Daniel: Alright Sophia, I'm going to say a book title, and I want your gut-reaction, no-filter, one-liner review. Ready? Sophia: Always. Hit me. Daniel: The Man God Has For You. Sophia: Sounds like the title of a divine restraining order against my exes. Daniel: That's one way to put it! But seriously, the book is by Stephan Labossiere, who's this huge voice in relationship coaching, especially in faith-based circles. Sophia: Right, he's known as 'Stephan Speaks' online, isn't he? Millions of followers. Daniel: Exactly. And what's fascinating is his background. He's the only brother to three older sisters and has a master's in family therapy. So he brings this unique male perspective that's deeply informed by understanding women's experiences, which is a rare combo. Sophia: Okay, that's an interesting angle. It's not just abstract advice then. It’s grounded in both professional training and, I guess, a lifetime of personal observation. Daniel: Not at all. And his core message challenges one of the most common complaints in modern dating. He starts by tackling this pervasive myth that so many people believe. Sophia: Let me guess: "All the good ones are taken"? Daniel: You're right on the money. He calls it a "message of sabotage" that kills hope. And his counter-argument is what makes the book so compelling. He says the issue isn't a scarcity of good men. The issue is often our own readiness.

Daniel: He uses this brilliant analogy. Imagine there's an exclusive VIP club called 'You Get a Husband.' As a woman of faith, he says, you're already on the VIP list. You get to skip the massive line out front. Sophia: I like this already. No waiting, straight to the velvet rope. What’s the catch? Daniel: The catch is, you get to the front, the bouncer looks at you and says, "Alright, let me see your internal ID." And a lot of women, he argues, get stuck right there. They don't have it. Sophia: Hold on, an 'internal ID'? That sounds a bit like… I don't know, a bit like blaming the person who's single. Like, 'it's your fault you're alone because you haven't done enough internal work.' That could feel a little harsh. Daniel: I see why you'd say that, and he addresses it directly. It’s not about blame; it’s about empowerment. The 'internal ID' isn't a pass/fail test you're meant to ace on your own. It's a metaphor for being prepared to receive the very thing you're asking for. He breaks it down into three essential components. Sophia: Okay, I'm listening. What are they? Daniel: First, healing from your past. He says unresolved pain blinds you. It makes you either build walls so high no one can get in, or it makes you so desperate for validation you accept treatment you should never tolerate. Sophia: That makes sense. If you're still hurting from a past betrayal, a good, stable person might seem boring, or you might subconsciously push them away because you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Daniel: Precisely. The second part of the ID is finding your purpose. He argues that a person without a purpose is often unhappy, and that energy repels the kind of healthy, driven partner they want to attract. When you're lit up by your own life, you attract people who are also on their path. Sophia: And you're not looking for someone to be your life. You're looking for someone to share it with. That’s a huge distinction. What’s the third piece? Daniel: Knowing how to hear God. And this is where he gets really specific. He says it’s not just about praying, it’s about listening. It’s about getting quiet enough to distinguish divine guidance from your own fear or the noisy opinions of others. Sophia: So the 'internal ID' is basically: Healed, Purposeful, and Spiritually Attuned. Daniel: Exactly. And he uses this to reframe the whole numbers game. He talks about places like Atlanta, where people constantly complain about the lopsided dating ratio. He even cites the statistic that the overall difference is only about 3%. He says faith makes you an exception to the statistics. God isn't limited by demographics, but He can be limited by our own lack of preparation. Sophia: That's a bold claim. It puts a lot of responsibility back on the individual. Daniel: It does, but in a way that feels empowering. He shares a story about a client of his, let's call her Patricia, that perfectly illustrates this. Patricia was successful, smart, a "great catch" by all accounts, but her relationships always fell apart. Sophia: The classic "what's wrong with me?" scenario. Daniel: Right. So he asked her about her prayer life. And she said she always prayed the same prayer when she started dating someone new: "Lord, remove him if he is not for me." Sophia: That sounds like a pretty standard, safe prayer. What's wrong with that? Daniel: He argues it's the wrong approach entirely. It encourages passivity. It makes you hold back, build walls, and wait for a sign instead of actively participating in the relationship. You're not opening up, you're not being vulnerable, because you're half-expecting this person to be zapped out of your life at any moment. Sophia: Whoa. I never thought of it that way. You're essentially dating with one foot out the door, and then when the person leaves—partly because you were never fully present—you see it as a sign from God. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Daniel: A total self-fulfilling prophecy! He says a better prayer is, "God, should I be dealing with this man? Is he for me? And if so, how should I proceed?" It shifts the focus from passive waiting to active discernment. It requires you to engage, to listen, to be responsible for your own choices. Sophia: It’s the difference between asking the universe to do your homework for you, versus asking for the wisdom to solve the problems yourself. Daniel: That's a perfect way to put it. It's about showing up with your 'internal ID' ready, not waiting by the door hoping the bouncer just lets you in out of pity.

Sophia: Okay, so let's say you've done the work. You've healed, you're on your purpose, you have your 'internal ID' laminated and ready to go. How do you actually recognize this person? Because the book argues that just 'chemistry' or 'attraction' isn't enough, which is what we're always told to look for. Daniel: This is where the book gets incredibly practical. Labossiere lays out seven traits, but a few of them are absolute game-changers because they cut through so much of the confusing dating advice we hear. He starts by making a crucial distinction between "looks" and "attraction." He says you don't need a checklist for height or hair color, but genuine attraction is non-negotiable. It's the ingredient that turns a platonic relationship into a romantic one. Sophia: And without it, things fall apart. He says a lack of attraction leads to a lack of effort, a lack of affection, and eventually, a lack of respect. Daniel: Exactly. But then he goes deeper. Trait #5 is "You'll experience a genuine connection, not just chemistry." Chemistry is getting along, having fun. A genuine connection, he says, is when two spirits recognize each other. It's being able to be your complete, unfiltered self and feeling at peace. Sophia: That's the feeling of being able to sit in comfortable silence with someone on a long car ride. You don't need to fill the space with noise. Daniel: He literally suggests taking a road trip to test this! But the real weight of the book comes when he discusses the traits that protect you from harm. Trait #2 is "His love will uplift you, not break you." This sounds obvious, but he tells this chilling story about a client who was justifying her boyfriend's behavior. Sophia: Oh, I remember this one. It was intense. Daniel: The man was essentially stalking her. He would park outside her house for hours, just watching. And she, coming from a background of deep emotional brokenness, had convinced herself and was trying to convince her daughter that this was a profound act of love. That he was "protecting" her. Sophia: Wow. That's extreme, but it speaks to a much broader pattern of how we can normalize toxic behavior. We see it all the time with people making excuses for partners who are emotionally unavailable, disrespectful, or inconsistent. The book calls this the difference between a 'mistake' and a 'real issue,' right? Daniel: Yes, and that distinction is so critical. A mistake is something someone does, acknowledges, takes ownership of, and actively works to change. A real issue is a pattern of behavior they refuse to see or fix. The stalker wasn't making a 'mistake'; he was revealing his character. Sophia: And this ties directly into another one of his big traits: "You will not have to make him into a man." Daniel: This is my favorite part of the book. He demolishes the idea that a woman's job is to "build" her man. He says you are not designed to be a man's crutch. Sophia: This is the "I can fix him" trap! So many people fall into it, thinking their love and support will magically transform someone. Daniel: Labossiere uses this fantastic analogy. He says, imagine you and a man agree to build a house together. You show up with your tool belt, lumber, and blueprints, ready to work. He shows up with a lawn chair, a sandwich, and a cold drink, and just sits there watching you build. Are you building with him? Sophia: No, you're building for him. You're the contractor, and he's the client who isn't even paying you. Daniel: Exactly! And he warns that this is what happens when you date someone's potential. You invest all your energy, time, and resources into this "project," and you neglect your own life, your own growth. He makes a sharp distinction between "supporting" a man and "sponsoring" him. Sophia: I love that phrasing. Support is mutual. Sponsorship is a one-way investment, and often a bad one. Daniel: A very bad one. He tells another story that's a cautionary tale for anyone in this situation. It’s about the man who gets built up by a woman, and the moment he's on his feet—he's got the good job, the confidence, the stability she helped him find—he leaves her for someone else. Sophia: The classic "starter wife" or "starter girlfriend" scenario. It’s heartbreaking. And it happens because, as the book points out in a story from a barbershop, the man never truly wanted her; he just chose her because she was there. She was the default option, not the desired one. Daniel: And that's the ultimate danger of trying to "make him into a man." You might succeed, but that man you built might not be the man who stays. Labossiere’s advice is clear: A man who is truly for you will come to the table as a partner, not a project. He'll want a helpmate, not a playmate or a sponsor. Sophia: No boys. No games. Just men. I think that was his mantra in that chapter. It’s so direct. It’s about looking at the reality of who someone is today, not the fantasy of who they could be tomorrow.

Daniel: And when you pull it all together, the book's message is surprisingly radical. It reframes the search for love from an external hunt to an internal alignment. It’s not about finding a perfect person... Sophia: ...it's about becoming a whole person who can recognize another whole person. The book says, 'A whole man wants a whole woman.' That feels like the central thesis. Daniel: Exactly. And that's why he argues that your choices matter so much. It's not destiny dropping someone on your doorstep. It's about preparing yourself so you don't walk right past the person God has for you because you're still healing, or worse, settle for someone who will break you, like in the stories we discussed. Sophia: It’s a profound shift in perspective. The work isn't "out there" in the dating pool; the most important work is "in here," inside yourself. The book concludes with this powerful story about a client who met a man, and he told her he wasn't ready. He disappeared for a year. Daniel: And she was hurt and angry, naturally. But when he came back a year later, he had grown immensely. And she, through prayer and her own work, was able to see that growth and move past her fear. It’s the perfect example of "right person, wrong time" becoming "right person, right time" because both people did the work. Sophia: It really makes you think. So for everyone listening, here's a question to reflect on, straight from the spirit of this book: Are you dating someone's reality, or are you dating their potential? Be honest with yourself. Daniel: That's a powerful question. It cuts right to the heart of it. We'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Find us on our socials and share your biggest takeaway from this discussion. What resonated with you? Sophia: This is Aibrary, signing off.