Olivia: The average American kid first sees internet porn at age eleven. Meanwhile, porn sites get more monthly visitors than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined. This isn't a fringe issue; it's the wallpaper of modern childhood. Jackson: Wow. Eleven. That's... fifth grade. That's staggering. You're not even really a pre-teen yet. You're still figuring out long division. Olivia: Exactly. And it's the central problem Cindy Pierce tackles in her book, Sexploitation: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a Porn-Driven World. What's fascinating about Pierce is that she's not just a researcher; she's a professional storyteller and an innkeeper in New Hampshire. She brings this very grounded, human perspective to a topic that can feel overwhelming. Jackson: I like that. It immediately makes it feel less like a clinical lecture and more like a conversation you'd have with a wise neighbor. It’s a book that, while highly rated, has also sparked some debate for its directness, which I think makes it even more interesting to talk about. Olivia: Absolutely. She doesn't pull any punches. Pierce argues that this digital wallpaper we just mentioned is scrambling something she calls the 'inner compass' in our kids.

Jackson: An 'inner compass.' That's a great phrase. What exactly does she mean by that? Olivia: She describes it as that internal sense of direction that helps you make healthy decisions. It’s the ability to listen to your heart, your gut, and your mind all at once to figure out what feels right for you. It’s about awareness, perspective, and forethought. Jackson: Okay, I can see that. It's your personal true north. Olivia: Precisely. And she has this beautiful story about how she developed hers. She was the youngest of seven kids, growing up in a pre-internet age. She learned about life by watching her older siblings navigate everything—friendships, breakups, rule-breaking. She saw their choices and, crucially, she saw the real-world consequences, both good and bad. It was a messy, human, and very real education. Jackson: That's a powerful image, learning from a real-life family drama unfolding in the next room. But today, kids are often learning in isolation, from a curated feed. So what happens when that compass breaks? What does that actually look like in a teenager's life? Olivia: It looks like chaos. Pierce shares a chilling story from an independent school about the anonymous app Yik Yak. Kids were posting vicious, hurtful comments about each other, completely untethered from consequence. What started as a joke quickly devolved into paranoia and cruelty. Jackson: I remember that app. It was brutal. Olivia: It was. And the dean at the school noticed something profound. The same students who found the app hilarious would demand it be shut down the second a negative comment was posted about them. They had no social courage, no ability to stand up to the anonymous mob, and no real sense of community to fall back on. Their inner compasses were just spinning wildly, guided by fear and the desire for a cheap laugh. Jackson: It’s like their moral GPS is being fed junk data. They can't find their way because the signals are all garbage. Olivia: That’s a perfect way to put it. And when your own guidance system is broken, you start looking for directions anywhere you can find them. Jackson: And that leads right to the book's title, doesn't it? The 'sexploitation' part. If they're not getting guidance from family or their own inner voice, they're getting it from the loudest voice in the digital room.

Olivia: Exactly. Pierce argues that parents are in a battle for influence, and most don't even realize they're on the battlefield. By default, the primary sexuality educator for a generation of kids has become the internet. Jackson: The uninvited teacher living in their pocket. Olivia: And she has this incredible story that illustrates just how much access dictates everything. She calls it the 'Rural Dial-Up Exception.' For years, she'd speak to college guys and find that almost all of them had been watching porn regularly since middle school. But she found a tiny, rare subset who hadn't. Jackson: And what was their secret? Olivia: Slow internet. They grew up in rural areas with painfully slow dial-up connections well into their high school years. They literally couldn't stream the videos, so the habit never formed. It wasn't a moral choice; it was a technological barrier. That barrier is gone for virtually every kid today. Jackson: That’s fascinating. It removes the whole debate about personal responsibility and just shows you: if it's there and it's easy, it will be used. Olivia: And the content they're finding is shaping their entire worldview on sex. Pierce includes some raw, honest quotes from young men. One 20-year-old said, "Watching porn made me think anything could be a hint that a girl wanted to have sex. I also thought that every girl had a bleached asshole and shaved pubic hair. This was not the case." He goes on to say that porn doesn't teach you how to get consent. Jackson: That's incredibly revealing. It’s not just about the act itself; it’s about the entire script of how human beings are supposed to interact, what bodies are supposed to look like, and what pleasure is. And the script is a fantasy. Olivia: A fantasy written by a multi-billion dollar industry. And this is where Pierce is at her most direct. She argues that this isn't a passive influence; it's an aggressive one that profits from the silence of parents. Jackson: Okay, let's touch on the criticism here, because some readers felt the book’s tone could be alarmist. Is all exposure automatically damaging? Or is the real problem the lack of conversation around it? Olivia: That's a great question, and I think Pierce would agree it's the latter. Her point isn't to be a puritanical fear-monger. The book is a call to action against parental abdication. The problem is that this unrealistic, often aggressive, and non-consensual script becomes the only script kids have. She quotes an expert from ChildLine who says, "If we as a society shy away from talking about this issue, we are failing the thousands of young people it is affecting." The damage comes from the vacuum. Jackson: So the solution isn't just to block and tackle, to try and keep the internet out. It's to build something stronger inside them first. Olivia: And that's the pivot point of the whole book. It's not just about what to avoid, but what to build. How do you raise kids who feel 'worthy' enough to resist these pressures?

Jackson: 'Worthy.' I like that word. It's not about being 'pure' or 'innocent,' it's about having a fundamental sense of self-worth. Olivia: Yes. And she argues this is a challenge for both boys and girls, but in different ways. For girls, she talks about the culture of 'vixen training'—the relentless pressure to be judged on appearance and sex appeal from a young age. She shares a story about Halloween costumes, and how even for elementary school girls, the market is flooded with sexualized versions of every character. Jackson: The 'sexy bumblebee' for a seven-year-old. I’ve seen it. It’s bizarre. Olivia: It is. And for boys, she talks about what psychologist William Pollack calls the "Boy Code." It’s the unwritten rule that boys must suppress all emotion except anger, act tough, and never show vulnerability. They're taught that their worth comes from dominance. Jackson: The "don't be a pussy, but don't be an asshole" paradox she mentions. It sounds exhausting. Olivia: It is. And she tells this fantastic story from her time as a first-grade teacher that shows this in miniature. During recess soccer, there was always one boy, not necessarily the best player, who was the 'Guy in Charge.' He'd dictate the rules, pick the teams, and control the whole game. The other boys would just go along with it, looking miserable, because challenging him was a greater social risk than just playing a game they didn't enjoy. Jackson: Wow. A playground social hierarchy. So what did she do? Olivia: She started refereeing. She set a three-strike rule for aggression. The first day, the 'Guy in Charge' got his three strikes and had to sit out. And the moment he was off the field, the entire energy shifted. The other boys started smiling, laughing, and playing with this incredible freedom and joy. The 'Guy in Charge' was relieved of the burden of being in charge, and the other boys were freed from his control. Jackson: That's a brilliant little microcosm of masculinity. That feels like the hardest part for parents, though. It's one thing to talk, another to actually build this kind of emotional resilience. What's one concrete thing Pierce suggests? Olivia: One of the most powerful examples is the 'Recess Chats' program from a small school called the Willow School. Every day after recess, the kids would sit in a circle and, with a teacher facilitating, they would talk through any conflicts that happened on the playground. They learned to listen, to articulate their feelings, and to solve their own problems. Parents of boys, in particular, said it was transformative. It gave their sons a space to be their "full emotional selves." Jackson: They were practicing emotional courage every single day. That's not a lecture; that's a workout. Olivia: It's a workout. And it builds the muscle they need to navigate the world with that inner compass intact.

Jackson: So we've gone from this idea of a broken inner compass in a noisy digital world, to the uninvited sex-ed teacher of porn culture, and finally to this very practical idea of actively building worthiness in our kids through daily practice. Olivia: And if you tie it all together, Pierce's ultimate argument is that silence is a choice. In this digital age, not talking about sexuality is talking about it. You're just letting the loudest, most commercialized, and often most degrading voices in the room do it for you. Jackson: It’s a powerful reframing. Your silence isn't neutral; it's an endorsement of the default. Olivia: It's an endorsement of the default. The book is a plea for parents to step back into the role of guide, not with fear or shame, but with courage and open conversation. It’s about giving kids a better script, one based on respect, communication, and their own inherent worth. Jackson: It leaves you with a pretty big question, doesn't it? Olivia: It really does. The one I keep coming back to is: What's the one conversation you've been avoiding with the young people in your life, simply because it feels awkward? And what might change if you had it? Jackson: A question worth sitting with. Olivia: This is Aibrary, signing off.