Michelle: Alright Mark, on a scale of one to 'attending a mandatory work conference,' how much do you love the word… 'networking'? Mark: Oh, that's a solid 'root canal without anesthesia.' It just tastes like stale cheese cubes and awkward conversations. I'd rather reorganize my sock drawer. Blindfolded. Michelle: It’s that visceral cringe, right? The feeling of being both the hunter and the hunted in a room full of people wearing lanyards. Mark: Exactly. It feels transactional and desperate. You're either trying to get something from someone, or they're trying to get something from you. It’s the worst. Michelle: That's exactly why we're talking about Reach Out by Molly Beck today. She basically argues that our shared hatred for 'networking' is the whole point. She wants to completely dismantle it. Mark: Okay, I'm listening. Who is Molly Beck and how is she going to save me from a lifetime of awkward small talk? Michelle: She's an entrepreneur with a business school background who, after graduating, felt like a total outsider. She saw this huge gap where everyone knows they should network, but the traditional advice feels outdated and, frankly, gross. So she wrote this super practical, almost paint-by-numbers guide for the digital age. It’s been widely praised by readers for being incredibly actionable, especially for people who are just starting their careers or businesses. Mark: A paint-by-numbers guide to not being awkward? That sounds almost too good to be true. Michelle: Well, her core idea is that we need to stop 'networking' and start 'relationshipping.' Mark: 'Relationshipping'? That sounds like a term a corporate consultant would invent. I'm skeptical, but intrigued.

Michelle: I get the skepticism, but her journey started with that exact feeling you described. She tells this fantastic story in the introduction about being at a party in the East Village in New York, a couple of years after she moved there. Mark: I can picture it. Crowded apartment, music's a little too loud... Michelle: Precisely. And she's talking to this guy who is, by all accounts, incredibly successful. Finance or consulting, one of those fields. And as she's listening to him, she has this sinking realization: he's not necessarily smarter or more talented than her. He just knows people. He has a network. And she doesn't. Mark: Oh, I know that feeling. It's that moment you realize the game is being played on a different field, and you weren't even invited to the stadium. Michelle: Exactly. She said it bothered her for a whole week. This idea that success was more about who you knew. But then, she had a second, more powerful realization: she could build her own network. It was something she could actually control. She didn't have to be born into it. Mark: That’s a much more empowering thought. But it’s a huge leap from 'I should build a network' to actually doing it. That's where most people, myself included, get stuck. Michelle: And that's the first major shift the book demands. She decided, right then, to commit to a simple, daily practice. She put a recurring event in her calendar every single weekday labeled 'RO' for 'Reach Out.' One person. Every day. Mark: One a day. That sounds manageable, but also terrifying. The fear of rejection is real. What if they ignore you? Or worse, what if they write back and say, 'Who are you?' Michelle: The book dives deep into that fear. It acknowledges that the anxiety is real, stemming from vulnerability. But the core philosophy is to reframe the entire act. You’re not reaching out to take something, like a job or a favor. You’re reaching out to give something. Mark: Okay, now we're getting somewhere. But 'building relationships' and 'giving first' can sound a bit fuzzy. It’s the kind of advice that sounds great but is hard to execute without feeling… well, fake. How do you give something to a stranger without it seeming like a weird, calculated move? Michelle: That’s the perfect question, and it leads directly to the second, and arguably most brilliant, part of the book. It’s not fuzzy at all. She provides a concrete, actionable system. A blueprint.

Mark: A blueprint. I like the sound of that. So what's the first step in this grand architectural plan for relationshipping? Michelle: It starts with two core concepts that govern every interaction: The Gift and the Favor. Every time you reach out, especially to someone new, you should lead with a gift. Mark: A gift? Are we talking about sending people gift baskets? Because my budget for networking is approximately zero dollars. Michelle: No, not at all! That's the beauty of it. The gifts are free. A gift can be a genuine compliment about their work. It could be a link to an article or a book recommendation you think they'd love. It could be offering a piece of exclusive knowledge or a unique creation. Or it could be offering free advice on a skill you have. The point is to offer value first, with no strings attached. Mark: Huh. So the 'gift' is a value-add. You’re making a deposit before you ever think about making a withdrawal. Michelle: Exactly. It completely changes the dynamic. You’re no longer an asker; you’re a giver. And this leverages a powerful psychological principle: reciprocity. People are naturally inclined to want to help someone who has already helped them. Mark: That makes sense. It feels less like a cold call and more like starting a positive cycle. But give me a real-world example. Has this 'gift' strategy actually led to something big for anyone? Michelle: Oh, there's an incredible story in the book about a company called The Draw Shop. They create those cool whiteboard animation videos. When they were just starting out, they had no money for marketing. So, what did they do? Mark: Let me guess. They gave a gift. Michelle: A huge one. They identified influential thought leaders they wanted to work with, and they created entire, high-quality whiteboard videos for them, for free. One of the people they sent a video to was a major marketing influencer named Joe Polish. Mark: That’s a bold move. What happened? Michelle: He loved it. He was so impressed that he shared it with his entire network. But it gets better. He then made personal introductions for The Draw Shop to places like Google and even the United Nations. That single, free 'gift' directly led to over two million dollars in revenue for their company. Mark: Wow. Okay. That is not a fuzzy result. That is a concrete, two-million-dollar result. That story alone almost sells the entire concept. Michelle: It really does. It shows the massive potential of leading with generosity. And once you've established that connection, then you can consider the 'Favor.' The favor is your ask, and Beck is very clear that it needs to be small, specific, and something that can't be easily Googled. You're asking for their expertise, not their time to do basic research for you. Mark: Right, so you're not asking, "Can you help me find a job?" You're asking, "I'm deciding between two career paths, and I saw you made a similar transition. Could you share one piece of advice?" Michelle: Precisely. And this whole system is applied through what she calls the four main types of Reach Outs, or ROs. Mark: Wait, so there's a taxonomy for reaching out? A classification system? Michelle: Yes! This is the blueprint part. There's the Re-RO, which is reconnecting with someone you already know, maybe a former colleague or old classmate. These are your weak or dormant ties. Then there's the Follow-Up RO, for someone you just met at an event. Mark: Okay, those make sense. Warm leads. Michelle: Then you have the Borrowed Connection RO, where you get a warm introduction from a mutual contact. And finally, the one that scares everyone the most: the Cool RO. That's reaching out to someone you don't know at all, a 'cold' email or message. Mark: The Cool RO. That sounds like it has a success rate of about one percent. What does the book say about the odds? Michelle: She's very realistic about it. She says from her experience, Re-ROs have about an 80% response rate. Follow-Up ROs are around 60%. But Cool ROs? Only about 25%. Mark: Twenty-five percent is actually higher than I would have guessed. But still, that means three out of four times, you get radio silence. Michelle: Which is why she advises that Cool ROs should make up no more than 20% of your total outreach. You balance your efforts. You build momentum and confidence with the high-probability Re-ROs and Follow-Ups, which makes the inevitable silence from a Cool RO feel less like a personal rejection and more like a simple statistic. It's all part of the system.

Mark: I see how this all fits together now. It's a two-part process. First, you have to fundamentally change your mindset away from the selfish, transactional idea of 'networking' and towards the generous, human act of 'relationshipping.' Michelle: You have to re-wire your brain to see it as an act of giving, not taking. Mark: And second, once you've made that mental shift, you can't just rely on good intentions. You need a system to execute it consistently and effectively. A blueprint that tells you what kind of 'gift' to offer and what kind of 'reach out' to use for any given situation. Michelle: That's the core of it. The philosophy gives you the courage, and the system gives you the map. And the book argues that the consistency of the daily practice is what truly cures the anxiety. When you send one reach out every day, you stop obsessing over any single response. If one person doesn't write back, it's okay, because you have four others in the pipeline that week. Mark: It gamifies the process and detaches your ego from the outcome. You're not focused on whether they reply; you're focused on whether you hit your daily goal of reaching out. Michelle: Exactly. And the book makes it so easy to start. The very first task she gives the reader is incredibly simple. It’s not 'make a list of 100 people' or 'rewrite your resume.' Mark: What is it? Michelle: It's just: open two documents. Label one "My Reach Out Strategy Plan" and the other "Reaching Out General Notes." That's it. That's the first step. The barrier to entry is effectively zero. Mark: I like that. It removes all the excuses. It’s not this monumental task; it’s a small, repeatable action. It really makes you think about all the connections that are just one simple, non-scary email away. Michelle: It really does. It makes you wonder, who is that one person on the edge of your network—that old colleague, that person you admire on social media—that you've been meaning to contact but haven't? What small gift could you offer them today? Mark: A powerful question to end on. Michelle: This is Aibrary, signing off.