Narrator: One summer afternoon, a young boy named Marc Brackett sat in his backyard, overwhelmed by years of bullying, fear, and a chaotic home life. He felt invisible, his feelings a tangled mess he had no words for. Then, his Uncle Marvin, a teacher, sat down beside him and asked a simple, life-altering question: "Marc, how are you feeling?" For the first time, someone had given him permission to feel. The dam broke, and years of pent-up emotion poured out. That single moment of validation didn't just change his day; it set the course for his life's work.

This experience is the emotional core of the book Permission to Feel, where Dr. Marc Brackett argues that our collective failure to understand and manage our emotions is at the root of a growing crisis in our homes, schools, and workplaces. He presents a powerful case that emotional intelligence is not a soft skill, but an essential one for our health, success, and the well-being of our society.

Narrator: Brackett argues that we live in a society that implicitly denies us permission to feel. From a young age, many are taught that emotions are messy, inconvenient, or a sign of weakness. We are told to "get over it," "be strong," or "look on the bright side," effectively learning to suppress or ignore what we are truly feeling. The result is a widespread emotional illiteracy, and the consequences are staggering.

The book opens with a cascade of alarming statistics that paint a grim picture. In the United States, anxiety disorders affect a quarter of all teenagers. Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide. In schools, surveys show that 77 percent of high school students' feelings about school are negative, with "tired," "stressed," and "bored" topping the list. Teachers fare no better, with 70 percent reporting daily feelings of frustration and being overwhelmed. This emotional distress spills into the workplace, where over half of all employees are disengaged, costing the economy an estimated 450 billion dollars in lost productivity. Brackett contends that these are not isolated problems but symptoms of a single, underlying issue: a systemic failure to equip people with the skills to manage their emotional lives. When we deny ourselves the permission to feel, we lose the ability to understand the cause of our emotions, express them constructively, or regulate them in healthy ways.

Narrator: For centuries, Western culture has championed reason over emotion, viewing feelings as a disruptive force that clouds judgment. Brackett challenges this long-held belief, repositioning emotions not as noise, but as a vital source of information. Feelings, he explains, are news reports from our inner world, signaling what’s happening in response to our experiences. Anxiety might signal that something important feels beyond our control; anger might signal an injustice; joy might signal that our needs are being met. To ignore these signals is to disregard critical data that is essential for decision-making, learning, and building relationships.

A compelling experiment conducted at Yale University illustrates this point perfectly. Researchers asked a group of teachers to recall and write about either a positive or a negative classroom experience. Afterward, all the teachers were asked to grade the exact same student essay. The results were shocking. The teachers who were put in a positive mood graded the essay a full letter grade higher than the teachers who were put in a negative mood. What's more, when asked if their mood had influenced their evaluation, 87 percent insisted it had not. This reveals how powerfully and unconsciously our emotions guide our decisions. Emotional intelligence, therefore, isn't about letting feelings run wild; it’s about learning to access this emotional data and use it to make more informed choices.

Narrator: To move from being an "emotion judge," who labels feelings as good or bad, to an "emotion scientist," who seeks to understand them, Brackett introduces a powerful and practical framework called RULER. RULER is an acronym for the five interconnected skills of emotional intelligence: Recognizing, Understanding, Labeling, Expressing, and Regulating.

First is Recognizing emotion in oneself and others. This involves paying attention to facial expressions, body language, and vocal tones. To help with this, Brackett developed the Mood Meter, a simple grid that plots feelings on two axes: pleasantness and energy. This tool helps people move beyond simple answers like "fine" and identify if they are in the high-energy, pleasant yellow quadrant (like excited or happy) or the low-energy, unpleasant blue quadrant (like sad or disappointed).

Second is Understanding the causes of those emotions. This is the detective work of asking "why" we feel a certain way. It requires looking beyond surface-level behavior to uncover the root cause. For example, a child’s angry outburst might not be about defiance, but about the humiliation they felt when a classmate revealed a secret.

Third is Labeling emotions with a precise and nuanced vocabulary. Brackett argues that "if you can name it, you can tame it." Having specific words for our feelings is crucial for managing them. He shares a powerful story about his own father, who was prone to rages that were straining his marriage. After a difficult conversation, Brackett helped his father realize that the emotion he was feeling wasn't just anger; it was jealousy over the attention his wife was giving her grandson. Labeling the feeling correctly was the breakthrough that allowed his father to understand his behavior and begin to change.

Fourth is Expressing emotions in a way that is helpful and appropriate for the context. This is often the most difficult step, as it requires vulnerability. However, research shows that expressing emotions, whether verbally or in writing, has immense benefits for both physical and mental health.

Finally, there is Regulating emotions. This is not about suppression but about managing feelings effectively. Brackett introduces a key strategy called the Meta-Moment: a brief pause between a trigger and a reaction. In that pause, you envision your "best self"—the person you aspire to be—and choose a strategy that aligns with that vision, rather than simply reacting on impulse.

Narrator: The final part of the book demonstrates how applying the RULER skills can fundamentally transform our most important environments: our homes, schools, and workplaces. Brackett argues that emotional skills are not learned in a vacuum; they are cultivated in the emotional climate created by families, educators, and leaders.

At home, parents are the primary emotional role models. A parent who is emotionally dysregulated or dismissive of a child's feelings teaches that child to suppress their own emotions. Brackett advocates for creating a "family charter," a collaborative document where family members agree on how they want to feel in their home—for example, "respected," "safe," and "cared for"—and what they will do to ensure everyone feels that way. He tells the story of a father who, after an angry outburst at his son, was humbled to find a note from his ten-year-old son to his younger brother, coaching him through his feelings and suggesting they create a family charter. It was a powerful reminder that children can lead the way when given the right tools.

In the workplace, emotional intelligence is just as critical. A leader's emotional state is contagious and sets the tone for the entire organization. Brackett shares the story of a supervisor he once hired who decided to "protect" him from any complaints from the team. While well-intentioned, this created a toxic environment where dissatisfaction festered in silence. It took over a year to repair the damage after the supervisor left. The lesson was clear: a healthy workplace requires leaders who are vulnerable, encourage open expression, and actively cultivate a culture of trust and psychological safety.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Permission to Feel is that emotional intelligence is not an inborn trait but a skill that can, and must, be learned. The foundation of this skill is granting ourselves and those around us the simple, radical permission to experience the full range of human emotion without judgment. By becoming "emotion scientists" in our own lives, we can transform our feelings from sources of confusion and chaos into sources of wisdom, connection, and strength.

Ultimately, Brackett calls for an "emotion revolution," a societal shift that places emotional well-being at the center of our families, our schools, and our workplaces. The challenge he leaves us with is not just to read about these ideas, but to live them. What would change if, in our next difficult moment, we chose to pause and ask ourselves, "What would my best self do right now?" The answer to that question may be the key to unlocking a healthier and more compassionate future for everyone.