Olivia: Alright Jackson, before we dive in, what’s your one-sentence summary of the British aristocracy? Jackson: Oh, that's easy. "Please pass the tea, and by the way, you're disinherited." Something like that? Olivia: You are shockingly close. Today's story has all of that, plus heroin, UFOs, and a pet elephant. Jackson: Okay, now I'm hooked. An elephant? This can't be your standard, stuffy royal biography. Olivia: Not even close. We are talking about Lady in Waiting: My Extraordinary Life in the Shadow of the Crown by Anne Glenconner. And this isn't just any royal memoir. Glenconner was born into one of England's most powerful families, was a Maid of Honor at Queen Elizabeth II's coronation, and spent 30 years as the closest confidante to the famously fiery Princess Margaret. Jackson: Thirty years with Princess Margaret? That alone sounds like a survival story. Olivia: It is. And she wrote this book in her late 80s, and it became an absolute phenomenon. It was praised by critics for its shocking honesty about a world we only think we know. It’s a story of extreme privilege, but also of profound tragedy and, ultimately, resilience. Jackson: That "disinherited" joke I made... it feels like you're telling me it wasn't entirely a joke. Olivia: It’s the starting point of her entire life. And that theme of inheritance, or the lack of it, defines so much of her story.

Olivia: Anne Coke was born at Holkham Hall, one of the most magnificent stately homes in England. We're talking a sprawling Palladian mansion on 25,000 acres in Norfolk. It's the kind of place you see in movies and think, "that's a fairytale." Jackson: Right, so she's born with the ultimate silver spoon. Life is set. Olivia: You'd think so. But in the rigid world of the aristocracy, she was immediately a failure. Her father was the Earl of Leicester, and the title and the entire estate could only pass to a male heir. When she was born, a healthy baby, the family was deeply disappointed. She even says in the book, "I had tried awfully hard to be a boy, even weighing eleven pounds at birth, but I was a girl and there was nothing to be done about it." Jackson: Wow. To be born into that level of wealth and your first identity is "disappointment." What does that even do to a person? It’s like being told you’re fundamentally wrong from day one. Olivia: Exactly. It sets up this core contradiction that runs through her whole life: immense privilege on the outside, but a constant feeling of being 'less than' on the inside. She grew up playing with the young Princess Elizabeth and Princess Margaret, who would visit Holkham. Their childhoods were intertwined. But while the princesses were being prepared for their destinies, Anne was being prepared to marry well. That was her primary function. Jackson: So her value was entirely external, based on who she could attach herself to. Olivia: Precisely. But then, a truly extraordinary thing happens. In 1953, the young Queen Elizabeth II is preparing for her coronation, this massive, globally televised event. And she needs six Maids of Honor—unmarried daughters of earls, marquesses, or dukes—to carry her incredibly heavy, 21-foot-long velvet train. And Anne is chosen. Jackson: Hold on, what does a Maid of Honor even do? Is it just holding a dress? It sounds ceremonial, but also incredibly stressful. Olivia: It's immensely stressful. They were drilled for weeks by the Duke of Norfolk, who was obsessed with military precision. Every step, every turn was choreographed. They were carrying the weight of the monarchy, literally and figuratively. And the ceremony itself was hours long, inside a packed Westminster Abbey. Anne tells this incredible story where, during the most solemn part of the service, the anointing of the Queen, she starts to feel faint. Jackson: Oh no. The entire world is watching, and she's about to pass out? The pressure is unimaginable. Olivia: She's swaying, trying to discreetly get to her smelling salts, but she can’t. Just as she’s about to go down, the Gentleman Usher of the Black Rod, a famous war hero named Sir Brian Horrocks, sees what's happening. He subtly puts a firm arm around her waist and props her up against a stone pillar until the dizziness passes. He saved her, and the ceremony, without anyone in the world noticing. Jackson: That’s a movie scene. A war hero saving the day in the middle of the Queen's coronation. It's just incredible. So she goes from being this "disappointment" to being at the absolute center of British history. Olivia: A complete whirlwind. And you'd think after that, her life would follow a very traditional, aristocratic path. Jackson: After being at the center of this incredibly formal, historic event, what happens next? Does she marry a prince? A duke? Olivia: Not exactly. She marries Colin Tennant, a man who was the complete opposite of royal decorum. He was a human firework.

Jackson: A human firework? I feel like that could be a good thing or a very, very bad thing. Olivia: Both. Simultaneously. Colin Tennant, later Lord Glenconner, was this whirlwind of charisma, creativity, and explosive rage. He was handsome, exciting, and completely unpredictable. Anne was swept off her feet, but the red flags were there from the start. He had these terrifying temper tantrums. He once promised her, "Oh, Anne, when we get married, I won’t need to lose my temper." Jackson: That is literally the biggest red flag in the history of red flags. That’s not a promise, that’s a threat. Olivia: And it was a promise he did not keep. Their honeymoon is one of the most jaw-dropping stories in the book. They arrive in Paris for their wedding night. Anne is a 23-year-old virgin, brought up in this very sheltered way. Colin is furious that their hotel room has two single beds. He has a screaming fit, then drags her out to a seedy hotel in a back alley. Jackson: Wait, he took his virgin bride to a live sex show on their wedding night?! What is happening? Olivia: That's exactly what happened. He made her watch a couple through a peephole as a form of, in his mind, "sex education." She was horrified. The rest of the honeymoon included him getting furious when a wave came through their cruise ship porthole and getting her attacked by a cockerel at a cockfight in Cuba. Jackson: This sounds less like a honeymoon and more like a psychological experiment. Why did she stay? What was the glue holding this together? Olivia: That’s the central question of their 54-year marriage. Part of it was her upbringing. As she says, her generation was taught to "bite bullets and fold towels neatly," not to give up. But another part was that Colin, for all his madness, was brilliant. He was a visionary. In 1958, he bought an island in the Caribbean called Mustique for £45,000. Jackson: Mustique? I know that name. That’s the super-exclusive celebrity island, right? Olivia: It is now, but back then it was a barren, mosquito-infested rock with no running water or electricity. Anne thought he was insane. But Colin had a vision. He famously told her, "You mark my words, Anne, I will make Mustique a household name." And he did. He became the ringmaster of this incredible, hedonistic circus. Jackson: So it was basically the original Fyre Festival, but it actually worked? Olivia: A perfect analogy. He threw these legendary parties to lure people in. For his 50th birthday, he threw "The Golden Ball." He had the beach covered in gold glitter, painted local boys gold to serve drinks, and had Bianca Jagger arrive on a litter. It was pure spectacle. And it worked. Mick Jagger was there and bought a villa right after. David Bowie followed. It became the place for royals and rockstars to escape. Jackson: So how do you reconcile these two sides of him? The creative genius who builds a paradise, and the abusive man who terrorizes his wife? The book is quite candid about his violent outbursts, right? Olivia: Extremely. It's one of the things that made the memoir so controversial and praised. She talks about him being physically abusive. But she frames it within the context of their time and class. Divorce was not an option. Her role was to endure. She developed this incredible capacity to absorb his chaos while he created this magic around them. It was a bizarre, toxic, yet somehow functional partnership. He provided the color and adventure, and she provided the stability that allowed him to do it. Jackson: It's a fascinating and deeply unsettling dynamic. A life of constant whiplash, from glamour to terror. Olivia: And if you think that marriage was the biggest challenge of her life, you'd be wrong. The real trials were yet to come, and they were heartbreaking.

Jackson: More challenging than that marriage? I can't even imagine what that would be. Olivia: The book takes a turn in the later chapters, moving from aristocratic eccentricity to just raw human tragedy. Anne and Colin had five children. Their eldest son, Charlie, was the heir to the Glenconner title. But as a teenager, he became addicted to heroin. Jackson: Oh, man. That's a whole different kind of chaos. Olivia: It was a nightmare. They tried everything—rehabs, moving him to a remote sheep farm in Australia. Nothing worked. He was in and out of recovery for years. Then, their second son, Henry, came out as gay in the mid-1980s, at the height of the AIDS crisis. A few years later, he was diagnosed with HIV and died in 1990. Jackson: This is just one tragedy after another. First the addiction, then losing a son to AIDS. How does a person even get out of bed in the morning? Olivia: It gets worse. In 1987, while Henry was sick and Charlie was still struggling, her third son, Christopher, was in a horrific motorbike accident and fell into a deep coma. The doctors told her he would be a "vegetable" for the rest of his life and that she should just "get on with her life." Jackson: That is just brutal. To be told to give up on your own child. Olivia: But Anne refused. This, for me, is the core of the book. She becomes this warrior. She and the family's former nanny, Barbara, create what they call a "coma kit." Every hour, they stimulate his senses—they'd rub his skin with different textures, waft his favorite foods under his nose, play his favorite music. They did this for months. And one day, after four months of silence, he woke up. Jackson: That's a miracle. What was his first word? Olivia: She was talking to him about cars to try and get a response, and he whispered, "Lamborghini." Jackson: (Laughs) Of course. After all that, a Lamborghini. That's incredible. It speaks volumes about her refusal to give up. Olivia: And through all of this, her friendship with Princess Margaret was her anchor. We always hear about Margaret being difficult or demanding, and she could be. But the book paints this incredibly loyal, funny, and supportive friend. When Henry was dying of AIDS, a time when there was so much fear and stigma, Princess Margaret would come to the hospital and sit with him, holding his hand, completely unfazed. Jackson: That really changes the public perception of her. We see the caricature, but Anne shows us the real person. Olivia: Absolutely. And Anne needed that friendship, because the tragedies didn't stop. After Colin died in 2010, she discovered he had changed his will just months before his death, leaving his entire multimillion-pound fortune and the estate in St. Lucia not to her or their children, but to his valet, a local employee. Jackson: You're kidding me. After 54 years of marriage, after everything she endured, he disinherited her for a servant? That's the final twist of the knife. Olivia: It was the ultimate act of Colin's chaotic nature. It led to a seven-year legal battle. But even after that, she doesn't come across as bitter.

Jackson: That's the thing that's blowing my mind. After all of this—the disappointment, the abuse, the loss of two children, nursing a third back from a coma, being disinherited by her own husband... what's the big takeaway? How did she not become this bitter, broken person? Olivia: I think that's the profound insight of the book. Her survival wasn't just about having a "stiff upper lip," that classic British trope. It was an active, conscious choice to find joy and purpose. She had this incredible network of female friends, she had her duties to the Princess, and she had this deep, almost defiant love for her children. Jackson: So it was about connection, not just endurance. Olivia: Exactly. It was about connection. She found a way to hold both the immense darkness and the incredible light of her life at the same time. There’s a poignant moment near the end of Colin's life. He was very ill, and he turned to her and asked, "It wasn’t all bad, was it?" And she was able to honestly say no, it wasn't. She recognized that for all the pain he caused, he also gave her this life of incredible adventure and color. Jackson: To be able to say that after everything... that's not just resilience, that's a form of grace. It's a radical kind of forgiveness, for him and for her own life. Olivia: It is. She chose not to be a victim of her story, but the author of it. And by writing this book in her 80s, she finally got to tell it on her own terms, not in the shadow of her father, her husband, or even the crown. She stepped into the light. Jackson: Her story is just... a testament to the human spirit. It really makes you think about what resilience truly means. We'd love to hear what you all think. What part of her story resonated most with you? The royal duty, the chaotic marriage, the story of a mother's love? Let us know on our socials. Olivia: This is Aibrary, signing off.