls him in. She's not happy. Jackson: A classic high-stakes, Adaptive Zone situation. Olivia: Exactly. So, Jeff 1—the 'before' version—goes into full protection mode. He feels threatened, so he defaults to his old success formula: promise to fix it, work harder, and put more pressure on his team. He calls a meeting and basically tells them, "The building is on fire! Sell more, or we're all doomed!" Jackson: Oh, the 'burning platform' approach. I've seen that. It rarely ends well. Olivia: It's a disaster. His team gets stressed and starts cutting corners, fighting over leads, and hiding problems. Trust evaporates. The culture becomes toxic. Jeff keeps promising Janice he'll turn it around, but he's just digging the hole deeper with the same old shovel. He's stuck in the Adaptability Paradox. Jackson: Oh man, that is so stressful to even hear. I think we've all been that person, or worked for that person. It's a complete nightmare. Olivia: It is. But then the authors ask us to imagine Jeff 2. Same person, same crisis, same angry boss. But this time, when Janice confronts him, he practices Deliberate Calm. He uses Dual Awareness. He notices the pit in his stomach, the urge to make a rash promise. And he pauses. Jackson: That tiny, crucial pause. Olivia: Yes. Instead of promising to fix it, he says, "Janice, I understand the pressure. I feel it too. I need some time to think and talk with the team to come up with a real plan." He's not being weak; he's being deliberate. Jackson: That takes courage. Olivia: It does. Then he goes to his team. But instead of creating a burning platform, he creates psychological safety. He says, "Look, this is tough. Our old methods aren't working. I don't have the answers, but I'm confident that together, we can find them. What are you all seeing? What ideas do you have?" Jackson: He's shifting from 'expert' to 'lead learner'. He's moving from a Protection mindset to a Learning mindset. Olivia: You nailed it. And the results are transformative. The team starts collaborating, they come up with innovative ideas, they even acquire a smaller tech company to get ahead of the curve. The company not only survives, it thrives. Jeff 2 didn't work harder; he worked smarter by changing his internal operating system. Jackson: That's the key, isn't it? That tiny space between the trigger—the bad news from his boss—and his reaction. That's where the 'deliberate' part of Deliberate Calm lives. He chose his response instead of letting his fear choose for him. Olivia: That is the entire practice in one sentence. It's not about being emotionless. Jeff 2 still felt the fear and the pressure. But he didn't let those feelings drive his actions. He noticed them, acknowledged them, and then chose a more effective path.

Olivia: Exactly. The book's ultimate message is that leadership, and frankly, just living well in a volatile world, isn't about having all the answers or being fearless. It's about mastering your own internal state so you can consciously choose to learn instead of instinctively protect. It’s about managing the whole iceberg, not just polishing the tip that everyone sees. Jackson: And it's fascinating that this is coming from McKinsey consultants, a world we associate with ruthless efficiency and data-driven strategy. It reframes effective leadership from pure execution to a deep, personal practice of self-awareness. I can see why the book has been so well-regarded by people like Arianna Huffington and Daniel Goleman. Olivia: It really bridges that gap between hard-nosed business and what you might call wisdom practices. It’s providing a science-backed, field-tested operating manual for the human mind under pressure. Jackson: I also think that framing might be why the book gets a mixed reception from some readers. Some find it incredibly powerful, but a few online reviews mention it feels repetitive. And I can see why—it’s not a list of 10 tricks. It’s one fundamental skill, Dual Awareness, applied over and over. It is a practice. Olivia: That's a great point. It’s like learning a musical instrument. You don't just learn the theory; you have to practice the scales every day. And the authors give a really simple first step for that practice. They say just start by noticing. Don't try to change anything yet. Jackson: A no-pressure first step. I like it. Olivia: For one day, just try to catch yourself in those moments you feel that 'protection' instinct kick in—that flash of anger, defensiveness, or anxiety. Just label it in your mind: "Ah, there it is. Protection mode." That's it. That's the beginning of building the muscle for Dual Awareness. Jackson: I love that. It’s achievable. We'd love to hear what moments you all notice. Find us on our socials and share one 'iceberg' moment from your week—that time you reacted and later realized something deeper was going on. It's fascinating to see what drives us. Olivia: This is Aibrary, signing off.