Narrator: Shortly after the birth of her first daughter, Heather B. Armstrong, the celebrated creator of the blog dooce®, found herself utterly alone. Not just physically, but in a profound, soul-crushing way that motherhood can sometimes inflict. The isolation escalated into crippling panic attacks. She would call her husband at work, pleading with him to come home, desperate just to hear another adult's voice. The situation became so dire that when her daughter was six months old, she checked herself into a hospital. Her experience, shared by countless women, highlights a critical gap in the transition to parenthood: the need for fathers to be reliable, present, and fully engaged partners from the very beginning. It’s this gap that author and stay-at-home dad Adrian Kulp seeks to fill in his book, We're Pregnant! The First-Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook, a practical and empathetic guide designed to transform expectant fathers from passive bystanders into indispensable partners.

Narrator: A central premise of Kulp's work is built around a poignant observation his wife once made: "Women become mothers the moment they find out they’re pregnant, and most men become fathers when they first hold their babies for the first time—but there are nine months in between." This nine-month gap represents a critical period where men have the opportunity to step up and begin their fatherhood journey, rather than waiting for the delivery room.

Kulp illustrates this with his own candid story. In 2008, when he and his wife were trying to conceive, he was living a self-centered life. One night, after he failed to come home early as promised, his wife took a pregnancy test alone. The next morning, Kulp woke up to find the positive test on his nightstand. His initial reaction wasn't joy, but fear. He felt unprepared and overwhelmed, a feeling that intensified when they learned at the 16-week appointment that they were having a daughter. This personal anecdote captures the common anxiety and detachment many men feel. However, it was this moment of panic that became his turning point. He realized he couldn't remain a passive participant. He had to get invested, learn what was happening to his wife and their baby, and become the supportive partner she needed. The book argues that this shift in mindset is the first and most crucial step for any first-time dad. It’s about consciously deciding to be present and engaged throughout those nine months, not just for the finale.

Narrator: We're Pregnant! moves beyond the "why" and provides a detailed "how-to" for active partnership. The book is structured as a week-by-week guide, offering specific goals and tasks that transform abstract support into concrete actions. This playbook emphasizes that being a good partner during pregnancy involves both practical and emotional labor.

Kulp shares a humorous but telling story about his wife developing a "super smell" during pregnancy. Her heightened sense of smell made her incredibly sensitive to odors, leading to nausea and food aversions. She could sniff out anything unpleasant, from old gym shoes to the contents of the refrigerator. This led to Kulp being designated the official "guy in charge of smelling things to see if they're rotten." While comical, this story perfectly illustrates a key theme: empathy in action. It’s about understanding the bizarre and challenging physical changes the mother is experiencing and finding practical ways to alleviate her discomfort.

The book extends this practical approach to all aspects of pregnancy. It encourages dads to take over household chores, attend prenatal appointments armed with questions, plan the hospital route—including a "Carmageddon" backup plan, as Kulp learned he needed during a major Los Angeles highway closure—and pack their own hospital bag. These actions are not just about ticking items off a checklist; they are about sharing the mental and physical load of pregnancy, demonstrating a commitment that goes far beyond words.

Narrator: Kulp emphasizes that the three months following delivery should be treated as a "fourth trimester." This is a crucial period of recovery for the mother and adjustment for the entire family. The father’s role, which was built up over the preceding nine months, now becomes even more critical. The book argues that this is when a dad's active involvement truly solidifies the foundation of the family.

The overwhelming responsibility of this new phase is captured in Kulp's story of the "maiden voyage home" from the hospital. He describes driving at a snail's pace, hyper-aware of every other car, and feeling an intense, almost primal need to protect the tiny newborn in the back seat. This journey symbolizes the shift into a new reality where the baby's needs are paramount.

During this fourth trimester, the father's primary job is to support the mother's recovery. This means taking charge of household duties, managing visitors, preparing meals, and handling nighttime feedings to allow the mother to rest, heal, and focus on breastfeeding if she chooses. It's about creating a protective bubble around the new mother and baby. By establishing routines for feeding and sleeping and taking an equal role in childcare, fathers not only support their partners but also build a deep, lasting bond with their child, learning their cues and developing a unique communication style long before the baby can speak.

Narrator: Ultimately, the book is about a profound personal transformation. It’s a journey from the "dude" mentality, focused on individual needs and freedoms, to the "dad" mindset, centered on family, sacrifice, and shared responsibility. This transformation is both internal and external, requiring shifts in both attitude and action.

A powerful example of this is Kulp's story of converting his "man cave." In their two-bedroom apartment, his home office was his personal sanctuary. When they found out they were pregnant, that room had to become the nursery. This wasn't just a redecoration project; it was a tangible sacrifice of personal space for the needs of his growing family. It symbolized a fundamental shift in priorities.

This transformation also involves navigating the new social dynamics of parenthood. The book provides advice on handling the inevitable influx of unsolicited advice, discussing boundaries around people touching the mother's belly, and maintaining a sense of humor through the less glamorous moments. By embracing these changes, communicating openly, and finding humor in the chaos, a man doesn't just become a father—he evolves into a more empathetic, capable, and supportive human being, ready to be the kind of dad his children will look up to.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from We're Pregnant! is that a father's role is not a supporting one; it is an equal partnership that must begin at the moment of conception. Adrian Kulp dismantles the outdated notion that men are simply helpers in the pregnancy journey, repositioning them as essential, proactive co-protagonists. The book serves as a powerful call to action for men to get invested early, share the burdens, and actively participate in every stage of creating a family.

It challenges men to look beyond the delivery date and recognize that the nine months of pregnancy are not a waiting period, but a training ground. The real-world impact of this mindset shift is profound, fostering stronger relationships, promoting more equitable parenting, and ensuring that when the baby arrives, it enters a world supported by two confident, capable, and deeply connected parents. The book leaves expectant fathers with a crucial question: Are you ready to be not just the father your child needs, but the partner your family deserves, starting right now?