Mark: Alright Michelle, I have to ask. What's your Myers-Briggs type? Michelle: Oh, I'm a classic INFJ. The Advocate. Wise, mystical, probably a wizard in a past life. Why? Mark: Because according to our book today, you might as well be telling me your horoscope sign. Michelle: Hey! Don't knock the wizard! That label has gotten me through many confusing social interactions. But okay, you've got my attention. What book is calling my entire identity into question? Mark: It's Personality Isn't Permanent by Dr. Benjamin Hardy. And he comes at this with some serious credentials—he's an organizational psychologist. What's really interesting is that his own life, including adopting three children from the foster system, was a huge catalyst for his ideas on radical personal change. Michelle: Okay, so he’s not just an academic. He’s lived this. That adds some weight. So what's his big problem with my beloved personality test? Is he saying I'm not a special, mystical wizard? Mark: He's saying that the very idea of being a "type" is the first trap. He argues these tests, while fun, can be incredibly limiting and even psychologically harmful. Michelle: Harmful? That feels strong. They seem so innocent. Mark: Well, his own story is a perfect example. He almost had his marriage ruined by one.

Michelle: Wait, a personality test almost caused a divorce? Now I need to hear this story. Mark: It’s a great illustration of his point. When he was in college, he was dating his now-wife, Lauren. Her family was really into a test called the Color Code. Lauren was a "Red," which means she's a leader, very driven. Ben, the author, was a "White"—supposedly peaceful, kind, and accommodating. Michelle: I can already see the problem. They're setting him up to be a doormat. Mark: Exactly. Lauren's family was deeply concerned. She had just gotten out of an abusive relationship with another "Red," and they feared she was overcorrecting by choosing a "White" who she would just walk all over. It got so bad that Lauren herself started to doubt if a Red and a White could ever work. Michelle: Wow. So the label almost ended the relationship before it even began. Mark: It almost did. He had to actively prove he was more than his label. They're married with five kids now, so it worked out, but the experience stuck with him. It showed him how these simple boxes we put ourselves in can lead to prejudgments that limit our potential and our relationships. Michelle: Okay, that's a powerful anecdote. But a lot of people would argue these tests are based on real psychology. I mean, Myers-Briggs comes from Carl Jung's ideas, right? Mark: That's the common belief, but Hardy digs into the history. The Myers-Briggs was actually created by a mother-daughter team, Katharine Briggs and Isabel Myers, who had no formal training in psychology. They developed it from home based on their observations. Many psychologists today are highly critical of it. Adam Grant, a well-known organizational psychologist, said trusting Myers-Briggs is like asking someone, "What do you like more: shoelaces or earrings?" and then creating an entire identity from the answer. Michelle: Ouch. That's a pretty harsh takedown. So if we're not these fixed types, what are we? Are we just... amorphous blobs? Mark: Hardy points to research that suggests we're constantly changing, we just don't realize it. He brings up the "end-of-history illusion," a concept from Harvard psychologist Dr. Daniel Gilbert. The idea is that we can all look back ten years and see how much we've changed—our tastes, our values, our goals. But we consistently underestimate how much we will change in the next ten years. Michelle: Huh. That's so true. I look at my college self and I barely recognize her. But I feel like the 'me' right now is the finished product. Mark: Exactly. As Dr. Gilbert puts it, "Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they're finished." We see our past self as a child, but our present self as an adult. Hardy's argument is that your future self will look back at the 'you' of today and see a child, too. Michelle: That's a bit unsettling, but also incredibly freeing. If I'm not a finished product, it means I'm not stuck. Mark: And that is the perfect pivot to the second half of the book. If personality isn't a fixed thing you discover, then what is it? And how do you change it?

Michelle: Okay, so if I'm not an INFJ wizard, what am I? Where does personality actually come from, according to Hardy? Mark: This is the most radical idea in the book. He argues your personality is an effect, not a cause. It's a byproduct. The real cause? Your goals. Michelle: Whoa, hold on. My personality is a byproduct of my goals? How does that even work? Is my goal to finish this bag of chips shaping my personality right now? Mark: (laughs) In a way, yes! But he's talking about your deep, driving goals. The most powerful story he uses to illustrate this is about a man named Andre Norman. This story is just incredible. Andre grew up in a rough environment, got into trouble, and ended up in prison. His first real goal was to become the king of the prison gang hierarchy. And his personality reflected that—he became hard, violent, and ruthless. Michelle: Okay, that makes sense. The goal shaped the behavior, which became the personality. Mark: Precisely. But then, in solitary confinement, he had what he called his "Wizard of Oz" moment. He realized that becoming the king of this violent world was like becoming the king of nowhere. It was a meaningless goal. So he set a new one. A completely audacious, seemingly impossible goal. Michelle: What was it? Mark: To get into Harvard. Michelle: From solitary confinement? Come on. Mark: I know, it sounds like a movie. But that single goal completely changed him. He started studying. He started reading. He started behaving like a student, not a gang leader. His entire identity shifted to align with that one goal. Every decision was filtered through the question: "Will this help me get to Harvard?" Michelle: And did he? Mark: He did. He became a fellow at Harvard. He's now an internationally regarded speaker who helps thousands of people. He didn't 'discover' a new personality. He created one by committing to a future that was bigger than his past. His personality was the result of the person he was trying to become. Michelle: That's a stunning example. But it's so extreme. For the rest of us who aren't trying to get into Harvard from prison, what are the practical levers we can pull? Mark: Hardy breaks it down into a few key areas. The first is transforming your trauma. He tells this heartbreaking story of a woman named Rosalie who dreamed of being a children's book illustrator. In one art class, a teacher embarrassed her, and for the next fifty years, she never drew again. That one unresolved traumatic moment created a story in her head: "I'm not an artist." It defined her. Michelle: That's so sad, and so relatable. We all have those smaller moments that stick with us and create these limiting narratives. Mark: The second lever is redesigning your environment. He cites this famous 1979 Harvard study where a group of men in their seventies lived for five days in an environment meticulously recreated to look and feel like 1959. They were told to act as their younger selves. After just five days, their eyesight, memory, and even their physical posture had measurably improved. They literally got younger. Michelle: That's wild. So our environment is constantly sending signals to our brain and body about who we are supposed to be. Mark: Exactly. Your environment, your goals, and the stories you tell yourself about your past—these are the true architects of your personality.

Michelle: Okay, so my head is spinning a bit. We've gone from my Myers-Briggs type being a lie to me needing to set a Harvard-level goal and redecorate my house to look like 1999. What's the one big idea we should walk away with? Mark: The big idea is that we've been asking the wrong question. We ask "Who am I?" as if it's a fixed thing to be discovered, like an archaeological dig into our past. Hardy argues the only question that matters is "Who do I want to become?" Your identity isn't found in your past; it's created by the future you're committed to. Michelle: I love that reframe. It's a shift from being an archaeologist of your past to an architect of your future. Mark: That's the perfect way to put it. It’s not about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself. And that's a much more hopeful and powerful position to be in. It means your past is just the raw material, not the blueprint. Michelle: That feels a lot more empowering. So what's a first step? How does someone start being an architect instead of an archaeologist? Mark: Hardy is a huge proponent of journaling, but with a specific twist. He suggests writing about your future self in the present tense, as if you've already achieved your goals. Describe your day, your feelings, your accomplishments as that future person. It's a way of practicing the emotions and identity of the person you intend to be. Michelle: I'm going to try that. Maybe I'll journal about my future self... who is still a wizard, but now a wizard who's also a successful architect of her own destiny. Mark: I think Dr. Hardy would approve of that. It's your story to write. Michelle: This is Aibrary, signing off.