Michelle: Mark, what's the most common piece of career advice given to women who want to get ahead? Mark: Oh, that’s easy. It’s been the same for a decade. ‘Lean In.’ Right? Speak up, be more assertive, demand a seat at the table. Michelle: Exactly. And our book today argues that might be putting the cart before the horse. The first, most critical move isn't external, it's internal. It’s about what happens in your own head before you even walk into the meeting room. Mark: I’m intrigued. That feels like a much-needed course correction to the conversation. Michelle: It is. Today we’re diving into Show Your Worth by Shelmina Babai Abji. Mark: And her story is just incredible. This isn't someone writing from an ivory tower. She's a former IBM Vice President who grew up in Tanzania, was the first in her family to go to college, and rose to become one of the highest-ranking women of color in a massive, male-dominated tech corporation. She has lived these challenges. Michelle: She absolutely has. And she was motivated to write this book after mentoring thousands of women and realizing they were all hitting the same invisible walls she did. So that's our starting point today: those invisible walls, and how to dismantle them from the inside out.

Michelle: The book kicks off with a concept everyone in business talks about: the "broken rung" on the corporate ladder. It's that first step up to manager, where women disproportionately fall behind. But Shelmina argues the break often happens inside, long before the promotion is even on the table. Mark: What do you mean by 'inside'? Are we talking about a confidence issue? Michelle: It's deeper than just confidence. She calls it the "unders." Feeling undereducated, underprivileged, underproficient. It’s this negative mental chatter that causes you to undervalue your own opinion and underestimate your worth. Her own story is the perfect example. She came to the U.S. for a computer science degree having barely seen a computer. The "unders" were screaming at her. Mark: Wow. So her first definition of success wasn't about a fancy title or a corner office. Michelle: Not at all. It was incredibly fundamental: to lift her family out of poverty. That was her 'why.' It was the engine that powered her through all the self-doubt. She knew that to achieve that goal, she had to prove her value, but first, she had to believe in it herself. The book argues that without that personal, deeply-held definition of success, you're just chasing someone else's dream, and you'll burn out. Mark: Okay, that's a powerful 'why' born from serious hardship. But for many listeners, their 'why' might feel less dramatic. How does the book suggest they find a compelling definition of success that isn't just 'get a promotion' or 'make more money'? Michelle: That's the key question. The book has these "Intentional Exercises" that are less about goals and more about self-knowledge. It asks things like: "What do I believe? What brings me joy? Who am I?" It's about excavating your core values. There's a fantastic story about Verna Myers, a Harvard-educated lawyer at a prestigious firm. By all external measures, she was a massive success. Mark: Right, she had already "made it." Michelle: Exactly. But she was miserable. The work felt meaningless. She felt like she was playing a role. It was only after she stepped back and asked herself those deep questions that she realized her true passion was in diversity and inclusion. She left the high-paying law job, started her own D&I consulting firm, and eventually became the VP of Inclusion Strategy at Netflix, making a much bigger impact—and, incidentally, a lot more money. Mark: That’s fascinating. She had to redefine success from "prestige" to "purpose." It almost sounds like a form of "quiet quitting," but instead of disengaging, she re-engaged with work that actually mattered to her. Michelle: That’s a perfect way to put it. It’s not about quitting on your career; it’s about quitting on a definition of success that doesn't serve you. The book’s point is that this internal work is the non-negotiable first step. You can't show your worth if you haven't defined what's worthy to you. Mark: And this is where the idea of "Intentional Value Creation" comes in, right? It’s not just about doing your job well. Michelle: It's about connecting your work to your 'why.' Shelmina tells a story from early in her career. She was in a meeting, terrified to speak up because of her "unders." She had a great idea, but she stayed silent. A male colleague then voiced the exact same idea and got all the praise. Mark: Oh, I know that feeling. That is a gut punch. Michelle: A total gut punch. But for her, it was a breakthrough. She realized her fear was making her invisible. The value was in her head, but it wasn't getting into the room. In the next meeting, she forced herself to speak up. And her idea was celebrated. She learned that creating value isn't a passive act; it's an intentional choice to overcome the internal voice of fear. Mark: So the internal game is really a three-step process: Define your success, understand your 'why,' and then intentionally fight through the internal noise to bring your value into the world. Michelle: Precisely. It’s the foundation for everything else. Without it, all the external strategies are just empty tactics.

Mark: Alright, so you've done the internal work. You know your 'why.' You're ready to create value. But you're still in the same job, at the same desk. This is where the external game comes in, right? And the book makes a fascinating distinction I want to talk about: mentors versus sponsors. Michelle: Yes, this is probably one of the most critical, actionable insights in the entire book. Most people, especially women, are told to find a mentor. And that's great. A mentor is someone who gives you advice. They talk to you. Mark: Okay, that makes sense. Someone you can go to for guidance. Michelle: But a sponsor is different. A sponsor is someone who talks about you in rooms you're not in. They are influential leaders who use their political capital to advocate for you, to put your name forward for promotions, for high-visibility projects. A mentor helps you build your skills. A sponsor helps you build your career. Mark: This is huge. So how do you get a sponsor? You can't just walk up to a VP and say, 'Will you be my sponsor?' It feels like a catch-22. You need power to get access to people with power. Michelle: It does feel that way, and that’s why Abji’s approach is so strategic. She says you don't "get" a sponsor, you "earn" one over time. It’s about building an intentional leadership brand. She tells the story of how she cultivated relationships with two key executives at IBM, Susan Whitney and Rodney Adkins, who eventually became her sponsors. It wasn't a single conversation; it was a years-long process. Mark: What did that process look like? What were the actual steps? Michelle: First, she got on their radar by doing what others thought was impossible. She took a tough sales role in Seattle that no one wanted and, after months of rejection, landed a massive, multimillion-dollar deal. That got her an award, which Rodney Adkins presented. That was the entry point. Mark: So step one is exceptional performance on a high-visibility task. Michelle: Exactly. Step two was intentional relationship maintenance. She would send Susan Whitney, her mentor, short quarterly emails with her achievements. Not asking for anything, just keeping her in the loop. When she saw her at a conference, she made a point to go say hello. She was building a connection, not just making a transaction. Mark: That's a subtle but powerful shift. She was demonstrating her value consistently over time. Michelle: And that builds your leadership brand. Your brand is what people say about you when you're not in the room. There's a great story in the book about a woman on her team who was up for a prestigious award. The competition was fierce. But then another manager spoke up and said, "You know, she went out of her way to help my team on a project, and it made all the difference." Her brand wasn't just "high-performer," it was "collaborative" and "helpful." That's what got her the award. Mark: It’s about reputation, but a reputation built on both competence and character. I'm also thinking about the story of Gwendolyn Sykes, the CFO of the US Secret Service. Her brand was built on something even more fundamental: integrity. Michelle: An incredible story. She stood up to a brigadier general who was pressuring her to do something unethical. She refused. That act defined her brand. Years later, that reputation for unshakable integrity is what got her the top job at NASA. Her brand preceded her. Mark: This brings up a critical point, though. The book is highly rated, but some critics argue that it places a heavy burden on the individual woman to navigate a flawed system, rather than demanding the system itself change. How does the book address that? Michelle: It's a valid and important critique. The book's focus is definitely on individual agency. Abji's perspective, shaped by her own journey of overcoming immense barriers, is one of empowerment through action. She's essentially providing a playbook for how to win the game as it's currently played. Mark: So it's pragmatic. 'Here's how to succeed in the world we have, not the world we wish we had.' Michelle: Precisely. However, she doesn't ignore the systemic issue. The final chapter is called "Intentionally Pay It Forward and Lift Other Women." Her argument is that once you use these strategies to get into the room where decisions are made, you have a responsibility to hold the door open for others. You become the sponsor. You advocate for systemic change from a position of power. That's her answer to the systemic problem.

Mark: So, when you put it all together, the core message is that 'showing your worth' is a two-part formula. The internal game gives you the 'what'—the authentic, deeply understood value you bring. But the external game gives you the 'how'—the strategic playbook to make sure that value is actually seen, recognized, and rewarded. Michelle: Exactly. It's a bridge between your potential and your position. And you have to build that bridge from both sides. The internal work without the external strategy leads to frustration—you know you're good, but no one else does. The external strategy without the internal work leads to burnout—you're climbing a ladder that's leaning against the wrong wall. Mark: And it's a continuous process. The book mentions that a brand that serves you in one role might not work in the next. When Shelmina was promoted from a top salesperson to a sales leader, she had to stop being the one with all the answers and start being the one who asks the best questions. She had to intentionally rebrand herself from a subject matter expert to a leader. Michelle: That's such a crucial point. It’s not a one-and-done exercise. It's a lifelong commitment to intentional growth. And that brings us back to the criticism we discussed. Is this putting too much on one person's shoulders? Maybe. But Abji’s philosophy is rooted in action. It’s about taking control of the things you can control. Mark: It's a philosophy of radical responsibility for your own career trajectory. Michelle: It is. And for anyone listening, a powerful first step from the book is to just take 15 minutes this week and answer one question: "What do I want my leadership brand to be?" Not what it is now, but what you want it to be in three words. Just defining it is the first step to becoming it. Mark: I love that. It’s simple, actionable, and gets right to the heart of the internal game. And we're curious to hear what you think. Does this focus on individual strategy feel empowering, or does it miss the bigger picture of systemic change? Let us know your thoughts. Michelle: This is Aibrary, signing off.