Narrator: On a crisp winter morning in Australia, a nineteen-year-old Susie Moore was on her way to her own wedding, filled with a sense of certainty that her life was finally on track. After a difficult childhood marked by instability, this moment felt like the beginning of a perfect future. But life, as it often does, deviated from the plan. The marriage didn't last, leaving her with a profound sense of disappointment and the feeling of having let others down. This experience became a catalyst for a deeper understanding: the relentless pursuit of external validation, whether from a partner, family, or the digital world, is a trap. In her book, Stop Checking Your Likes, Moore dissects this modern obsession with approval and offers a guide to breaking free, arguing that true success is found not in the applause of others, but in the quiet confidence of self-approval.

Narrator: The core problem the book addresses is the "approval trap," a cycle where individuals measure their self-worth by external validation, most notably through social media "likes." This need for approval often stems from the mistaken belief that everyone else has their life figured out. People tend to overestimate the competence of others while underestimating their own, leading to a paralyzing fear of inadequacy.

Moore illustrates that success often comes from action and resilience, not from having all the answers beforehand. She shares a story from her own career when, in 2012, she was asked to work in Washington D.C. to generate political advertising revenue for a tech start-up. As a foreigner with no experience in U.S. politics, she was thrown into a cutthroat market during an election year. Instead of being paralyzed by what she didn't know, she immersed herself in the subject, worked tirelessly, and focused on her work ethic and optimism. She didn't wait for permission or perfect knowledge; she simply started. By the end of her assignment, she had generated nearly three million dollars in revenue, far exceeding expectations. This experience taught her a vital lesson: you can succeed by learning as you go, and the belief that everyone else knows what they're doing is almost always an illusion.

Narrator: Many limiting beliefs and approval-seeking behaviors are rooted in childhood. Moore, quoting the poet Philip Larkin, bluntly states, "They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do." Parents, being imperfect humans, unintentionally pass down their own flaws and beliefs. The book argues that recognizing these inherited patterns is the first step toward consciously choosing which to keep and which to discard.

Moore’s own childhood was a testament to overcoming difficult circumstances. She grew up in England in a dysfunctional family marked by a complex love triangle involving her parents and her father's mistress, as well as her father's addiction to painkillers and alcohol. The environment was unstable and at times violent. Yet, from this, she learned independence and resilience from her mother and, later in life, forgiveness and understanding from her father. By fifteen, she had started a self-help journey, determined to create a different life. Her story serves as powerful evidence that while the past shapes us, it does not have to define our future. Individuals possess the agency to question inherited beliefs, overcome their circumstances, and build a life on their own terms.

Narrator: To break free from the fear of judgment, Moore introduces a simple yet profound mental tool: asking the question, "So what?" This question acts as a circuit breaker, detaching an individual's emotions from negative remarks or minor setbacks. It challenges the significance we assign to others' opinions, thereby reducing their power over us.

Moore recounts a morning when she was enjoying a cup of tea, only to find a mean-spirited YouTube comment criticizing her appearance. Her immediate reaction was anger and hurt. She called her friend and mentor, Fiona, to vent. Fiona’s response was not sympathy, but a simple, powerful question: "So what?" In that moment, the author realized the comment was from a stranger, it had no real-world impact, and it was a reflection of the commenter's own negativity, not her worth. The anger dissipated, replaced by the freedom of not caring. This story illustrates that adopting a "So what?" attitude toward criticism is a sign of strength and a practical way to protect one's peace and focus on what truly matters.

Narrator: While deflecting external negativity is crucial, building a strong internal foundation of self-approval is the ultimate goal. The book argues that self-criticism is not only damaging to one's self-esteem but also to relationships. Constantly putting oneself down teaches others to see those same flaws.

A story about a man named Michael and his girlfriend, Jenny, powerfully illustrates this. Michael was initially infatuated with Jenny, seeing her as smart, beautiful, and perfect. However, Jenny was relentlessly self-critical, constantly complaining about her "big legs." Over time, her negativity began to poison Michael's perception. He started to notice the flaw she was so fixated on, and his adoration soured. Jenny’s self-criticism effectively turned him off. The lesson is clear: how you talk about yourself influences how the world sees and responds to you. Moore advocates for becoming your own biggest fan, intentionally speaking positively about yourself, and practicing self-compassion, especially when you feel you don't "deserve" it.

Narrator: A primary reason people seek approval is to avoid the pain of rejection. The book reframes rejection not as a personal failure, but as an inevitable and often beneficial part of life. It argues that rejection is a matter of perspective and can lead to new opportunities and greater self-awareness.

Moore shares an experience from early in her career when she was fired from her first full-time job as a receptionist at a car dealership. She was ambitious and more interested in sales than her assigned duties, so she wasn't performing well. Getting fired was a painful rejection. However, the temp agency that had placed her in the role saw her sales-oriented ambition not as a flaw, but as a strength. They hired her as a recruiter, setting her on a successful and lucrative career path in sales. This "rejection" was the universe doing for her what she wouldn't do for herself—placing her in a role that was a much better fit. The story shows that rejection is often a redirection toward a better path.

Narrator: The book culminates in the empowering, if challenging, idea that taking 100% responsibility for your life is the key to true freedom. Moore introduces the concept of "victim loops" versus "accountability loops." A victim loop is a cycle of repeatedly facing the same problem without acknowledging one's role in it, often blaming external factors. An accountability loop, in contrast, involves recognizing one's part in a situation and actively working to change it.

The tragic story of Mo, a woman the author knew from a domestic violence shelter, serves as a stark illustration of a victim loop. Despite the severe abuse she suffered, Mo repeatedly returned to her ex-husband, perpetuating a cycle of violence. While acknowledging the complexities of abuse, the author uses this to highlight a core truth: you cannot change what you do not take responsibility for. The book's powerful mantra, "What you're not changing, you're choosing," serves as a call to action. By accepting that it's "your fault"—not in a sense of blame, but of choice and agency—you reclaim the power to change your circumstances and build the life you desire.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Stop Checking Your Likes is that true freedom is an inside job. It is not achieved by winning the approval of everyone around you, but by cultivating an unwavering sense of self-approval that makes external validation irrelevant. The constant chase for likes, compliments, and acceptance is an exhausting and unwinnable game that distracts you from your own path.

The book challenges readers to stop looking outward for permission and to start listening to their own inner wisdom. By taking radical responsibility for your choices, reframing rejection as redirection, and practicing deliberate self-love, you can break free from the approval trap. The ultimate challenge the book leaves us with is a simple but profound question for self-reflection: What in your life are you tolerating right now, and by not changing it, what are you choosing?