Michelle: Alright Mark, I have a book title for you: Jerks at Work. What’s your first, gut-level thought? Mark: My first thought is, is it a book or a mirror? Because I feel like I've worked with, and maybe even been, everyone in that table of contents at some point in my career. It sounds less like a guide and more like a company directory. Michelle: That is painfully relatable. And you've hit on exactly why our book today is so compelling. We're diving into Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them by Tessa West. And this isn't just a collection of rants; the author is a highly respected social psychologist and an associate professor at New York University. Mark: Oh, so there's actual science behind the jerk-ology. That’s a relief. It’s not just someone’s bad week turned into a manuscript. Michelle: Exactly. West has spent decades researching interpersonal dynamics, and this book is her playbook for a problem that is absolutely universal. It’s been widely praised for giving people a concrete, evidence-based framework to deal with these toxic situations, moving beyond just "venting to your friends." She essentially gives us a field guide to the modern office jungle. Mark: A field guide is what we need. Because sometimes you feel like you're dealing with a snake, other times a hyena, and you definitely can't use the same strategy for both. Michelle: That is the perfect analogy, and it’s the core of the book. You have to identify the species of jerk you’re dealing with before you can do anything about them. And West gives us seven distinct types, but today we're going to focus on two of the most common and destructive. We'll start with the one everyone recognizes: the political operator.

Mark: Ah, the classic. The one who’s a saint to the boss and a demon to everyone else. I think we've all met this person. Michelle: We have. West calls them the "Kiss Up / Kick Downer," and she tells this brilliant, infuriating story about a guy named Dave who works in a high-end shoe department. Dave is a new transfer, and he absolutely dazzles his boss, Marie. He's charming, he talks a big game about "team culture," and his sales numbers are fantastic. Marie is completely smitten. Mark: Of course she is. The boss always loves the one who tells them what they want to hear. So what happens with his coworkers? Michelle: Well, that's where the "kick down" part comes in. When Marie isn't around, Dave is a nightmare. He steals customers from his colleagues, he sabotages the stock room to make others look incompetent, and he's incredibly rude. In one instance, he publicly insults a sommelier at a team dinner, but in front of management, he’s the model employee. Mark: That is so frustratingly familiar. But how does the boss, Marie, not see this? Is she just completely oblivious or willfully ignorant? Michelle: This is the fascinating part the book unpacks. It’s not always about obliviousness. West explains that skilled Kiss Up / Kick Downers possess a high degree of what she calls "status acuity." Mark: Okay, what is 'status acuity' in plain English? Michelle: It's the ability to walk into a room and instantly, almost instinctively, map out the social hierarchy. They know exactly who has power, who influences whom, and, most importantly, who is a "safe" target to criticize. Dave knows that badmouthing a fellow salesperson to Marie will work, but badmouthing Marie to her regional manager would be career suicide. They are master social strategists. Mark: So it's not that they're just mean; they're surgically mean. They're calculating. That's almost more unsettling. We tend to think of jerks as incompetent people who are bitter, but you're saying they're actually highly skilled. Michelle: Precisely. West argues that one of our biggest mistakes is underestimating them. We dismiss them as talentless, but their talent is social perception and manipulation. They are driven by something called "social comparison orientation," meaning they are obsessed with how they stack up against their peers. Every interaction is a calculation: "Am I winning or losing against this person?" Mark: Wow. That sounds exhausting. To live your life constantly measuring yourself against everyone around you. But I guess that explains why they're so focused on their peers. They don't care about kicking down, because the people below them aren't part of their competitive set. Michelle: Exactly. And the boss isn't competition; the boss is a tool to be leveraged. The book gives this great quote from the boss, Marie, during a check-in with the narrator. She says, "Hasn’t Dave been so great! His sales are through the roof. He also raved about how wonderful it has been working with you." She's hearing a completely different story. Mark: Ugh, that is masterful manipulation. He's preemptively poisoning the well by praising the very people he's sabotaging. So if you're the person being kicked down, what do you do? Going to the boss seems like a lost cause if they're already under the spell. Michelle: It is a lost cause if you go alone. The book's strategy is about power in numbers. You can't just complain; you have to present a pattern of behavior, and you need allies. Find other people Dave has targeted. Document specific instances of sabotage or stolen sales. The key is to shift the conversation from "I don't like Dave" to "Dave's behavior is creating a pattern of negative business outcomes." You have to speak the language the boss understands, which is results, not feelings. Mark: So you have to build a coalition and present a data-driven case against the political operator. It’s like a workplace impeachment. Michelle: A workplace impeachment is a great way to put it. It's slow, it requires evidence, and it requires allies. But as frustrating as these political operators are, their game is ultimately about advancement. There's another type of jerk West identifies that plays a much more dangerous, and much more personal, game.

Mark: I have a feeling I know where this is going. This is the one that’s become a huge buzzword lately. Michelle: It has, and the book does an incredible job of cutting through the noise to explain what a true Gaslighter at work does. It's not just lying or being deceitful. West defines it as a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser tries to make their victim question their own sanity and perception of reality. It's about systematically overwriting someone's world. Mark: That sounds... terrifying. Way beyond someone stealing your ideas for a presentation. This is on another level. Michelle: It is. The book describes gaslighting as the most toxic and insidious form of workplace jerk behavior. And the story used to illustrate it is genuinely chilling. It's about a senior leader named Julie and a junior employee named Kunal. Julie is a star at her firm, but her performance starts slipping. So, she begins stealing ideas from her coworkers. Mark: Okay, so she's a Credit Stealer, another one of the archetypes. Michelle: She starts as a Credit Stealer, but she evolves. She needs someone to execute her stolen ideas, and she targets Kunal, who is talented and eager to please. She pulls him into "secret" projects, telling him, "Our work is too important, too revolutionary. We can't let anyone else see it, or they'll steal it." She makes him feel like a chosen one, part of an exclusive, elite team of two. Mark: Ah, so she's isolating him right from the start. Building a wall around him under the guise of making him feel special. Michelle: Exactly. Social isolation is the gaslighter's primary weapon. They worked odd hours, had secret meetings. Julie imposed a strict gag order on Kunal. Soon, Kunal is cut off from all his other coworkers. He has no one to bounce ideas off of, no one to gut-check his reality with. Julie becomes his sole source of truth. Mark: And once she's his only source of truth, she can start manipulating that truth. Michelle: And she does. Kunal starts noticing inconsistencies. He sees Julie logged into a coworker's email account. When he asks her about it, she says, "You must be imagining things, Kunal. You've been working so hard, you're probably just seeing things." She dismisses his valid concerns as products of his own stress and paranoia. Mark: Okay, this is genuinely stomach-turning. It's not just denying the truth; it's actively framing his perception of the truth as a personal failing. How does someone even begin to fight back when their sense of reality is being systematically dismantled? Michelle: It's incredibly difficult, which is why this is so dangerous. The book lays out a survival plan. The first step is to reclaim your recall of events. Gaslighters thrive in undocumented, face-to-face interactions where they can deny everything. So, you have to become a meticulous record-keeper. After every meeting, send a follow-up email: "Hi Julie, just to confirm our conversation, we decided on X, Y, and Z." This creates a paper trail. It’s kryptonite to a gaslighter. Mark: Because it introduces an objective record. It takes the power out of their "he said, she said" game. What's the next step after documentation? Michelle: Break the isolation. This is critical. You have to reconnect with your network. But you can't just go around saying, "My boss is gaslighting me!" People might not believe you, and the gaslighter has likely been building a case against you, telling others you're "unstable" or "difficult." Mark: So they're already discrediting you before you even speak up. That's diabolical. Michelle: It is. So the book suggests a brilliant strategy: instead of making accusations, you ask for feedback. Kunal could go to a trusted senior colleague and say, "I really respect your opinion. I'm working closely with Julie, and I'm getting some confusing signals. Based on what you see of our interactions, do you have any feedback for me on how I can navigate this relationship better?" Mark: That is smart. You're not accusing, you're seeking guidance. It makes you look thoughtful, not vengeful, and it allows the other person to observe the situation without feeling like they have to pick a side. Michelle: And in doing so, you might find what West calls a "social referent." This is a well-connected, respected person who can validate your experience and, if necessary, sound the alarm bells to other leaders. You need an advocate. Escaping a gaslighter isn't a solo mission; it requires finding allies who can help you restore your sense of reality and protect you.

Mark: Wow. Hearing these two archetypes back-to-back—the Kiss Up/Kick Downer and the Gaslighter—is intense. One is playing politics, the other is playing a twisted psychological game. So what's the one big idea that connects them? What's the ultimate lesson from this field guide? Michelle: I think the most profound insight from Jerks at Work is the power of pattern recognition. For years, we've lumped all difficult workplace behavior into one big, frustrating bucket. We react emotionally, we get angry, we vent. But West is telling us to stop reacting and start observing. The book's real power isn't just in the individual solutions, but in giving us the taxonomy, the classification system itself. Mark: You can't treat a shark like a mosquito. Michelle: You absolutely cannot. The strategy you use for a political operator like Dave—building a coalition, presenting data—would be completely ineffective and possibly dangerous with a gaslighter like Julie. Trying to present a "data-driven case" to someone who is actively trying to warp your reality is a losing battle. You need a different playbook entirely. Mark: So it's about diagnosing the problem correctly before you even think about the cure. The diagnosis is the first part of the cure. Michelle: That's it exactly. Once you can step back and say, "Ah, I see what this is. This is classic Kiss Up/Kick Downer behavior," or "This has all the hallmarks of gaslighting," you've already taken back a huge amount of power. You're no longer just a victim of their behavior; you're an analyst of it. You move from an emotional space to a strategic one. Mark: That feels incredibly empowering. It reframes the entire experience. So, what's the one thing we should all do tomorrow when we walk into the office? Michelle: I think the challenge for everyone listening is this: the next time a coworker drives you absolutely nuts, before you react, just pause. Take a breath and ask yourself: what's the pattern here? Am I dealing with a political game, a credit issue, a control issue, or something darker? Naming the game is the very first step to changing it. Mark: I love that. Don't just get mad, get curious. Figure out the pattern. And I imagine our listeners have some pretty wild stories of their own. Michelle: I have no doubt. We'd love to hear them. If you feel comfortable, share your anonymous "jerk at work" story with us on our social channels. Let's build a community of pattern-spotters. Mark: Fantastic. This has been incredibly insightful, and maybe a little too real. Michelle: This is Aibrary, signing off.