Mark: A study found that 70 percent of all people have felt like a fraud at some point in their lives. Michelle: Whoa. Seventy percent? Mark: Seventy percent. That’s not a niche problem for a few anxious overachievers. That’s a silent epidemic hiding in plain sight, in our offices, our schools, and maybe even in our own heads. Michelle: Okay, but hold on. Is this a real 'syndrome,' or is it just a trendy new term for what we used to call normal self-doubt or humility? Mark: That is the million-dollar question, and it’s exactly what we’re diving into today. There's a huge difference between healthy humility and the paralyzing fear of being exposed as incompetent. We're exploring the book Own Your Greatness: Overcome Impostor Syndrome, Beat Self-Doubt, and Succeed in Life by Dr. Lisa Orbé-Austin and Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin. Michelle: I love that it’s co-authored by a couple. Mark: It is, and they're both licensed psychologists and executive coaches. What makes their perspective so powerful is that Dr. Lisa Orbé-Austin has been incredibly open about her own journey. She was a first-generation college student who went on to earn her PhD from Columbia University, and yet, she’s written about being completely crippled by impostor syndrome herself. Michelle: Wow. That’s terrifying. If someone with those credentials feels that way, what hope is there for the rest of us? Tell me her story.

Mark: It’s one of the most powerful stories in the book. She writes, and I'm quoting here: "I was paralyzed, unable to make a move. I was stuck in a job that was far beneath my skill sets, underpaid, and treated poorly." And this is a woman with an Ivy League PhD and two master's degrees. She had all the connections, but she was terrified. Michelle: What was she afraid of? Mark: Of her boss bad-mouthing her. Of not being able to find another job. Of being exposed as a fraud who didn't deserve a better position. The authors say that’s exactly what impostor syndrome does. It renders your credentials worthless to your own advancement. It soaks you in fear so badly that you dismiss any other feeling that encourages you to take a risk. Michelle: That is a chillingly accurate description of that feeling. It’s like you’re standing on a diving board, and you know you can swim, but your feet are glued down by this irrational fear. Mark: Exactly. And the book defines it as this persistent feeling of being a fraud, of downplaying your accomplishments, and constantly worrying about being exposed. It’s not a formal diagnosis you’d find in the DSM, but a cluster of thoughts and behaviors that have a massive impact. The authors describe something called the "Impostor Cycle." Michelle: Okay, break that down for me. What's the cycle? Mark: It starts when you're given a task. Immediately, you feel anxiety and self-doubt. To cope, you either over-prepare to an obsessive degree, or you procrastinate and then rush to finish in a frantic burst of effort. When you succeed, you don't feel relief or pride. Instead, you attribute the success to either the insane amount of work you put in—"anyone could have done it with that much effort"—or to pure luck. Michelle: And then you get positive feedback, and you just dismiss it. Mark: You dismiss it completely. The praise doesn't sink in. So your internal feeling of being a fraud remains, and the cycle starts all over again with the next task. It’s a self-perpetuating machine of anxiety. Michelle: That is exhausting just to hear. The book mentions specific behaviors, right? Hallmarks of this? Mark: Yes, the original researchers, Clance and Imes, identified four. The first is diligence and hard work, which we just covered. The second is what they call "intellectual inauthenticity." Michelle: I feel like I need an example for that one. Mark: The book gives a great one about a woman named Elise, an office administrator for 25 years. She knows the company inside and out, but whenever a new, fragile-ego CEO comes in, she deliberately withholds her knowledge. She plays dumb to make them feel like the smartest person in the room, which only reinforces her own feeling that she’s being deceptive. Michelle: Oh, I’ve been there. I think I do that sometimes. You downplay what you know so you don't seem threatening or like a know-it-all, especially as a woman in a male-dominated room. You use charm to get by. Mark: And that’s the third hallmark: using charm and perceptiveness to win approval, rather than relying on your competence. The fourth is seeking mentorship, but for the wrong reasons—not for growth, but for constant external validation that you’re doing okay. You need someone to keep telling you you’re not a fraud. Michelle: It’s like you’re building an entire career on a foundation of sand, constantly terrified that one wave will wash it all away. The book gives another story, right? About a teacher? Mark: Yes, Brenda, a fourth-grade teacher. She gets great reviews but is convinced she’s a terrible teacher. On the day of her big observation, she panics and teaches a lesson that’s three weeks ahead of the curriculum. The kids are totally confused. Michelle: Oh no. That’s classic self-sabotage. Mark: It is. And here’s the craziest part: the observer still gives her a positive review, probably because they see her passion or effort. But Brenda doesn't see it that way. She sees it as proof that she fooled them again. She even gets another job offer and turns it down because she feels she isn't ready. The external validation does nothing. She’s trapped in the cage.

Michelle: Okay, so we know what this invisible cage looks like. But where does it even come from? It feels like that inner critic has been there forever. Mark: The book argues that to break free, you have to understand your "impostor syndrome origin story." It’s not random; it’s often rooted in our earliest experiences, especially in our families. Michelle: Like what kind of experiences? Mark: The authors list several common family dynamics. For example, one sibling is labeled the "intelligent" one, and the other is the "social" or "hard-working" one. If you’re the hard-working one, you might grow up believing you lack natural talent and must always overcompensate with effort. Michelle: I can see how that would stick with you. You internalize that label. Mark: Absolutely. Another dynamic is when a family over-values achievement. Your worth is tied directly to your grades, your awards, your performance. The message is that love and attention are conditional on your success. The book tells the story of Ashten, a senior leader at a nonprofit. Michelle: What was her origin story? Mark: She was the "great hope" of her family. Her brother was always in trouble, her sister was in constant crisis, so Ashten had to be the perfect one. She went to a magnet school, an Ivy League university, and her parents obsessed over her grades. Anything less than an A felt like a catastrophic failure. Now, as a successful adult, she’s terrified that if she stops overworking for even a second, she’ll end up like her siblings, and the whole family structure will collapse. Michelle: Wow. So her success isn't even for her. It’s a role she’s playing for her family. That’s a heavy burden. Mark: It’s an incredibly heavy burden. And the book argues this gets even more complicated when you layer on cultural context. This is where the discussion gets really deep. Michelle: You mean like gender or race? Mark: Exactly. The authors talk about "stereotype threat." It’s a concept from researchers Claude Steele and Joshua Aronson. They found that if you take a group of Black college students and tell them a test is a measure of their ability, a negative stereotype is invoked, and they perform significantly worse than Black students who are told it’s just a problem-solving task. Michelle: So just reminding someone of a negative stereotype about their group can actually hurt their performance? Mark: Precisely. Now, imagine you already have impostor syndrome, and you’re also a member of a marginalized group. You’re fighting an internal battle of self-doubt and an external battle against stereotypes that say you’re not good enough. The book calls it a "double impact." Michelle: That brings up a really important point. How much of this is fair to put on an individual to 'fix' in themselves, when society is constantly sending them messages that they don't belong or that their success is an exception? Mark: That's the critical question, and the book handles it with a lot of nuance. It doesn't say this is all in your head. It acknowledges the very real systemic biases and microaggressions that fuel these feelings. But it also argues that waiting for the world to become perfectly equitable isn't a strategy. The goal is to build the internal resilience to navigate an imperfect world.

Mark: And that's the perfect pivot, because the authors argue that while we can't change the system overnight, we can change our response to it. And that's where their core strategy comes in: the 3 C's. Michelle: Clarify, Choose, and Create. What does that actually mean in practice? Mark: It’s a nine-step roadmap. Clarify is about understanding your origin story and your triggers, like we just discussed. Choose is about making new choices—speaking your truth, silencing negative thoughts, and valuing self-care. And Create is about building a new reality by experimenting with new roles and building a support system. Michelle: That sounds comprehensive, but maybe a little overwhelming. What’s the most powerful, actionable piece of that? Mark: For me, it’s the part about silencing what the book calls ANTs—Automatic Negative Thoughts. Michelle: ANTs. I like that. Like little pests crawling around in your brain. Mark: Exactly. These are the instant, uninvited thoughts that pop up when you’re triggered. Things like "Everyone thinks I'm an idiot" (mind-reading), or "I know I'll be fired if I make a mistake" (catastrophizing), or "My supervisor complimented me, but she was just being nice" (discounting positives). Michelle: I think I have a whole colony of those ANTs. So how do you get rid of them? Mark: You don't just get rid of them; you actively replace them. The book suggests creating a "repellent." For every ANT, you write down a rational, affirming response. So if your ANT is, "I'm going to be exposed as a fraud if I take on this new project," your repellent might be, "I can't predict the future, but I do know I have the skills for this, and I'm excited about the opportunity." Michelle: It’s like pre-writing your comebacks to your own inner critic. Mark: That's a perfect way to put it. And this leads to the most tangible tool in the whole book: creating "coping cards." Michelle: Coping cards! It sounds a little old-school, but I can see how having a physical reminder would cut through the mental noise. What goes on a card? Mark: It’s your whole strategy, condensed. You’d have a card for your origin story, reminding you where the feelings come from. A card for your triggers and your new, healthy responses. A card listing your most common ANTs and their repellents. A card with your self-care commitments. A card listing your "Dream Team"—the people you can call when you're struggling. Michelle: So it’s a personalized action plan you can carry with you. Mark: It's your personalized action plan. The book tells the story of Jocelyn, a consultant who felt like a total fraud despite glowing reviews. A huge part of her journey was learning to change her narrative—to stop telling herself she was just "lucky" and to start acknowledging her actual achievements. The coping cards become the script for that new, more truthful narrative.

Michelle: You know, what I'm taking away from this is that it’s not about never feeling doubt again. That seems impossible. It’s about having a plan for when the doubt shows up. Mark: That is the absolute core of it. Owning your greatness isn't a destination you arrive at where you're suddenly immune to self-doubt. It’s a practice. It's about reducing the frequency and the intensity of those feelings so they no longer have power over your behavior. Michelle: It’s about taking the teeth out of the monster. Mark: Exactly. Even former First Lady Michelle Obama has said, "I still have impostor syndrome. It never goes away." If she feels it, we can give ourselves a little grace. The goal isn't eradication; it's management. It's about building the muscle to recognize the feeling, pull out your coping card—metaphorically or literally—and choose a different response. Michelle: I like the idea of starting small. What’s one thing someone listening right now could do today? Mark: The book is full of exercises, but here’s a simple one. Just for today, notice one accomplishment, no matter how small. Maybe you navigated a difficult conversation, finished a task you were dreading, or helped a colleague. And when you notice it, just for a moment, don't discount it. Don't say "it was nothing" or "anyone could have done it." Just let it be. Let it be a small piece of evidence for your own greatness. Michelle: That feels doable. And it feels like a good place to start. I think so many of us struggle with this in silence, and just knowing that 70% of people are in the same boat is incredibly validating. If you're listening and this resonates, we'd love to hear about your own experiences. It’s a conversation worth having out in the open. Mark: Absolutely. The book makes it clear that impostor syndrome thrives in isolation. The moment you speak it, you start to diminish its power. Michelle: This is Aibrary, signing off.