Mark: Alright Michelle, I'm going to say a book title, and you give me your gut-reaction, one-liner review. Ready? Stop Overthinking. Michelle: My brain just told me to think of a witty response, then it critiqued ten of them, and now I'm paralyzed. Is that the review? Mark: That is the perfect review. You just lived the entire book in five seconds. That's exactly the spiral we're talking about today, from the book Stop Overthinking: 23 Techniques to Relieve Stress, Stop Negative Spirals, Declutter Your Mind, and Focus on the Present by Nick Trenton. Michelle: That is a mouthful of a title. It’s like he’s trying to solve all my problems in one go. Mark: He is. And what's really interesting is that Trenton isn't just a self-help guru; he's a behavioral psychology researcher. He's written over 30 books on psychology, so he comes at this from a very practical, almost clinical perspective. The book reads less like philosophy and more like a user manual for a brain that’s gone haywire. Michelle: A user manual is exactly what I need sometimes. My brain definitely did not come with one. So where do we start? What's the first thing the manual tells us about this… haywire situation? Mark: It starts with a really crucial distinction. The first chapter is titled "Overthinking Isn’t About Overthinking," which sounds like a riddle, but it’s getting at something fundamental. He argues we first have to understand what overthinking actually is, and more importantly, what it isn't.

Michelle: Okay, I'm intrigued. How can overthinking not be about overthinking? Mark: Well, he makes it clear that thinking is good. Our ability to analyze, reflect, and plan is a superpower. Overthinking, he says, is when that superpower gets turned against us. It's when the mental activity becomes excessive, circular, and harmful. It’s thought that doesn’t solve anything. It just digs a deeper hole. Michelle: Right, it’s the difference between planning a trip and spending three hours staring at the ceiling at 2 AM, convinced you’ll forget your passport, miss your flight, and probably cause an international incident. Mark: Exactly. And to make this crystal clear, he tells this incredibly relatable story about a guy named James. James is just a normal guy, but one day he notices a weird-looking mole on his shoulder. A tiny, simple health concern. Michelle: Oh no. I know where this is going. The WebMD rabbit hole. It’s a dark, dark place. Mark: It’s the darkest place. So James does what we all do. He Googles it. And of course, the search results escalate from "benign skin condition" to "you have three days to live" in about four clicks. But here’s where it becomes overthinking. The worry shifts. He’s no longer just worried about the mole. He starts worrying about his worry. Michelle: Wait, can you unpack that? He's worrying about worrying? Mark: Yes. The book calls it "meta-thought"—thinking about your own thoughts. James starts thinking, "Why am I so stressed about this? Am I having an anxiety attack? Am I neurotic? My friend wouldn't be freaking out like this." He remembers a psychologist once told him he was too sensitive. He starts debating if he needs a new therapist, but then spirals into analyzing all the therapists in his area, convinced he'll pick the wrong one. Michelle: Wow, that is exhausting. The mole is almost an afterthought at this point. He's built this entire universe of failure and self-doubt around it. Mark: A universe of failure. That's the perfect description. After an hour, he's no closer to a decision about the mole. He hasn't called a doctor. He's just… stuck. And he feels awful. He concludes he's a neurotic mess who can't sort himself out. That’s the core of it. Trenton has this killer quote: "Whether you call it worry, anxiety, stress, rumination or even obsession, the quality that characterizes overthinking is that it feels awful, and it doesn’t help us in any way." Michelle: That really lands. Productive thought might be hard, but it feels like you're moving forward. Overthinking feels like running in mud. You're expending all this energy but just sinking deeper. Mark: Exactly. It's a feedback loop. The worry fuels more worry, which fuels negative self-judgment, which fuels more worry. It’s not problem-solving; it’s problem-admiring. You’re just turning the problem over and over in your mind, examining it from every terrifying angle without ever taking a step toward a solution. Michelle: So it's like having a supercomputer for a brain, but you're just running a program that calculates every possible way you could fail, on a loop. And the program's only output is "You're bad at this." Mark: That's it. You've perfectly captured the essence of the first big idea. It’s a broken program. And that leads to the most profound insight in this part of the book, which is about what that program is actually running on. The program isn't about the mole. The program is anxiety, and the mole is just the data it's decided to process today.

Michelle: Okay, hold on. That feels like a huge leap. How can you say it's not about the mole? A weird mole is a legitimate health concern. It's a real-world problem that needs a solution. Isn't it normal to worry about that? Mark: It is absolutely normal to have a concern. The book is very clear on that. The key insight is about the disproportionality and the stickiness of the thought. Trenton argues that for an overthinker, the anxiety exists first, like a low-level hum. It's a free-floating sense of unease looking for a place to land. The mole didn't create the anxiety; it just gave it a name and a face. Michelle: So you're saying if James went to the doctor tomorrow and was told the mole is completely harmless, he wouldn't feel relieved? Mark: He might feel relieved for a day, maybe even a week. But the underlying engine of anxiety is still running. Soon enough, it would find a new target. A weird noise his car is making. A misspoken word in a meeting. An unreturned text message. The content of the overthinking is interchangeable. The process is the constant. Michelle: That’s a pretty bold claim. Does he have anything to back that up? It sounds a bit like you're dismissing people's real problems. Mark: He does, and he's not dismissing the problems. He's reframing the source of the suffering. He brings in research to show that anxiety is multifactorial. For instance, one paper he cites from Molecular Psychiatry found that anxiety disorders have a heritability rate of about 26 percent. Michelle: Only 26 percent? I would have guessed it was way higher. Mark: Right? It means genetics can give you a predisposition, a vulnerability, but it’s far from a life sentence. The other 74 percent is a complex mix of environment, life experiences, and, most importantly, our cognitive style—the way we've learned to interpret the world. Mark: He also points to studies on trauma. For example, research has shown that experiencing abuse or neglect in childhood can literally "sensitize" a person's stress response in adulthood. Their physiological reaction to a stressful event is actually heightened compared to someone who didn't have that history. Michelle: So, a past event can physically change how you react to a present problem. That makes a lot of sense. Your body and brain learn that the world is a dangerous place, so they stay on high alert, constantly scanning for threats. Mark: Precisely. And that high-alert state is the free-floating anxiety. It's an engine looking for something to power. So when a legitimate concern like a mole appears, the anxiety engine doesn't just notice it; it hijacks it. It pours all its fuel into that one small problem, turning it into an existential crisis. This is where one of the book's best quotes comes in: "It’s not the load, but how you carry it." Michelle: Ah, I see. So two people can have the exact same problem—the same mole. One person, the non-overthinker, carries it like a pebble. They think, "I should get this checked," put it on their to-do list, and make an appointment. The load is manageable. Mark: Correct. But the overthinker, who is already primed by anxiety, picks up that same pebble and experiences it as a boulder. They can't put it down. They have to analyze its weight, its composition, the trajectory it will take if it falls. The problem isn't the pebble; it's the fact that their anxiety-primed brain has convinced them they're too weak to carry it. Michelle: That’s a powerful distinction. The content of the thought is a distraction. The real issue is the process of the thought. That's why just "solving" the mole problem won't fix the overthinking habit. The anxiety engine will just find another pebble. Mark: You've got it. And that's why the book's reception is so interesting. Many readers praise it for being incredibly practical and straightforward. It gets some criticism for not being groundbreaking, but its strength is that it doesn't get lost in the weeds. It tells you: stop focusing on the million different pebbles. Let's work on the way you carry things.

Michelle: Okay, so this is both terrifying and a little bit liberating. Terrifying to think there's this hidden engine of anxiety running in the background, but liberating to know that maybe I don't have to solve every single problem in the universe to feel calm. So what's the big takeaway here? If we're stuck in these loops and they're fueled by this deeper anxiety, are we just doomed to be like James forever? Mark: That's the hopeful part, and it’s where the rest of the book goes. The answer is a definitive no. Trenton's core message is one of empowerment. He argues that while we can't change our genes or erase our past traumas, we have immense power over the things we can control: our beliefs, our daily habits, our self-talk, and our perspective. The power lies in shifting focus from the uncontrollable to the controllable. Michelle: So it’s about taking the steering wheel back. Mark: Exactly. The book is essentially a toolkit of 23 techniques, many drawn from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, designed to do just that. It’s about training your brain to recognize the faulty program when it starts running and consciously redirecting that mental energy toward something productive. It’s about strengthening your sense of control. Michelle: And that starts with just noticing the spiral is happening in the first place. Mark: That is always the first step. You can't fix a program if you don't know it's running. So a simple, powerful action for anyone listening is just to practice awareness. The next time you find yourself in a James-and-the-mole situation, don't judge yourself. Don't try to force the thoughts away. Just gently label it. Say to yourself, "Ah, there's the spiral again. Interesting." Michelle: I love that. Just noticing it without judgment. It takes the power away from the thought. It turns you from the person drowning in the storm to the observer watching the storm from a safe lighthouse. Mark: That’s a beautiful way to put it. And that simple act of observation is the first thread you pull to unravel the whole knot. Michelle: That feels like something I can actually do. You know, we'd love to hear from our listeners on this. What's the most ridiculous thing your brain has ever decided to overthink? Mine was once whether I used the right emoji in a work email. I lost about 45 minutes to that. Share your story with us on our socials; let's all feel a little less alone in our spirals. Mark: I think we'd all feel much better knowing we're not the only ones. It’s a universal human experience, and the first step to managing it is admitting it’s there. Michelle: A perfect place to end. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.