Narrator: Imagine dedicating a year of your life to a single project. You travel to China nine times, work grueling hours, and pour your heart into making it a success. This was the reality for DeVon Franklin, a production executive at Sony Pictures, while overseeing the 2010 remake of The Karate Kid. The film became a colossal hit, grossing over $350 million on a $40 million budget. Franklin, having delivered a massive win for the studio, naturally expected a promotion. Instead, he was told there were too many senior executives and he would have to wait. The news was crushing, sending him into a spiral of depression and demotivation. He had done everything right, so why did he feel like a failure? This painful experience led him to a profound realization: the problem wasn't the outcome, but the unspoken, unmanaged expectation that had been running his life.

In his book, Living Free: Exceed Your Expectations and Reclaim Your Life, DeVon Franklin argues that these hidden expectations are the secret software controlling our happiness, and learning to manage them is the key to breaking free from a life of disappointment and unlocking one of genuine fulfillment.

Narrator: Franklin posits that expectations function like a hidden operating system in our minds, influencing our emotions, decisions, and actions without our conscious awareness. This "software" is often programmed not by us, but by our environment—our family, culture, personal experiences, and society at large. From childhood, we absorb beliefs about what our lives should look like, creating a mental picture that we constantly compare to our reality. When reality doesn't match the picture, the result is heartache and frustration.

The book highlights how this faulty programming can manifest in destructive ways. For instance, the immense pressure on pop star Demi Lovato to maintain a perfect physical image, an expectation set by her management team, contributed to a severe eating disorder and a near-fatal overdose. She was living up to others' expectations for her body, not her own, and the internal conflict became unbearable. Franklin argues that to live freely, we must first become aware of this programming. We have to identify the origins of our expectations—whether they came from our parents, our peers, or the media—and critically evaluate if they truly serve us. Only by recognizing this hidden software can we begin the work of rewriting it.

Narrator: Once you recognize that your life is being run by expectations, the next step is to take control. Franklin outlines a three-part formula for this process. First, you must release the expectations that don't bring you joy or align with your values. This involves stepping out of the "should trap"—the feeling that you should do things to please others or meet a societal standard. As illustrated in the book by Joanna Holsten's essay, even positive actions like volunteering can be damaging if done out of a sense of obligation rather than genuine desire.

Second, you must set new, realistic expectations. The key to a realistic expectation is control. Franklin stresses that we should only set expectations on things we have direct power over—our effort, our attitude, our actions. Expecting a promotion, for example, is unrealistic because it depends on a boss's decision. A realistic expectation is to focus on the process of doing excellent work.

Finally, and most critically, expectations must be communicated. An unspoken expectation is little more than a premeditated resentment. Franklin uses the simple example of a husband who gets angry at his wife for being on her phone during dinner. He has an expectation for a phone-free meal, but if he hasn't clearly communicated it and secured her agreement, he has no right to hold her accountable. This simple failure to communicate and get buy-in is a root cause of conflict in countless relationships.

Narrator: Expectations don't just operate on a personal level; they are deeply embedded in our relationships and culture. Families, in particular, are powerful sources of expectation. Franklin shares his own story of feeling immense pressure to attend Oakwood University, the college many of his relatives attended. However, his dream was to work in Hollywood, and he knew he needed to be in Los Angeles. Choosing to attend the University of Southern California meant disappointing his family, but it was essential for living the life he felt called to. The book argues that it is better to disappoint others than to betray yourself by living an unfulfilled life.

This principle extends to romantic relationships. At a marriage conference, Franklin shocked the audience by stating, "If you have a problem with your spouse, the problem isn't your spouse. The problem is you." He clarified that the issue lies in the unrealistic and unmet expectations we place on our partners. We often expect them to be the sole source of our happiness, a burden no single person can carry. True partnership, he explains, involves two whole individuals taking responsibility for their own happiness and coming together to share it.

Narrator: For Franklin, managing expectations is also a spiritual practice. He argues that faith is our handle on what we can't see, but it requires active participation. He offers a stark warning: "Expectation with no participation equals devastation." It’s not enough to simply pray for a miracle; you must actively play your part in bringing it about.

This is powerfully illustrated by the biblical story of Peter and John at the temple gate. They encounter a man who has been crippled his entire life, whose only expectation is to receive a few coins. Peter and John don't just pray for him; they actively participate. Peter takes the man by the hand, tells him to rise, and helps him up. The man is healed not just by faith, but by faith combined with action. Franklin uses this to teach that we must live as if what we expect to happen will happen, even before it does. This means putting in the work, preparing for the opportunity, and maintaining a positive mindset, trusting that God is handling the "how" and the "when."

Narrator: In the professional realm, our addiction to results often sets us up for failure. We fixate on the promotion, the bonus, or the sales target—outcomes that are often outside our direct control. Franklin advises that we must break our addiction to results and instead become addicted to the process.

He points to the legendary Chicago Bulls of the 1990s. Michael Jordan didn't just expect to win championships; he was obsessed with the process of excellence. He was the first to arrive at practice and the last to leave, relentlessly honing his fundamentals. His focus wasn't just on the trophy but on the daily commitment to being the best. This process-oriented mindset is what ultimately produced the results. Similarly, actor George Clooney transformed his career when he stopped going into auditions trying to get a job (the result) and started focusing on solving the casting director's problem (the process). By shifting his focus to delivering the best performance he could, he projected confidence and began landing roles consistently.

Narrator: Sometimes, the most powerful way to manage expectations is to quit. However, this should not be a rash decision made in a moment of anger. Franklin emphasizes the importance of feeling your feelings and performing a "cost-benefit analysis" on your job. If a role is no longer serving your growth, is emotionally draining, and the costs outweigh the benefits, it may be time to plan your exit.

He shares his own experience of hitting a wall at Will Smith's production company, Overbrook Entertainment. He wanted to become a junior executive, but after two years as an assistant, he realized the opportunity wasn't going to materialize there. After much soul-searching, he did the unthinkable: he quit his job without another one lined up. It was a strategic move, not an emotional one. He had assessed the situation, listened to his inner voice, and stepped out on faith. On his very first day of unemployment, he received a call with a job offer for the exact role he had been seeking. This illustrates that quitting can be a courageous, strategic step toward a more fulfilling life, provided it is done with awareness and forethought.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Living Free is that freedom is not the absence of expectations, but the conscious power to live by the expectations you deliberately set for yourself. It is the shift from being a passive recipient of programming to becoming the active programmer of your own life. This involves a continuous process of examining your beliefs, communicating your needs, and taking responsibility for your own happiness.

The book challenges readers to stop living a life dictated by what others think they should be and to start building the life they were truly meant to live. Perhaps the most practical tool is one Franklin's own family adopted: a code word, "EXPECTATIONS!", used to gently signal when a request feels like an unfair obligation. It’s a simple reminder that you have a choice. So, the question the book leaves us with is this: Are you going to live the life that’s expected of you, or the life you expect for yourself?