Mark: A shocking statistic from the education world: nearly 70% of teachers quit within their first five years. It's a burnout epidemic. But what if the antidote isn't just better policies, but a skill you can build, like a muscle? A skill of emotional resilience. Michelle: Whoa, 70 percent? That's a staggering number. That’s not a leak, that's a floodgate. It frames the conversation completely differently. It’s a crisis. Mark: Exactly. And it's that crisis that sits at the heart of the book we're discussing today: The Onward Workbook: Daily Activities to Cultivate Your Emotional Resilience and Thrive by Elena Aguilar. Michelle: I like that title. It’s not just about surviving, it’s about moving ‘Onward.’ Mark: Precisely. And Aguilar is the perfect person to write this. She's a highly-praised coach and educator who has spent her career in the trenches, and she created this work as a direct response to that burnout crisis. Her framework is now a cornerstone of professional development in schools that are desperately trying to support and retain their best teachers. Michelle: So this isn't just abstract self-help. This is a practical toolkit from someone who has seen the problem up close. Mark: Absolutely. She starts with a central metaphor that I think is so powerful. She says resilience isn't something you either have or you don't. It's an "internal wellspring" that lies within all of us, one that we can journey to, tend to, and actively fill. Michelle: An internal wellspring. I like that image. It suggests it's a resource, something that can be depleted but also replenished. Mark: Exactly. And that's the first big idea we need to unpack: this idea that resilience is an architecture you build, not a trait you're born with.

Michelle: Okay, but Mark, let's be real. For someone who is already burnt out—a teacher, a nurse, anyone in a high-stress job—hearing that they have to "build" one more thing sounds exhausting. Isn't this just adding another task to an already overflowing to-do list? Mark: That is the perfect question, and Aguilar addresses it head-on with a fantastic analogy. She says you wouldn't go to the gym, do one set of bicep curls on a Monday, and then expect to have huge muscles on Tuesday. Michelle: Right, of course not. Everyone knows that. You’d be laughed out of the gym. Mark: And she argues our emotional resilience works the same way. It's not about one massive, heroic effort. It's about small, consistent actions that, over time, build a powerful mental and physical habit. The workbook is filled with these tiny, manageable exercises. It’s about transforming these activities into habits. Michelle: So it’s less about a grand project and more about a daily practice. Like emotional push-ups. Mark: Exactly. The book encourages you to think of it as a "resilience reservoir." Throughout our day, certain things drain that reservoir—a difficult meeting, a conflict with a colleague, just the sheer exhaustion of the job. Michelle: I think my reservoir is draining just listening to that list. Mark: I know the feeling. But the key is that other things can refill it. And the workbook is designed to help you identify both your drains and your fillers. It even starts with a self-assessment to gauge where your reservoir levels are right now. Michelle: Okay, I’m intrigued. What does a "filler" actually look like? Give me a concrete example of one of these resilience-building activities. Mark: A simple one is an exercise on savoring. It asks you to think about a small, positive moment from your day. Maybe it was the first sip of coffee, a student having a breakthrough, or a moment of quiet. The activity prompts you to not just notice it, but to really savor it—to reflect on why it felt good, what it physically felt like. Michelle: That sounds almost too simple. Does something that small really make a difference? Mark: Research on this is surprisingly strong. Happy people are often those who are skilled at savoring good moments. It's about training your brain to notice and amplify the positive, which helps counteract our natural negativity bias—that tendency to focus on what's going wrong. It’s a small deposit into the reservoir, but you make enough of those deposits, and you build a real surplus of emotional capital. Michelle: So you're building the muscle by doing these small, consistent reps. It’s not about suddenly being able to bench-press a crisis. Mark: You've got it. It’s about having the underlying strength built up over time so that when the crisis hits, you're not starting from zero. And one of the most powerful ways to build that strength is by managing the stories you tell yourself.

Michelle: The stories we tell ourselves. That can sound a bit abstract. How does that connect to the day-to-day reality of a stressful job? Mark: Aguilar makes it incredibly concrete with a story that I think will resonate with anyone who's ever felt overwhelmed. Picture this: a high school teacher, it’s 15 minutes before the school day starts, and a major assignment is due. A student, who is usually pretty guarded, comes up to her desk and asks for help. Michelle: Oh, I can feel the tension already. The teacher is probably thinking, "Now? You're asking for help now?" Mark: Exactly. The teacher's internal monologue kicks in. She feels frustrated, disrespected. She thinks, "I spent five hours of class time on this! This student obviously doesn't care." She yells at the student for waiting until the last minute. The student, feeling ashamed and rejected, storms out and skips class that day. Michelle: Wow, that's heartbreaking. You can just feel the missed opportunity. A total lose-lose situation. Mark: A total lose-lose. And Aguilar calls the teacher's internal monologue a "rut story." It's a narrative that's stuck, negative, and assumes the worst. It reflects distorted thinking and a sense of powerlessness. Michelle: A rut story. I love that term. It’s like being the main character in your own tragic movie, where you're convinced you know the ending, and it's always bad. So what's the alternative? What's the "river story" here? Mark: The "river story" is about flow, openness, and possibility. The teacher could have paused and chosen a different interpretation. Instead of seeing disrespect, she could have seen vulnerability. Maybe this student, who never asks for help, finally worked up the courage to do so, even at the last minute. Maybe this was a cry for help. Michelle: That completely changes the dynamic. The student’s action is the same, but the meaning is transformed. Mark: Precisely. The river story would lead to a different action. The teacher might say, "I can see you're in a tough spot. I only have a few minutes now, but let's find a time to connect later today." The outcome? The relationship is strengthened, not broken. The student feels seen, not shamed. Michelle: So it’s about consciously challenging that first, negative interpretation that our brains so often jump to. Mark: Yes, and the workbook gives you tools for this. It helps you identify common cognitive distortions—things like jumping to conclusions, black-and-white thinking, or personalizing things that aren't about you. It teaches you to catch those thoughts and ask a simple, powerful question: "What else could this mean?" Michelle: It’s about creating a little bit of space between an event and your reaction to it. And in that space, you can choose a better story. Mark: That's the core of it. You become the author of your emotional life, not just a character in a pre-written script. But this isn't something you can just do in a vacuum. That leads us to the third big idea.

Michelle: Okay, so we've talked about building the muscle and rewriting the story inside our heads. But this can't all be a solo mission, right? That feels lonely, and frankly, a lot of pressure to put on one person. Mark: You're absolutely right, and this is where Aguilar's work really shines. She argues that resilience is not a solo journey. It requires an entire ecosystem of support. She talks about her "wild fantasy" for how this workbook should be used. Michelle: A wild fantasy? I'm in. What is it? Mark: She imagines groups of educators, on a Wednesday afternoon or a Friday morning, gathered together. There are markers and snacks on the table, maybe even musical instruments. They're not just reading; they're talking, sharing personal stories, laughing, and working through the activities together. They're building a community of practice around resilience. Michelle: That sounds like the opposite of every professional development session I've ever heard of! Most of them are sterile, top-down, and you can't wait to leave. Mark: Exactly. Her vision is about creating a space of psychological safety and genuine connection. Because true resilience is communal. It's about knowing you have people you can turn to, who get it, who can help you reframe your "rut story" when you're too stuck to do it yourself. The book even has sections on how to establish agreements for these vulnerable conversations—things like confidentiality and speaking your truth without judgment. Michelle: That feels so crucial. It reframes resilience from being about individual grit to being about collective strength. But you mentioned play? That seems so counterintuitive for serious professionals dealing with burnout. Mark: It does, but it's one of the most profound points in the book. Play and creativity are essential resilience tools. They unlock our inner resources for dealing with stress and solving problems. Michelle: How so? What does that look like in practice? Mark: There's a beautiful little exercise called "The Closet in My Classroom." Aguilar recalls her childhood love for books like The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, where a simple closet was a portal to another world. Michelle: A classic. Narnia. Mark: So the activity is this: on a day you're feeling stressed or bored, imagine a door in the back of a closet or a cabinet in your room. Draw that door and the world it leads to. Throughout the day, when you feel that stress rising, you just glance at the real closet door and activate your imagination. You let yourself escape for just a moment. Michelle: That's so whimsical, but I can see how it would work. It’s a mental escape hatch. It's giving yourself permission to be creative and not take everything so seriously for a second. Mark: It's exactly that. It's a moment of play. And creativity isn't about being a great artist. It's about resourcefulness. It's about seeing new possibilities. When you practice that in small, playful ways, you're building the mental muscles to find creative solutions when you face real, high-stakes problems. Play expands your thinking. Michelle: I love that. It connects everything back to building those foundational skills. It’s not just about enduring hardship; it’s about cultivating joy and connection as a form of strength. Mark: That's the perfect way to put it. Resilience isn't just about bouncing back; it's about bouncing forward with more wisdom, compassion, and a stronger community at your back.

Mark: When you pull it all together, the message of The Onward Workbook is so clear and powerful. First, resilience is a practice, not a personality trait. It's a muscle you strengthen with small, daily actions. Second, that practice is fueled by the stories you choose to tell yourself about your life and your challenges. And third, and maybe most importantly, it's a practice that is sustained by your community and your capacity for play and creativity. Michelle: It really reframes the whole idea of what it means to be strong. It’s not about being an impenetrable fortress with thick armor. Mark: Exactly. The book makes me think of a willow tree, not an oak. An oak tree is rigid, and in a big enough storm, it snaps. But a willow tree is flexible. It bends, it sways, it draws strength from its deep roots and the ecosystem around it. That's the kind of resilience Aguilar is inviting us to cultivate. Michelle: That’s a beautiful way to look at it. So for someone listening who feels like their own resilience reservoir is running on empty, what's one simple, actionable takeaway from the book they could try today? Mark: There's a classic exercise in the book called "Three Good Things." It's incredibly simple. At the end of the day, just take a moment to write down three things that went well, no matter how small. And for each one, briefly reflect on why it happened. Michelle: So it’s not just listing them, but understanding their source. Mark: Yes. That small act of reflection helps you notice the good that's already present in your life and trains your brain to look for it. It's a tiny deposit, but it's a start. It’s one bicep curl for your resilience muscle. Michelle: I love that. It feels manageable, even on the most draining day. It leaves me with a question for our listeners to ponder. What's one "rut story" you've been telling yourself this week, and what would it look like to turn it into a "river story"? Mark: A perfect question to end on. Michelle: This is Aibrary, signing off.