Narrator: One moment, Sheryl Sandberg was napping by a pool in Mexico, her husband Dave Goldberg smiling nearby. The next, she woke up to a gnawing sense of panic. Dave was gone. A frantic search with her friends led them to the hotel gym, where they found him lying on the floor. He had collapsed while exercising. Despite desperate attempts at CPR and a chaotic ambulance ride, he was pronounced dead at the hospital. In an instant, Sandberg’s world, her "Option A," was obliterated, leaving her in a vast, empty void of grief. How does anyone find their way back from such a shattering loss?

This question is at the heart of Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, co-authored by Sandberg and psychologist Adam Grant. It’s not just a memoir of grief, but a practical and deeply researched guide to building strength in the face of life’s inevitable hardships. The book reveals that resilience is not a fixed trait someone is born with, but a muscle that can be built by anyone, at any time.

Narrator: In the immediate aftermath of Dave’s death, Sandberg found herself drowning not just in sorrow, but in self-blame. She replayed their last moments, wondering if she could have done something differently. This is what Adam Grant identified as the first of three major psychological traps that stall recovery from trauma: personalization. It’s the belief that we are at fault. Sandberg apologized constantly, not just for her loss, but for the disruption her grief caused to others. Grant’s crucial intervention was to help her see that Dave’s death, caused by a cardiac arrhythmia, was not her fault.

The second trap is pervasiveness, the feeling that an event will affect every area of one's life. Grief became a "demanding companion" for Sandberg, making it hard to think, breathe, or find joy in anything. The third trap is permanence, the belief that the pain will last forever. This was reinforced when a well-meaning acquaintance sent Sandberg a letter saying the pain of losing a spouse never fades. That letter stole her hope, prompting a desperate call to Grant, who flew across the country to prove to her, with data, that acute grief does subside for most people. By recognizing and actively fighting these three "P's," individuals can reclaim a sense of control and begin to build a path out of the void.

Narrator: Grief is often met with a profound and isolating silence. Friends and colleagues, unsure of what to say, often say nothing at all, leaving the grieving person feeling invisible. The book calls this "the elephant in the room." Sandberg experienced this firsthand, as people would avoid eye contact or change the subject when she entered a room. They were trying to protect her feelings, but what she needed most was acknowledgment of her pain.

The book shares the story of Sandberg’s friend, Jeff, who had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis years earlier. Despite being close, she had never directly asked him about his illness. After her own loss, she finally broached the subject. Jeff opened up, expressing immense relief at finally being able to talk about his fears and frustrations. The lesson is that avoiding feelings is not the same as protecting them. Acknowledging someone’s pain with a simple, "I know you're suffering, and I'm here with you," is far more powerful than platitudes or silence. It validates their experience and opens the door for genuine connection when it's needed most.

Narrator: While the Golden Rule tells us to treat others as we would want to be treated, Option B argues for a higher standard in times of crisis: the Platinum Rule. This rule says to treat others as they want to be treated. Support is not one-size-fits-all. Instead of asking a vague, "Is there anything I can do?", which places the burden on the person suffering, the most helpful support is specific and proactive.

This is illustrated by the story of Dan Levy, whose son was in the hospital. A friend didn't ask what he could do; he sent a text that read, "What do you NOT want on a burger?" This small act was perfect. It took the mental load off Dan while still giving him a sense of control. Similarly, when Sandberg’s friends showed up unasked to sit with her at her son’s football game, their silent presence was the "button" she needed—a concept from a stress experiment showing that just knowing support is available, even if unused, dramatically reduces anxiety. True support is about showing up, listening, and offering concrete help, providing a steady presence to help carry a burden that cannot be fixed.

Narrator: The common metaphor for resilience is "bouncing back" to who you were before. But the book argues that profound adversity can change a person forever, and the goal should be to "bounce forward." This is the concept of post-traumatic growth, where people emerge from tragedy with a new sense of strength, a deeper appreciation for life, and a stronger sense of purpose.

Joe Kasper, a physician, experienced this after his son Ryan died from a rare form of epilepsy. Devastated, Joe felt his world had lost all meaning. But instead of succumbing to despair, he enrolled in a positive psychology program to understand how people grow from trauma. He learned that growth can take five forms: finding personal strength, gaining appreciation, forming deeper relationships, discovering more meaning, and seeing new possibilities. Joe found his new purpose in helping other bereaved parents, creating a therapeutic process to guide them. He couldn't change what happened to his son, but he could change himself and find a new, meaningful destiny in his son's name.

Narrator: While individual resilience is vital, the book powerfully argues that true, lasting strength is built together. Communities that foster shared hope, identity, and power are far more resilient. The most dramatic example of this is the 1972 Andes plane crash. The survivors, stranded for 72 days, created a new society on the mountain. They shared tasks, held one another accountable, and most importantly, maintained a collective sense of hope. One survivor explained their mindset: "If there's hope, there's life."

This principle applies in less extreme circumstances as well. The book highlights the Posse Foundation, which sends diverse groups of talented students to college together. By creating a built-in support system, or "posse," the foundation combats the isolation that often leads underprivileged students to drop out. Their 90 percent graduation rate proves the model's success. Whether it's a grief support group, a professional network like Lean In Circles, or a team of students, sharing an experience and a narrative builds a collective resilience that is far stronger than any one person's individual will.

Narrator: In the wake of tragedy, feeling happy can feel like a betrayal. Months after Dave's death, Sandberg attended a friend's bat mitzvah. A friend pulled her onto the dance floor, and for a few seconds, she felt pure, unadulterated joy. It was immediately followed by a wave of crushing guilt. How could she be happy when Dave was gone? This experience led to a profound realization: she had to give herself permission to feel joy again.

The book frames this not as a passive hope, but as an active discipline. Joy, like peace, must be cultivated. It requires seeking out small moments of happiness, whether it's through connection, humor, or activities that create a state of "flow." For Sandberg, this meant making a list of things that brought her joy and actively pursuing them. As the human rights advocate Shannon Sedgwick Davis says, "Joy is a discipline." It is the ultimate act of defiance against despair, a conscious choice to live fully, even in a world that is no longer your Option A.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Option B is that resilience is not an endowment, but a skill. It is not about having a stiff upper lip or enduring pain silently. It is the strength and speed of our response to adversity, and it is something we can actively build in ourselves, our children, our workplaces, and our communities. The book dismantles the myth that we must face our struggles alone and provides a roadmap for finding strength in connection.

Ultimately, Option B challenges us to think about resilience not just as a response to tragedy, but as a foundation for living. It leaves us with a critical question: How can we start building these muscles of compassion and support today, in the ordinary moments, so that when adversity inevitably strikes—for us or for those we love—we are ready not just to survive, but to help one another "kick the shit out of Option B"?