Michelle: That 'Dream it. Wish it. Do it.' poster on your wall? It might be the very thing sabotaging your success. Today, we're exploring the science that says positive thinking, when done wrong, is a trap. Mark: Hold on, you're telling me my entire Pinterest board is lying to me? I've built my whole motivational life around inspirational quotes on misty mountain backgrounds. What's wrong with dreaming big? Michelle: Nothing is wrong with dreaming big. But according to the book we're diving into today, just dreaming might be where we go wrong. We're talking about Rethinking Positive Thinking by Gabriele Oettingen. Mark: Rethinking Positive Thinking. That title alone feels like it's picking a fight with the entire self-help industry. Michelle: It absolutely is. And Oettingen isn't your typical self-help guru; she's a research psychologist at NYU and, get this, a German princess from a noble house. She has spent over two decades scientifically proving that our most common motivational strategy is deeply flawed. Mark: Wait, a princess? Okay, now I'm listening. So a literal princess is telling us to stop daydreaming. That's rich. What's her big argument? That all my positive vibes are useless? Michelle: Not useless, but potentially dangerous. She makes a critical distinction between positive fantasies and positive expectations. Expectations are based on your past experiences—they're realistic. Fantasies are just… well, daydreams. And her research shows that indulging in those fantasies can actually drain the energy you need to achieve your goals. Mark: That sounds completely backwards. How on earth does imagining success make you less likely to succeed? My brain hurts already. Michelle: That's exactly what we're going to unpack. It turns out our minds are very easy to fool.

Michelle: Oettingen’s research started with a simple question: what happens in our bodies and minds when we just fantasize about a positive outcome? She ran this brilliant study I can't stop thinking about. It involved women and high-heeled shoes. Mark: Women and high-heeled shoes? This is already the best psychology study I've ever heard of. Please, continue. Michelle: So, they brought in a group of female college students and had some of them fantasize about wearing a fabulous pair of high heels. They imagined walking down the street, feeling confident, sophisticated, getting compliments. Just pure, positive daydreaming. Mark: I can picture it. The whole 'main character energy' vibe. Michelle: Exactly. But here’s the twist. The researchers measured their systolic blood pressure before and after the fantasy session. Blood pressure is a great indicator of energy and arousal. If you're getting revved up to take action, your blood pressure rises. Mark: Okay, so the women who imagined being fabulous probably had their blood pressure shoot up, right? They're getting pumped to go out and conquer the world in their imaginary heels. Michelle: That’s what you’d think. But it was the complete opposite. The women who indulged in the positive fantasy saw their blood pressure drop. They became more relaxed, calmer, and physiologically less energized. Daydreaming about success had, in effect, sedated them. Mark: Whoa. So daydreaming literally made them lazy? It’s like their brain said, "Great job wearing those heels! You can relax now," even though they hadn't done anything. Michelle: Precisely. Oettingen calls it "mental attainment." Your mind simulates the victory so effectively that it feels like the goal has already been achieved. It gets the reward without the effort, so the motivation to expend actual energy just… evaporates. Mark: Honestly, that sounds exactly like my relationship with the gym. I spend an hour looking at fitness motivation posts, feel super accomplished, and then decide I've done enough 'work' for one day and order a pizza. Michelle: You're not alone. But it gets even more serious when the stakes are higher. This isn't just about shoes or gym motivation. Oettingen did a landmark study in 1991 with obese women in a weight-loss program. Mark: Okay, this is a real-world, high-stakes goal. What happened? Michelle: She asked the participants how likely they thought they were to succeed. Unsurprisingly, the women who had high expectations of success—based on past achievements—did lose more weight. That's the good kind of positive thinking. But then she measured their fantasies. She had them write about what they imagined would happen. Mark: Let me guess. The ones who wrote about rocking a bikini on the beach and getting tons of compliments… Michelle: They lost, on average, 24 pounds less than the women who had more balanced, less rosy fantasies. Mark: Twenty-four pounds less? That’s not a small difference. That’s a shocking difference. So the more they dreamed about being thin, the less weight they actually lost. Michelle: Yes. The starry-eyed dreamers were the least successful. Their fantasies of success were so satisfying that they undermined their drive to do the hard work—to resist the cake, to go for a walk. They were mentally enjoying the results, so they didn't put in the real-world effort. This pattern has been replicated over and over: with students seeking jobs, people with crushes, even patients recovering from surgery. The more you just fantasize about the positive outcome, the worse your results. Mark: This is blowing my mind. It’s like our brains have a built-in self-sabotage mechanism that’s triggered by the very thing we think is supposed to help us. So if dreaming is the poison, what's the antidote? Are we just supposed to be miserable pessimists to get anything done?

Michelle: That's the perfect question, because the answer is no. It’s not about pessimism. It’s about realism. Oettingen’s solution is a powerful technique she calls "mental contrasting." Mark: Okay, 'mental contrasting' sounds like something from a sci-fi movie. What does that actually mean in plain English? Michelle: It’s surprisingly simple. You start with the dream, just like before. You vividly imagine your wish and the best possible outcome. But then—and this is the crucial step—you immediately pivot and vividly imagine the main obstacle that's standing in your way. Mark: An obstacle? Like, my boss is a jerk, or I don't have enough money? Michelle: No, and this is the most important part. The obstacle has to be internal. It has to be something inside of you. It could be a bad habit, an unhelpful emotion, an irrational belief. It’s not about blaming the world; it's about identifying what in you is holding you back. Mark: Ah, I see. So it’s not "my boss is a jerk," it's "I feel intimidated when I have to speak to my boss." It’s not "I don't have time," it's "I procrastinate by scrolling on my phone." Michelle: Exactly. You contrast the dream with your inner reality. And this mental exercise does something incredible. It forces your nonconscious mind to evaluate: "Given this obstacle, is my wish actually feasible?" If the answer is yes, your brain links the obstacle to the goal, and you get a jolt of energy. The obstacle no longer feels like a barrier; it feels like something to be overcome. Mark: So it’s like checking the weather and packing an umbrella before you leave for your dream vacation, instead of just picturing yourself on the beach and then being shocked when it rains. Michelle: That's a great analogy. But what's even more fascinating is what happens when your brain decides the wish isn't feasible. Mark: It just gives up? Michelle: It wisely disengages. It lets go of the goal, freeing up your energy to pursue something that you can achieve. Oettingen tells the story of a young man named Kevin who dreamed of being an entrepreneur like his late father. He fantasized about it for years. Mark: A classic, noble dream. Michelle: He tried to get loans, but his idea wasn't original enough. He got a little money from family, but it wasn't enough. He struggled for years, fueled by this fantasy of honoring his dad. But the dream was draining him. Finally, he did the equivalent of mental contrasting. He confronted the reality: he didn't have the funding, the market was saturated, and maybe, just maybe, this wasn't his dream, but his father's. Mark: That’s a tough pill to swallow. Michelle: It is. But by confronting that obstacle—the reality of his situation—he was able to let go. He went and got an MBA, found a stable job as a mid-level manager that he actually enjoyed, and was much happier. Mental contrasting gave him the clarity and permission to quit an unwinnable race. Mark: Wow. So it’s not just a tool for achieving goals, it’s a tool for choosing the right goals. It gives you permission to quit, which is something you almost never hear in our 'never give up' culture. That's actually a huge relief. You dream big, but then you get real about what's actually in your way, specifically inside you. Michelle: Precisely. It’s about wisely pursuing your wishes. And the best part is, Oettingen didn't just leave it as a theory. She packaged this entire process into a brilliantly simple, four-letter tool that anyone can use. It's called WOOP.

Mark: WOOP? It sounds like a cartoon sound effect. I love it already. What does it stand for? Michelle: It stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. It's the practical application of mental contrasting, and it's incredibly effective. Mark: Okay, break it down for me. How does it work? Michelle: It’s a four-step mental exercise. First, W is for Wish. You identify a wish that is important to you, something challenging but that you feel you can actually achieve. It could be for the next month, the next week, or even just the next 24 hours. Mark: Simple enough. What's next? Michelle: O is for Outcome. This is the fantasy part. You take a minute and imagine the best possible outcome of fulfilling your wish. You really let yourself feel it. What would it be like? How would you feel? Mark: So you get to do the fun daydreaming part first. I like that. Michelle: Yes, but then comes the reality check. The second O is for Obstacle. You shift your focus and ask yourself: what is the main internal obstacle that is preventing me from fulfilling my wish? What is it inside me that holds me back? You have to be really honest here. Mark: That's the hard part. It’s easier to blame traffic than my own tendency to leave late. Michelle: It is, but it's the most critical step. Once you've identified that internal obstacle, you move to the final step: P is for Plan. You create a simple "if-then" plan. "If [obstacle] occurs, then I will [action to overcome obstacle]." Mark: W-O-O-P. Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. I can actually remember that. It’s like a little mental algorithm for success. Can you give me a real-life example? Michelle: Absolutely. There's a great story in the book about a school counselor named Tammy. Her wish was to have a harmonious, enjoyable evening with her family instead of feeling overwhelmed by chores. Mark: A wish I think every working parent has every single day. Michelle: Right. So her Wish was a peaceful evening. The best Outcome she imagined was laughing with her kids, connecting with her husband, feeling close as a family. Then she looked for the Obstacle. And she realized it wasn't the chores themselves. The obstacle was her own internal pressure, this nagging feeling that she had to get everything done right away. Mark: Oh, I know that feeling. The inner drill sergeant. Michelle: Exactly. So she made her Plan. "If I come home and feel that internal pressure to do all the chores immediately, then I will take a deep breath and consciously choose to prioritize spending time with my family first." Mark: And did it work? Michelle: The next day, she came home, felt the pressure rise, remembered her plan, and put the laundry aside. She ended up baking cookies with her kids and going for a long walk with her husband. She said it was the most harmonious evening she'd had in months. The simple act of WOOPing gave her the power to overcome her own internal habit. Mark: That’s so simple but so powerful. It reframed the problem from 'too many chores' to 'my reaction to the chores.' That's a game-changer. Does this work for bigger, scarier things too, like tackling anxiety?

Michelle: It absolutely does. For something like anxiety, you can actually flip the WOOP structure. Your Wish might be to feel less anxious about an upcoming presentation. The Outcome is feeling calm and confident. But instead of an obstacle, you identify your worst fear—the Negative Outcome you're fantasizing about, like "I'll forget all my words and everyone will laugh." Mark: Okay, that's confronting the scary fantasy head-on. Michelle: Yes. And then, for your Plan, you mentally contrast that fear with the positive reality. "If I start to imagine everyone laughing, then I will remind myself of the reality that my colleagues are supportive and want me to succeed." It uses the same contrasting principle to defuse irrational fears. Mark: So the big idea isn't to kill our dreams. It's to stop treating them like fragile things we can only look at from a distance. Michelle: Exactly. Oettingen's work shows us that the obstacles we fear are actually the fuel. By confronting what's holding us back internally, we don't just plan better; we fundamentally change our relationship with our goals. The obstacle becomes a trigger for action, not a reason to quit. Mark: So the challenge for all of us isn't to think more positively, but to think more completely. To hold both the dream and the real, gritty obstacle in our minds at the same time. Michelle: That’s the perfect way to put it. It’s about harnessing the power of reality. So for everyone listening, try a quick WOOP on one small thing today. What's one wish you have for the rest of your day? What's the best outcome? What's the real internal obstacle? And what's your if-then plan? Mark: I'm going to try it right after this. My wish is to not eat a whole bag of chips tonight. The obstacle is definitely my own boredom. The plan is… I'll get back to you. Let us know how it goes for you all. Michelle: This is Aibrary, signing off.