Autumn: Hey everyone, welcome back! Today we're tackling something super relevant to all of us: trauma. It's not just about the event itself, but how it fundamentally changes us. I mean, think about it, how often do we jump to "What's wrong with this person?" instead of asking "What happened to them?" Such a simple shift in perspective, right? Rachel: Exactly! Now, before you switch off thinking this is just some touchy-feely therapy session, let me ask: Ever react way out of proportion to a situation? Maybe you just freeze up during an argument, or you blow your top over something tiny. Well, those reactions? They could be echoes of stuff you've buried deep down. Your brain's trying to protect you, sure, but is it “really” helping you out in the long run? Autumn: And that’s where What Happened to You? by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry comes in. It's an insightful exploration of how trauma, especially experienced in childhood, can “really” shape our brains, our feelings, our relationships, even society as a whole. Pairing Oprah's personal reflections with Dr. Perry's neuroscience knowledge, the book encourages us to move away from simply blaming people to “really” understanding them. Rachel: Right, so maybe instead of just judging someone's behaviour, we start to see what's going on underneath the surface. And maybe, just maybe, give ourselves a break too! Autumn: So, in this episode, we’re going to dig into three key themes from the book. First off, we’re going to talk about how trauma actually changes the structure of the brain. Think of it like building a house: if the foundation is shaky, you’re going to feel it in every single room. Then, we'll share some inspiring stories of recovery. Because healing isn't just a possibility, it’s totally achievable with the right kind of support - whether that’s through connecting with others, finding a rhythm, or practicing compassion. Rachel: Okay, so, big picture time. How do we actually make society more trauma-aware? I mean, imagine schools, workplaces, even prisons designed around empathy and healing, rather than just punishment. Autumn: Absolutely, it’s a journey from pain towards hope! And it “really” highlights how connection is absolutely key. So, let's get started!

Autumn: So, we were just discussing how trauma can reshape the way we look at behavior, right? The shift from judgment to curiosity—it's a game-changer. And that leads us straight into the biological side of things. Rachel, what actually happens in the brain when someone experiences trauma, especially during childhood? Rachel: Yeah, what’s the brain doing? Autumn: It's both fascinating and, honestly, heartbreaking. Dr. Perry explains that the brain develops in layers, almost like building a house from the ground up. The brainstem, which handles all the basic survival stuff—breathing, heart rate—that's the foundation. Then come the higher levels, like the limbic system for emotions and, eventually, the cortex for reasoning and planning. Okay, so if a child grows up in a safe, predictable environment, this whole development process tends to go pretty smoothly. Rachel: So, if the "construction crew" hits some turbulence—like neglect or abuse—the foundation gets all messed up? Like cracks in the walls before you even get the roof on? Autumn: Exactly! Trauma, especially early on, throws a wrench in the works. The stress response system goes into overdrive. Imagine an alarm bell that's constantly ringing, telling the brain to focus solely on survival, not on growing and developing. This rewiring can mess with emotional regulation, memory, and even long-term physical health. Rachel: I like the alarm bell idea. So, if the brain's stuck in survival mode like that, behaviors that seem totally out there to an outsider are really just adaptations, right? Smart in their own way? Autumn: Exactly. Take Jesse, for example. He grew up in a home where he was neglected and abused. As a baby, when he cried, he was met with anger or even violence. So, his brain adapted. It stayed super vigilant, just trying to keep him safe. Rachel: Wow. So, when Jesse acted out—running away, lashing out—it wasn't just him being a rebel. It was his brain trying to survive. He couldn't trust anyone because his first relationships were all about danger. Autumn: Precisely. It's what they call a "survival brain," where everything is seen as a possible threat. And these patterns don't just disappear. Without help, this hyper-vigilance can stick around well into adulthood, affecting relationships, work, even physical well-being. Rachel: Hold on, so that kid who seems to overreact to everything, or that adult who loses it over the smallest things—they're not just being dramatic? It could be their brain replaying old, unresolved trauma? Autumn: Yes, and “unresolved” is the key word here. Trauma lives in the body and brain until it's actually dealt with. That's why someone like Jesse might get stuck in this cycle of self-protection. But—and this is the good news—the brain is incredibly adaptable. With the right support, like safe relationships, it can relearn and heal, even years later. Rachel: Okay, I'm glad we got to the hopeful part. But I’m wondering, emotional regulation seems super dependent on early caregiving, right? What happens when that’s not there? Autumn: That's a great question. Emotional regulation—the ability to manage feelings like fear or anger—it develops early on, through a process called co-regulation between a caregiver and a child. Think about a caregiver comforting a crying baby, rocking them, soothing them. They're actually teaching the baby how to calm themselves down. Rachel: So, parents are like emotional training wheels? Autumn: Exactly! But if those "training wheels" are missing—because of neglect, abuse, or even just a lot of stress at home—it messes with the child's ability to regulate their own emotions. There's a story in the book about a girl named Daisy, who lost her mom when she was young. She bottled up her anger and mismanaged her emotions, and it came out as defiance and anger in the classroom. Rachel: So, naturally, the adults around her just saw her as a "problem child" instead of recognizing her behavior as a sign of grief or trauma. Autumn: Exactly. Dr. Perry really emphasizes this: what looks like bad behavior is often a call for help. And when teachers or other kids misunderstand these reactions, it makes them feel even more isolated and distrustful, which just makes the trauma worse. Rachel: It’s frustrating. We expect kids like Daisy to control their emotions when they've never even been taught how, because their own caregivers were struggling with their own issues. And the cycle just keeps going. Autumn: You're right, and that touches on something really important—the intergenerational impact of trauma. But it's also important to remember that understanding this isn't just about recognizing the damage; it's also about realizing the potential for healing. Rachel: Absolutely! All right, so let's talk about memory. Traumatic memories aren't like regular memories, right? Autumn: No, they're not. Usually, our brains store memories as sort of a cohesive story—beginning, middle, end. But trauma disrupts that process. Memories of traumatic events can get stored in fragments, like random sounds, smells, or physical sensations. And this unique way of storing them makes them super sensitive to triggers. Rachel: And those triggers can seem totally random, right? Like, you're having a good day, then you catch a certain smell, and suddenly you're overwhelmed or panicking, even if you don't consciously know why. Autumn: Exactly. There’s a story about a seven-year-old boy named Kris in the book that really illustrates this. His parents' divorce was incredibly traumatic for him, and he developed this idea that saving up for a ring could somehow bring his mom back. The ring wasn’t the important thing, it was his subconscious attempt to rebuild safety and connection. Rachel: So, Kris wasn't just a sentimental kid. His trauma was actually dictating his emotional reality. Autumn: Exactly. Stories like his remind us that trauma doesn't just affect behavior in the moment; it leaves emotional imprints that shape future decisions, relationships, and the way we see ourselves. Rachel: And that’s why this perspective shift from "What's wrong with you?" to "What happened to you?" is so important. It makes us look at behaviors that seem illogical or frustrating as cries for connection and understanding. Autumn: Precisely. When you think about someone like Jesse, Daisy, or Kris, it's clear that their actions are rooted in deep, unmet needs. So, the question is, can we create environments that actually meet those needs, rather than just punishing the behaviors we don't like? Rachel: That’s the million-dollar question. I'm starting to see how even small changes in how we understand trauma could make a huge difference, both for individuals and for the system as a whole.

Autumn: So, Rachel, now that we’ve established how trauma impacts people, let’s dive into solutions. What does healing actually look like on the ground, how do we move forward practically? Rachel: Exactly! So, less wallowing, more…wallowing less. <Laughs> Autumn: Precisely. Healing from trauma, is really about building safety, both inside and out. That's where connection becomes key. The book talks about “relational healing,” rebuilding trust bit by bit. Take Joseph's story, for instance. Rachel: Joseph...right, the boy who witnessed his sister's abduction. Even just saying that is chilling. How did he even begin to heal from something like that? Autumn: Well, he was so emotionally overwhelmed, that traditional talk therapy just wasn't an option. He couldn't process anything verbally at first. So, instead of forcing conversations, Dr. Perry connected with him through simple, non-verbal stuff, like playing games or following routines. Think small, pressure-free activities that reinforced safety, like stacking blocks or drawing. Rachel: It’s counterintuitive, isn't it? Games seem irrelevant to trauma, but I see the logic. It's a way to rebuild trust without the complications of language. It must have helped him lower his defenses. Autumn: Absolutely! Trust wasn't demanded. It was earned through actions his brain could actually handle. Dr. Perry calls these little interactions “relational doses.” It’s like medicine. They symbolized safety, predictability, connection, slowly pulling him out of survival mode. As trust grew, he could eventually start talking about his feelings. He could revisit the memory without the same emotional flood. Rachel: So, micro-moments of safety are the antidote to trauma. Interesting. It’s like reversing the damage slowly, bit by bit. Autumn: Exactly! These “doses” counteract the chaos trauma causes. It doesn't take huge gestures; consistency is what matters. Over time, the brain learns to relax, which rebuilds emotional regulation and trust. Rachel: Okay, so relational healing is one piece of the puzzle. But survivors also develop coping mechanisms. Some helpful, some…not so much. How do they address those? Autumn: That's such a key point, Rachel. After trauma, many survivors develop default behaviors - avoiding relationships, numbing with substances, acting out. These might help in the short term, but they hinder growth long-term. Breaking those patterns takes real effort. Just look at Tyra's story. Rachel: Right, she endured severe abuse and ended up sabotaging her relationships as an adult. Her go-to response was emotional withdrawal, right? Autumn: Exactly. Isolation felt like self-protection. Her brain learned that opening up meant getting hurt. But that withdrawal only deepened her sense of worthlessness. It wasn't until she joined a trauma-informed support network that things began to shift. Rachel: So, what was it about the support network that made a difference? Autumn: It provided validation, structure, and encouragement. She wasn't blamed for her patterns but guided to break them. Through workshops and mindfulness, she learned to stay present with her emotions instead of shutting them down. Journaling was a big outlet. It helped her untangle years of buried feelings. Eventually, she replaced harmful habits with intentional choices. Rachel: Intentionality…that's the key word, isn't it? Survivors consciously rewriting their scripts, replacing knee-jerk reactions with healthier behaviors. Autumn: Totally! But she didn’t do it alone. Her community held her accountable and reminded her of her inherent worth. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation, it thrives in connection. Rachel: Which leads to the next layer: community. Tyra's story underscores the power of a support network. I'm thinking about Shaka Senghor, for instance. Autumn: Yes, Shaka's story is incredible. He grew up in chaos, committed a violent crime, and spent nearly 20 years in prison. It's easy to label him a "criminal." But his story shows the power of community in reshaping someone’s identity. Rachel: And the fact that he started this transformation in prison makes it even more powerful. Writing and building connections seemed to be turning points, right? Autumn: Exactly. Writing let him process his anger and grief, while reflecting on his choices. Eventually, he connected with mentors who believed he could change. Those relationships gave him accountability and hope. Through collaborations, he found purpose in advocacy, using his story to fight for criminal justice reform. Rachel: His resilience is contagious, isn't it? The fact that his personal growth sparked systemic advocacy, that's the ripple effect in action. It's a reminder that healing doesn't have to stop at the individual level. Autumn: Precisely. Shaka's story emphasizes that people heal best when they feel seen, supported, and valued. But, we need to create spaces where vulnerability is welcomed, not judged. Rachel: Ok, so we have relational healing, intentionality, and community. But what about the bigger picture? How do schools, workplaces, even governments, adopt this trauma-informed approach? Autumn: That’s such an important question. Individual healing has to be paired with systemic change for lasting impact. Trauma-informed systems realize that punishing “troubled” students or imprisoning struggling adults, often makes things worse. Instead, they focus on relational interventions. Rachel: So, instead of suspending the kid acting out, you try to understand what's behind the behavior. And instead of assuming someone is slacking, you ask, “How can we support you?”. It’s a huge shift in mindset. Autumn: Absolutely! And it starts with education. When communities understand the long-term effects of trauma, they're more likely to tackle root causes. Imagine if schools focused on co-regulation skills along with academics, or if healthcare systems treated mental and physical health as equally important. Rachel: It sounds idealistic, but it makes total sense. Changing the question from “What's wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” is the key. It shifts the focus from judgment to empathy. It’s about planting the seeds for real growth, personally and collectively.

Autumn: Okay, so we've talked about healing on an individual level. Now, how do we scale that up? How do we weave this trauma-informed understanding into society as a whole? What does the book say about creating systems that not only address trauma, but actually prevent those ripple effects? Autumn: Right, so a trauma-aware society, basically, recognizes that trauma isn’t just an individual problem. It's a shared responsibility. It’s about aligning our institutions—schools, healthcare, communities—around that core idea. Dr. Perry and Oprah really emphasize moving away from just reacting to trauma and instead, proactively building connection and security. Think about schools, for example. Instead of just punishing kids for behaviors that come from emotional pain, we need schools to actually recognize and respond to the root causes. Rachel: Exactly, because if we’re not intervening early, aren’t we just letting those cracks get bigger and bigger? So, Autumn, what does a trauma-informed school actually look like in practice? Autumn: Well, it's about prioritizing relationships over just teaching facts. A big part of it is training teachers to recognize that what looks like defiance might actually be a sign of a child in distress. Like, a kid who gets irritable or just zones out during certain lessons? They might be reliving a past trauma. So instead of punishing them for not paying attention, the relational approach is to ask "How can I make this feel safe for you?" Rachel: So, it’s empathy leading behavior management, not just rules, right? I guess that's where things like routines, de-escalation techniques, and restorative justice come into play. Autumn: Exactly. Predictable routines give kids structure, which is key especially if their home life is chaotic or unstable. Restorative practices, like mediating conflicts instead of just giving detentions, help build trust and repair relationships. And things like safe spaces - quiet corners where kids can self-regulate. All of these little things add up to create an environment that's more about nurturing than correcting. Rachel: “Ecosystem” is a good word for it. It makes me think about how interconnected everything is. And I imagine that it doesn’t just stop in the classroom. If kids feel supported emotionally, they're in a better spot to actually learn, socialize, and eventually carry those skills into adulthood. Autumn: Absolutely. And it's not just schools. Healthcare needs the same shift. Trauma-informed healthcare means seeing patients as more than just a list of symptoms. So many chronic conditions—like, hypertension or anxiety—are rooted in unresolved stress. Imagine how transformative it would be to include mental health screenings in every check-up or design clinics that really prioritize trust and connection. Rachel: So, less "here’s your prescription, see you in six months," and more "let’s talk about what got you here in the first place.” Autumn: Exactly! Just validating a patient’s experiences and offering consistent support can be huge. Dr. Perry talks about how something as simple as making sure patients see the same provider each time can build trust, which then becomes the foundation for better care. Rachel: And beyond education and healthcare, communities need to play a big role, too, right? A trauma-aware society is about more than just institutions. It's about the spaces in between. What does the book say about building stronger community networks? Autumn: Well, communities are really the backbone of relational healing. A key concept here is addressing "relational poverty" – that growing lack of meaningful connections in modern life. Think about single parents. They often carry so much because they don’t have multigenerational support. Rebuilding those networks is crucial. Things like mentorship programs, cooperative childcare, community gatherings… they all create "relational wealth." Rachel: So, we’re essentially bringing back the village, sharing the load. I really remember Oprah talking about single parents juggling every role. It’s exhausting for them, and it deprives kids of those diverse relationships they need to grow. Autumn: Exactly. Historically, multigenerational caregiving provided children with a variety of role models. That reduced the risk of relational impoverishment. But as we've moved toward more isolated families, that shared responsibility has eroded. Rebuilding those networks, whether through formal systems or just grassroots efforts, has huge potential to heal communities. Rachel: But doesn't that also mean we have to tackle the bigger structural problems? Relational wealth is great, but won’t cycles of poverty and systemic inequities keep undermining those efforts? Autumn: Absolutely. Creating trauma-aware societies means addressing the root causes of trauma, things like poverty, discrimination, and generational trauma. Marginalized communities, for example, often face higher levels of adversity due to structural inequities: underfunded schools, limited healthcare, systemic racism... Trauma-informed approaches must center equity and inclusion to break those cycles. Rachel: Right, because it's not enough to throw solutions at the symptoms. If we don't dismantle the systems that are creating the stress, aren’t we just putting Band-Aids on fractures? Autumn: Exactly. Educational reforms have to consider biases—like how punitive discipline disproportionately impacts students of color. Healthcare has to recognize how race, trauma, and socioeconomics intersect and affect outcomes. Trauma-informed policies make sure that healing isn’t just the responsibility of the individuals struggling within these systems, but shared equitably at every level of society. Rachel: Ambitious, but necessary. To me, the takeaway here is that healing, whether for an individual or a whole system, thrives on shared responsibility. By reimagining our surroundings – schools, clinics, neighborhoods – as places of connection and empathy, we're not just addressing past traumas. We're laying the foundation for resilience and change.

Autumn: Okay, so basically, this book “really” pushes us to rethink how we see behavior, you know? It's not just a bunch of random actions, but something that's deeply shaped by our life experiences, especially early trauma. We talked about how trauma can actually change the brain, and how healing “really” starts with trust and connection. Also, how important it is to build systems that understand trauma, that put empathy before judgment. Rachel: Right, and for me, the big takeaway is that this whole idea of switching from "What's wrong with you?" to "What happened to you?" isn't just some nice, feel-good saying. It's a total game-changer, right? It's about “really” seeing people, understanding their pain, and recognizing their potential in a completely new way. Autumn: Precisely. Whether we're talking about classrooms, workplaces, or just our communities, we all have the ability to create environments that encourage safety, understanding, and growth. It's not about trying to fix what's broken. It's more about nurturing what's been damaged and helping it heal. Rachel: Alright, so here's the “real” question for everyone listening: Can we actually meet other people—and ourselves—with compassion instead of, you know, jumping to criticism? Trauma might shape us, sure, but connection, “real” connection, can completely redefine us. That's a lesson that's definitely worth carrying forward, wouldn't you agree? Autumn: Absolutely, I couldn't agree more. Healing starts with, well, one question, one connection, one moment at a time. By embracing this way of thinking, we not only help others, but also rebuild a stronger, more empathetic society for everyone. It's a win-win.