Mark: Alright Michelle, you've read the book. Give me your five-word review of The High 5 Habit. Michelle: Hmm... 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall... stop being a jerk.' How's that? Mark: Perfect. Mine is: 'Your brain's a liar, high-five it.' Michelle: I love that! It really gets to the heart of it. We spend so much time with this internal monologue, this critic that lives in our head, and we just accept it as truth. Mark: We absolutely do. And that's the core of the book we're diving into today: The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins. What's so fascinating is that Robbins isn't a psychologist or a neuroscientist by training. She's a former criminal defense attorney. Michelle: A lawyer? That's an unexpected twist. I would have assumed she came from a therapy background. Mark: Exactly. And it makes her approach even more compelling because she comes at it from a place of evidence, action, and cutting through the noise. The whole idea for this book didn't come from a research lab; it actually sparked from a spontaneous video she posted on social media of herself giving her reflection a high five. It went viral, and she realized she'd stumbled onto something profound. Michelle: So it's a very modern origin story for a self-help book. It wasn't born in a think tank, but in the wilds of the internet. Mark: Precisely. And it taps into this universal feeling you nailed with your review: why are we often our own worst enemies, especially when we look in the mirror?

Michelle: Okay, let's just get it out there. When you first heard the premise—literally giving your own reflection a high five—did it not sound a little... cheesy to you? A bit simplistic? Mark: One hundred percent. My inner cynic immediately went on high alert. But the story of how she discovered it is what sold me. It wasn't born from a place of sunshine and rainbows. It came from a moment of quiet desperation. She describes this one morning, standing in her bathroom, just feeling completely overwhelmed by life, by her to-do list, by her own reflection. She starts doing what so many of us do—picking apart her appearance, her wrinkles, the stress on her face. Michelle: Oh, I know that moment. The 'pre-coffee self-roast.' It's a classic. Mark: A classic, exactly. And in that moment, she felt this urge to just give up, to crawl back into bed. But then another thought surfaced. She saw her reflection not as an enemy to be criticized, but as a person who was struggling and needed support. The same way you'd see a friend. So, on a whim, she just raised her hand and gave her reflection a high five. Michelle: And what happened? Mark: She said it was immediate. She felt her chest loosen, her shoulders squared up, and she actually cracked a smile. It was a physical shift. It didn't solve all her problems, but it changed her state. It was this tiny act of self-encouragement that broke the spell of self-criticism. Michelle: That's a powerful image. It wasn't about pretending her problems weren't real. It was about acknowledging the person who had to face them. But is that feeling just a momentary distraction? A little trick you play on yourself? Mark: That's the key question, and she has a great story that gets at the deeper mechanism. She talks about running the New York City Marathon back in 2001, just a couple of months after 9/11. She was not a trained runner, she was a new mom, and she was struggling badly during the race. She was in pain, exhausted, ready to quit. Michelle: I can't even imagine. A marathon is brutal even when you are prepared. Mark: Right. But what kept her going were the strangers on the sidelines. People were cheering, holding up signs, and, most importantly, holding out their hands for high fives. She describes the act of a stranger giving her a high five as a literal "transfer of energy and belief." It wasn't just a gesture; it was a physical act that communicated, "I see you. I believe in you. You can do this." She says, "It awakens something within you." Michelle: That makes so much sense. When a runner is hitting a wall, that physical connection can be everything. It's a jolt of external validation. Mark: Exactly. And the book's argument is: why are we so willing to give that to others, but we refuse to give it to ourselves? The High 5 Habit is about taking that same powerful, energy-transferring gesture and turning it inward. You are both the struggling runner and the cheering spectator on the sideline of your own life. Michelle: Wow. Framing it like that changes it completely. It’s not a cheesy affirmation. It's a conscious act of showing up for yourself in the same way you would for someone you care about. It’s about offering yourself the same basic encouragement you give away freely every day. Mark: You're no longer waiting for the world to cheer for you. You're starting the celebration yourself, right there in the bathroom mirror. It’s a declaration that you're on your own team.

Mark: And that's where the science gets really cool. It's not just a feeling; you're actively reprogramming your brain's default setting. Robbins dives into the neuroscience of it, specifically something called the Reticular Activating System, or RAS. Michelle: Hold on, you mentioned the 'Reticular Activating System.' Can you break that down? What is that in plain English? Mark: Absolutely. Think of the RAS as the bouncer at the nightclub of your brain. It's a network of neurons at the base of your brainstem that filters all the incoming information and decides what gets your conscious attention. You're bombarded with millions of bits of data every second—sights, sounds, feelings—and the RAS decides what's important enough to let through to your conscious mind. Michelle: So it's a mental filter. Mark: A perfect way to put it. And what does it base its decisions on? What you repeatedly tell it is important. Robbins uses a classic example: have you ever decided you want to buy a specific car, say, a red Acura? Michelle: Oh, absolutely. And then suddenly, you see red Acuras everywhere. They're on the highway, in the grocery store parking lot, everywhere. Mark: That's your RAS at work! The cars were always there, but you never noticed them. Once you told your brain "a red Acura is important to me," your RAS changed its filter and started pointing them out. It's constantly trying to show you what it thinks you care about. Michelle: Wait a minute. So the RAS is basically like a biological algorithm! It's my brain's version of the Instagram Explore page. The more I click on dog videos, the more dog videos it shows me. Mark: That is the perfect analogy! And now apply that to your self-talk. If you spend years looking in the mirror and your dominant thought is "I'm not good enough," "I'm a failure," "I look tired," you are training your RAS to find all the evidence in your life to confirm that belief. It will actively point out every mistake, every flaw, every setback. Michelle: That’s terrifying. You’re literally programming yourself to see the worst in yourself and your circumstances. Mark: It's what she calls "mental lint." All the negative comments from childhood, the failures, the heartbreaks—they accumulate like lint in a dryer filter, clogging up your RAS until it's only programmed to spot more negativity. She tells this heartbreaking story about her husband, Chris, who went through a devastating business failure. For years afterward, even when Mel's career took off and their financial situation completely turned around, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was a failure. His RAS was so clogged with that one belief that it filtered out all the new, positive evidence. Michelle: Wow, that’s a heavy example. It shows how deep that programming can run. So how does the high five fit in? How does that clean the filter? Mark: It's a pattern interrupt. The high five is a gesture universally associated with celebration, encouragement, and victory. When you stand in front of the mirror—the place where you so often criticize yourself—and you perform this celebratory act, you are giving your RAS a new, powerful, and positive command. You're combining a physical action with a new intention. You're telling your brain, "Hey, pay attention to this. This person in the mirror is someone to be celebrated." Michelle: So you're intentionally feeding the algorithm something new. You're clicking on the 'self-celebration' video instead of the 'self-criticism' one. Mark: Exactly. And you do it every single day. Over time, you're not just hoping to feel better; you are systematically retraining your brain's filter to start looking for evidence of your strengths, your resilience, and your potential. You're cleaning out the mental lint, one high five at a time.

Michelle: Okay, so we can reprogram the brain's filter. I'm on board with that. But what about those huge, sticky emotions that feel impossible to shake? The ones that aren't just a passing negative thought, but a deep-seated feeling like jealousy or guilt. Mark: This is what I'd call the advanced level of the practice. Once you've started building that foundation of self-celebration, you have the strength to tackle these bigger inner saboteurs. And Robbins's framework for this is brilliant. It's all about "flipping" the emotion. Instead of seeing it as a flaw, you see it as a signal. Michelle: A signal for what? Mark: For what you truly want. Let's take jealousy. She has this incredible quote: "Jealousy is simply blocked desire." It's not a character flaw; it's a map. It's pointing directly at something you want but feel you can't have. Michelle: That's a huge reframe. So when I feel that pang of jealousy, it's not because I'm a bad person, it's my own heart telling me what it's missing. Mark: Precisely. And she tells this raw, vulnerable story about it. Years ago, when she and her husband were struggling financially, they went to a party at a friend's new house. And this house was everything they wanted but couldn't afford—it was huge, luxurious, beautiful. She said walking in, she was just consumed by this ugly, acidic wave of jealousy. Michelle: I think we've all felt that. That feeling in your stomach when you see someone else living a life you dream of. Mark: It was so intense that on the car ride home, she just laid into her husband, picking a fight out of pure frustration and shame. The jealousy was poisoning her. But later, she realized what was happening. The jealousy wasn't really about her friend's house. It was a giant, flashing neon sign pointing at her own desire for security, for abundance, for a beautiful home for her family. Her desire was blocked by her circumstances, and it was coming out as jealousy. Michelle: That's the core of so much social media anxiety, isn't it? Seeing someone's curated 'perfect' life and feeling that sting. But reframing it as a roadmap... that's a powerful shift. It takes the focus off them and puts it back on you. Mark: And that's the "flip." The book says the moment you feel jealousy, you should stop and ask yourself: "What is this showing me that I want?" And then—this is the crucial part—you take one tiny action toward it. If you're jealous of someone's fitness, don't just stew in it. Go online and research a 5-minute workout video. If you're jealous of someone's travels, spend ten minutes looking up flights to a place you've always wanted to go. The action breaks the paralysis. Michelle: So you're turning the toxic energy of jealousy into productive fuel. What about guilt? That feels like another big one, especially for people-pleasers. Mark: Guilt is another huge one, and the flip is similar. She argues that guilt is a self-inflicted emotion that arises when you prioritize someone else's potential disappointment over your own needs. The flip is to stop apologizing for your needs and start thanking people for their understanding. Instead of "I'm so sorry I have to leave early," you say, "Thank you so much for understanding that I have to get home." It shifts the power dynamic from apology to appreciation. Michelle: It's all about taking ownership of your emotions and using them as data, not as weapons against yourself. It's a very proactive, empowering way to look at our inner world.

Mark: It really is. And when you put it all together, you see how it's a powerful chain reaction. It starts with a simple physical act—the high five. That act serves as a daily interruption to the habit of self-criticism. Michelle: Right, it breaks the cycle. Mark: That interruption then begins to reprogram your brain's mental filter, the RAS, teaching it to look for the good in you. Michelle: So you start to see evidence of your own worth. Mark: And once that filter is cleaner and you're operating from a place of more self-worth, you finally have the strength to reframe your biggest emotional blockers, like turning jealousy into a map and guilt into a choice. It all starts with that one, simple, maybe even silly-feeling, high five. Michelle: So the challenge for everyone listening is simple. Tomorrow morning, just try it. Stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eye, and give yourself a high five. It might feel weird, it might feel awkward, you might even laugh at yourself. But what's the alternative? The same old inner critic you've been listening to for years? Mark: Exactly. It costs nothing and takes five seconds. And we'd love to hear how it feels. Find us on our socials and let us know. Does it feel silly? Does it feel powerful? We're genuinely curious about your experience. Michelle: It’s a fascinating experiment in self-kindness. A very small action with potentially huge ripple effects. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.