Narrator: An old farmer’s horse runs away. His neighbors rush over to console him on his terrible luck. “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?” the farmer replies. The next day, the horse returns, bringing with it six wild horses. The neighbors celebrate his good fortune. “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?” the farmer says again. Soon after, his son tries to tame one of the wild horses, is thrown, and breaks his leg. The neighbors offer their sympathy for this misfortune. The farmer’s response is the same. The following day, conscription officers come to the village to draft young men for the army, but they reject the farmer’s son because of his broken leg.

This ancient parable, with its endless cycle of fortune and misfortune, lies at the heart of Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book, The Myths of Happiness. It reveals a profound truth that modern psychology is now confirming: our deeply held beliefs about what will make us happy or miserable are often wrong. The book systematically dismantles the cultural scripts that tell us we’ll be happy when we get married, have kids, or find the perfect job, and exposes the fallacy that we can’t be happy if our relationships fail, our health declines, or our dreams die.

Narrator: At the core of our cultural programming is the "I'll be happy when..." fallacy. This is the belief that achieving a specific milestone—like marriage—will deliver a permanent state of bliss. Lyubomirsky argues this is a dangerous myth, primarily because of a powerful psychological phenomenon called hedonic adaptation.

The story of Jennifer and Keith illustrates this perfectly. When they first met, their relationship was a whirlwind of excitement and passion. They had candlelit dinners, took spontaneous trips, and felt an intense connection. Jennifer was certain that marrying Keith was the key to lifelong happiness. They did get married, and for a while, it was wonderful. But over eight years, the initial thrill faded. Life became a routine of work, chores, and responsibilities. The passionate love that defined their early years slowly transformed into a more comfortable, but less exciting, companionship. Jennifer found herself feeling bored and disconnected, wondering what went wrong.

What went wrong was nothing more than the natural process of hedonic adaptation. Humans are remarkably skilled at getting used to positive changes. A famous study on marriage found that while people get a significant happiness boost after getting married, it typically lasts only about two years before they return to their previous baseline. The "right person" doesn't guarantee perpetual happiness because the human mind is designed to adapt, turning the extraordinary into the ordinary.

Narrator: The flip side of the happiness myth is its dark twin: the belief that certain negative events will permanently ruin our capacity for joy. Lyubomirsky contends that this, too, is a fallacy. We consistently overestimate the long-term emotional impact of negative events, forgetting our own resilience and our "psychological immune system."

The book shares the story of an eminent professor in Michigan who found himself in a life of quiet desperation. His wife had stopped communicating with him on any meaningful level, and their conversations were limited to household logistics. One night, he watched a play about a man in a similar situation and had a sudden, life-altering epiphany: he had to leave. He left his wife and his tenured job, a decision that many would see as a recipe for misery. Yet, years later, both he and his ex-wife had remarried and were living happy, fulfilled lives a thousand miles apart.

This story demonstrates that what seems like a crisis point—a divorce, a job loss, a failed dream—is often a turning point. Research shows that after a divorce, the typical emotional response is one of increasing happiness over time. We are not as fragile as we think. The pain of a relationship ending is real, but the belief that it spells the end of all future happiness is a myth that can trap people in miserable situations for far too long.

Narrator: Extending the idea of resilience, Lyubomirsky presents a counterintuitive argument: adversity can actually make us happier. While no one seeks out hardship, confronting and overcoming challenges can build resilience, foster optimism, and give our lives a deeper sense of meaning.

Research in positive psychology has found that people who have experienced some adversity are ultimately happier and less distressed than those who have experienced no adversity at all. Enduring negative events "toughens us up," improving our coping skills for future challenges. This is why a seemingly catastrophic event, like losing a long-standing job, can become a catalyst for positive change. An individual who gets laid off might initially feel devastated, but this event forces them to reassess their career goals. This period of reflection can lead them to a new field that is far more exciting and fulfilling than the "safe" job they lost. The initial pain gives way to growth and opportunity, challenging the myth that happiness is found only in the absence of hardship.

Narrator: Perhaps the most pervasive myths are those tied to work and money. We are taught to believe that finding the "right job" or becoming rich will solve all our problems. Lyubomirsky shows that these beliefs are just as susceptible to hedonic adaptation as our beliefs about relationships.

The story of Jack Barnes, a highly successful plastic surgeon, is a powerful example. By catering to wealthy socialites, he became a millionaire with multiple homes, sports cars, and a yacht. He had achieved the American dream. Yet, he felt completely empty and unmotivated. His psychiatrist asked him a blunt question: "Do you want to die miserable?" This forced Jack to re-evaluate his life. He took a silent meditation retreat and realized his work, focused on vanity, was disconnected from his values. He made a radical shift, funding mobile surgery clinics in South America to perform pro bono reconstructive surgery for children. In helping others, he found the purpose and fulfillment that wealth alone could never provide.

His story reveals that the process of striving toward meaningful goals is more critical for happiness than the achievement itself. Money is not the enemy, but the belief that it is the destination is a profound error.

Narrator: As people enter the second half of their lives, many fall prey to the myth that their best years are behind them. They look back with regret at "lost possible selves"—the person they might have become if they had made different choices.

Lyubomirsky contrasts the stories of two friends, Jason and Jennifer. Jason dreamed of being an Olympic shooter, and Jennifer dreamed of being a Broadway star. Both failed to achieve their ultimate goals. Jennifer became bitter and remorseful, refusing to even acknowledge her past in acting. She was trapped by her regret. Jason, however, confronted his regret. He acknowledged his disappointment but also celebrated the effort and skill he had developed. He then redirected his passion into a new hobby, golf, which he pursued with joy. By accepting his past and reframing his future, Jason achieved a level of maturity and happiness that Jennifer, stuck in her bitterness, never could.

Furthermore, research shows that the belief that happiness declines with age is false. Studies by Stanford longevity expert Laura Carstensen reveal that older people are consistently happier, experience more positive emotions, and are more satisfied with their lives than younger people. As time horizons shrink, people prioritize emotionally meaningful relationships and learn to savor the present, finding a wisdom and contentment that often eludes the young.

Narrator: Ultimately, The Myths of Happiness argues that our cultural obsession with specific life outcomes is a blueprint for disappointment. The book's most critical takeaway is that happiness is not a destination we arrive at after checking off a list of achievements. It is a practice, an ongoing series of choices about where we direct our attention, how we frame our circumstances, and what we do in response to life’s inevitable turning points.

The most challenging idea Lyubomirsky leaves us with is that we are the architects of our own emotional reality, even when external events feel overwhelming. The real question is not "What will make me happy?" but rather, "How can I cultivate happiness right now, regardless of my circumstances?" By exploding the myths, we are freed to stop waiting for a perfect future and start building a more fulfilling present.