Narrator: What if you achieved everything you ever wanted—the career, the wealth, the recognition—only to find yourself standing at the heart of your success feeling utterly hollow, even wishing for it all to end? This was the crisis Jerry Colonna faced. After years of chasing success in the high-stakes world of venture capital, he found himself near Ground Zero in the aftermath of 9/11, a multi-millionaire with a profound sense of emptiness and a desire to die. This jarring paradox, where external achievement fails to deliver internal peace, is the central conflict explored in his book, Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up. Colonna argues that the relentless pursuit of success is often a flight from our own past, and that true leadership isn't about acquiring more skills, but about undertaking the courageous and messy work of becoming a better, more whole human being.

Narrator: The core thesis of Reboot is that effective leadership is not born from business school playbooks but from deep personal work. Colonna proposes a simple but profound formula: better humans make better leaders. He argues that the journey of learning to lead is, in fact, a journey of learning to be a more complete person. The key to this process is what he calls "radical self-inquiry." This isn't just casual introspection; it's a rigorous and honest investigation into our own motivations, fears, and personal histories.

Colonna illustrates this in a story where he’s trying to explain his coaching philosophy to a room of thirty leaders. Struggling to articulate the value of this inner work, he grabs a marker and draws a formula on a whiteboard: Practical Skills + Radical Self-Inquiry + Sharing the Experience = Enhanced Leadership + Greater Resiliency. He explains that while practical skills are important, they are insufficient. Without understanding why we do what we do—without confronting the "ghosts" of our past—we are merely reacting to the world. By asking ourselves difficult questions, such as "How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?", we can break free from self-deception and lead from a place of authenticity and strength.

Narrator: Leadership isn't forged in times of ease; it's forged in what Colonna, borrowing from leadership theorist Warren Bennis, calls the "crucible." These are moments of intense, often painful, testing—a failed product launch, a company collapse, or being fired. These crucibles strip away our masks and force us to confront our deepest fears and vulnerabilities. How we respond in these moments defines our character as leaders.

A powerful example is the story of Chad Dickerson, the former CEO of Etsy. After six years of leading the company, Chad was asked to step down. On a rooftop in Brooklyn, he shared his pain and self-doubt with Colonna. Instead of offering easy answers, Colonna simply listened, bearing witness to Chad’s heartbreak. In the difficult days that followed, Chad chose to handle his departure not with bitterness, but with grace and dignity, working late to ensure a smooth transition for the team he was leaving behind. He emerged from this crucible not broken, but as what Colonna calls a "gentle, brokenhearted warrior." His loss became a source of profound strength, proving that true leadership is about how we carry ourselves through our failures, not just our successes.

Narrator: According to Colonna, many of our self-limiting behaviors are driven by outdated survival strategies developed in childhood. He introduces the concept of the "Loyal Soldier," an inner persona created to keep us safe, loved, and accepted when we were young. This soldier operates on a set of rules like "Stay small," "Don't make mistakes," or "Don't stand out." While these rules may have protected us in a chaotic or unloving childhood environment, they become a cage in adulthood, stifling our potential and preventing us from taking necessary risks.

Colonna had his own reckoning with his Loyal Soldier during a trip to Greenland. After injuring his hip and being forced to cut his expedition short, he began reading a book on self-discovery. He had a powerful realization: his entire life had been governed by a deep-seated fear of making mistakes, a rule his Loyal Soldier had enforced to keep him safe. This inner critic, which Colonna also calls "the Crow," whispers that we are not good enough, that our creations are flawed, and that we are impostors. The work of growing up is to recognize this voice not as an enemy to be shot down, but as a misguided protector. By understanding its origins, we can thank it for its service and consciously choose to live by a new set of rules as adults.

Narrator: Our "Loyal Soldier" and unresolved past experiences are often triggered by our interactions with others, particularly with what Colonna terms the "Irrational Other." This is a person in our life—a co-founder, a boss, a partner—whose behavior seems illogical and frustrating, and who consistently pushes our buttons. The trap is trying to rationally argue with or "fix" this person. Colonna argues that the real work is to look inward and ask why this person has such a powerful effect on us.

He tells the story of a CEO who was in constant conflict with her co-founder. She saw him as unreliable and emotionally distant, and she was exhausted from trying to manage him. Through coaching, she came to a startling realization: her co-founder’s behavior perfectly mirrored that of her emotionally distant father. Unconsciously, she had recreated a painful childhood dynamic in her professional life. She was complicit in creating the very situation she hated because it was familiar. By making this unconscious pattern conscious, she was able to change her approach, break the cycle, and lead from a place of self-awareness rather than unconscious reaction.

Narrator: In a world that glorifies "grit" and "resilience," Colonna offers a more profound goal: equanimity. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from hardship, but equanimity is the ability to maintain inner peace and balance during the hardship. It’s the wisdom to know that life is a roller coaster of joy and sorrow, and to be okay regardless of where you are on the ride. As Colonna defines it, equanimity is the ability to say, "Everything’s great, and I’m okay. Everything sucks, and I’m okay."

This state isn't achieved by avoiding pain, but by moving through it with self-compassion. Colonna shares the story of Alisha, a boot camp participant haunted by a lifelong feeling of being a "burden," a belief forged in a childhood of poverty and abandonment. During a listening exercise, this core wound was brought to the surface. By sharing her story and having it heard without judgment, she and her family were able to reframe their shared narrative. They moved past the simple resilience of "we'll survive" into the equanimity of accepting their past without being defined by it. This is the ultimate aim of the reboot: to integrate our heartbreak and our history to find a stable, centered peace.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Reboot is that leadership is not an external performance but an internal practice of growing up. It is the messy, ongoing, and courageous work of integrating every part of ourselves—our strengths, our shadows, our successes, and our heartbreaks—to lead from a place of wholeness. The journey isn't about arriving at a perfect, finished state, but about committing to the process of becoming.

Ultimately, the book challenges us to stop asking for a map and instead learn to read our own internal compass. It leaves us with a set of profound questions to guide this lifelong journey: What is my work to do to become a better human? What kind of leader am I choosing to be? And, most importantly, what kind of adult am I meant to be?