Narrator: A mother and accomplished journalist, recently returned to California after years abroad, finds herself in a state of profound confusion. She feels overwhelmed, out of sync, and directionless. One day, her two-and-a-half-year-old daughter looks at her and says with startling clarity, “Mom, you’re just running around and around and around!” This simple observation from a child becomes a powerful wake-up call, capturing a feeling that countless women experience but cannot name: a deep sense of being fundamentally different in a world that doesn’t seem to fit. This feeling is the central mystery explored in Jenara Nerenberg’s book, Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn't Designed for You. The book reveals that this sense of otherness is often not a personal failing, but a sign of a neurodivergent mind—a mind that processes the world in a unique and often highly sensitive way.

Narrator: For generations, women have been part of a "lost generation" of the undiagnosed. While neurodivergence like ADHD and autism were being identified in boys, girls and women with similar traits were often overlooked, their experiences dismissed with phrases like, “Oh, she’s just sensitive. That’s how girls are.” This dismissal forces many neurodivergent women to develop a coping mechanism known as masking. Masking is the conscious or unconscious effort to hide one’s true self to fit in. It’s a constant performance of "normalcy" that can be utterly exhausting.

Nerenberg explains that this relentless performance can lead to a "virtual suicide," where a woman loses touch with her authentic self, resulting in chronic anxiety, depression, and a pervasive feeling of emptiness. The book shares the story of a mother in her forties who only recognized her own autistic and ADHD traits after her son received the same diagnosis. For decades, she had navigated life without the language or understanding to make sense of her own struggles. Her story is not an anomaly; it represents countless women who have been misdiagnosed or left to believe their challenges are character flaws rather than a different neurological wiring.

Narrator: To understand why neurodivergent women have been so overlooked, Nerenberg argues we must look at the history of medicine and psychology itself. For centuries, these fields have been dominated by a male perspective that has often pathologized female experience. The book revisits the historical diagnosis of "female hysteria," a catch-all term used in the 19th century to label any woman who deviated from quiet, domestic expectations. Women expressing strong emotions, intellectual ambition, or physical ailments without a clear cause were deemed hysterical, their experiences framed as a moral or biological failing.

This historical bias is not just a relic of the past. Nerenberg points to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM, arguing that while it is presented as a scientific document, it often reflects sociocultural politics. The criteria for conditions like ADHD have been largely based on studies of hyperactive young boys, failing to capture how it manifests in girls, who may be more inattentive and internalize their struggles. This has created a system where women’s sensitivity and emotional depth are not seen as valid traits but as symptoms to be managed or suppressed, perpetuating a cycle of misunderstanding and shame.

Narrator: The book proposes a radical reframing of a core neurodivergent trait: sensitivity. It highlights the work of psychologist Elaine Aron, who coined the term Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP. Aron’s research shows that high sensitivity is not a disorder but a neutral, innate trait present in about 20 percent of the population. HSPs have a nervous system that processes stimuli—sights, sounds, emotions—more deeply. What might seem ordinary to others can feel overwhelming to an HSP.

Nerenberg shares the story of Sherry, a woman who discovered she was an HSP in her forties. The label finally explained her lifelong experiences, from getting headaches under bright lights to feeling drained by social interactions. Instead of seeing these as weaknesses, she began to understand them as part of a finely tuned system. She learned to set boundaries and create a life that honored her needs. The book contrasts this with the experience of Dr. Lissa Rankin, an ob-gyn who was chastised during her medical training for showing empathy. After delivering four stillborn babies in one night, she was told by a male colleague, "Buck up, Rankin! You’ll never amount to anything in this business unless you can stop feeling so damn much!" This story powerfully illustrates how the very systems meant to care for us often demand the suppression of the sensitivity that is essential for true compassion and connection.

Narrator: Divergent Mind moves beyond a single diagnosis to explore the rich, overlapping landscape of neurodivergence. Nerenberg shows how conditions like autism, ADHD, and synesthesia are often interconnected, with sensitivity as a common thread. The book introduces CC Hart, a massage therapist who experiences mirror-touch synesthesia, a rare condition where she physically feels the sensations she sees on others. As a child, she would feel a shock of electricity in her own body when she saw another child get a scrape. For years, she had no name for her experience, assuming it was normal. It was only in her forties that she learned the term synesthesia, which opened the door to understanding her ADHD and potential autism as well.

Similarly, the book tells the story of Sara Seager, a renowned MIT astrophysicist who didn't realize she was on the autism spectrum until a mentor suggested it. Seager reflects that her autistic traits—intense focus and a disregard for superficial social concerns—are precisely what contributed to her success. These stories dismantle the stereotype of neurodivergence as a pure deficit, revealing it instead as a different way of being that, in the right environment, can be a source of incredible strength and innovation.

Narrator: If the problem isn't the person but the environment, then the solution is to redesign the environment. The final part of the book focuses on practical ways to create a world that accommodates, and even celebrates, neurodiversity. This applies to our physical spaces and our social structures. Nerenberg highlights the work of architect Kijeong Jeon, who designed an autism center by focusing on sensory needs. He used specific colors, lighting, and spatial arrangements to create a feeling of safety and security, proving that good sensory design is simply good design for everyone.

This principle extends to the workplace. The book shares the story of Margaux Joffe, who, after being diagnosed with ADHD, launched a neurodiversity Employee Resource Group at Yahoo. By creating a safe space for employees to share their stories, she started a company-wide conversation that led to real changes in office design and accommodations. These examples show that building a more inclusive world doesn't require a complete overhaul. It starts with asking different questions: How does this space make people feel? How can we offer more choice and autonomy? How can we shift the conversation from fixing individuals to supporting them?

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Divergent Mind is the urgent need for a paradigm shift. We must move away from a model that pathologizes difference and toward one that embraces neurodiversity as a natural and valuable part of human variation. The goal is not to "treat" the divergent mind, but to treat the distress that comes from living in a world that is hostile to it.

The book leaves us with a profound challenge. It asks us to look at the people in our lives—our colleagues, our friends, our children, and ourselves—with new eyes. It prompts us to question our long-held assumptions about what is "normal" and to recognize the immense potential that is lost when we force everyone to conform to a single standard. What would our world look like if we stopped trying to fit square pegs into round holes and instead started building a world with all kinds of openings?