
What to Expect
9 minThe First Year
Introduction
Narrator: A couple, Sarah and Mark, are expecting their first child. Sarah is a lawyer, planning to return to her demanding job three months after giving birth. She is determined to breastfeed exclusively, convinced it's the only way to give her baby the best start. But as the weeks pass after the birth, exhaustion sets in. She struggles to pump enough milk, feels overwhelmed by the pressure from a support group, and is consumed by guilt. This single, deeply personal decision—how to feed their child—becomes a source of immense stress. What is the "right" choice when the "best" choice feels impossible? This is the kind of paralyzing dilemma that millions of new parents face, a moment where guidance isn't just helpful, it's essential.
For decades, the answer to this and countless other questions has been found in the pages of What to Expect: The First Year by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel. The book serves as a comprehensive, month-by-month manual for navigating the bewildering, exhausting, and miraculous first year of a baby's life, providing not just information, but reassurance.
The Foundation of Parenthood is Built on Decisions Made Before Birth
Key Insight 1
Narrator: The book emphasizes that the journey into parenthood begins long before the first contraction. The final weeks of pregnancy are a critical period for making foundational decisions that will shape the first year. One of the most significant is the choice of feeding method. The authors present a balanced view, acknowledging that while "breast is best by far" for its custom-made nutrition and immune support, it's not always feasible or desirable for every mother.
The book illustrates this through the story of Sarah, the lawyer who planned to breastfeed exclusively. Overwhelmed by the demands of pumping and her own recovery, she felt immense guilt. Her doctor and husband supported a combination approach, blending breastfeeding with formula. This relieved Sarah’s stress and allowed her to continue breastfeeding for six months while successfully returning to work. The authors use this to drive home a core principle: "Almost nothing you do for your baby is right if it doesn’t end up feeling right for you—and that includes breastfeeding." Other key pre-birth decisions include circumcision, a personal choice with declining rates in the U.S., and selecting a pediatrician who will become a trusted partner in the child's health journey. By making these choices proactively, parents can alleviate future stress and focus on bonding with their newborn.
Equipping Your Nest is a Balance of Practicality, Safety, and Sanity
Key Insight 2
Narrator: The nesting instinct can lead to over-purchasing, and the book offers a strong dose of realism. It cautions against impulse buys driven by marketing hype, using the story of first-time parents who bought a pre-warmed wipes dispenser and 41 newborn onesies. They quickly realized the dispenser was useless and the baby outgrew the clothes in a month. The authors advise parents to do their homework, shop in baby steps, and embrace borrowing. While big-ticket items like strollers can be borrowed, they stress that car seats should always be bought new to ensure they meet current safety standards.
The book’s philosophy is that less is often more. When it comes to clothing, convenience and comfort should always trump cuteness. Snaps are better than tiny buttons, and soft fabrics are essential. Furthermore, as the baby becomes mobile, the focus shifts from acquiring things to securing the environment. The authors provide exhaustive babyproofing checklists for every room, highlighting hidden dangers like dangling window cords, unsecured furniture, and accessible cleaning supplies. The goal is not to create a sterile bubble, but a safe space for exploration.
The First Three Months are a Symphony of Survival and Adaptation
Key Insight 3
Narrator: The newborn stage is less about following a schedule and more about responding to a whirlwind of needs. The book demystifies common newborn phenomena that often cause parental anxiety. It explains that physical quirks like a quivering chin or the startle reflex are signs of an immature nervous system, not a cause for alarm. It also details common conditions like newborn jaundice and skin issues like thrush, explaining when to be concerned and when to simply wait.
A significant portion of this section is dedicated to the most trying challenge for many parents: colic. The book defines colic as problem crying without a clear solution, typically peaking around six weeks and resolving by three months. It presents the experience of Sarah and John, whose baby Emily cried inconsolably for hours each evening. They tried everything from anti-gas drops to dietary changes, but found the most relief in a combination of swaddling, white noise, and, most importantly, supporting each other. The book stresses that colic is not the parents' fault and does not harm the baby, but the emotional toll on parents is immense, making self-care and mutual support the best prescription.
Development is a Unique, Uneven Journey, Not a Race
Key Insight 4
Narrator: Parents are often tempted to compare their child's progress to others, but the book strongly advises against it. It explains that development is not a linear race but a unique journey hardwired by nature, though influenced by nurture. Physical development follows a predictable pattern—top-down and trunk-outward—but the timing varies for every child.
The authors highlight an interesting modern phenomenon in the story "Today's Slower Babies." Since the "Back to Sleep" campaign was launched to reduce SIDS, babies spend less time on their tummies. This has led to a slight delay in gross motor milestones like rolling over and crawling. This isn't a sign of a problem, but a direct result of a change in environment, underscoring the importance of supervised tummy time. The book also covers the emergence of social skills, like the first true social smile around six weeks, and the beginnings of language with cooing. It reassures parents that a baby who understands a lot but says little is likely developing normally, as receptive language often outpaces expressive language.
Discipline is About Teaching, Not Punishment
Key Insight 5
Narrator: As babies approach the tenth month, their newfound mobility and curiosity often lead them into mischief—emptying drawers, unraveling toilet paper, or exploring things they shouldn't. The book argues that this is the perfect time to introduce discipline, which it defines not as punishment, but as "teaching." The foundation for all effective discipline, the authors state, is unconditional love. A child who feels secure is more receptive to guidance.
The book strongly advises against spanking, citing research that shows it is an ineffective and harmful practice that models aggression. Instead, it offers a toolkit of positive strategies. These include setting firm, consistent, and age-appropriate limits; using a serious tone of voice for important rules; and diverting the baby's attention to an acceptable activity. For example, when a baby throws a toy truck, a calm parent might say, "Trucks are not for throwing," and then take the truck away for a short time, making a clear connection between the action and the consequence. The key is patience and repetition, understanding that a baby's memory and impulse control are still in their infancy.
Conclusion
Narrator: The single most important takeaway from What to Expect: The First Year is that parenting is not about achieving perfection, but about providing consistent love and informed care. The book systematically dismantles the anxiety that comes from the unknown by providing clear, evidence-based explanations for nearly every question a new parent might have. It reassures readers that there is a vast spectrum of "normal" when it comes to development, temperament, and parenting choices.
Ultimately, the book’s enduring impact lies in its ability to empower parents. It transforms fear into confidence by arming them with knowledge. The greatest challenge it presents is for parents to trust this knowledge, but also to trust themselves. It asks them to let go of rigid expectations and instead learn to read and respond to the unique needs of their own child, embracing the messy, unpredictable, and profoundly beautiful journey of the first year.