Mark: Alright Michelle, pop quiz. I say "Radical Compassion," you say the first thing that comes to mind. Michelle: Sounds like something you do after a truly disastrous haircut. You look in the mirror and think, "Okay, I radically feel compassion for this person." Mark: (Laughs) I mean, you're not entirely wrong. That's definitely a micro-dose of it. But today we're talking about the full-strength version from the book Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of RAIN by Tara Brach. Michelle: Tara Brach. I know that name. She’s a huge figure in the mindfulness world, right? Mark: Exactly. And what makes her work so powerful, and this book in particular, is that she’s not just a spiritual teacher. She holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology. So she’s blending this ancient Buddhist wisdom with a deep, modern understanding of how our minds and emotions actually work. Michelle: Okay, so it’s not just chanting on a mountaintop. It’s grounded. But what on earth is RAIN? It sounds like we're in for a weather report. Mark: It’s an acronym, and it’s a tool for dealing with a feeling I think everyone knows. You know that quiet, nagging voice that says you’re not good enough? That you’ve failed somehow? One of Brach’s students put it perfectly, saying, "Each day there’s a big gap between what’s possible and how I’m actually living my life. And with that comes an ever-lurking sense of personal failure." Michelle: Oof. Yeah. That hits a little too close to home. That "ever-lurking" part is painfully accurate. Mark: Brach calls this the "trance of unworthiness." And RAIN is the way to wake up from it.

Michelle: A 'trance.' That sounds a bit mystical. Is it just a fancy term for low self-esteem? Mark: It's deeper than that. A trance is a state where you’re not fully conscious, where you’re disconnected from reality. She argues we walk around in a trance that we are fundamentally flawed, and we don't even realize it's just a story we're telling ourselves. To explain how we break out of it, she uses this incredible, true story from the 1950s in Bangkok. Michelle: I’m listening. Mark: So, a group of monks at a temple had to move this giant, ancient clay Buddha statue to make way for a new highway. It was massive, and as they were hoisting it with a crane, it started to crack. A storm was coming, so they gently lowered it and covered it for the night, feeling pretty defeated. Michelle: Oh, a disaster. Mark: You'd think so. But later that night, the head abbot went out with a flashlight to check on the statue. He shone the light on one of the new cracks, and he saw a tiny glint of light shining back from deep inside. He got the other monks, and with chisels and hammers, they started carefully chipping away at the clay exterior. Michelle: Don't tell me... Mark: For hours, they worked. And as they chipped away this thick, plain, clay shell, they revealed that underneath it all, the statue was made of solid gold. Michelle: Wow. That's an incredible true story! So what happened? Mark: Historians believe that centuries earlier, the monks had covered their priceless golden Buddha in clay to protect it from an invading army. The monks were killed in the attack, and the secret was lost for hundreds of years, until that accidental crack. Brach says this is the perfect metaphor for our lives. We are all, at our core, this brilliant, luminous, golden being. But life happens. We get hurt, we feel fear, we feel shame, and we cover that gold with a protective layer of clay. Michelle: That's a beautiful story. But what is that 'clay' for most of us? What are we actually chipping away at? Mark: It's our negative self-beliefs. The belief that "I'm unlovable," "I'm a failure," "I'm not smart enough." These beliefs often start in childhood, from things people said to us or ways we were treated. And then our brains, which are wired for survival, help lock them in place. The psychologist Rick Hanson has this great line: "The brain is Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones." Michelle: Right, you can get ten compliments and one criticism, and what do you obsess over for the next three days? The criticism. Mark: Exactly. That’s the negativity bias. We build up this thick layer of clay, this story of being flawed, and we forget the gold is even there. We start to believe we are the clay. That's the trance. And that's where the RAIN practice begins. It’s the chisel and hammer.

Mark: And that's where the first two letters of RAIN come in, and they are the most counterintuitive. It's about how you deal with that 'clay.' It starts with R - Recognize, and A - Allow. Michelle: Okay, break those down for me. Mark: Recognize is simple. It's just pausing and asking, "What is happening inside me right now?" It’s about naming the emotion. "Ah, this is anxiety." "Okay, that's anger." "I'm feeling shame." You’re not judging it, you’re just acknowledging it’s there. Michelle: That seems straightforward enough. But 'Allow'? Mark: This is the radical part. Allowing means you let the feeling be there. You give it space. The question here is, "Can I let this be?" You’re not trying to fix it, change it, or push it away. And this is where Brach brings in another fantastic story, this time about the Buddha himself. Michelle: So after he found his own 'golden Buddha,' so to speak. Mark: Precisely. Even after his enlightenment, he was still visited by the demon god, Mara, who represents all our greed, hatred, and fear. His attendant would panic and say, "The evil one is here!" But the Buddha would remain calm, turn to the demon, and say, "I see you, Mara... Come, let’s have tea." Michelle: Hold on. He invited the demon for tea? If I'm feeling rage or panic, my instinct is to lock the door and pretend I'm not home, not invite it in for a chat. Isn't 'Allowing' it just letting it win? Mark: That’s the critical distinction. It’s not about letting the feeling take over. It's about stopping the war with it. Brach tells the story of a man who was bullied as a child and now has a critical boss. Every time his boss criticizes him, the old feelings of inadequacy flare up. His reaction—his 'no'—is to rage internally at his boss and then blame himself, which just makes him more anxious and prone to mistakes. He's fighting Mara, and Mara is winning. Michelle: Because the fight is what gives the feeling its power. Mark: Exactly. The fight is the suffering. The feeling itself is just energy. There's a famous quote often attributed to Viktor Frankl: "Between the stimulus and the response there is a space. In that space is our power and our freedom." Recognizing and Allowing creates that space. You’re not the anger; you are the one who is aware of the anger. You're the one serving the tea. You’re creating a little clearing in the dense forest of your mind. Michelle: Okay, I can see the power in not fighting it. But just sitting with a painful feeling doesn't sound like it solves anything. What's next? Mark: That's the U-turn. That's where the last two letters, I - Investigate and N - Nurture, come in. This is where the real healing happens.

Mark: So, once you've recognized and allowed the feeling, you make a 'U-turn' in your attention. You turn inward. That's 'I' for Investigate. But it's not a cold, analytical investigation. It's a gentle, compassionate curiosity. The question is, "What does this vulnerable part of me most need right now?" Michelle: So you’re not asking "Why am I so anxious?" which usually leads to more self-blame. You're asking what the anxious part of you needs. Mark: Exactly. You're investigating the feeling in your body. Where does the shame live? Is it a tightness in your chest? A pit in your stomach? You’re just exploring with kindness. And this leads directly to the final, and most important, step: 'N' for Nurture. This is Tara Brach's unique and most powerful addition to the RAIN practice. Michelle: Nurture. This sounds lovely, but how do you actually do it? When you're in a spiral of self-criticism, how do you find that compassionate voice? Mark: Brach tells this incredibly moving story about a college junior named Sophia. Her boyfriend of two years, Zach, breaks up with her, and she's completely devastated. She drops out of school, consumed by anxiety and depression, believing she's worthless and will never be loved again. Michelle: Oh, that's a dark place. Many of us have been there. Mark: A very dark place. Tara guides her through RAIN. Sophia Recognizes the anxiety. She Allows the painful feelings to be there. She Investigates and finds this deep, aching loneliness in her chest. But then comes Nurture. Tara asks her to imagine her 'future self'—a wise, compassionate version of Sophia from years down the road who has already healed from this. She asks her to imagine this future self holding her, comforting her. Michelle: Wow. Mark: Sophia starts to cry, but this time, it's a release. She feels this sense of safety and love from her own future self. She hears a message: "I'm here. You're not alone. You will be okay." She's essentially giving herself the compassion she so desperately needed. Michelle: That idea of a 'future self' is so powerful. It's like you're borrowing strength from a version of you that's already okay. It feels more accessible than trying to invent a compassionate voice out of thin air when you feel terrible. Mark: It is. And that's the essence of Nurture. It can be a kind phrase, like "It's okay, sweetheart." It can be placing a hand on your heart. Or it can be imagining being held by someone who loves you, or even this wise, future version of yourself. You are actively offering kindness to the wounded part of you. You are becoming your own ally. Michelle: So you're not just having tea with the demon, you're giving it a hug. Mark: You're giving the scared part of you that the demon is tormenting a hug. And in doing so, the demon loses its power. Sophia went back to college. She still had hard days, but now she had a tool. She knew how to access that inner source of love. She learned to be her own Golden Buddha.

Mark: So we start by realizing we're not broken, just covered in the 'clay' of our negative beliefs, like that Golden Buddha. Then, we learn to stop fighting our difficult feelings and instead invite them for tea, like the Buddha did with Mara. And finally, through Investigation and Nurture, we learn to offer ourselves the kindness we'd give to a dear friend, becoming our own compassionate 'future self.' Michelle: It's a fundamental shift from being your own worst critic to becoming your own most compassionate ally. It’s not about getting rid of the bad feelings, but changing your relationship to them. Mark: That’s the whole journey. Radical compassion isn't about feeling good all the time. It's about holding all of our life—the joy, the pain, the fear, the love—with a tender, awake heart. Michelle: That really lands. It makes me think... what's one 'demon' you've been fighting that you could maybe... just offer a cup of tea to this week? It’s a powerful question for everyone listening to consider. Mark: I love that. And we'd genuinely love to hear your thoughts. Find us on our socials and share one small way you're practicing a little more compassion for yourself. It’s a conversation worth having. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.