Mark: I’m going to make a confession. I have a pile of paperwork on my desk that I’ve been avoiding for a week. It’s become a monument to my own procrastination. Michelle: Only a week? Amateur. My record is letting a plant die of thirst while it was sitting right next to the sink. But here’s a wild statistic for you: studies show that children with ADHD are twelve times more likely to have a high number of diseased, missing, and filled teeth. Mark: Twelve times? That's staggering. Michelle: Right? And it’s not because they don't care. It's because the simple, repetitive task of brushing your teeth can get completely lost in the brain's static. It's a perfect, painful example of the daily friction that people with ADHD experience. Mark: It really is. And that friction is exactly what we're diving into today. It’s at the heart of a book that’s been getting a lot of attention for its compassionate and incredibly practical approach: Self-Care for People with ADHD by Dr. Sasha Hamdani. Michelle: That name sounds familiar. I think I've seen her online. Mark: You probably have. And what makes this book so resonant, and why it's been so highly rated by readers, is that Dr. Hamdani isn't just a board-certified psychiatrist specializing in ADHD; she has ADHD herself. She’s writing from both sides of the therapy couch, as both a provider and a patient. Michelle: Oh, I love that. That’s not just academic knowledge; that’s lived experience. It changes everything. It means she’s not just prescribing solutions from on high; she’s sharing what actually works from down in the trenches. Mark: Exactly. And her core argument is a direct challenge to how most of us think about self-care. She says for people with ADHD, it’s not a luxury. It’s a survival kit.

Michelle: Okay, I’m intrigued. Because when I hear "self-care," my mind immediately goes to scented candles, bubble baths, and maybe a face mask. The kind of stuff that feels nice for an hour but doesn't really change the fundamentals of your life. Mark: That’s the exact stereotype she wants to dismantle. She has this fantastic line early on: "Self-care for people living with ADHD involves more than just the stereotypical acts of pampering—it is a cache of survival techniques that prevent you from burning out." It's not about indulgence; it's about infrastructure. Michelle: A cache of survival techniques. That language is so much more powerful. It’s not about feeling good; it’s about functioning. So what does that look like in practice? Mark: Well, let's start with something that sounds almost ridiculously simple: hydration. The book points out that even mild dehydration can impair cognitive function, worsen brain fog, and mess with your mood. For a neurotypical brain, that’s an inconvenience. For an ADHD brain, which is already struggling with executive function, it can be completely debilitating. Michelle: Wait, so you’re telling me that part of my inability to focus on a Tuesday afternoon might just be that I haven't had enough water? That sounds… too easy. Mark: It sounds easy, but it’s profound. The ADHD brain is already working harder to regulate itself. Denying it a fundamental resource like water is like asking someone to run a marathon with their shoes tied together. You’re making an already difficult task nearly impossible. The same goes for sleep. Michelle: Oh, don't get me started on sleep. My brain decides to host a film festival of every embarrassing thing I've ever done right around midnight. Mark: You are not alone. The book cites data that between 25 and 50 percent of people with ADHD have significant sleep problems. Their brains have trouble down-regulating. So, establishing a sleep routine isn't just about feeling rested. It's a core strategy for managing symptoms the next day. Better sleep leads to better focus, better emotional regulation, and better decision-making. Michelle: It’s like these basic biological needs are the foundation, and if that foundation is cracked, you can’t build anything on top of it, no matter how many productivity apps you download. Mark: Precisely. Dr. Hamdani shares a personal story from medical school where she felt completely unanchored and chaotic. She started practicing yoga, not for the spiritual enlightenment, but because it forced her to slow down, focus on her breath, and connect with her body. It became a functional tool. It wasn't about becoming a yogi; it was about finding a way to not spin out of control. Michelle: That reframes exercise entirely. It’s not a punishment for what you ate; it’s a tool to regulate your brain. I find I can’t think straight unless I’ve gone for a walk. I used to feel guilty about taking that time, but maybe it’s the most productive thing I can do. Mark: That is exactly her point. It’s about finding what works for your brain. She even talks about caffeine. For some, it causes anxiety and jitters. For others with ADHD, a controlled amount can actually boost dopamine and improve focus, acting almost like a mild stimulant. The key is mindful experimentation. Michelle: So the first big idea is to stop seeing self-care as a reward or a luxury, and start treating it as the non-negotiable maintenance your specific brain needs to operate. Like putting the right kind of fuel in a high-performance engine. Mark: A high-performance engine that also happens to be a little quirky and needs special attention. And managing that physical hardware is one thing, but the book argues the real battleground is often inside your own head.

Michelle: Ah, the inner critic. Mine is a particularly loud and obnoxious roommate who never pays rent. Mark: Dr. Hamdani would argue that for people with ADHD, that roommate is more like a relentless heckler with a megaphone. A huge part of the book is dedicated to emotional self-care, because emotional dysregulation is a core, though often overlooked, part of ADHD. People with ADHD feel things more intensely—both the good and the bad. Michelle: And I imagine a lifetime of being told you’re "too much" or "too sensitive" or "not trying hard enough" would give that inner critic a lot of ammunition. Mark: An endless supply. She tells this absolutely gut-wrenching story from her own life. In fourth grade, her desk was a mess, a classic ADHD trait. Her teacher came up to her and said, "if I was really smart, I would have learned how to organize my desk." Michelle: Wow. That's brutal. A single sentence like that can install a piece of negative code in your brain for decades. The equation becomes: messiness equals stupidity. Mark: Exactly. And she carried that with her for years. This is where the book introduces a really important concept: ADHD masking. It's the process of hiding your symptoms to try and fit in with neurotypical society. It’s exhausting, and it’s why so many people with ADHD, especially women, go undiagnosed for years. They become experts at pretending to be "normal." Michelle: It’s like a form of social camouflage. You’re constantly running a background program that’s monitoring your every move, your every word, to make sure you’re not being "too ADHD." That must burn an incredible amount of mental energy. Mark: It leads to burnout, anxiety, and a profound loss of self. A big part of her proposed self-care is learning to "de-mask" in safe environments. To give yourself permission to be who you are. This also ties into another concept that many listeners might not have heard of, but will likely recognize: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD. Michelle: Okay, that sounds very clinical. Break that down for me. Mark: It’s an extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception of being rejected or criticized. It’s not just feeling bad; it’s an intense, overwhelming, and often physical pain. A minor criticism that a neurotypical person might brush off can send someone with RSD into a spiral of shame and despair. Michelle: So it’s like having an emotional sunburn. Even the slightest touch feels agonizing. That explains so much about the fear of failure and the people-pleasing tendencies that often come with ADHD. You’re desperate to avoid that pain. Mark: You are. And this is why Dr. Hamdani is so fiercely against the "ADHD is a superpower" rhetoric. She has a quote that just leaps off the page: "ADHD is my super power is truly something I never want to hear again." Michelle: Oh, I find that so refreshing! Because while some aspects, like hyperfocus, can feel like a superpower, that framing completely invalidates the daily, grinding struggle. It's toxic positivity. It’s like telling someone with a broken leg that at least they get a great parking spot. It completely misses the point. Mark: It does. She argues for a more neutral, observational stance. Acknowledging the challenges without shame, and leveraging the strengths without romanticizing the disorder. The goal is to replace that inner critic with what she calls a compassionate observer. To look at your own behavior and think, "Okay, my brain is struggling with this task. What does it need right now?" instead of, "I'm so lazy and useless, why can't I just do this?" Michelle: That shift from judgment to curiosity seems to be the central pivot for everything in this book. So, if you accept your brain is wired differently and you start being kinder to yourself about it, how do you actually function in a world that wasn't built for you? What are the practical hacks?

Mark: This is where the book gets really fun and creative. The whole philosophy is about creating systems that work with the ADHD brain's tendencies, not against them. It’s about leaning into the weirdness if it works. Michelle: I am very much in favor of leaning into the weirdness. Give me an example. Mark: My absolute favorite story from the book is when she was writing a chapter and felt completely stuck. She was staring at the screen, getting nothing done, feeling that familiar sense of paralysis. So, what did she do? She took her laptop into the bathroom and wrote the entire chapter sitting in her empty bathtub. Michelle: That is brilliant! I love that so much. Because it’s not logical, but it makes perfect sense. She changed the venue, broke the pattern, and gave her brain a novel environment to reset itself. It’s permission to do what works, no matter how strange it looks from the outside. Mark: Exactly! It’s about bypassing the part of your brain that says, "This is not how a professional writer works," and listening to the part that says, "Hey, the tub looks interesting right now." Another fantastic, practical concept she champions is the "body double." Michelle: A body double? Like a stunt person for doing your taxes? Mark: Almost! It’s the phenomenon where it’s easier to start and complete a task when someone else is simply present in the room with you. They don't have to help. They can be reading a book or working on their own stuff. But their quiet presence provides a kind of external scaffolding for your own focus. Michelle: Oh my gosh, that is a real thing! I have lived this! I can’t clean my apartment if I’m alone. It feels impossible. But if my friend comes over to just hang out and watch TV, I can suddenly clean the entire place. I always thought it was a weird quirk of mine. Mark: It's not a quirk; it's a well-known ADHD productivity hack! It outsources some of the executive function of "staying on task" to another person's presence. It provides a gentle, ambient accountability. The book is full of these kinds of strategies: using music to manage "time blindness," creating a vision board to organize goals visually, or the "pick up thirteen things" rule for when a mess feels too overwhelming. Michelle: Just thirteen? That feels so specific and achievable. Mark: That's the point. It's not "clean your whole room," which is a recipe for overwhelm. It's "pick up thirteen things." It's a small, concrete win that builds momentum. It’s all about breaking down impossible mountains into manageable little hills. It’s about letting go of perfectionism, which she says is just a mask for fear of failure, and embracing "good enough." Michelle: So it’s a whole system of life design that’s built on self-awareness, compassion, and a willingness to be unconventional. You’re not trying to force a square peg into a round hole; you’re building a really cool, interesting square house for it to live in. Mark: That’s a perfect way to put it. You stop fighting your brain's nature and start acting as its clever, compassionate collaborator.

Michelle: As we wrap up, what feels like the single biggest takeaway from this book? If someone only remembers one thing from our conversation, what should it be? Mark: I think it comes down to a fundamental re-evaluation of what it means to care for yourself when you have ADHD. It’s a shift away from the idea of fixing a deficit and toward the idea of building a compassionate and clever support system for a unique and powerful brain. It’s about accepting that your needs are different, and that meeting those needs isn’t selfish or indulgent—it’s essential. Dr. Hamdani says it best: "Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury. It’s a means of survival." Michelle: That line really sticks with me. It’s a declaration. It gives you permission to prioritize your own well-being without guilt. And it makes me think... what's one 'weird' thing you do that actually helps you function, and what if you stopped judging it and just embraced it? Maybe you think best while pacing, or can only focus with loud music on, or, like the author, you do your best work from a bathtub. Mark: A fantastic question to reflect on. It’s about finding your own empty bathtub, whatever that may be. Michelle: Exactly. And for anyone listening who feels seen by this conversation, we’d love to hear about it. What are some of your unconventional self-care hacks? What helps your brain work best? Share them with the community. It’s powerful to know you’re not the only one. Mark: It absolutely is. The book is a testament to that power of shared experience and compassionate, practical advice. It’s a guide to building a life that not only accommodates ADHD, but allows you to thrive with it. Michelle: A beautiful and necessary goal. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.