Mark: Here’s a wild statistic: CEOs are twice as likely to suffer from depression as the general public. It begs the question, if reaching the top of the ladder doesn't bring happiness, what on earth are we all climbing for? Michelle: Whoa. That’s a sobering thought. It’s like we’re all chasing this ghost, thinking, "Once I get that promotion, once I hit that income level, then I'll be happy." But that statistic suggests the finish line is a mirage. The closer you get, the further it moves. Mark: Exactly. And that very paradox is at the heart of the book we're diving into today: The Gap and The Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. Michelle: Okay, I’m intrigued. The Gap and The Gain. It sounds like a financial book, but that CEO stat makes me think it’s about something much deeper. Mark: It is. And what's fascinating is that this core idea wasn't born in a university psychology lab; it came from Dan Sullivan's 30-plus years of coaching thousands of the world's most successful, yet often deeply unhappy, entrepreneurs. This is a lesson from the real-world trenches of high achievement. Michelle: I love that. So this isn't just theory; it's a secret that’s been tested on people who have, by all external measures, "made it." It feels like we’re getting a peek behind the curtain of success. So what is this secret? What is this "Gap" that’s making everyone so miserable? Mark: The Gap is the mental space where most ambitious people live, whether they realize it or not. The authors define it as the toxic habit of measuring your present self against your idealized future self. It’s the distance between where you are and where you think you should be. Michelle: Hold on, that sounds like… every New Year's resolution I've ever made and then felt terrible about by February. It’s the goal-setting we’re all taught to do! Is that what’s tripping us up? Mark: That’s the provocative argument of the book. The problem isn't the goals themselves, but the way we measure ourselves against them. When you're in the Gap, you're always focused on what's missing. You're always falling short. Your achievements feel temporary, and your focus immediately shifts to the next, bigger ideal. It’s a recipe for perpetual dissatisfaction.

Michelle: Okay, that’s hitting a little too close to home. It’s the person who loses ten pounds but is miserable because they haven't lost fifteen. Or the writer who gets a book deal but is instantly anxious about hitting the bestseller list. This isn't just for millionaires, is it? Mark: Not at all. It’s a universal human trap. But the book gives an absolutely chilling example of how this plays out at the extreme. It’s the story of a man named Edward, a client of a wealth manager named Chad Willardson. Michelle: Lay it on me. Mark: So, back in 2003, Edward walks into Chad’s office. He’s in his early 40s, has a huge income, and a portfolio of $2.5 million to invest. By any standard, he's incredibly successful. But he’s riddled with anxiety. He’s terrified of the economy, the stock market, and losing everything. Michelle: With 2.5 million dollars? Wow. Okay. Mark: Chad reassures him, they create a solid plan, and they set a new goal: let's get you to $5 million. Edward follows the plan, his investments grow, and in a few years, he hits the $5 million mark. Michelle: So, party time, right? He should be feeling secure and happy. Mark: You’d think so. But he wasn’t. The moment he hit $5 million, the goalpost moved. He told Chad, "With the way things are going, $5 million isn't enough. I need $10 million to feel secure." Michelle: Oh no. I see where this is going. It's a loop. Mark: A perfect, tragic loop. They adjust the plan, and his portfolio continues to grow. He sails past $10 million. By 2019, his net worth is at $17 million. Seventeen. Million. Dollars. And he’s more anxious and pessimistic than ever. Michelle: That is genuinely hard to comprehend. To have that level of success and feel… poor? It’s heartbreaking and, honestly, a little terrifying. What happened? Mark: In early 2019, consumed by fear and a belief that a crash was imminent, he made a catastrophic decision. He told Chad to sell everything. All of it. He moved his entire $17 million portfolio into cash, where it would just sit, earning nothing. Michelle: You’re kidding me. What happened to the market after that? Mark: In the two years that followed, the S&P 500 grew by over 68%. Edward missed out on millions in potential growth because he was completely trapped in the Gap. He could never see his gains. He only saw the gap between his current reality and some imaginary, terrifying future. His success was completely hollow because his internal measure was broken. Michelle: Wow. That story is a punch to the gut. It proves that no amount of external success can fix a broken internal framework. He won the game but felt like he was losing. Okay, that's a terrifying picture of the Gap. How do we escape it? What’s the alternative?

Mark: The antidote is the other half of the book's title: The GAIN. And it’s a shift in perspective that is so simple it’s almost deceptive. Instead of measuring forward against an ideal, you measure backward against where you started. Michelle: Measuring backward. Okay, what does that actually mean? Mark: It means you stop looking at the horizon and instead turn around and look at the distance you’ve traveled. You use your former self as the benchmark, not your future, idealized self. The question changes from "How far do I have to go?" to "Look how far I've come." Michelle: I like the sound of that. It feels less like a race and more like an appreciation of the journey. But does it really work under pressure? It sounds nice, but when things are tough, isn't it hard to feel grateful for progress? Mark: That’s the perfect question. And the book illustrates the power of this shift with one of the most emotional and high-pressure moments in sports history. Are you familiar with the story of the speed skater Dan Jansen? Michelle: Vaguely. I remember the name, and I remember there was a lot of heartbreak involved. Mark: Immense heartbreak. Jansen was a phenomenal talent, but he was considered "jinxed" at the Olympics. In 1988, his sister died just hours before his race, and he fell. He fell again in his next race. He came back in '92 and had disappointing finishes. Now it's 1994, his final Olympics. He’s the world record holder in the 500-meter race, his best event. He’s the favorite to win gold. And he finishes eighth. It’s a crushing blow. Michelle: Oh, that’s brutal. The pressure must have been astronomical for his last race. Mark: Exactly. He had one event left: the 1,000-meter race, an event he considered his weakest. Everyone, including probably himself, thought his chance for a medal was gone. He was deep in the Gap, defined by what he lacked—an Olympic medal. Michelle: I can’t even imagine the weight on his shoulders standing at that starting line. Mark: But before that final race, something shifted. Instead of focusing on the need for a gold medal, the thing he was missing, he did something different. He took a moment and thought about his GAINS. He reflected on his life, his family, his coaches, the experiences skating had given him, the pure joy he felt on the ice. He was overwhelmed with gratitude for the journey itself, not the destination. He started to cry, not from pressure, but from appreciation. Michelle: Wow. So he let go of the outcome. Mark: He completely let go. He went out and skated not with the desperation of needing to win, but with the joy and freedom of wanting to skate. He skated from a place of abundance, not scarcity. And what happened? He skated the race of his life, broke the world record, and won his first and only Olympic gold medal. Michelle: That gives me chills. So happiness wasn't the result of the win, it was the catalyst for it. He found his joy first, and the success followed. Mark: You nailed it. That’s a core argument of the book, backed by what psychologists call the "broaden-and-build" theory. Positive emotions like gratitude and joy literally broaden our minds, making us more creative and resilient. Jansen didn't win and then become happy. He became happy, and that's why he won. He got out of the Gap and into the Gain. Michelle: That is such a powerful reframe. So for us non-Olympians, what does 'measuring in the GAIN' look like day-to-day? We can’t all have a gold medal moment.

Mark: Right, and the book makes it very accessible. The authors argue that the most important time to practice this is during the last hour of your day. They suggest a simple, powerful evening routine. Michelle: I’m all ears. My last hour is usually a masterclass in mindless scrolling, so I’m ready for an upgrade. Mark: It’s a two-part exercise. First, you take out a journal and write down three "wins" from that day. These are your GAINS. It doesn't matter how big or small they are. Maybe you closed a huge deal, or maybe you just managed to not yell at your kids during the morning rush. You just have to identify three things that represent progress from where you were that morning. Michelle: I like that. It forces you to find the positive, even on a day that felt like a total wash. It retrains your brain to look for progress. Mark: Precisely. It’s an active process of training your brain to see GAINS. The second part of the exercise is to then write down three wins you want to achieve tomorrow. This sets your intention and, as the authors argue, primes your subconscious mind to start working on those goals while you sleep. Michelle: So it's a two-part move: appreciate what you did, and then set a clear intention for what you'll do. It's both reflective and forward-looking, but the forward-looking part is grounded in the confidence from your past gains. Mark: Exactly. You’re building momentum. You go to sleep feeling accomplished and wake up with a clear purpose. It’s the opposite of going to sleep feeling behind and waking up with a sense of dread. Michelle: I have to ask the skeptical question, though. What about those days that are a genuine, unmitigated disaster? You lost a client, you got in a fight, the car broke down. How do you find three wins on a day like that? It feels a bit like toxic positivity to pretend it was great. Mark: That’s a fantastic point, and the book addresses it with a concept called "The Experience Transformer." The idea is that you can transform any experience into a GAIN, not by pretending it was good, but by asking, "What can I learn from this? What value can I extract that will make me better in the future?" Michelle: Ah, so the GAIN isn't always about a happy outcome. The GAIN can be the lesson itself. Mark: Yes. The GAIN from losing a client might be the realization that you need to improve your communication system. The GAIN from a fight might be a deeper understanding of someone else's perspective. It’s about taking ownership of the experience and ensuring that, no matter what, you come out of it more capable than you were before. Nothing is wasted. Michelle: That’s a much more resilient way to look at it. It’s not about ignoring the bad; it’s about mining the bad for fuel. It takes the power away from the negative event and puts it back in your hands.

Mark: Ultimately, that’s what this whole book is about. It reframes the idea of freedom. True freedom isn't about finally achieving some far-off, idealized future. It's about liberating yourself, right now, from the tyranny of that ideal. Your past stops being a record of your shortcomings and becomes a library of your gains, a source of endless confidence and energy. Michelle: I love that. It feels like the most rebellious act of self-care is to just stop the frantic chase for a moment and appreciate how far you've come. We're so conditioned to focus on the next rung of the ladder that we never enjoy the view from where we are. Mark: And when you start doing that for yourself, you naturally start doing it for others. You stop measuring your partner, your kids, or your colleagues against some ideal of who they should be and start appreciating the progress they’re making. You see their GAINS. Michelle: That’s a beautiful thought. It’s a mindset that could change not just your own happiness, but the entire dynamic of your relationships. Maybe the challenge for everyone listening is simple: tonight, before you scroll or switch on the TV, just jot down three wins. No matter how small. See how it feels. Mark: I think that's the perfect takeaway. And we'd love to hear how it feels. Share one of your wins with us on our socials. Let's create a wave of GAIN-thinking and see what happens. Michelle: This is Aibrary, signing off.