Mark: A survey asked thousands of people two questions. First: 'Are you living your dream life?' Only 10% said yes. Michelle: Ouch. That’s a low number. Mark: It gets worse. The second question was: 'If you could live it over again, would you live it differently?' Michelle: Let me guess… a lot more than 10%? Mark: A staggering 90% said yes. That 80-point gap is where most of us live—a life of 'what if.' Michelle: Wow. That’s not just a gap, that’s a canyon. It’s a quiet epidemic of regret. What a heavy way to start, Mark. Mark: It is, but it's the central question tackled in the book we're diving into today: Living Beyond 'What If?' by Dr. Shirley Davis. Michelle: Dr. Shirley Davis. I’m intrigued already. What’s her story? Mark: And that’s where this book gets its power. Dr. Davis isn't just a theorist; she's a powerhouse with a Ph.D. in Organizational Leadership, a former Ms. American United States, and someone who has lived through incredible trauma, which we'll get into. She wrote this book from a place of deep, raw personal experience. Michelle: Okay, a Ph.D. and a pageant winner? That’s a combination you don’t see every day. It definitely adds a layer of credibility. So, what’s her diagnosis for that 90%? Why are so many of us stuck in that canyon of 'what if'? Mark: Her argument is that we are all fighting an internal war. We build our own prisons, brick by brick, with fear, procrastination, and disempowering questions.

Michelle: 'Internal war' feels dramatic, but that 90% statistic makes it sound pretty accurate. Where does this war even start? Mark: It starts with a fundamental conflict that neuroscientists and psychologists talk about, a concept the book breaks down beautifully. It’s the battle between your 'Present Self' and your 'Future Self.' Michelle: Present Self versus Future Self. Okay, break that down for me. It sounds like a sci-fi movie. Mark: It kind of is, happening inside your brain every day. Your Future Self is the one who wants to lose weight, write a book, get that promotion. It sets the goals. But your Present Self is the one who has to actually do the work. And your Present Self values immediate rewards, like hitting the snooze button or watching another episode, far more than distant ones. The book calls this 'time inconsistency,' and it's the scientific root of procrastination. Michelle: That makes so much sense. My Future Self wants to be fluent in Spanish, but my Present Self wants to scroll through dog videos. And my Present Self almost always wins. Mark: Exactly. And while that’s a universal struggle, Dr. Davis argues that for many of us, this internal conflict gets supercharged by life events. These events don't just encourage procrastination; they build the actual walls of our prison. Michelle: What kind of events are we talking about? Mark: She shares some of her own stories, and honestly, they are harrowing. They’re the kind of experiences that would make anyone retreat. For example, when she was just out of college, she and three friends were in a near-fatal car accident. The car flipped multiple times, and she was ejected through the back window into the darkness on a West Virginia highway. Michelle: Oh my god. That’s horrific. Mark: Her friends couldn't find her. They thought she was dead. A trucker had to stop and use his headlights to locate her in a ditch. The local news report literally said, 'God was apparently in the car with the young women.' She survived with a severe concussion and injuries, but the psychological scar was deep. It shattered her sense of safety, her belief that things will just work out. Michelle: I can’t even imagine. An experience like that would rewire your brain completely. You’d start seeing danger and risk everywhere. Mark: And it didn't stop there. Years later, while working as a bank supervisor, she was the victim of a violent armed robbery. Three masked men stormed in, and one put a gun to her head and screamed, 'If anyone in here moves I will blow her brains out.' Michelle: Mark, that's just… unbelievable. To go through one of those things is life-altering. To go through both… Mark: She said she just fell to the floor in a fetal position and prayed. The robbers fled, and she was physically unharmed, but again, the trauma was immense. These are what she calls 'life-shattering' events. They create a deep-seated fear that becomes the foundation for all the 'What If?' questions. What if I fail? What if I get hurt? What if I’m not safe? Michelle: Okay, so most of us, thankfully, haven't been in a bank robbery. But how does that kind of extreme trauma connect to the more common fears we all face? Like the fear of public speaking, or asking for a raise, or even leaving a bad relationship? Mark: That's the key insight. The book argues that fear is a learned behavior. We're only born with two fears: falling and loud noises. Everything else—fear of rejection, failure, inadequacy—is learned. And while her experiences were extreme, they operate on the same principle as more common 'smaller' traumas: a bad breakup teaches you to fear betrayal, a harsh criticism from a boss teaches you to fear inadequacy. These experiences build what she calls a 'Golden Cage.' Michelle: A 'Golden Cage.' What does that mean? Mark: It's a life that looks good on the outside—stable job, nice house, predictable routine—but it's a prison built to keep you 'safe' from any more pain or risk. You stop dreaming, you stop trying new things, because the cage is comfortable, and the world outside it is where you got hurt. She shares a heartbreaking story of a friend named Stephanie who had this seemingly perfect life—married to a bank executive, beautiful home—but was deeply unhappy and trapped by her fear of being alone. She isolated herself and ultimately died tragically. The cage keeps you from living, even while it keeps you 'safe.' Michelle: That is so bleak, but so recognizable. You trade your potential for predictability. You’re not thriving, you’re just… surviving. That quote from the introduction comes to mind: "I was living and surviving, but I wasn’t thriving and enjoying life." Mark: Exactly. And that's the diagnosis. The reason 90% of people have regrets is because they're living in some version of that cage, paralyzed by the 'What Ifs' born from past pain. Michelle: It’s a powerful framework. It reframes procrastination and fear not as character flaws, but as logical, though destructive, responses to life's hardships. It makes me feel a bit more compassionate toward my own tendency to stay in the cage. Mark: And that compassion is the first step. The book is very clear: you can't conquer what you're not willing to confront. You have to acknowledge the cage exists before you can even think about escaping. Michelle: Okay, so we've diagnosed the prison. How do we get out? This is where self-help books can sometimes get a little fuzzy with just 'believe in yourself' platitudes. Mark: Right. And that’s where the book pivots from diagnosis to a very concrete prescription. It argues that once you understand the cage, you need an escape plan. And the first step is a piece of advice from her mentor, the legendary motivational speaker Les Brown. He told her: 'Jump and grow your wings on the way down.'

Michelle: Hold on. 'Jump and grow your wings on the way down.' That sounds like a great motivational poster, but in reality, it sounds like a recipe for financial ruin and personal disaster. How do you 'jump' when you have a mortgage, kids, and responsibilities? Isn't that just reckless? Mark: I had the same reaction. It sounds like telling someone to just quit their job with no plan. But Dr. Davis is very clear that this is not about being reckless. It's about taking calculated risks. The 'jump' is the final action, but it's preceded by a ton of groundwork. Michelle: Okay, 'calculated risk.' That sounds more manageable. What does that look like in practice? Mark: She uses her own story as the primary case study. After over 30 years in corporate America, she was a Vice President with a six-figure salary, executive benefits, a great reputation. She was at the top of her game. But she felt that void, that pull to do something more meaningful—to launch her own global consulting firm focused on leadership and diversity. Michelle: That’s a huge jump. Leaving that kind of security is terrifying for anyone. Mark: Absolutely. And for years, she procrastinated. The 'Present Self' loved the steady paycheck and the prestige. But eventually, she realized the Golden Cage of her corporate job was suffocating her purpose. So she didn't just quit. She developed a detailed 'exit strategy.' Michelle: An exit strategy. I like the sound of that. What did it involve? Mark: It involved years of preparation. She saved money aggressively. She spent five years as a 'Platinum Speaker' for Les Brown, traveling the world with him, honing her speaking skills, and building a global network while still working her corporate job. She started building her brand on the side. She identified her 'why'—her deep purpose. The jump wasn't a leap into the void; it was a step off a platform she had spent years building. Michelle: Ah, so the 'growing your wings on the way down' part isn't about magic. It's about having the components of the wings—the skills, the network, the financial cushion—already in your backpack before you jump. Mark: Precisely. And a huge part of that backpack is relationships. This is another core theme of the book. She says, 'Relationships are the new currency.' She advises building what she calls a 'personal board of advisors.' Michelle: A personal board of advisors? Like for a company? Mark: Exactly. A small, trusted group of mentors, friends, and colleagues who can offer guidance, challenge your assumptions, and hold you accountable. Before she jumped, she consulted her board. They helped her see the risks and opportunities clearly. This isn't a solo journey. Michelle: That’s a much more robust and realistic vision of 'jumping.' It’s not about impulsive bravery; it’s about strategic courage. I can see how that would apply to smaller jumps, too. Like, if you want to switch careers, you don't just quit. You take night classes, you network in the new field, you save money. You build the platform. Mark: Yes. And the book has another great story that illustrates this on a different scale. It's about a woman named Meghana, an architect from India who immigrated to the U.S. Her dream was to get her architect's license in California, but for a decade, she was stuck. She had a full-time job, a young daughter, and life kept getting in the way. Every year, she’d resolve to study for the exams, and every year, she’d fail. Michelle: That’s the 90% story right there. The dream is on the shelf, gathering dust. Mark: Totally. But then she had a realization. The lack of a license was blocking her from management roles. Her 'why' became clear: she wanted to advance, to provide more for her family. So she made a 'jump.' She decided to start waking up at 4:00 a.m. every single day to study for two hours before her family woke up. Michelle: Wow. That’s not a single leap, that’s a daily, grueling jump out of bed. That takes a different kind of courage. Mark: It’s the courage of consistency. And it worked. In just six weeks of that new routine, she passed her final two exams and got her license after a decade of being stuck. Her 'jump' was a radical change in her routine, a sacrifice her Present Self hated but her Future Self desperately needed. Michelle: I love that. It shows that 'jumping' can take many forms. It can be a big, life-altering decision like leaving a job, or it can be a small, consistent, difficult choice you make every single day. Mark: And that’s the essence of living beyond 'What If?'. It’s about replacing the disempowering question 'What if I fail?' with an empowering one: 'What if I fly?' And then building the wings, one feather at a time, so that when you do jump, you’re ready.

Michelle: It’s really a powerful two-part framework when you lay it out like that. It’s not just about positive thinking. It’s about a very honest, almost brutal, self-assessment followed by a very strategic plan of action. Mark: It is. You first have to acknowledge the very real, often trauma-induced, cage you've built for yourself. You have to look at the fears, the excuses, the 'What Ifs,' and understand where they came from. That’s the work of Part One of the book, 'Release the Limits.' Michelle: And that part is hard. It’s painful to look at your own failures and the ways you hold yourself back. I can see why some reader reviews are mixed—it asks a lot of the reader. It’s not a passive read. Mark: Not at all. But then, once you’ve done that hard internal work, you can move to Part Two, 'Realize Your Dreams.' You engineer the escape, not with a reckless leap, but with a calculated jump supported by a plan, a purpose, and a network of people who believe in you. Michelle: It connects back to that 90% statistic from the beginning. The book is essentially a guide for that 90% to cross the canyon from a life of 'what if' to a life of 'what is.' A life of intention. Mark: And it’s a life Dr. Davis herself now lives. She runs her global firm, travels the world speaking, and has written multiple bestselling books. She’s living proof that the escape is possible. Michelle: It makes you wonder, what's the one 'What If?' question that's holding you back right now? Not the big, scary, life-changing ones, but the small, daily one that stops you from making that one phone call, or sending that one email, or just waking up an hour earlier. Mark: That's a powerful question. And a perfect place to leave it. The book is a challenge to stop being a 'parked car,' as she puts it, and to start moving, even if it's just an inch at a time. Michelle: We'd love to hear your thoughts on this. What's the 'What If' you're ready to move beyond? Find us on our social channels and join the conversation. We’re always curious to hear how these ideas land with you. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.