Narrator: A woman in her early thirties, Christy, sits in a coffee shop with her therapist. She’s just ended a relationship with a good man because, despite his kindness, she felt no real attraction. Now, she finds herself drawn to someone else—a man named Dion, who she knows is toxic and will only lead to heartbreak. She feels trapped, believing her only choices are a safe but passionless connection or a thrilling but destructive one. Her therapist, however, offers a third, radical option: what if she chose neither? What if, instead, she chose herself?

This dilemma is the entry point into the world of John Kim's Single on Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First. Kim, a therapist widely known by his blog’s name, "The Angry Therapist," argues that society has sold us a false bill of goods about singlehood. It’s not a waiting period, a state of lack, or a problem to be fixed. Instead, it is a powerful, intentional state—the richest possible soil for personal growth. The book serves as a guide to dismantling the negative narratives around being single and rebuilding a life where the relationship with oneself is the primary, most fulfilling one of all.

Narrator: The central premise of Single on Purpose is a direct challenge to the societal belief that happiness is contingent on being in a romantic relationship. Author John Kim notes that from his experience coaching thousands of people, many successful individuals experience severe depression stemming from their single status. They internalize the idea that not having a partner makes them defective. Kim argues this perspective is not only damaging but fundamentally wrong. He reframes singlehood as a deliberate and powerful choice—an essential period for self-discovery and healing.

This idea is rooted in his own transformative experience. After a painful divorce in his thirties, Kim found himself completely lost. Having been in relationships since he was twenty-two, he had no idea who he was as an individual. The loneliness was panic-inducing. Instead of immediately seeking another partner to fill the void, he made a conscious decision to remain single and confront his codependency. He started a blog, "The Angry Therapist," to document his raw, unfiltered journey of self-exploration. This period of intentional singlehood forced him to build a life from the ground up, reconnect with his own needs, and discover his purpose. It was this very journey that became the foundation for his career and a more authentic existence. As he puts it, "The richest soil for growth is cultivated when you’re single."

Narrator: According to Kim, losing oneself in relationships or societal expectations creates a profound disconnection from one's true self. The path back is not merely an intellectual exercise but an experiential one. It requires actively re-engaging with the three core components of our being: the body, the mind, and the soul. He uses the analogy of an engine, stating that these three "pistons" must be firing for one's life to move forward.

Kim illustrates this through his own post-divorce journey of reconnection. He didn't just think his way back to wholeness; he did his way back. He reconnected with his body through the physical rigor of CrossFit, which helped him get out of his head and into the present moment. He also embraced simple bodily pleasures, like enjoying doughnuts without guilt. He reconnected with his spirit—the part of him that craved adventure and fearlessness—by buying a motorcycle and exploring the open road. This act was a direct link back to his younger, more curious self. Finally, he reconnected with his soul by embracing vulnerability and purpose through writing his blog. This process shows that self-discovery isn't abstract; it's found in the activities that make us feel alive, grounded, and authentic. It’s about building a life filled with experiences that nourish each part of our being.

Narrator: Past relationships don't just disappear; they leave what Kim calls "relationship residue." These experiences create the blueprints we subconsciously follow in future connections. Unhealthy relationships, in particular, can lay down tracks that lead us into the same dysfunctional patterns time and again. Kim argues that true progress doesn't come from trying to forget or erase this past. Instead, it requires a courageous examination of it.

"Moving on," in Kim's framework, is not about rejecting the past but about accepting it, grieving the losses, and taking ownership of one's role in how things ended. He shares a personal story about a relationship he entered after his divorce. He found himself subconsciously comparing his new partner to his ex-wife, holding her to standards set by a completely different relationship. This realization was a turning point. It taught him that self-work doesn't stop once you find someone new; in fact, it becomes even more crucial. A partner is not there to fix you or complete you. The responsibility to continue growing, building confidence, and taking care of yourself remains your own, especially when you are in a relationship. This process of understanding and integrating lessons from the past is what allows a person to stop repeating old mistakes and create healthier connections in the future.

Narrator: One of the most pervasive myths about breakups is the need for "closure" from the other person. Many people believe they cannot move on without a final conversation, an apology, or an explanation. Kim dismantles this idea, redefining closure as a process that is entirely internal. It requires nothing from the other person. True closure is an act of self-exploration, personal grieving, and rebuilding one's own sense of value.

Kim shares a poignant story about reconnecting with his ex-wife years after their divorce, prompted by the death of their shared dog. During their conversation, he realized he had never fully grieved the end of their life together. He had been carrying that unresolved pain for years. The meeting didn't magically provide closure, but it catalyzed an internal process of acceptance and letting go. The closure came not from her words or actions, but from his own decision to finally sit with the loss and "re-worth" himself. This means actively building self-worth through new experiences that shift your beliefs about yourself. It is about understanding that your value is inherent and not dependent on anyone else's validation. This internal shift is the final, crucial step in creating a "new you"—one who is whole and self-reliant.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Single on Purpose is that the relationship an individual has with themself is the foundation upon which a fulfilling life is built. Singlehood is not a transitional state or a waiting room for life to begin; it is the active, fertile ground where a whole, resilient, and genuinely happy person can be cultivated. John Kim's work is a powerful call to stop seeing singlehood through a lens of lack and to instead embrace it as a profound opportunity.

The book ultimately challenges its readers to shift their focus. It urges them to stop asking, "How do I find the right person?" and to start asking the far more important question: "How do I become the right person—for myself?" The real work, Kim suggests, is not about endlessly swiping on dating apps in search of a partner, but about learning to fully invest in, accept, and love the person you already are, every single day.