Narrator: Imagine being deep underwater, the vibrant world of a coral reef unfolding around you. Suddenly, your oxygen cuts out. Panic sets in. Your training, your logic, everything vanishes. You see your diving buddy, your source of safety, and in a desperate, primal move, you rip the regulator from their mouth, trying to use them as a ladder to the surface. This terrifying scenario, a true story recounted in Ben Stuart’s work, isn't just about a scuba diving trip gone wrong. It’s a powerful metaphor for what happens in our relationships when we are disconnected from our own source of life. When we feel a scarcity within, we often turn to others not to love them, but to use them, creating toxic and even dangerous dynamics.

This is the central problem explored in the book Single. Dating. Engaged. Married. by Ben Stuart. He argues that the health of our romantic relationships is a direct reflection of our connection to a deeper, more stable source. The book serves as a guide through the often confusing and painful stages of modern relationships, proposing that before we can get a relationship with another person right, we must first get our relationship with God right.

Narrator: At the heart of Stuart's philosophy is a simple but profound principle: when you have a source of life, you become a source of life. When you are disconnected, you become an exploiter. He illustrates this with the harrowing story of the scuba diver who, cut off from his oxygen, nearly drowned his partner in a desperate attempt to survive. This, Stuart argues, is a picture of what happens in relationships. Individuals who lack an internal sense of worth, validation, and love—needs Stuart calls "God-sized needs"—often enter relationships looking for another person to be their oxygen. They place an impossible burden on their partner to fulfill a role only God can.

This leads to a toxic dynamic where one person drains the life from the other. The book contends that the foundational step to any healthy relationship is to first connect with God as the ultimate source of life and love. By understanding and embracing the truth that God's love is demonstrated through sending His Son, sacrificing for us, and staying with us, a person can become secure and whole. Love, originating from God, flows to us and then through us to others. This transforms a person from a desperate taker into a generous giver, free to love others without needing to extract life from them.

Narrator: In a culture that often views singleness as a problem to be solved or a lonely waiting room for marriage, Stuart reframes it as a unique and purposeful gift. He compares it to a story from his childhood. At Christmas, his "Country Grandma" gave him a powerful slingshot, which he was thrilled with. His "City Grandma," however, gave him a boring piece of paper—a certificate for one hundred shares of stock. As a boy, he wanted the slingshot, but it eventually broke and caused him pain. Twenty years later, that stock had grown enough in value to pay for his seminary education.

Singleness, Stuart suggests, is like that stock. It may not be the gift we want in the moment, but it is often the gift we need. Its God-ordained purpose is not simply for career ambition or extended adolescence, but for "undistracted devotion to the Lord." This season offers a unique freedom from the anxieties and responsibilities of marriage, providing the time and energy to deepen one's relationship with God and invest in serving others. The book uses the Apostle Paul as a case study, a single man who maximized this season to change the world by staying resolved in his mission, investing in the next generation, and cultivating deep friendships.

Narrator: When moving from singleness to dating, Stuart warns against a pervasive "consumer mentality." Influenced by online dating and endless options, many people approach relationships with a checklist, treating potential partners like products to be customized. This, he argues, is dehumanizing and destined for failure. He points to a fascinating discovery by Match.com, which found there was no correlation between the traits people said they wanted in a partner and the people they actually contacted. We often don't know what we truly want.

Instead of consumption, the purpose of dating should be evaluation with a "companion mentality." It is a process, not a status, designed to answer one question: Is this someone I can journey through life with? The evaluation should focus on two key areas: character and chemistry. While chemistry—including theological, social, and physical compatibility—is important, character is paramount. The single most critical factor, according to Stuart, is sharing the same allegiance. Being "unequally yoked" with someone who doesn't share your core commitment to God will inevitably lead to moving in different directions, causing friction and frustration.

Narrator: Navigating the dating process can feel like hiking in the Grand Canyon without a map, a story Stuart uses to describe his own panicked and painful solo trek to a waterfall. He rushed, got lost, and ended up bloody and exhausted, only to find another couple who had taken a steady, guided path had arrived peacefully. To avoid the pain of a directionless journey, Stuart offers seven guiding principles for how to date.

These principles are: Prayerfulness, which invites God into the process and alleviates fear; Clarity, which demands honest communication about intentions to reduce ambiguity; Autonomy, which respects that each person is an individual accountable to God, not a half of a couple with unearned privileges; Purity, which protects the evaluation process from being clouded by premature physical and emotional bonding; Graciousness, which means treating the other person with respect and aiming to build them up; Community, which provides wisdom and accountability from trusted friends and mentors; and Patience, which allows time to truly observe a person's character through different seasons.

Narrator: If dating is evaluation, engagement is union. This brief but crucial season is not just for planning a wedding, but for preparing for a marriage. It is the practical and sometimes messy work of merging two lives. Stuart humorously recounts how his first task as an engaged man was to help his mortician father-in-law dress a corpse, a stark reminder that union means embracing every part of a partner's life, not just the romantic aspects. This period involves the complex merger of families, finances, and future plans.

Finally, marriage finds its highest purpose when it is on a mission. It is designed to be both a picture of Christ's love for the church and a pursuit of His purposes on earth. The husband's role is to love his wife sacrificially, as Christ did, creating an environment where she can flourish. The wife's role is to submit to her husband's leadership, affirming and responding to it as she would to the Lord. The book presents the biblical couple Priscilla and Aquila as the ultimate case study—a team who leveraged their home, work, and lives for a shared mission. Stuart concludes that a marriage is safest and strongest not when it is focused inward on itself, but when it is focused outward on a common purpose.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Single. Dating. Engaged. Married. is that a thriving relationship with God is the non-negotiable foundation for every stage of our relational lives. Whether single, dating, engaged, or married, each season is an opportunity to anchor ourselves more deeply in God's love, which in turn equips us to love others with generosity, wisdom, and grace rather than desperation.

The book presents a profound challenge to the modern, self-focused view of romance. It asks us to see our relationships not merely as a means to personal happiness, but as a platform for a divine mission. It leaves the reader with a powerful, life-altering question: What if the purpose of your love life isn't just about finding "the one," but about becoming the one who, alongside a partner, can be a picture of God's unwavering love to a watching world?