Narrator: Imagine planning the perfect marriage proposal. You arrange for a bouquet of flowers, an a cappella group singing a romantic hit, a gourmet meal by the River Thames, and even a horse-drawn carriage ride through the city. This is exactly what Jay Shetty did for his then-girlfriend, Radhi. It was a scene straight out of a movie. But as the evening unfolded, something unexpected happened: Radhi broke out in hives. It turned out she was allergic to horses. In that moment, Shetty realized his grand, romantic gesture was built on a generic, fairytale ideal of love, not on a deep understanding of the actual person he wanted to marry. This flawed proposal became a profound lesson: love isn't about creating perfect moments, but about navigating the beautiful imperfections of life together.

This very realization is the heart of his book, The Practice of Love. Shetty argues that modern relationships often fail because we are taught to seek a perfect, effortless love, when in reality, true, lasting love is a skill we must learn and a practice we must commit to daily. Drawing on the ancient wisdom of the Vedas and modern science, the book provides a roadmap for building love intentionally, not just finding it by chance.

Narrator: The book’s first major argument turns conventional wisdom on its head. Before one can truly love another, one must first learn to love oneself by embracing solitude. Shetty introduces the first Vedic ashram, or stage of life, called Brahmacharya, which is traditionally a period of disciplined study. In this context, it’s about studying the self. Many people make poor relationship choices out of a deep-seated fear of being alone. This fear can cause them to rush into partnerships, lower their standards, or stay in unhealthy situations.

A powerful illustration of this is the story of a man named Leo. When his girlfriend, Isla, moved to Austin for a job and expressed uncertainty about their future, Leo was terrified of being single again. His friends were all coupled up, and the thought of loneliness was unbearable. Without considering his own career, his life in Philadelphia, or even if he liked Austin, he packed up and moved, driven solely by the need to not be alone. Just one month after he arrived, Isla ended the relationship. Leo was left in a new city where he knew no one, feeling more isolated than ever. His decision, born from fear, had created the very outcome he was trying to avoid. Shetty uses this to show that solitude is not the same as loneliness. Loneliness is a painful state of insecurity, while solitude is a positive, chosen state of being with oneself. By learning to be present and confident alone, individuals can make relationship choices from a place of contentment and self-worth, not desperation.

Narrator: Once a foundation of self-love is built, the book moves to the second stage, Grhastha, which is about practicing love with others. Here, Shetty introduces a radical idea: a partner should be viewed as a guru, or a teacher. In a healthy relationship, both individuals act as mutual guides, helping each other grow. This isn't about one person being superior, but about creating a dynamic where both partners are committed to learning from each other's strengths and supporting each other through their weaknesses. This requires humility, patience, and the ability to see challenges as learning opportunities.

A central part of this stage is ensuring that individual purpose, or dharma, comes first. A relationship is strongest not when two people lose themselves in each other, but when they support each other's individual paths. The story of Keith and Andrea demonstrates this beautifully. Keith was a passionate triathlete, and Andrea wanted to become a naturopath. Early in their marriage, they struggled to pursue their demanding passions while raising children and managing a household. Instead of giving up, they made a strategic choice. They decided to take turns. For three years, Keith supported the family as a teacher while Andrea completed her intensive schooling. Once her business was stable, it was his turn. Andrea took on more at home so Keith could dedicate his free time to training. By deliberately communicating and creating a strategy, they were able to honor both of their purposes, strengthening their partnership in the process. Their relationship became a classroom where they learned to balance sacrifice, support, and individual fulfillment.

Narrator: The third stage of love, Vanaprastha, is about healing and learning to love through struggle. Shetty argues that conflict is not only inevitable but beneficial. Avoiding disagreements leads to superficiality, while navigating them effectively builds compassion, empathy, and trust. The most critical shift in mindset is to stop seeing conflict as a battle of you versus your partner. Instead, it should be you and your partner versus the problem. When one person "wins" an argument, the relationship as a whole loses.

To resolve conflict productively, it's essential to diagnose the core issue. Often, the thing we argue about is not the real problem. Shetty tells the story of a man named Dean who got into a fight with his girlfriend at a wedding. He saw another man flirting with her at the bar and became angry, accusing her of disrespecting him. The night was ruined. Later, in therapy, Dean realized the true source of his anger wasn't his girlfriend's behavior, but his own deep-seated insecurity about their relationship. The flirtation merely triggered his fear. Once he understood this, he could work on his own insecurity instead of misplacing his anger and damaging their connection. By identifying the root cause—the inner problem—partners can stop attacking each other and start working together to find a real solution.

Narrator: The final stage, Sannyasa, represents the highest form of love: extending it beyond a single partner to all of humanity. This is where love becomes a selfless act of service and connection. After learning to love oneself, a partner, and how to heal from struggle, the ultimate practice is to give love freely, without expecting anything in return. This stage is about perfecting love not by finding the perfect person, but by creating love with everyone, all the time.

This universal love is often seen in small, profound acts of kindness. Shetty shares the widely known story of Officer Lawrence DiPrimo in New York City. On a freezing cold night, Officer DiPrimo saw a homeless man sitting barefoot on the sidewalk. Without hesitation, he went into a nearby store, bought a pair of weatherproof boots, and returned to kneel and help the man put them on. A tourist captured the moment, and the image went viral, but the act itself was a pure expression of Sannyasa. DiPrimo wasn't seeking recognition; he saw a fellow human being in need and responded with compassion. This is the culmination of the practice of love—recognizing that everyone is worthy of care and that the greatest way to experience love is to give it. This expansive love, whether shown to a partner, a friend, a colleague, or a stranger, is what ultimately brings the deepest sense of connection and fulfillment.

Narrator: Ultimately, The Practice of Love dismantles the myth of fairytale romance and replaces it with a far more empowering and realistic vision. The single most important takeaway is that love is not a passive emotion we fall into, but an active skill we must cultivate. It is a daily effort, a conscious choice, and a journey through distinct stages of growth—from solitude to partnership, through healing, and finally, into a state of universal connection.

The book challenges us to stop searching for a person to complete us and instead focus on becoming whole ourselves. It asks a profound question: What if the solution to our relationship problems isn't finding the right person, but becoming the right person? By shifting our focus from getting love to practicing it, we can transform not only our romantic relationships but every interaction we have, creating a life rich with meaning, connection, and genuine, lasting love.