Hold Me Tight

Suffering is a given; suffering alone is intolerable.

Love is our bulwark, designed to provide emotional protection so we can cope with the ups and downs of existence.

Most often, the couples I see in my practice live in a community of two.

We have to dive below to discover the basic problem: these couples have disconnected emotionally; they don’t feel emotionally safe with each other.

The anger, the criticism, the demands, are really cries to their lovers, calls to stir their hearts, to draw their mates back in emotionally and reestablish a sense of safe connection.

John Bowlby’s theory was… the force that shapes adult relationships.

The quality of our love relationships is also a big factor in how mentally and emotionally healthy we are.

The message of EFT is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection.

This drive to emotionally attach — to find someone to whom we can turn and say 'Hold me tight' — is wired into our genes and our bodies. It is as basic to life, health, and happiness as the drives for food, shelter, or sex.

Love is not the icing on the cake of life. It is a basic primary need, like oxygen or water.