Olivia: In the United States, 60 percent of adults have a chronic illness. Over 20 percent suffer from mental illness. What if these aren't separate problems, but symptoms of the same disease? A disease not in our bodies, but in our culture. Jackson: Wow, those numbers are staggering. And that idea is... huge. You're saying things like diabetes, depression, and autoimmune disorders could all be linked to the way we live? That feels like a massive claim. Olivia: It is, and it's the radical idea at the heart of The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Maté and his son, Daniel Maté. The book is widely acclaimed, and for good reason—it completely reframes how we think about health. Jackson: And Gabor Maté isn't just an author; he's a physician who spent decades working with the most marginalized populations in Vancouver's Downtown East Side. He's also the son of Holocaust survivors, so his understanding of trauma is both professional and deeply personal. Olivia: Exactly. And that unique lens is what makes this book so powerful and, for some, quite controversial. He argues that our society's definition of 'normal' is actually what's making us sick. Jackson: That’s a bold place to start. Where does he even begin to unpack that?

Olivia: He starts with a brilliant story, a parable from the writer David Foster Wallace. Two young fish are swimming along, and an older fish swims by and says, "Morning, boys. How's the water?" The two young fish swim on for a bit, and eventually one of them looks at the other and asks, "What the hell is water?" Jackson: Huh. I like that. We're so immersed in something we don't even see it. Olivia: Precisely. Maté’s argument is that our modern Western culture is the water. It’s a culture that he calls 'toxic' because it's built on principles that run counter to our fundamental human needs—things like deep community connection, rest, and emotional expression. We see the resulting illnesses, but we don't see the water causing them. Jackson: Okay, but that still sounds a bit abstract. 'Toxic culture' could mean anything. And isn't it a bit much to blame 'society' for, say, my high blood pressure or a friend's anxiety? Aren't some things just... biological? Olivia: That’s the exact point he challenges. He critiques Western medicine for creating a hard split between mind and body, treating the body like a machine that just breaks down randomly. But the evidence he presents is compelling. For example, one study he cites found that women with high job strain—meaning high demands but low control—were 67 percent more likely to have a heart attack than women in less stressful jobs. Jackson: Sixty-seven percent? That’s not a small number. Olivia: Not at all. And that's a perfect example of how culture 'gets under the skin.' The stress of an insecure, high-pressure work environment isn't just a feeling; it translates directly into physiological changes. Inflammation, hormonal imbalances, a weakened immune system. The body is keeping score of our life experiences. Jackson: So the body is basically sending up a flare, saying the environment is the problem, but we're trained to just treat the symptom, the physical disease itself. Olivia: You've got it. We're trying to fix the fish without ever examining the water. And this is where his work gets controversial for some in the medical field, because it suggests that treating illness effectively requires looking far beyond the individual's biology and into their life story, their relationships, and the societal pressures on them. Jackson: That makes sense, that stress from the 'outside' gets 'inside.' But Maté goes deeper, right? He says the wound often starts much earlier, with a conflict inside ourselves.

Olivia: He does. He argues that one of the most fundamental sources of trauma is a conflict between two core human needs: attachment and authenticity. Jackson: Attachment and authenticity. Can you break those down? Olivia: Sure. Attachment is our absolute, primal need to be connected to others. For a child, it’s a matter of survival. We need to be loved, accepted, and cared for by our caregivers. Authenticity is the need to be in touch with our own bodies, our own feelings, and to be true to ourselves. Jackson: Okay, those both sound essential. Where's the conflict? Olivia: The conflict arises when a child's authentic expression threatens the attachment bond. Imagine a toddler having a tantrum. They are being perfectly authentic—expressing their raw anger. But if the parent can't handle that anger and responds with their own rage, or with withdrawal and coldness, the child gets a terrifying message: "If I am my authentic self, I will lose my connection to you." Jackson: And for a child, losing that connection is like death. Olivia: It is. So the child, in a brilliant, unconscious act of self-preservation, makes a choice. They suppress their authenticity to preserve their attachment. They learn to bury their anger, hide their sadness, and ignore their own needs to keep their caregivers close. Jackson: Ah, so this is the 'good kid' syndrome! The people-pleaser who never says no. I know so many people like that. Honestly, that sounds like me sometimes. But are you saying being 'too nice' can actually make you sick? Olivia: In a very real, biological way, yes. Maté argues this is a form of 'small-t' trauma—not a single catastrophic event, but a chronic severing from the self. This constant self-suppression is a major source of internal stress. He tells the story of a woman named Anita Moorjani, who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. In a near-death experience, she realized that her entire life had been driven by a fear of disappointing others. She was a classic 'pleaser,' and she came to believe that this complete loss of self, this chronic stress of inauthenticity, was what created the conditions for her illness. Jackson: That is a wild and powerful idea. That your personality, the very thing you think of as 'you,' could be a defense mechanism that's slowly killing you. Olivia: Exactly. And it's not about blame. It's about understanding that these personality traits were once brilliant adaptations that helped us survive our childhood environment. The problem is, we carry them into adulthood where they no longer serve us. Jackson: And if that's the wound—this separation from our authentic self—then Maté's idea of healing is not about fighting a disease. Olivia: Precisely. It's not a 'war on cancer' then. Jackson: Right. What is it?

Olivia: It's a journey of self-retrieval. Healing, in Maté's view, is not the same as being cured. You can be cured of a disease but remain unhealed in your life. And you can be healed—meaning, become whole—even if your disease is incurable. The path to that wholeness involves what he calls the 'Four A's'. Jackson: Okay, I'm ready. What are they? Olivia: Authenticity, Agency, Anger, and Acceptance. Authenticity is the journey back to your true self. Agency is realizing you have choices and taking responsibility for your life. Acceptance is about being with what is, without resistance. And Anger... this one is key. Jackson: Anger? That seems counterintuitive for healing. Olivia: He means healthy anger. Not rage, but the pure, clean life force that says "no" to violation. It's our boundary defense. When we suppress it, especially women who are often conditioned to be 'nice,' that energy gets turned inward and can create illness. He tells this incredible story of a woman named Julia, who had severe rheumatoid arthritis. Jackson: How did she connect that to anger? Olivia: She started to see her flare-ups not as an attack, but as a message. She would get curious and ask, "What is this pain trying to tell me?" She realized her jaw would flare up when she was "biting back" her words, not speaking her truth. Her arthritis was her body's way of screaming the "no" she wouldn't allow herself to say. She started having, in her words, "beautiful conversations" with her illness. Jackson: Wow. She treated her disease like a teacher. Olivia: Exactly. And by listening to it, by allowing her healthy anger to have a voice and setting boundaries in her life, her physical symptoms dramatically improved. She wasn't fighting her body anymore; she was collaborating with it. Jackson: That's a huge shift. Instead of 'How do I get rid of this pain?', the question becomes 'What is this pain trying to tell me?' It’s about integration, not amputation. Olivia: That’s the perfect way to put it. Healing is integration. It’s welcoming home the parts of yourself you had to exile to survive.

Jackson: So when you connect all the dots, the book is saying that the epidemic of chronic illness isn't a medical failure as much as a cultural one. We're fish who are finally realizing the water is toxic. Olivia: Precisely. And the toxicity comes from a culture that forces us to disconnect from ourselves, from each other, and from our own bodies. Maté's ultimate message is that healing, for an individual and for society, begins when we stop asking 'What's wrong with you?' and start asking, with compassion, 'What happened to you?' Jackson: That one question changes everything. It moves you from judgment to curiosity. It makes you wonder... what part of your 'personality' is truly you, and what part is just a brilliant, lifelong adaptation to the world around you? Olivia: A question to sit with. This is Aibrary, signing off.