Autumn: Hey everyone, welcome to the show! Today we're talking about something that sounds super simple, but it's actually pretty revolutionary: Mel Robbins' “The High 5 Habit”. It's all about changing how you talk to yourself and really believing in yourself, one high-five at a time. And yes, I mean high-fiving your own reflection! Trust me, it's way more effective than it sounds. Rachel: High-fiving a mirror? Autumn, I gotta say, this sounds a little… out there. Like some kind of self-help workout. But okay, I’m listening. What makes this any different from just another feel-good trick? Autumn: That's a fair question, Rachel. It's not just about feeling good in the moment. It’s about fundamentally changing the way we see and talk to ourselves. Robbins actually uses psychology and neuroscience to back this up, which we'll get into. The book tackles some tough stuff, like self-doubt and fear, and shows how these really simple actions can lead to pretty big changes in your life. Rachel: Okay, you've piqued my interest. Let me guess: there's a formula, some scientific evidence, and a few inspirational stories thrown in for good measure? Autumn: Exactly! In this episode, we're going to cover three key things. First, we’ll explore how this high-five thing can totally flip your self-perception—like a reset button for that inner critic we all have. Second, we’ll dive into the science behind why it works, connecting the dots between how our brains are wired and how we learn to be kinder to ourselves. And third, we’ll give you some practical tips on how to actually make this a part of your daily life without it feeling, you know, totally awkward. Rachel: So, we’re going from seeing a weirdo in the mirror to a complete life transformation? Sounds like a tall order. Let’s see if it delivers.

Autumn: So, Rachel, circling back to where we left off, let's dive into the core of this habit – high-fiving yourself in the mirror. I know, it sounds super simple, right? But honestly, that’s where the magic is. This small gesture, it's packed with psychological and emotional oomph. It taps into this universal thing: encouragement and celebration. Think about it, whether it's athletes, kids, even colleagues, we use high-fives to say, "You nailed it!" or "I'm so proud of you." But when was the last time we turned that kind of gesture inward? Rachel: Never, right? I mean, if I'm looking in the mirror, my thoughts are more along the lines of, "Definitely need more coffee," or, "Oh great, another wrinkle!" Aren’t we just naturally wired to beat ourselves up? So, how exactly does this habit flip that script? Autumn: Exactly! Robbins really nails this point. She says when we look in the mirror, most of us just default to self-criticism. We're picking apart our flaws. We're replaying old mistakes, or just stuck in these loops of insecurity. This habit, though, it's an interruption. When you high-five yourself, you're forcing this moment of positivity – even if it feels weird at first. Your brain kind of has a “Wait a minute, this is supposed to be supportive," moment, and then these self-affirming emotions start to flood in. Rachel: So, it's like tricking your brain into actually being nice to yourself for once. Okay. But Autumn, can you break down for me like – why does the “physical” high-five matter so much? Couldn't you just stand there and say affirmations or something? Autumn: Good question. And here’s why the action is key. Our brains link physical gestures like high-fives with positive reinforcement. It’s that Pavlovian thing, right? From team sports and moments of praise. Neuroscience actually shows that when we move in these affirming ways – giving a high-five – it triggers those “feel-good” chemicals, like dopamine and oxytocin. Plus, in psychology, there's this idea that physical action helps to embed habits deeper into our nervous system. It's not just words or thoughts; the movement itself kicks off feelings of support and connection. Rachel: Okay, so the physical thing is what kind of entrenches the "I'm on my own team" idea in your brain. Makes sense. But does Robbins address the inherent awkwardness? Because, let's be real, there's gotta be an adjustment period when you start doing this. Autumn: Oh, for sure. Robbins openly admits she initially felt ridiculous. She talks about going through a “really” rough patch – bankruptcy, marriage struggles, feeling totally unmotivated – and feeling like her reflection was her biggest critic. Then, one morning, she just decided to high-five herself. And instinctively, her reflection felt less like a judge and more like a teammate. That moment was a game-changer. The big takeaway for all of us is that doing something that seems trivial actually can have a “really” big impact. It's not going to erase the difficulty, but it can spark the seed of self-compassion, that can grow over time. Rachel: I gotta say, there's something “really” relatable about that. We've all had those mornings where the person staring back at you isn't exactly giving off “team player” vibes. But hey, how far does the impact of this “really” go? Does it just make you feel better in the moment, or is there more profound long-term change? Autumn: That's a great question, and here's where Robbins brings in the neuroscience again. She talks about how our brains are wired to look for evidence to support what we already believe about ourselves—a thing linked to the reticular activating system. When your internal dialogue is mostly "I'm failing," your brain will naturally focus on all the ways that seems true. But this high-five habit starts to rewire that. By consistently giving yourself that signal of encouragement, you're training your brain to look for proof of your capabilities and your worth. Over time, these small interruptions in negative thinking—even if it’s just for five seconds at the start of your day—can ripple out into how you face challenges, how you handle relationships, even how you approach self-discipline. Rachel: Okay, so this is more than just a quick pick-me-up. It's actual behavioral rewiring. Right, I see a potential snag, though. Robbins talks about people in tough spots – burnout, trauma, self-doubt. For someone “really” stuck in that, isn't there a chance this feels... superficial? Like a band-aid on a “really” deep wound? Autumn: That’s totally valid, Rachel, and Robbins doesn’t shy away from it. She openly says that the High 5 Habit isn't going to magically solve all your problems. It’s not a quick fix. But what it does do is create a small moment of self-kindness and connection—something that's often missing for people dealing with deeper issues. For someone in a dark place, even a tiny gesture of positivity can be the spark to climb out. Robbins calls it showing up for yourself. You're not solving everything at once, but you're making a commitment to try. Rachel: Alright, fair enough. I'm intrigued by the idea that the habit is about the process, not about being perfect. Okay, so how does this play out in the real world? How do you actually make this a habit without it becoming just something else to tick off a to-do list? Autumn: Perfect segue! Robbins keeps it super simple— breaks it down into steps, and it takes all of five seconds. Stand in front of your mirror each morning, raise your hand like you’re about to high-five someone, and look right at yourself. That’s it! There's no script, no mantra, unless you want to add one – like, "You’ve got this." Smiling definitely enhances the feel-good response. The simplicity is key because it makes consistency possible. Rachel: Minimal time, no fancy props, you don't have to overnight become Tony Robbins. I can get on board with that. But Autumn, where are we headed with this? Is the habit the destination, or is there a bigger idea here? Autumn: It's both the starting point and a piece of a larger puzzle. Robbins stresses that this habit isn’t just about doing a high-five; it’s about shifting how we treat ourselves every day. It’s like a symbolic move to start giving ourselves the same care and the same encouragement we give to other people. The “real” transformation comes from breaking that cycle of self-neglect and replacing it with rituals of self-empowerment. It's not about achieving perfection; it's about making progress—one high-five at a time.

Autumn: So, once we understand how self-affirmation functions, it's crucial to look at the science backing it all up. That's where Mel Robbins “really” shines. In The High 5 Habit, she uses neuroscience, specifically the Reticular Activating System, or RAS, and the vagus nerve, to show how we can change the way we see and manage ourselves. It “really” builds on what we were discussing earlier, showing this isn't just some fluffy positivity; it's rooted in science. Rachel: The “RAS,” huh? Sounds like something out of a sci-fi movie! Okay, break it down for me. What exactly is the Reticular Activating System, and why should I even care? Autumn: Good question! The RAS is basically your brain’s filter, located in your brainstem. Think of it like a bouncer at a “really” exclusive club. It decides what gets in—what information your brain pays attention to—and what gets ignored. The thing is, it focuses on things you believe are important, so—and this is key—if you have negative thoughts about yourself, your RAS will highlight evidence that confirms those thoughts. Rachel: So, if I'm constantly putting myself down, my brain just finds more evidence to back that up. Got it. It's like wearing glasses that make everything look depressing. Autumn: Exactly! For example, if you're always thinking, “I’m no good at my job,” your RAS will filter the world to prove that point: you forget the things you do well and only focus on the criticism or mistakes. What Robbins suggests—and this is where the high-five comes in—is to disrupt that cycle. By connecting the high-five with positive statements like, “You’re doing great” or “You’ve got this,” you're encouraging the RAS to start filtering for positivity instead. Rachel: So instead of those glasses that make everything look gloomy, you gradually switch to ones that help you see opportunities and your strengths. But Autumn, how does just high-fiving my reflection actually convince my RAS to change? That seems like a big ask for one simple gesture, right? Autumn: Here's why it works: Physical movement, even something as simple as a high-five, is a powerful interruption. Your brain links that movement with encouragement—it’s programmed to release dopamine and oxytocin, those feel-good chemicals. So, when you high-five yourself and say something encouraging, you’re signaling your brain: “Pay attention to this. This is good.” Robbins even suggests adding visualization. Say you’re getting ready for a big presentation—imagine yourself nailing it as you give yourself that morning high-five. Over time, your RAS starts to notice things that match that vision. Rachel: Like you're setting your brain up to find opportunities you might normally miss. Okay, but why not just yell "You've got this!" at my reflection? Why is the gesture so important? Autumn: That’s actually a key part of Robbins' argument—the gesture itself is key. Think about how deeply ingrained high-fives are as symbols of support. It’s not just the action but also the feeling of encouragement and the message of "We're in this together" that comes with it. Mirror high-fives direct that collective energy inward. Robbins even compares it to team sports. When a team huddles and high-fives, it shows trust and momentum. Doing it for yourself builds that same dynamic—within your own inner thoughts. Rachel: Okay, I get the idea. But let me play devil’s advocate: What about people dealing with “really” serious issues like trauma, anxiety, or deep-seated self-doubt? Can a high-five “really” make a difference there? Autumn: That's a “really” important question. Robbins emphasizes that this isn't a cure-all, but it's a starting point. For many people in those situations, being kind to themselves feels impossible. The high-five habit can be a small foothold—a safe, easy ritual that says, “I’m still here. I’m still trying.” She talks about people who have used it to rebuild their lives, like someone who used daily high-fives after losing a loved one. It gave them a small but powerful bit of self-validation during a difficult time. Rachel: So, it’s like planting a seed – a way of showing up for yourself when nobody else might, or when you're too exhausted to do anything bigger. Autumn: Exactly. And that's where the second part of the science comes in—the vagus nerve. This nerve is super important for calming us down, putting the body in "rest and digest" mode. Simple things like putting your hand on your heart or taking deep breaths can signal safety to the vagus nerve. Robbins points out that adding a high-five makes this even more effective for managing emotions. It's not just about the brain; it's about how your whole body feels. Rachel: Okay, I'm on board with the vagus nerve idea. It makes sense—it's something “real” you can do to quiet the mental chatter. But Autumn, how can someone actually do this without turning their morning routine into some kind of over-the-top performance? Autumn: That's a valid point. What Robbins values is simplicity. You can skip the high-five on those crazy mornings when you're rushed or exhausted. Just try to connect with yourself in the mirror for a moment. Say something kind, even if it's just, “You’re doing okay.” Adding a gesture, like putting your hand on your heart, can help, but the main thing is consistency. Rachel: So, even a tiny step counts. But the high-five habit is about building momentum, right? How does Robbins describe the bigger changes that come from this? What happens besides just feeling a bit better in the moment? Autumn: The lasting effects can be significant. Robbins explains how it builds trust in yourself. She talks about how when you treat yourself like a teammate instead of an enemy, you start to see life differently. Challenges seem less like walls and more like opportunities. Over time, it's not just about improving your mood; it’s about changing your inner story to say, “I can rely on myself—even when things are tough.” Rachel: Alright, Autumn, I'll admit, high-five or not, the idea of training your brain to notice the good stuff makes sense. Even for someone as skeptical as I am. Tell me more—how have “real” people actually made this a habit?

Autumn: Okay, so we've laid the groundwork, talked about the science. Now, how do we actually “use” this stuff, right? Turn it into something that makes a real difference, long term. We're talking about building habits that contribute to personal growth. Honestly, that's where Robbins' “The High 5 Habit” “really” shines. It's not just a quick fix, it’s about weaving self-affirmation into your daily life, linking it to things you already do, celebrating those small wins, and tracking your journey to make lasting change. Rachel: Alright, Autumn, so theory meets practice. I'm all for this, but... how do we actually turn these sporadic "rah-rah" mirror moments into something that sticks? I mean, I'm a fan of anything that makes life better, but I don't want it to feel like another chore on my to-do list. Autumn: Exactly! And that’s why Robbins talks about "habit stacking." The idea is to connect this new habit—the High 5 Habit—with something you're already doing every day. Think simple. For most of us, that's standing in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing our teeth, washing our face, right? Instead of letting your mind go to, you know, replaying every mistake you ever made, you use that moment to acknowledge yourself. Give yourself a quick high-five. Rachel: Okay, connecting it to something already in motion… clever. But, the big question: how do you actually “remember”? Mornings can be insane - wrangling kids, hunting for matching socks, you name it. How does this not just vanish into the morning chaos? Autumn: See, that's the real beauty of it. Because it's tied to something you “already” do, it starts to become automatic. Robbins shares a story about a woman named Caroline, a former cheerleader. Initially, she felt ridiculous doing it, honestly. But because she linked it to her morning bathroom routine, it just grew into a habit. And it brought back some of that joy and motivation she used to feel as a cheerleader. It reminded her, "Hey, I can show up for myself, even in small ways." Rachel: Cheerleader energy – I can dig it. Still, I can see the skeptics rolling their eyes. Saying, "Okay, a high-five feels good, so what? Does it “really” go deeper than that?" For someone like Caroline, was it more than just a temporary mood boost? Did it make a tangible difference in her “actual” life? Autumn: Oh, it was definitely more than just good vibes. Caroline said it set the tone for her whole day. Sort of a ripple effect, you know? The high-five reminded her to be her own cheerleader, which helped her face challenges with a more positive attitude. The great thing about habit stacking is that it doesn't demand extra anything. You're just injecting a little positivity into a moment you already have. And over time, it rewires that inner critic into a supportive coach. Rachel: Okay, I gotta admit, there's something elegant about the simplicity. Right, Autumn, so how do we kick it up a notch? How do we turn this from just a cute habit into something truly transformative, something that sticks around for the long haul? Autumn: That’s where consistent self-celebration comes in. Robbins emphasizes that self-celebration is something a lot of us struggle with because we’re kind of trained to focus on what’s wrong, on our mistakes. But, consistently acknowledging even the “smallest” win gives you this sense of forward momentum. She tells the story of Nina, who realized she was always the one cheering on “everyone” else – her kids, her coworkers – but never herself. By starting with these high-fives, she started giving herself the same encouragement she gave to everyone else. Eventually, that shifted her whole perspective and gave her more energy and confidence to get through her day. Rachel: I hear that. So many of us are guilty of pouring all our energy into everyone else, leaving ourselves running on empty. But, question: How does Robbins keep the whole thing from feeling… self-absorbed, maybe? People might hesitate. Thinking, "Should I “really” be that psyched about myself?" Autumn: Totally fair point, Rachel, and Robbins actually addresses that head-on. She says that self-celebration isn’t self-indulgent. It’s self-investment. See it as refueling your own internal resources so you can show up better for the other people in your life. It isn’t about getting a big head, it’s about finding balance. If we’re constantly pushing and never stopping to acknowledge our efforts, we burn out. Recognizing the things we do well creates resilience and that benefits everyone around us. Rachel: Okay, that reframing really does make a difference. It's not about being oblivious to others, it's about making sure you're strong enough to keep showing up for them. Now, here’s what I find interesting: How can someone actually track progress with something as squishy as self-celebration? How do you know if it’s “actually” working? Autumn: Tracking progress. Robbins suggests journaling as a way to document how the habit is affecting your life. Jot down times when you notice you're being less self-critical. Write about how you handled situations differently because you felt a little more positive. She tells a story about Katherine, who felt trapped in a marriage because of social and family expectations. Journaling helped her process her feelings and imagine a life that was true to her values. Over time, she got the clarity and courage to actually leave her marriage and create a life that was more in line with who she was. Rachel: Wow, that's powerful. It's like building a blueprint for change, not just reacting to life, but actively designing it. I can totally see how tracking those small wins keeps reminding you that, yes, you “are” changing, even if it’s gradual. But it must take some serious discipline to keep this up, right? I mean, what happens when you slip back into old habits when life gets crazy? Autumn: Definitely, and Robbins acknowledges that consistency is where the magic happens… but also where you’ll hit some obstacles. She encourages starting small and being patient with yourself. Even if you miss a day, just get back to the habit without beating yourself up. Tracking progress is not about perfection. It’s about recognizing patterns and actually celebrating any movement forward, no matter how tiny. Rachel: It's good to know it's not an all-or-nothing thing. Life throws curveballs, and the last thing anyone needs is another impossible standard to live up to. But, as we wrap this up, what’s the big message here? Why does the High 5 Habit really matter on a broader scale? Autumn: The big message is that the High 5 Habit gives you a way to take back control of how you treat yourself. It’s about using small, intentional actions to break negative thought patterns and create habits rooted in self-kindness. And, on a larger scale, it proves that personal transformation doesn’t require some massive effort. It just takes intentionality and consistency and that’s where the real power comes from.

Autumn: Okay Rachel, let’s tie everything together then. We’ve really dug into Mel Robbins’ “The High 5 Habit” today— this simple, yet science-backed technique, promises some pretty big changes in how we perceive and treat ourselves. We talked about self-affirmation and the power of positivity, the neuroscience behind habits, like how it could disrupt the Reticular Activating System and activate the vagus nerve, right? And also the practical ways to add this habit into our lives by using stuff like habit stacking. Rachel: Absolutely, Autumn, that’s quite a bit to digest. The main point for me is, how could something as simple as a daily high-five actually rewire how we think about ourselves? Shifting us away from that constant inner critic towards actual self-support. It's beyond just “feeling good”, in my opinion, it’s “really” about building a groundwork for genuine confidence and resilience. Autumn: Precisely. It proves that big change doesn't need a massive overhaul, you know? It can start with literally a five-second gesture in front of a mirror. Robbins reminds us that consistency in showing up for ourselves, even in the smallest ways, sends a clear message: "I’m worth it." and that kind of thinking can spread to every aspect of our lives. Rachel: Alright, so here's a challenge for our listeners: Tomorrow morning, take those five seconds. Stand in front of the mirror, give yourself a high-five, and just notice how it feels—even if it feels kind of weird at first. Try to stick with it for a week, maybe even note down what comes up. After all, why not be your own cheerleader? Autumn: I love that, Rachel. Just remember, it's not about striving for perfection here. It’s about making small, consistent efforts to treat yourself with the same kindness that you would offer to anyone else. Because, at the end of the day, you're the one person you’ll always be stuck with! So why not start treating that relationship with some care? Rachel: Couldn’t agree more. Alright, Autumn, let’s see if we can convert some skeptics into self-celebrators. Until next time!