Mark: Alright Michelle, before we dive in, what do you know about Marshall Goldsmith's book, The Earned Life? Michelle: I know it’s the book that looks at my half-finished projects, my dusty gym membership, and my life choices, and says, 'Honey, you're living the discounted life.' Mark: That's painfully accurate. It really makes you take a hard look in the mirror. Well, today we’re diving into The Earned Life by Marshall Goldsmith. And Goldsmith isn't just any self-help author; he's one of the world's most legendary executive coaches, the guy CEOs of Fortune 500 companies have on speed dial when they're in crisis. Michelle: So this isn't just theory, it's advice forged in the boardrooms of the most powerful people on the planet. Mark: Exactly. The book was a bestseller and got really high ratings from readers, largely because it feels so grounded in real-world struggles. And it all starts with a feeling I think we all know too well: regret.

Michelle: Ah, regret. My old friend. It’s a powerful, and frankly, terrifying emotion. Mark: It is. And Goldsmith kicks off the book with one of the most haunting stories about regret I've ever read. It’s about a man named Richard. Back in the late 1960s, Richard was a young guy driving a cab for the summer after serving in the army. One day, he picks up a young woman from the airport. She's a student at an Ivy League university, just back from a year abroad, and they have this incredible, instant connection during the ride. Michelle: Okay, I'm already invested. This sounds like the beginning of a movie. Mark: It does. He’s so taken with her that he scribbles his name on a taxi company card and gives it to her, hoping she’ll call. And she does! They set up a date. Richard drives to her house, which is in a very affluent neighborhood, and he just... freezes. He's standing outside her door, completely intimidated by her world, feeling like he doesn't belong. Michelle: Oh no. Don't tell me he just left. Mark: He did. He turned around, got back in his cab, and drove away. He never saw her again. Goldsmith is telling this story forty years later, and Richard is still haunted by that single moment of cowardice. He believes it's a major reason he remained alone for his entire life. Michelle: Wow, that's just devastating. It’s terrifying how one moment of fear can echo for decades. It’s the ultimate "what if." Mark: Exactly. And that's the core of what Goldsmith is fighting against. He calls it "existential regret." But what's fascinating is that it's not just about missed opportunities. He tells another story about a European CEO named Gunther. This guy has everything—the title, the wealth, the status. He's the definition of success. Michelle: But wait, isn't that the goal? To be a successful CEO? How can you have it all and still feel like you've wasted your life? Mark: Because he earned all the wrong rewards. While he was climbing the corporate ladder, he completely neglected his family. Now, in his later years, he's overwhelmed with regret. He feels like a failure as a husband and father, and all his professional achievements feel hollow. He says he wasted his life. Michelle: That’s almost scarier than Richard’s story. To do everything you're "supposed" to do and still end up with nothing but regret. Mark: And that's the central idea. Goldsmith defines an "earned life" not by the rewards you collect, but as a life where your choices, your risks, and your efforts, in every single moment, align with an overarching purpose. It’s about the process, not just the outcome. Richard didn't take the risk. Gunther took risks for the wrong purpose. Neither was living an earned life. Michelle: Okay, so an earned life is about making sure your actions are in sync with what you truly value, not just what looks good on a resume or a bank statement. Mark: Precisely. It’s about earning your fulfillment, not just earning a paycheck.

Michelle: Okay, so we need to align our actions with purpose. Sounds great. But how do you actually do that when you're stuck in old habits or feel trapped? It feels impossible. Mark: Goldsmith offers two really powerful, and seemingly contradictory, tools for this. The first comes from Buddhist philosophy. It’s called the "Every Breath Paradigm." The core idea is simple but radical: "Every breath I take is a new me." Michelle: Huh. What does that actually mean? Mark: It means you are not a fixed, permanent self. The person you were five years ago, or even five minutes ago, is gone. The present you is a new creation. He uses this with his coaching clients who are beating themselves up over past mistakes. He tells them, "That was a previous me. The present me didn't make that blunder. So why am I torturing myself for an error the present version of me didn't commit?" Michelle: Hold on. That sounds like a get-out-of-jail-free card for bad behavior. 'Sorry about that, but that was the 10:05 AM me. I'm the 10:06 AM me now, and I'm great!' Mark: (Laughs) I knew you'd say that. And it's a fair point. It's not about dodging responsibility. It's about granting yourself the grace to change. It's a tool for self-forgiveness and recognizing your capacity for growth. He tells this amazing story about an executive he coached named Mike. Mike was brilliant but also arrogant and insensitive. His wife, Sherry, was full of resentment for his years of self-absorption. Michelle: I can imagine. Mark: For years, Mike tried to change, but Sherry was stuck on the "old Mike." One day, after a family reunion, she started listing all his past failures as a father. Instead of getting defensive, Mike calmly used the paradigm. He said something like, "The man you're angry with doesn't exist anymore. I'm a better man now because of my mistakes, and I'm here now." It was a breakthrough. She finally saw him for who he was in that moment, not who he used to be. Michelle: Wow. Okay, when you put it like that, it's a tool for relationships, not just for yourself. It allows other people to see your change, too. Mark: Exactly. But here's the paradox. While that idea is about ultimate freedom from your past, the second tool is about radical limitation in your present. Goldsmith calls it the "Agency of No Choice." Michelle: The Agency of No Choice? That sounds like the opposite of freedom. Mark: It is, and that's why it's so brilliant. The best example is Alan Mulally, the legendary CEO who saved Ford Motor Company. When he arrived in 2006, Ford was a mess, and the executive culture was toxic—everyone hid problems and blamed each other. Michelle: Sounds like a standard corporate Tuesday. Mark: Right? So Mulally instituted a weekly meeting called the Business Plan Review, or BPR. Every top executive had to present their progress using a simple color code: green for on track, yellow for caution, red for a problem. In the first few meetings, it was a sea of green. Everyone was pretending things were fine. Michelle: Of course. No one wants to be the first to admit their project is on fire. Mark: Exactly. This went on for weeks until one brave executive, Mark Fields, finally put up a red slide for a major product launch delay. The room went silent. Everyone expected Mulally to fire him on the spot. Instead, Mulally started clapping. He said, "Mark, thank you for the visibility. Now we can all help." Michelle: That's a huge moment. He rewarded the honesty he wanted to see. Mark: It changed everything. Mulally created a system with clear, non-negotiable rules: you will be transparent, you will be respectful, and you will not hide problems. He gave them no other option. You either behaved this way, or you found work elsewhere. He created an "Agency of No Choice" where the right behavior was the only path forward. Michelle: So it's this weird combination of total freedom from your past with the 'Every Breath' idea, but also creating rigid structures in your present to force you into the right actions. Mark: That's the magic formula. You use the freedom from your past to believe you can change, and you use the structure in the present to make that change happen.

Mark: And Goldsmith combines those ideas into a practical system to build that structure. He argues that most of us fail because we rely on willpower, which he says is basically a myth. Michelle: I'm listening. My willpower runs out at about 11 AM every day, usually in front of a box of donuts. Mark: (Laughs) Well, Goldsmith says we should replace willpower with five building blocks: Compliance, Accountability, Follow-up, Measurement, and Community. These are external forces that are far more reliable. And he packages them into a weekly system called the Life Plan Review, or LPR. Michelle: Okay, LPR sounds like another corporate acronym. In plain English, what am I actually doing each week? Mark: It's surprisingly simple. You create a handful of questions about what matters to you. The book suggests six to start with: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much effort did I put into setting clear goals? Making progress? Finding meaning? Being happy? Building relationships? Being engaged? You answer them every day. Michelle: So you're scoring your own effort, not the result. Mark: Yes, that's key. Then, once a week, you get on a call with a small, diverse group of people—your community—and you each report your weekly average score for each question. That's it. No long stories, no excuses. Just the numbers. Michelle: I can see how that would work. The public accountability is huge. You don't want to be the person showing up with a score of '2' on happiness every single week. Mark: It's incredibly powerful. And the origin of this is fascinating. Goldsmith started a group called 100 Coaches, a community of top-tier professionals he mentored for free, on the condition that they would pay it forward. During the pandemic, when everyone was isolated, he started hosting these weekly LPR check-ins on Zoom to keep the community together. Michelle: So this system was literally battle-tested in a global crisis. Mark: It was. And it thrived. People from all over the world, from CEOs to surgeons to NBA stars, were holding each other accountable. They found that the structure of the LPR, combined with the support of the community, was the engine that helped them not just survive, but actually grow during a time of immense uncertainty. One CEO, Garry Ridge of WD-40, said he struggled for six weeks to even define what "finding meaning" meant to him, until he finally landed on: "when the result of what I'm doing matters to me and helps others." The process forced him to get clear on his own purpose. Michelle: Ah, so this is the engine that helps you live that 'Earned Life' and avoid becoming another Richard or Gunther. It’s not about a sudden epiphany; it’s about a weekly, disciplined practice of checking in with yourself and your community. Mark: That's it exactly. It’s the structure that makes earning your life a sustainable habit, not just a nice idea.

Mark: When you pull it all together, it's a powerful shift in perspective. We're taught to believe that fulfillment comes from achieving big, external goals—the promotion, the award, the finish line. Goldsmith shows that true fulfillment comes from the process of earning those things, moment by moment, in alignment with your purpose. Michelle: It’s like the reward isn't the trophy at the end of the race. The reward is knowing you ran a race that was worth running, every single step of the way. Mark: Beautifully put. The reward of an earned life is being engaged in the process of constantly earning it. It’s not a destination you arrive at; it's the way you travel. Michelle: It makes you ask yourself a tough question: Am I living an earned life, or am I just living a life of convenience? What would my score be this week? It's a bit intimidating to think about. Mark: It is, but that's the question for all of us. And it's a great place to start. We'd love to hear what you think. What's one thing you're doing to 'earn' your life this week? Let us know. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.