Narrator: Imagine stepping onto a professional basketball court, a place of raw power and elite skill. You’re watching the Washington Mystics, a WNBA team, practice. The players are agile, strong, and precise. This, you might think, is where pure, unadulterated confidence lives. Yet, when journalists Katty Kay and Claire Shipman spoke to star players Monique Currie and Crystal Langhorne, they discovered something startling. Despite their incredible talent, these athletes were wrestling with self-doubt, overthinking every mistake, and constantly comparing themselves to their male counterparts, who seemed to shrug off failure with ease. They found that even at the highest level of sport, a confidence gap persisted.

This puzzling discovery—that competence and success do not automatically translate into confidence, especially for women—is the central mystery explored in the book The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know. Kay and Shipman embark on a journey to decode this essential quality, exploring why it's so elusive for women and providing a blueprint for how to build it.

Narrator: The authors quickly establish that the confidence deficit isn't just an issue for a few individuals; it's a widespread phenomenon affecting women across all fields, even those at the pinnacle of success. They cite Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, who admitted, "There are still days I wake up feeling like a fraud, not sure I should be where I am." This sentiment is echoed by Christine Lagarde, the formidable head of the International Monetary Fund. Despite her powerful position, Lagarde confessed to the authors that she experiences intense self-doubt and compensates by zealously overpreparing for every meeting, driven by an underlying assumption that she doesn't inherently have the expertise to grasp everything.

This pattern appears everywhere. The authors tell the story of Michaela Bilotta, a top graduate from the U.S. Naval Academy selected for the elite Explosive Ordnance Disposal team. When congratulated, her immediate response was to attribute her success to "part chance," admitting she doubted she was worthy of the achievement. This tendency to externalize success and internalize failure is a hallmark of the confidence gap. It's not a lack of competence holding women back, but a lack of self-belief. As one expert observed, when a man looks in the mirror, he sees a senator; a woman, she notes, would never be so presumptuous.

Narrator: Kay and Shipman argue for a radical redefinition of confidence. It’s not a passive feeling of self-worth or a set of power poses. Drawing on the work of neuroscientists and psychologists, they arrive at a simple, powerful definition: confidence is the stuff that turns thoughts into action. It’s the internal belief in one's ability to figure things out and succeed, which in turn fuels the decision to act.

This is powerfully illustrated in a study by psychologist Zach Estes. He gave male and female students a series of difficult 3-D spatial puzzles. Initially, the men dramatically outscored the women. But the reason wasn't a difference in ability. The women, lacking confidence in their skills, simply skipped the questions they weren't sure about. When Estes changed one rule—telling them they had to at least try every puzzle—the women’s scores shot up to match the men’s. Their competence was there all along; it was the confidence to act on it that was missing. This reveals a vicious cycle: a lack of confidence leads to inaction, which prevents the very experiences of mastery and success that are needed to build confidence in the first place.

Narrator: The authors explore the complex interplay of nature and nurture that contributes to the confidence gap. Genetically, some people are predisposed to be more anxious or less resilient. Studies on rhesus monkeys by neuropsychologist Steve Suomi show that a variation in the serotonin transporter gene—a gene humans share—is linked to anxious, hesitant behavior. Monkeys with the "short" allele of this gene are naturally less confident.

However, biology isn't destiny. Suomi's most fascinating discovery was that when these genetically anxious monkeys were raised by exceptionally nurturing mothers, they didn't just cope—they thrived, often becoming leaders. This highlights the immense power of environment. From a young age, society nurtures girls differently. They are often praised for being quiet, compliant, and perfect, while boys are encouraged to be adventurous and assertive. This "good girl" conditioning teaches women to prioritize being liked over being respected and to fear failure, which is the enemy of risk-taking.

This is compounded in the workplace, where women face a double bind. If they are passive, they are overlooked. If they are assertive, they are often labeled as abrasive or difficult, a penalty their male colleagues rarely face. This complex web of genetic predispositions, childhood socialization, and persistent societal biases creates a powerful headwind against female confidence.

Narrator: If confidence is the choice to act, then the most effective way to build it is to force oneself to take action, especially when it’s uncomfortable. The authors champion the Silicon Valley mantra of "fail fast." This isn't about celebrating failure for its own sake, but about reframing it as a crucial part of the learning process. It encourages rapid experimentation, learning from mistakes, and adapting quickly, rather than being paralyzed by the quest for perfection.

Beth Wilkinson, one of the most successful litigators in the country, learned this lesson early in her career. In one of her first solo cases, she meticulously wrote out and read her opening argument, striving for perfection. Afterwards, she was crushed to overhear a colleague criticize her for not connecting with the jury. Instead of letting the failure defeat her, she treated it as data. She realized that connection was more important than perfection and never read a statement to a jury again. That small, painful failure became a cornerstone of her incredibly confident and successful style. The key is to stop ruminating on what went wrong and start acting on the lessons learned.

Narrator: To close the confidence gap for future generations, Kay and Shipman argue for a "new nurture." This means moving away from the self-esteem movement's focus on empty praise and instead encouraging struggle, persistence, and resilience. A powerful example comes from an observation in a Japanese math class. A young boy was struggling to draw a 3-D cube on the board. In an American classroom, he might have been quickly rescued to avoid embarrassment. Here, the teacher and students encouraged him, offering suggestions as he struggled, until he finally got it right. The entire class erupted in applause, not for his innate genius, but for his effort and persistence. He learned that struggle is not a sign of stupidity, but an opportunity for growth.

For women, building confidence also means rejecting the pressure to conform to a masculine model of bravado. Christine Lagarde advises women to "dare the difference." She argues that women should not try to imitate men but should instead find strength in their own authentic styles, which might involve more listening, collaboration, and empathy. Confidence isn't about being the loudest person in the room; it's about having a firm, quiet belief in your own value and the courage to act on it.

Narrator: Ultimately, The Confidence Code delivers a clear and liberating message: confidence is not a fixed personality trait you are born with, nor is it a mysterious gift bestowed upon a lucky few. It is a skill that can be learned, a muscle that can be built. The single most important takeaway from the book is that confidence is created by action. It is the cumulative effect of taking risks, trying new things, speaking up even when your voice shakes, and learning from the inevitable failures along the way.

The book challenges women not just to build their own confidence, but to fundamentally redefine what it looks like—to embrace an authentic version rooted in competence, resilience, and a willingness to act. The final, resonant challenge is not to "fake it till you make it," but to simply start doing. What is one small action you can take today that pushes you just beyond your comfort zone? Because in that choice to act lies the very code of confidence.