Michelle: A study found the average adult attention span is now just eight seconds. That’s one second less than a goldfish. Mark: Oh man, I feel personally attacked by that statistic. But also, I believe it. Michelle: Right? But the authors we're talking about today would argue the real problem isn't our attention span; it’s that most communication is just not worth paying attention to. It’s a firehose of data, and we’re all drowning. Mark: It’s the corporate meeting that could have been an email, the presentation filled with a hundred slides of tiny text, the sales pitch that talks all about the company and nothing about you. I know this world well. Michelle: And that's the exact problem that Ben and Kelly Decker tackle in their book, Communicate to Influence. They’ve built an entire system to fight that data-drowning feeling. Mark: The Deckers... they're the ones who've been coaching executives at huge companies for, what, over 30 years, right? So they've seen this problem from the inside, at the highest levels. Michelle: Exactly. They've been refining their methods for more than three decades with leaders at Fortune 500s and scrappy startups. And they've built their entire philosophy on one powerful idea: influence isn't about authority; it's about connection. And they argue most of us are terrible at it because we tell ourselves a few convenient lies.

Mark: Convenient lies? I like that. It sounds like the things we say to ourselves to avoid doing the hard work. What are they? Michelle: There are five, but let's start with the biggest one, Lie Number One: "If I say the words, people will get it." This is the belief that just transmitting information is the same as communicating. It’s the root of every boring, data-heavy presentation ever made. Mark: That’s the curse of the expert, right? I know this stuff inside and out, so if I just dump my brain onto the table, everyone else will magically absorb it. Michelle: Precisely. And it leads to some spectacular failures. The book tells the story of Marissa Mayer, the then-CEO of Yahoo!, speaking at a huge advertising festival. This was her chance to inspire the entire industry. Instead, she read a stiff, scripted sales pitch from a teleprompter. The audience felt zero connection. They tuned out, started tweeting about how bad it was. She said the words, but nobody 'got it' because there was no experience, no connection. Mark: Wow. And that’s a brilliant person. It’s not about intelligence. It’s a different skill entirely. What’s another lie? I’m ready to feel more bad about myself. Michelle: How about Lie Number Three: "I don't need to prep. I can wing it." Mark: Okay, now you’re just reading my diary. I am 100% guilty of the 'wing it' lie. I tell myself it makes me more authentic, more in-the-moment. Michelle: We all do! But the Deckers have a perfect, almost painful, story about this. Remember the film director Michael Bay? Mark: The explosions guy? Of course. Michelle: He was hired by Samsung to launch a new TV at the massive Consumer Electronics Show. All he had to do was talk for a couple of minutes about how great movies would look on this screen. He gets on stage, the teleprompter he's relying on malfunctions, and he just... melts down. He stammers, gets flustered, and then literally walks off the stage. Mark: No way. That’s brutal. Michelle: It was a total disaster. He couldn't 'wing it' because he hadn't internalized the message. He was relying on the script, not a structure. When the script vanished, so did his confidence. It’s a powerful lesson: preparation gives you the freedom to be authentic. Winging it just makes you fragile. Mark: That makes so much sense. Preparation isn't about memorizing a script; it's about building a foundation so strong that you can handle it when the teleprompter, or a tough question, tries to knock you over. Michelle: Exactly. And these lies are thriving in a world that's making communication harder than ever. The book points to three massive societal trends. First, the Trust Gap. Public trust in leaders, whether in business or government, is at rock bottom. People are automatically skeptical. Mark: You can't just walk in and expect people to believe you because of your job title anymore. You have to earn it, every single time. Michelle: Second, the Attention Economy, which we talked about. We're fighting against a tidal wave of distractions. And third, a Thirst for Inspiration. People are so overloaded with data that they're desperate for meaning. They want to know why something matters. Mark: Okay, so we're all bad at this. We're telling ourselves lies, nobody trusts anyone, and we have the attention span of a goldfish. It sounds hopeless. Is there a fix?

Michelle: There is. And it's a beautifully simple model they call the Communicator's Roadmap. It’s like a GPS for every human interaction. Mark: A GPS for communication? I’m intrigued. How does it work? Michelle: Imagine a simple chart with two axes. The vertical axis is Emotional Connection, from low to high. Are you cold and distant, or are you warm and engaging? Mark: Okay, I’m with you. Michelle: The horizontal axis is Content Focus. On the left, it's Self-Centered—all about me, my data, my agenda. On the right, it's Audience-Centered—all about you, your needs, what’s in it for you. Mark: I can already see where I probably spend most of my time. Lower-left quadrant, please. Michelle: (laughs) That’s where most business communication lives! That lower-left quadrant, with low emotional connection and self-centered content, is the Inform quadrant. This is the data dump. The boring meeting. The facts-and-figures report. Mark: The land of zombies. Got it. What are the others? Michelle: If you stay self-centered but dial up the emotional connection, you move up to the Entertain quadrant. This is the funny speaker who doesn't have a point. They’re charming, they make you laugh, but afterward, you can't remember what they said or what you're supposed to do. Mark: Ah, the office clown. Fun, but not influential. Michelle: Exactly. Now, let's go back down to low emotional connection, but shift the content to be audience-centered. This is the Direct quadrant. It’s clear, it’s focused on what the audience should do, but it’s cold. It’s the micromanager giving orders. It’s efficient, but it doesn't inspire loyalty or passion. Mark: It’s the "I don't care how you feel, just get it done" approach. Michelle: You got it. And that leaves the top-right quadrant. High emotional connection and audience-centered content. This is the magic quadrant: Inspire. This is where you connect with people on a human level and give them a message that serves their needs. This is where influence happens. Mark: So, 'Inform' is a data dump, 'Direct' is giving orders, 'Entertain' is being funny but pointless, and 'Inspire' is the sweet spot where you connect emotionally and give the audience something valuable. Michelle: Perfectly put. The book uses a brilliant analogy from restaurateur Danny Meyer. He says anyone can provide good service—that’s the Direct quadrant. Your steak arrives cooked correctly. But great hospitality is making the customer feel like you’re on their side. It’s the feeling you get, the experience. That’s the Inspire quadrant. Mark: I love that. It’s the difference between a transaction and a relationship. Can you give me an example of someone moving between the quadrants? Michelle: Absolutely. Think of comedian Amy Poehler. Her job is usually in the Entertain quadrant. She's hilarious. But she gave a speech at an awards show where she started with her usual humor, making everyone feel connected and warm. Then, she pivoted. She had the audience close their eyes and think about their own children. Then she started talking about the Worldwide Orphans Foundation. She used that high emotional connection she'd built and focused it on an audience-centered message of service. She moved from Entertain to Inspire, and the book says there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Mark: Wow. So she used her natural strength—humor and warmth—as a bridge to take people somewhere meaningful. Michelle: That's the whole game. It's not about being someone you're not. It's about being intentional. If you're a data-driven person in the Inform quadrant, you don't have to become a comedian. You just need to find a way to make your data matter to the audience. Shift your content to the right. If you're a natural entertainer, you need to find a purpose for your charm. Mark: That's the perfect question, because moving into that Inspire quadrant isn't about grand gestures. It's about practical toolkits, right? How do we actually build the skills to get there?

Michelle: Right. The Deckers break it down into two toolkits that work together: your behavior—how you show up—and your content—what you actually say. And their big, controversial claim is that behavior reigns supreme. Mark: Wait, so how you act is more important than the words you use? That feels wrong. Aren't facts and logic what persuade people? Michelle: You'd think so, especially in a business context. But they tell an incredible story about expert witnesses in court cases. They studied juror perceptions and found something fascinating. When two highly-credentialed experts presented conflicting evidence, who did the jurors believe? Mark: The one with the better data? The more logical argument? Michelle: Nope. They believed the one who came across as a better teacher. The one who seemed more trustworthy, more open, more like they were there to help the jury understand, not just to prove how smart they were. Their warmth and perceived sincerity—their behavior—was more persuasive than their credentials. Mark: That is mind-blowing. So how you look can literally be more persuasive than the facts in a courtroom? Michelle: In many cases, yes. People buy on emotion and justify with fact. If your behavior makes them feel distrustful or disconnected, your brilliant facts might never even get through. The Deckers identify five key "Behaviors of Trust"—things like eye communication, your posture and energy, your facial expressions, your voice. These are the nonverbal signals that constantly broadcast whether you’re trustworthy and confident. Mark: So mastering your non-verbals is the first step to moving up that emotional connection axis on the Roadmap. Michelle: Exactly. But that's only half of it. You also need to move to the right on the content axis, from self-centered to audience-centered. And for that, you need another toolkit. They call it SHARPs. Mark: SHARPs? Is that an acronym? Michelle: It is. It stands for Stories, Humor, Analogies, References, and Pictures. These are the tools you use to make your content emotionally resonant and memorable. Mark: So these are basically the secret weapons to avoid being boring. Michelle: They are the antidote to the data dump! Instead of just stating a fact, you tell a story that illustrates it. Instead of using jargon, you use an analogy the audience can instantly grasp. The book has a fantastic example of an analogy. Mark: Lay it on me. Michelle: It’s the story of the Great Baltimore Fire of 1904. A huge fire was tearing through the city, and fire departments from Washington D.C., Philadelphia, and New York all rushed to help. But when they got there, they discovered a fatal problem. Mark: What was it? Michelle: Their fire hoses wouldn't connect to Baltimore's hydrants. Every city had a different, non-standard coupling. All that powerful help was sitting there, completely useless, because of a failure to standardize. The fire burned for two days and destroyed 1,500 buildings. Mark: Wow. That’s a powerful image. Michelle: And it's the perfect analogy for a company that doesn't have standardized technical specs or a unified message. You can have all the brilliant, powerful departments you want, but if they can't connect and work together, they're useless when a crisis hits. An analogy like that is a thousand times more powerful than saying, "We need to improve inter-departmental synergy." Mark: No comparison. One is corporate jargon, the other is a visceral story of failure that you'll never forget. You feel the frustration of those firefighters. Michelle: That's the power of a SHARP. It takes an abstract idea and makes it concrete, emotional, and unforgettable.

Mark: So it all comes back to intention. Our default setting is just to dump information because it's easy and it's what we see everyone else do. But the real work, the work of influence, is to consciously design an experience for the listener. Michelle: That's it perfectly. You use the Behaviors of Trust to build that crucial emotional connection, to show up as a warm, authentic human. And you use SHARPs—stories, analogies, and the rest—to craft a message that is not just heard, but felt and remembered. Mark: It’s a fundamental shift in perspective. You stop asking, "What do I need to say?" and you start asking, "What does my audience need to experience to come along with me?" Michelle: Exactly. And the Deckers argue that this is the fundamental shift from being a manager to being a leader. A manager can direct, but a leader inspires. They don't just get compliance; they get willing, enthusiastic commitment. It’s the difference between an employee saying "I have to do this" and them saying "I want to do this." Mark: That’s a powerful distinction. It changes everything about how you would prepare for any interaction, from a one-on-one meeting to a giant keynote. Michelle: It does. So the question for everyone listening is: in your next meeting, your next email, your next conversation with your kids—are you just informing, or are you creating an experience? Are you operating in the bottom-left quadrant, or are you intentionally trying to move to the top-right? Mark: A little bit of intention can go a long way. It’s about choosing to connect. Michelle: This is Aibrary, signing off.