Mark: You know that advice, 'Fake it till you make it'? It might be the most misunderstood, and yet most scientifically-backed, advice you'll ever get. But the 'faking it' part has nothing to do with lying to others. Michelle: Okay, I'm hooked. That sounds like a classic self-help trope that’s either genius or terrible advice. Where is this going? Mark: It's going straight into the heart of Amy Cuddy's blockbuster book, Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges. What's incredible is that Cuddy isn't just an academic; her work is deeply personal. She wrote this after recovering from a severe traumatic brain injury that doctors told her would prevent her from ever finishing college. That struggle with feeling like an impostor is the engine of this entire book. Michelle: Wow, so she literally had to rebuild her own confidence from the ground up. That gives this a lot more weight than just another pop psychology book. Mark: Exactly. And her journey is what makes the core idea so powerful. Today we'll dive deep into this from three perspectives. First, we'll explore the frustrating 'Presence Paradox'—why we choke under pressure and feel like impostors. Then, we'll flip the script and discuss the 'Power Switch,' revealing how our internal sense of power, not external authority, dictates our success. And finally, we'll get practical and talk about the body as a lever, exploring how we can literally 'fake it till we become it.'

Michelle: Let's start there, with that feeling of failure. I think everyone knows the feeling of walking away from a conversation and then thinking of the perfect thing to say. It’s the worst. Mark: It is the worst! And there's a fantastic French term for it: l'esprit d'escalier, or 'staircase wit.' The perfect comeback that only occurs to you as you're walking down the stairs, leaving the party. Cuddy starts the book with a story that is basically the professional horror-story version of this. It’s about a doctoral student at a major conference. This is her one shot to impress the academic superstars in her field. Michelle: Oh no, I can already feel the anxiety. Mark: She gets into an elevator with three of her idols. Three of the most established figures from top universities. And one of them turns to her and says, "So, tell us about your research." The classic elevator pitch moment. Michelle: My palms are sweating just hearing this. Mark: And she completely bombs it. She's so overwhelmed by anxiety, so worried about their judgment, that she can't articulate her own work. She stumbles, she qualifies everything, she keeps restarting. It’s a total train wreck. The elevator doors open, two of the professors practically flee, and the third one turns to her and says, "That was the worst elevator pitch I have ever heard." Michelle: That's physically painful to even hear about! It’s the ultimate nightmare for anyone who's ever felt like they don't belong. Is this what she means by a lack of 'presence'? Mark: Precisely. Cuddy defines presence as the state of being attuned to and comfortably expressing your true, authentic self. It’s confidence without arrogance. That student in the elevator wasn't herself. She was a bundle of anxiety, completely consumed by the fear of what others thought. She wasn't present. And for the next three days of the conference, all she could do was ruminate on that failure, thinking of all the brilliant things she should have said. Michelle: That sounds a lot like what people call Impostor Syndrome. The feeling that you're a fraud and any minute now, someone's going to find you out. Mark: It's the exact same engine. Cuddy shares her own story of this, which is the heart of the book. After her brain injury, her IQ dropped significantly. She struggled to learn, to think, to feel like herself. Her friends would tell her, "You're just not the same anymore." She felt like a complete impostor when she finally got into Princeton for her PhD. Michelle: So this feeling isn't just about being nervous. It's a deep-seated belief that you don't deserve to be where you are. Mark: Yes, and that's why her TED talk on this topic became one of the most-viewed of all time. It resonated so deeply. People from all walks of life—CEOs, artists, students—wrote to her saying, "You were telling my story." They all felt like they were faking it. Cuddy’s argument is that this feeling of being an impostor, this lack of presence, isn't a personality flaw. It's a state of powerlessness. Michelle: A state of powerlessness. That’s an interesting way to frame it. It’s not that you are an impostor, but that you feel powerless, and that feeling makes you act like one. Mark: Exactly. And that feeling is what we need to tackle. It’s not about changing who you are, but about changing your state of mind and body in those crucial moments.

Mark: And that feeling of being an impostor, of not being present, Cuddy argues, is fundamentally about power. But not the kind of power we usually think of, like being the boss or having authority. Michelle: Right, because the student in the elevator had no power, and the professors had all of it. That seems pretty straightforward. Mark: Well, Cuddy makes a brilliant distinction between two types of power. There's social power, which is 'power over' others—controlling resources, having status. Then there's personal power, which is 'power to.' It's the freedom from the dominance of others, the ability to control your own internal states and behaviors. It’s about accessing your own skills, values, and confidence. Michelle: Okay, so social power is finite—if you have it, I don't. But personal power is infinite. I can have it, and you can have it, and it doesn't diminish anything. Mark: You've got it. And her most compelling argument is that personal power is the only thing that truly matters for presence. You can have all the social power in the world, like a CEO who feels like a fraud, and still lack presence. To illustrate this, she tells the incredible story of Reverend Jeffrey Brown, a young minister in Boston during the early 90s when youth gang violence was skyrocketing. Michelle: I can't imagine a more powerless-feeling situation than trying to stop gang violence. Mark: That's what he thought too. The ministers would hold meetings, preach, and try to create programs, but nothing worked. The violence just got worse. Jeffrey Brown felt helpless. Then, after a profound personal crisis, he and a few other ministers decided to do something radical. They stopped preaching. Michelle: They stopped preaching? What did they do instead? Mark: They just started walking the streets at night. They showed up in the most dangerous neighborhoods, not to lecture or control, but just to be there and to listen. At first, the gang members were suspicious. They’d mock Jeffrey's 'silk' jacket, basically calling him an out-of-touch phony. Michelle: That's a brutal reality check. Being told you're not 'real' enough. Mark: It was. And one night, Jeffrey snapped. He got frustrated and yelled back at a young man named Tyler, "It's not silk!" And Tyler looked at him and said, "Yeah, now you're being real. You were being silk before." In that moment of authentic frustration, Jeffrey dropped the facade. He became present. And that's when the real conversations started. Michelle: Wow. So by showing his authentic, imperfect self, he finally connected with them. He gave up the pretense of being the powerful, all-knowing minister. Mark: He relinquished his social power to build personal power. He and the other ministers just kept showing up and listening. They learned that the kids didn't want to be saved; they wanted to be heard. This approach led to the "Boston Miracle," a dramatic reduction in youth homicides that became a model for the whole country. Trust, Cuddy says, is the conduit of influence. And trust only comes from presence. Michelle: That's a beautiful story, but it feels... idealistic. In the corporate world, isn't social power what gets you ahead? Mark: You'd think so, but the research says otherwise. Cuddy cites studies showing that when we meet someone, we judge their warmth and trustworthiness before we judge their competence. We're wired to ask, "Can I trust this person?" before we ask, "Can I respect this person?" If the answer to the first question is no, the second one barely matters. Michelle: So feeling powerless is like our brain's Wi-Fi signal getting weak? It can't connect with others properly because it's too busy running its own internal virus scan for threats. Mark: That's a perfect analogy. Powerlessness impairs our executive functions. We become self-absorbed, we ruminate, and we can't see things from others' perspectives. We get trapped in what psychologists call the 'spotlight effect'—the mistaken belief that everyone is watching and judging us. But when we feel powerful, our minds are liberated. We become more open, more creative, and better at connecting with others.

Michelle: Okay, so we feel powerless, we're stuck in our heads, and we can't be present. How do we break the cycle? What's the 'how-to'? Mark: This is where Cuddy brings in her most famous, and most debated, idea. She leans on the 19th-century psychologist William James, who famously said, "I don't sing because I'm happy; I'm happy because I sing." Michelle: The idea that our body can lead our mind. Mark: Exactly. We think our mind is in charge, but the connection is a two-way street. Our body can send powerful signals back to our brain that change how we think and feel. And this brings us to the concept of "power posing." Michelle: The superhero pose! Stand like Wonder Woman for two minutes and you'll feel more confident. Mark: That's the one. The idea is that adopting expansive, open, 'high-power' postures—taking up space, arms wide, chin up—can actually change our internal state. Conversely, 'low-power' poses—slouching, crossing our arms, making ourselves small—reinforce feelings of powerlessness. Michelle: Okay, the famous power pose. I have to ask, Mark, because this has been all over the place. There's been a lot of debate in the scientific community about whether this actually works. Some of the original findings, especially about hormonal changes, have faced replication challenges. How solid is the science here? Mark: That's a fantastic and crucial question. And Cuddy addresses this. The controversy is real. The initial claims about power poses changing hormone levels—specifically raising testosterone and lowering cortisol—have been difficult to replicate consistently. However, what is much more robustly supported, study after study, is the psychological effect. People report feeling more powerful, more confident, and more willing to take risks after holding these poses. Michelle: So it might not be changing your body chemistry in a measurable way, but it's changing your subjective feeling of power. Mark: Precisely. And that feeling is what matters. Cuddy reframes it not as a magic bullet, but as a 'self-nudge.' It's a tiny, incremental tweak that you do for yourself. It's not about performing for others; it's a private rehearsal. You go into a bathroom stall before a job interview, you 'starfish up'—as one family in the book calls it—and you hold an expansive pose for two minutes. Michelle: I love 'starfish up!' That makes it so much more accessible than 'power pose.' Mark: It does! And that's the point. This isn't about puffing out your chest in a meeting to intimidate people. In fact, Cuddy warns that can backfire and make you seem arrogant. This is about using your body to tell yourself that you are powerful. You're faking it for an audience of one: you. And that little nudge can create a positive feedback loop. You feel a bit more confident, so you perform a bit better, you get a positive reaction, which makes you feel even more confident for the next time. Michelle: So you're not faking it till you make it, you're faking it till you become it. The change is internal. Mark: That is the core of the entire book. It’s beautifully illustrated by Cuddy's own story. She used this very idea to get through her PhD program when she felt like a total impostor. She would 'fake it' in her presentations, acting like she belonged, until one day, a student came to her, terrified and confessing that she felt like an impostor. And in that moment, Cuddy realized she didn't feel that way anymore. She had become the confident person she had been pretending to be.

Michelle: So it's not about striking a superhero pose to intimidate your boss. It's a much more subtle, personal process. Mark: Exactly. The biggest takeaway isn't about fooling others. It's about fooling yourself into becoming your most authentic self. The 'faking it' is adopting the physical posture of the person you want to be, which then nudges your mind to follow. It’s a private rehearsal for a public performance of your own life. Michelle: It’s about giving yourself permission to take up space, both physically and metaphorically. When you stand tall, you're not just changing your posture; you're changing your perspective from one of threat to one of opportunity. Mark: And that shift is everything. Presence isn't a permanent trait you're born with. It's a state you access moment by moment. And the lever to access it is your own body. It’s the tool you always have with you. Michelle: I like that. It’s incredibly empowering. It means you don't need to wait for confidence to strike you like lightning. You can generate it yourself, right here, right now. Mark: Here’s a concrete action for our listeners. The next time you're on a phone call, especially one that makes you nervous, don't sit hunched over. Stand up. Walk around. Gesture as if the person were in the room with you. Notice how it changes the tone and confidence in your voice. Michelle: That’s a great, simple self-nudge. It makes you wonder, what small physical change could you make right now that would nudge you closer to your boldest self? Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.