Alex: Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast! Today we're diving deep into the art and, yes, even the science of leadership. We're going to unpack the “languages” that really define what it means to lead effectively. Michelle: “Languages of Leadership,” huh? Because I thought it was just waving your arms around and yelling directions. Guess I was wrong! Alex: Well, not quite, Michelle! As Wendy Born explains in her book The Languages of Leadership, it's definitely about more than just doling out tasks. It’s really about mastering communication, emotional intelligence, and all those relationship skills that build trust, inspire your team, and ultimately, drive real results. Michelle: Got it. And Born breaks it all down into six "key leadership languages." Which, spoiler alert, none of them involve shouting! But they are built on some really important qualities, things like self-awareness, accountability, courage, and of course, vulnerability. Alex: Exactly! And what I love about this book is how it takes these big, sometimes abstract qualities, and connects them to super practical strategies you can use right away. So, you come away not just understanding what great leadership looks like, but how to actually do it, you know? Michelle: Okay, Alex, you've definitely piqued my interest. So what exactly are we going to dissect today? Alex: We're focusing on three big ideas. First, vulnerability as a bridge to trust – how being open can strengthen your relationships with your team. Then, courage as a driver of innovation – we’ll explore how taking risks helps leaders transform themselves and their organizations. Michelle: Okay, let me guess the third one… Balance, right? And I assume that doesn't mean running mandatory yoga classes for your staff. Alex: <Laughing> Nope. Balance as the foundation for lasting impact. It’s about navigating the complexities of leadership, really knowing when to push and when to hold back. Michelle: Vulnerability, courage, and balance. Sounds like a lot to unpack. Ready to see if these concepts hold up in the real world, Alex? Alex: Absolutely, Michelle. Let's dive right in!

Alex: So, Michelle, let’s dive into vulnerability, a concept that often gets a bad rap in leadership, shall we? It's so often misunderstood as weakness, but as Wendy Born emphasizes, it's actually one of the most dynamic strengths a leader can embody. Michelle: Right, because nothing screams “dynamic strength” like admitting you messed up the quarterly numbers in your presentation, right? Alex: Well, maybe not in that specific situation. But, vulnerability isn't about constantly broadcasting your flaws. It's about being authentic, genuine. In the book, Born ties it to emotional intelligence, which she describes as the backbone of effective leadership vulnerability. Leaders with high EQ can, you know, read the room, recognize their own emotions and the emotions of others, and strike a balance between being open and being authoritative. Michelle: Hmm, emotional intelligence. That buzzword again. Alright, let me play devil's advocate for a moment: As a leader, how do I know when I'm being “vulnerable” versus just plain oversharing? Does that line blur the moment I start talking about my cat's health issues during a team meeting? Alex: Right, so that’s where emotional resonance comes in, which Born references using Paula Niedenthal’s research. Niedenthal found that people naturally pick up on emotional cues like body language or tone of voice. When leaders share genuinely, it actually strengthens trust. If it’s rehearsed or excessive, it creates “emotional dissonance”. Essentially, your team can sense when you’re being performative, and that’s when credibility crumbles. Michelle: I see where you’re going with this. So, vulnerability isn't just about what you say – it’s about whether what you’re saying feels authentic to the listener. Got it. Okay, but let's get practical though. What's an example of vulnerability done right? Alex: Great question! One of the standout examples in the book is about a CEO openly admitting a mistake. So, this CEO implemented a new company policy that really didn't go over well. Instead of blaming outside factors or just pretending it didn’t happen, the CEO sent out an email to the whole company owning the misstep. Even better, they invited employees to collaborate on a better solution. Michelle: Okay, I like that – it's less, "Here's my problem," and more, "Here's how we'll solve it together." Alex: Exactly! That not only diffused the tension after the failed policy, but it also got people rallied around a sense of shared ownership! Michelle: So, admitting fault wasn't the end game – it was opening the door for collaboration. Gosh, I hate to admit it, but that sounds like a smart play. Alex: See? Vulnerability creates room for dialogue. And – here's where it gets transformative – it normalizes accountability across the board. Michelle: Sure. But speaking of normalizing, let's talk about storytelling, because Born takes vulnerability a step further here. Leaders are supposed to break out the personal anecdotes—and not just to, you know, brag about their marathon PBs, right? Alex: Exactly, right? She argues that when leaders open up about their personal journeys, it strengthens team dynamics. She gives a great example of a leader who turned around a demoralized team by sharing a story about hitting “the wall” during a marathon. It resonated because it acknowledged their collective struggles in a way that was relatable, even for team members who’d never run. Michelle: Alright, but let me play cynic again – because, well, that’s my role here, obviously. What if these storytelling attempts backfire? I mean, not every employee is going to be thrilled by the leader’s epiphany about mile 20 – some might think it’s just a show or, even worse, patronizing. Alex: That’s completely fair. To actually work, storytelling has to connect on some meaningful level. It’s not about just indulging in your own narrative, it’s about using it to relate to your audience. Born stresses intentionality here – aligning your story with a shared team goal or a challenge. That’s what makes it effective. Michelle: So, no "mile 20" unless it directly ties into the long hours your team's been clocking on, say, a major product launch? Alex: Precisely. Relevance is key. You’re not just telling it for sympathy or applause – you’re actually using it to build bridges to inspire that collective perseverance. Michelle: I’ll give you that, Alex. Done well, it could make even the biggest skeptics pay attention. But let me push us forward a bit: What about baking vulnerability into the actual culture itself? What's that process look like – is it all just on the leader to set the tone? Alex: Actually, that's one of my favorite parts of the book. Leaders certainly model the behavior, but there are structured interventions to integrate it across teams. Born talks about tools like story-sharing exercises – where team members bring personal items to meetings and share why they matter. That's fostering relatability and understanding, right? Michelle: Oh boy, can’t you just picture Bob from Accounting trying to explain his lucky stapler to the group? Alex: all you want, but these exercises help employees actually see each other beyond the roles or titles. Born also suggests open feedback channels, like an “open-door policy,” where leaders invite critique and different perspectives. Michelle: Hmm. That sounds noble. But does it really work - you know - in highly hierarchical environments? How do you stop that from just being lip service? Alex: You stop it by modeling, it's foundational. If leaders genuinely respond to constructive feedback, it reinforces trust! I know, Michelle, this approach takes time. But it does build the kind of psychological safety where people feel safe enough to share openly, right? Michelle: Psychological safety – that’s like, the golden ticket of teamwork, isn’t it? But here’s the kicker: How do leaders ensure that doesn’t slip into chaos? Vulnerability’s great, but too much can undermine authority instead of enhancing it. Alex: Absolutely, which is why the chapter concludes with this idea of balance. Leaders should practice what Born calls “intentional vulnerability.” You reveal enough to foster trust and empathy, but you still maintain the stability that teams need. Michelle: Right – because no one's going to follow a captain who spends half the meeting sharing their deepest, darkest insecurities. Got it. Alex: Exactly. It’s about calibrating. And speaking of captains, Born points to the case of Captain Holly Graf as a cautionary tale. Her failure to balance authority with empathy led to team dysfunction – a sharp reminder of why balance is so crucial. Michelle: Phew, that's a lot to digest. Vulnerability as a skill, not a confession. I’ll give Born credit – she makes it seem doable, but also delicate. Alex: It is delicate. But when done well, it can humanize not only the leader but the whole organizational culture.

Alex: Right, so, building on vulnerability, our next big topic is courage and how it complements vulnerability to make you a more effective leader. Courage really kicks in when vulnerability meets action, you know?—when discomfort is the only way forward. We’re going to look at everything from the neuroscience of fear to actually useful strategies for overcoming it. It's about the transformative power of courageous leadership. Michelle: Okay, courage. So we’re talking about going from being open and connecting with people to stepping up and taking action. Is this where we tell leaders to find their inner hero and just charge into the unknown, consequences be damned? Alex: Not exactly, Michelle, but I see what you are getting at. Courage in leadership is about pushing past fear and uncertainty, but not recklessly. It's much more about intention and preparation. And what's great is that Born really breaks down why we feel fear in the first place, especially in leadership. Michelle: Oh, fear? I think I’ve got that one figured out. It's because every decision can feel like you’re painting a target on your back, especially when everything’s on the line. Alex: That's definitely part of it. But let’s zoom out a bit—fear's also rooted in biology. Born explains how the amygdala, that little almond-shaped thing in our brains, triggers our fight, flight, or freeze response. It’s a survival thing left over from when we were running from predators. Michelle: Right, the old "run from the tiger" reflex. So, am I right in guessing that the amygdala hasn’t quite caught up with modern life? Alex: Precisely! Even in situations that aren't life-threatening—like pitching a risky idea to the board—our brains can react as if we’re facing actual danger. Public speaking, or suggesting a bold new strategy, even just addressing conflict… it all triggers the same adrenaline rush. Michelle: So, our brains go into full-blown panic mode over a PowerPoint presentation. Okay, that explains the sweaty palms. But Born surely doesn't just talk about the biology of it, right? What’s her advice on actually dealing with this fear? Alex: Right, so she makes it clear that courage isn’t about not feeling fear. That’s a myth. It's about recognizing fear for what it actually is—a mental construct—and then dealing with it in a way that allows you to act despite it. Michelle: Okay, so not trying to eliminate fear, but working with it. Does Born have any strategies in the book to help leaders do that without, you know, hiding under their desks? Alex: Plenty! Born uses a personal example of how she conquered her fear of flying with exposure therapy through hypnosis. By facing her fears little by little like that, she was able to change her perspective and see it as a manageable challenge, not something that would paralyze her. So it’s a lesson in how practice can build courage over time. Michelle: Hypnosis, huh? That's interesting, but maybe not something every leader is going to jump at. What are some more practical, everyday methods Born suggests? I’m guessing not every manager has the time or money to go to therapy. Alex: Exactly. There are several practical things leaders can do right away. First, reflection and journaling is key—writing down your fears, decisions, and what happened can help you see patterns. Also, controlled breathing: techniques like diaphragmatic breathing which are used by Navy SEALs to calm their fight-or-flight response. Michelle: I like the sound of that. Turning your breath into a weapon against panic. And journaling, while it might sound a bit touchy-feely, makes sense. I mean, if you can look back and realize your fears weren't as bad as you thought, that's got to help you in the future. What else is there? Alex: Yes, one of the biggest things she suggests is small, incremental wins. Say you’re terrified of public speaking. Don’t start with an hour-long speech with hundreds of people watching. Build up to it—speak during a small team meeting, then a slightly larger one, and so on. Each small success boosts your confidence and gets you used to the fear. Michelle: Makes sense. It’s like training for a marathon—start with a few miles before you run the whole thing. But do leaders always have time for these little steps? Sometimes courage has to be immediate, right? Alex: Well, that's where preparation comes in. Born uses the perfect example of preparation turning fear into action: the Nashville sit-ins during the Civil Rights Movement. These young activists didn't just walk into those segregated diners; they simulated what they’d likely face—you know, verbal abuse, physical attacks—in a safe place beforehand. So their courage wasn’t just a spur-of-the-moment thing; it was built through preparation. Michelle: That's powerful. Just imagine knowing how bad it could get and preparing anyway… that's commitment. But how does this translate to leadership today? Obviously, most leaders aren’t dealing with that level of adversity, but are there similarities? Alex: Definitely. Take Ellen, the senior leader from the book, who had terrible anxiety before board presentations. For her, it was all about preparation, too—practicing a lot with a mentor, thinking about past successes, and using breathing techniques. Over time, she was able to get the confidence she needed to handle those high-stakes presentations. Michelle: So Ellen’s journey wasn’t just about her conquering fear; it also inspired her team, right? Alex: Absolutely. Because she now showed courage, it encouraged her team to take risks, too. This is the contagious nature of courageous leadership: once a leader shows that facing fear is possible, their team feels more empowered to do the same. Michelle: Bold leadership leading to bold teams—sounds like a great cycle to get into. But, let’s dig a little deeper. Creating that ripple effect sounds hard. What else can leaders do to encourage courage in their organizations? Alex: Born stresses the importance of a culture where risk-taking is supported, not punished. Like, encouraging open dialogue, creating platforms like "courageous conversations," where people can address difficult topics without being judged. Also, celebrating bold actions, rewarding team members for taking calculated risks helps reinforce the idea that it’s good to step outside your comfort zone. Michelle: And, of course, the leader has to set the example. You have to “walk the walk”, right? If a leader isn’t ready to act courageously, how can they expect their team to do it? Alex: Exactly, Michelle. That kind of modeling behavior is non-negotiable here. Leaders who openly deal with tough conversations or push for bold ideas, even when facing resistance, are fostering a culture where courage is just how things are done. Michelle: Well, if courage is contagious, leadership teams better stock up on it. Seems like it’s becoming a must-have skill if you want an innovative, engaged workforce.

Alex: So, after establishing vulnerability and courage as key leadership traits, we zoom out to talk about balance. This is where strength, vulnerability, and courage all come together for lasting impact, both for the leader and the organization. Michelle: Right. And I'm guessing this isn't about some rigid formula, right? Like, “Okay, today I need 50% strength and 50% vulnerability.” Alex: Exactly! It's more of an art than a science. Leadership is contextual, and finding that balance requires self-awareness and being intentional. Wendy Born dedicates this section to how leaders can navigate that balance, adapt to different situations, and avoid relying too much on one trait. Michelle: Okay, interesting. What happens when leadership isn't balanced? Pure chaos? Alex: Well, it might not start with chaos, but it can definitely lead there. Born highlights how over-relying on one trait can disrupt trust and effectiveness. Take Captain Holly Graf, for example. She had strength and authority, being the first woman to command a U.S. Navy cruiser, but she lacked empathy. Her crew resented her so much that her career eventually imploded. Michelle: Ah, yes! The infamous "Sea Witch." I feel bad for those crew members. What exactly went wrong? Alex: It was imbalance, plain and simple. Captain Graf relied solely on power and control without understanding. That created distance, fear even, between her and her team. Born argues that strength without an emotional connection erodes morale. Fear might get short-term results, but it alienates people and undermines loyalty in the long run. Michelle: So, a fast track to quick results but destroying everything else? Got it. But what about the other side? Too much vulnerability? Alex: Absolutely. Vulnerability without boundaries can be perceived as weakness. It's like a pendulum, right? Swinging too far in either direction is damaging. The balance is knowing when to be strong and decisive and when to be vulnerable to build trust. It's situational, constantly recalibrating. Michelle: Okay, picture this: you're a CEO facing tough times, say layoffs or a major failure. How do you strike that balance then? Alex: It begins with self-awareness. You need to assess what the moment requires. Born suggests reflective practices, and ask yourself questions like, "Am I creating a safe space for feedback without losing authority?" or "Am I showing strength without shutting down communication?" Picture a CEO who implemented an unpopular policy but openly admitted the mistake. They balanced it out by taking accountability and outlining practical next steps. Michelle: So, admit the mistake, but not in a way that invites a free-for-all. Like saying, "Yeah, I steered us into a ditch, but I have a plan to get us out." Alex: Exactly! Being proactive maintains respect and authority, while vulnerability builds trust. Michelle: Okay, let's talk about the practical tools. I know Born is big on frameworks. Doesn't she mention Ron Heifetz's "Observe, Interpret, Intervene" structure for creating balanced action? Alex: She does. This framework emphasizes stepwise decision-making. First, leaders objectively observe team dynamics without jumping to conclusions – gathering data, basically. Next, they interpret patterns or challenges, looking for root causes. Finally, they intervene deliberately, making targeted decisions instead of knee-jerk reactions. Michelle: Sounds like a good way to avoid what I call the "Whack-a-Mole" approach, where leaders just react to every problem as it pops up, often making things worse. Alex: Absolutely. And Born outlines other tools, too, like reflective journaling, where leaders track their emotional tendencies and decision patterns to see when they're leaning too much one way or the other. And there's Diaphragmatic Breathing – a simple way to reset in stressful moments. Michelle: Breathing as a leadership hack? Who knew? What else can leaders do? Alex: Deliberate practice, of course. Leaders can practice small acts of courage, like speaking up in low-stakes situations, to prepare for bigger crises. Or they can cultivate vulnerability with structured exercises, sharing relatable personal experiences to connect with their teams. Michelle: Hmm, I see. But culture is crucial here, right? If balanced leadership isn't the norm, even the best tools won't fix things long-term. Born emphasizes creating environments where balanced action thrives, right? Alex: Definitely. Organizational culture is huge. Leaders should integrate balance into team dynamics, encouraging both accountability and openness. Encouraging honest feedback at all levels fosters dialogue and allows for course corrections before things escalate. Michelle: Right. So, balance isn't just individual – it's a cultural commitment. And when it works, it improves team trust, decision-making, everything. What's your final word for leaders who want to embrace measured action and balance? Alex: Leadership is a craft. It's ongoing and requires mindfulness. Strength, courage, and vulnerability aren't static; they’re tools to use depending on the situation. Leaders who balance these traits create a legacy of connection and sustained organizational growth. Michelle: A legacy of connection, and not being called a "Sea Witch" by your team. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is!

Alex: Okay, so to recap, we've been digging into the three cornerstones of effective leadership according to Wendy Born's book, “The Languages of Leadership”: vulnerability, courage, and balance. Vulnerability, it's all about building trust, right? And authenticity. Then courage fuels innovation and resilience. And balance? Well, that's the glue that holds it all together, inspiring teams. Michelle: Right, Alex, and what “really” struck me is, these aren't just traits you're born with. It's a practice. No leader magically has perfect balance, you know, between being strong and being open. It's about making conscious choices, celebrating incremental progress, and constantly self-evaluating. Alex: Precisely. Leadership is a continuous learning curve, isn't it? A journey, not a destination. And if our listeners only remember one thing today, let it be this: to become a better leader, start by looking in the mirror. “Really” think about your default settings... Are you too heavy-handed with authority, or do you shy away from showing vulnerability? Are you truly being courageous when you make decisions? Michelle: And let's not forget the bigger picture – the company culture. Leadership isn't just a solo act. It's about building a workplace where trust and honesty actually thrive, not just buzzwords on a wall. Think about how you're showing, not just telling your team what you value. Balance is a gift you give your entire organization. It's not just a personal achievement. Alex: Exactly. It's not about being perfect; it's about getting better. Think about how you can be more real, how you can step up and be brave, and how you can find that all-important balance in your life. It won't always be a walk in the park, but the positive change and deeper connections you'll spark? Totally worth it. Michelle: And hey, here's a pro tip: at the very least, don't become a cautionary tale like Captain Holly Graf, okay? Believe me; you do not want that nickname following you around for the rest of your career. Alex: So, with that in mind, we'll leave you with this: being a leader means embracing your humanity, warts and all, and using that to make a real difference, both for your team and for yourself. Thanks for listening, everyone! We'll catch you next time! Michelle: Until then, keep leading—and remember to breathe!