Alex: Hey everyone, welcome back! Today we're tackling a question that's both exciting and, let's face it, a little scary: What would you “really” do if absolutely nothing was holding you back? Michelle: Exactly! But hold on, “nothing”? No fear, no expectations from family, no pesky bills to pay? It sounds amazing in theory, but how do you even begin to figure out what you “actually” want, deep down? Alex: That's precisely why we're talking about the book “I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was” today. It’s essentially a guide to untangling all those things – societal pressures, those nagging doubts, even that fear of failing – and uncovering what truly makes you, you. Michelle: So, it's for anyone who's ever looked at their life and thought, “Wait, is this all there is?” No judgment here, I think we've all been there. Alex: Exactly! The book takes you on a journey to redefine success on your own terms. It’s packed with relatable stories, practical exercises, and strategies to break through those invisible barriers that are holding us back, whether we realize it or not. Michelle: Okay, Alex, give the people a taste. What exactly are we going to be mapping out today? Alex: Good question! Today, we're diving into five key steps that this book highlights. First, we're going to tackle the really big one which is separating societal expectations from your own true desires. Spoiler alert: it’s way harder than it sounds. Michelle: Oh, I am already looking forward to untangling that mess. What’s next on the agenda? Alex: Second, we'll talk about why small actions – not these giant leaps of faith – are often what spark real passion. Third, we'll confront those fears – not just fear of failure, but fear of success, believe it or not. Michelle: Fear of success? Like, you're afraid you'll win the lottery and then have to manage all that money? Alex: Kind of, actually! Fourth, we’ll explore how childhood experiences – those early stories we’ve been carrying – can lead to self-sabotaging patterns in our adult lives. Michelle: Ah yes, childhood experiences: Everyone's favorite gift that just keeps on giving, isn’t it? Alex: And finally, we’re going to bring all of this together by crafting a blueprint for authentic success. A life that feels like “yours”, not someone else’s idea of what you should be doing, you know? Michelle: So basically, we have societal norms to dismantle, fears to expose, childhood wounds to heal, and a whole life to build. No pressure, right? Alex: It’s a lot, I know, but stick with us. Think of it as a step-by-step guide to clarity. And we’re starting right now.

Alex: Okay, so, let's jump right into step one: understanding the tension between what others expect of us and what we truly want ourselves. It's really fundamental because it's often the core reason why so many people feel, well, stuck or just generally dissatisfied, you know? Michelle: Right, it's that whole "Am I living my life, or someone else's idea of a life?" question. It’s kind of like realizing halfway through a meal that you're at a restaurant you didn't even pick. Alex: Exactly! And the book goes into how external expectations – those societal “shoulds” – play such a huge role in why we feel misaligned. These expectations are basically unwritten rules that dictate what success “should” look like. Michelle: Like the classics: "You need a stable job," or "You “should” buy a house," all those sorts of things. And for some people, those things truly are their dreams, right? But for others, they're just... the remnants of someone else's checklist. Alex: Exactly, and that's the problem. These expectations can be so deeply ingrained that we don't even see them as external pressures. We internalize them, thinking they're our own goals, when really, they've been imposed by family, culture, you name it. Michelle: Okay, but this all sounds a little philosophical, right? So how do you actually figure out which goals are yours and which ones have been grafted on by, you know, external forces? Alex: Great question! So, one tool the book introduces is the Clan Map Exercise. Basically, it's a way to map out all the influential figures in your life—parents, teachers, mentors. And then, identify the expectations they've placed on you. Michelle: So, like drawing a family tree, but instead of just names and dates, you're attaching all the things they wanted or expected from you? Alex: Exactly! So, for instance, you might write, "Mom always valued financial security," or "My high school coach was obsessed with athletic glory." Then, once you've got it all laid out visually, you can step back and start asking yourself, "Did I pursue this because I wanted it, or because I thought I “had” to?" Michelle: That sounds…confronting. I mean, who wants to admit they've been living their parents' dream instead of their own? Alex: It is confronting, absolutely, but it's also liberating, you know? Let me give you an example straight from the book: Jack’s story. Michelle: Ah, Jack. Poor guy, he just wanted to write, but his folks were ready to hand him a stethoscope, right? Alex: Right! Growing up, Jack loved writing. He had a real passion for it! But his parents – both doctors – were always emphasizing stability and science. So he kind of pushed himself into pre-med courses to meet those expectations. But over time, that dissonance just built up. He wasn't just unhappy—he felt like an imposter in his own life. Michelle: Oof, that's rough. And let me guess. The writing bug never really went away, did it? Like a distant itch he couldn’t quite scratch? Alex: Exactly. When he finally went to a writing workshop, those suppressed desires came rushing back. It wasn't like a lightbulb moment, though. He had to really work through years of conditioning to even admit, "I'm living someone else's dream, not mine." And that's where tools like the Clan Map and reflective journaling really helped. Michelle: So journaling—what, he was just writing, "Dear Diary, my life is a lie"? Alex: Not quite! The journaling prompts in the book are very intentional. Things like: "What would I do if failure weren't an option?" or "Whose opinion am I trying to impress with my choices?" Michelle: Okay, I see how that could help you start pulling at that thread. Instead of just wallowing, you’re actively interrogating those voices in your head. Alex: Exactly. And that’s what Jack did. He started making these small, actionable changes, like submitting articles to online magazines while still finishing his pre-med courses. Then, eventually, he pivoted to freelance journalism. It didn't happen overnight, but it was transformative. Michelle: Okay, so Jack’s story is the happy ending, right? But let’s address the elephant in the room. What about people who just… I don't know… don't know what they want? Like, maybe the external expectations are all that they’ve ever known. Alex: That’s where another tool comes into play: Dialogic Inquiry. When you feel drawn to or repelled by a certain choice, you ask yourself questions like, "Whose voice am I hearing? Is this really my dream or am I afraid of disappointing someone else?" Michelle: Okay, I like that one, it's practical. But do people actually get good answers with this? Alex: Surprisingly, yes, they do. The important thing is consistency. The more you practice, the more you start to untangle those internal and external motivations. It's like training your intuition to separate real signals from just noise. Michelle: Got it. So, it's less "magic insight" and more like mental reps at the gym. But what about the flip side? What does the book say about people who do know what they want, but feel too trapped by expectations to go for it? Alex: That's where the data comes in, actually. There's a study from the 1980s that found something like 98% of Americans were dissatisfied in their jobs – not because of money, but because they felt disconnected from their true calling. So, it’s proof that living with misaligned expectations isn’t some rare, individual problem – it’s actually pretty common. Michelle: Yikes! But also, strangely comforting. Like, it's not just you, it's the system we're all swimming in. Alex: Exactly. The takeaway is clear: If we don't address this misalignment, that feeling of dissatisfaction is just going to grow. But the flip side is hopeful, right? People who do take the time to clarify what they truly want often feel a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment. Michelle: So, it’s about getting clear on what you want, and then unapologetically realigning your life toward that clarity. Alex: Yes! And that clarity sets the stage for the next steps – taking action, confronting fears, building a life that actually feels like your own. Untangling these expectations is the foundation, but it's really just the beginning of the process. Michelle: Alright, I'm convinced. External expectations, internal desires... it's all a tangled web, but at least there’s a roadmap to sort it out. So, where do we go next?

Alex: So, once you've really figured out what you want, the next step is actually “doing” something about it. We want to dive into how action plays a role in discovering yourself. Because, let’s face it, all that self-awareness doesn't mean much until you actually “do” something with it, right? Michelle: Exactly! It’s that classic analysis paralysis. You can spend hours journaling and have these big "aha" moments, but if you just keep sitting there afterwards, nothing changes. So, how do these small actions kind of sneak in and start shaking things up? Alex: The beauty of it is that any action, no matter how small, breaks that inertia, that feeling of being stuck. It lets you test the waters, explore your interests, without having to make these huge, life-altering decisions right away. I mean, the book really emphasizes that “doing” things is how we figure out what really clicks with us. Michelle: Ah, so it’s the “dip your toe in the water” approach. Okay, but how do you make sure the water isn’t, you know, freezing cold? Or full of sharks? Bad metaphor, maybe, but you get the idea. Alex: No, it’s a great metaphor! The book actually talks about experimenting through these low-pressure activities. Say someone’s curious about, I don't know, landscape architecture, but they're not ready to quit their job and go back to school for four years. Instead, they could take a beginner's class or volunteer at a community garden. Those smaller steps take away the pressure of having to commit to something massive right away. Michelle: And if they end up hating it, no big deal, right? They're not trapped in a career they loathe, saddled with debt and regret. Alex: Precisely. And these little experiments tend to give you way more clarity than just sitting around thinking about it ever could. There’s a really cool story in the book about someone who took a short landscape architecture class and discovered a passion they never even knew they had. Michelle: That's interesting, because I think we've all met people – or maybe even “been” those people – who think passion is this huge, dramatic explosion, like it’s obvious right away. But, I think it’s often quieter, more… ember-like than a firework. Alex: Totally! And even a small action can fan those embers and make them more visible. But there’s another piece to this too: embracing the discomfort and fear that comes along with the process. Michelle: Oh, fear. The uninvited guest at every party of human decision-making. Let me guess, this is the “I’d starve if I followed my dreams” scenario? Alex: That’s one way it shows up, yeah. Fear often manifests as these extreme, black-and-white “what if” scenarios—or really, excuses—that keep people frozen. The book points out that to move forward, we need to actually confront those fears by taking small, manageable steps outside our comfort zones. Michelle: Right, and let's be real, "manageable steps" sound nice, but the discomfort doesn't magically disappear just because the step is tiny. I mean, even just showing up to a new class or event can be nerve-wracking for a lot of people. Alex: It definitely can be. But that's where action has a sneaky power: it challenges our fears with real-world evidence. The book has an example of someone who was terrified of public speaking, but decided to try a Toastmasters meeting. Michelle: Let me guess: they didn’t suddenly become a charismatic speaker overnight. But they also didn't die of embarrassment? Alex: Exactly! Speaking in front of this supportive group actually helped build their confidence and showed them that they enjoyed sharing ideas. That led them to think about careers like teaching or leadership. Michelle: Okay, but let me play devil's advocate for a minute. What if, after trying something, they discover they actually “hate” it? Is there a danger of just ditching one idea after another without ever finding the "right" thing? Alex: That's where regular reflection comes in. You know, action isn’t just a one-time thing; it needs to be paired with intentional evaluation. After each small step, ask yourself: "Did I enjoy this? What did I learn about myself? What didn’t work for me, and why?" Michelle: So, turning trial and error into trial and “understanding”. And writing it all down, because if you’re anything like me, you forget those brilliant insights you had three days ago. Alex: Exactly! That’s why journaling can be so powerful. Even if you're not a "Dear Diary" type of person, using structured prompts like, "What energized me today?" or "What came easily to me?" can help you track patterns over time. Michelle: Okay, I see how that works. So, between these small actions and the constant reflection, you're basically hacking your own indecision. But what about the payoff? How do these micro-actions lead to those big life changes we're all hoping for? Alex: That's where the magic of consistency comes in. The book shares a case study about someone who started spending just 20 minutes a day writing. At first, it seemed tiny, almost pointless. But over time, those 20 minutes turned into articles, freelance work, and eventually, a whole new career. Michelle: So what started as, “I’m just dabbling in writing to see if I like it," evolved into "I’m a published writer," just from those small chunks of time each day? Alex: Exactly! Consistency compounds. Those small actions create momentum, and momentum builds confidence. It's like a cycle: the more you act, the more clarity you gain. And the clearer you are, the easier it is to act again. Michelle: Okay, you’ve convinced me. But I have to ask, what about the people who think they need 100% clarity “before” they can even start? That whole "I don’t know my destination, so why take a single step?" paralysis. Alex: That's a great point. Actually, research shows that clarity often “comes from” taking action, not before. You don’t need to have everything figured out to start. Just taking those exploratory steps—going to a class, starting a small project—can reveal hidden desires. Michelle: So, instead of sitting there trying to map out your entire life, you're just taking one small, deliberate step. Even if it's more like walking in the fog than sprinting towards a clear goal. Alex: Exactly. And that’s what so many people miss: action is clarity's best friend. Together, they transform curiosity into deeper self-awareness and, ultimately, fulfillment.

Alex: You know, once you decide to take action, that's when you “really” start facing resistance, both inside and out. It's where the hard work truly begins, because just having a clear vision isn't enough to guarantee a smooth journey. Resistance, whether it's emotional or psychological, is like this invisible force that can completely derail you. Michelle: Exactly! It's like, you're all pumped up, ready to hit that goal, and then suddenly, you're finding a million excuses to stay right where you are, comfortable and safe. Alex: Right! Resistance often shows up as fear – fear of failing, fear of actually succeeding, fear of what others will think. And it can freeze you in your tracks. It's more than just putting things off; it's a “really” deep-seated obstacle tied to what we've experienced and what we believe about ourselves. Michelle: So, it's like your inner critic hijacking the playlist, blasting songs like, "Why even bother? You're just going to mess it up anyway." But where does this resistance come from, anyway? Is it just our brains trying to protect us, like some kind of messed-up survival mode? Alex: That's definitely part of it. Fear pops up because change, even good change, messes with what's familiar and comfortable. It's connected to our past, what society tells us, or even those little messages we heard as kids that stuck with us. Like, maybe you were taught that taking risks was reckless, so now even the idea of trying something new feels like stepping into quicksand. Michelle: And instead of dealing with it, most people just get stuck in that resistance, right? They think, "Oh, this fear means I shouldn't be doing this at all." Alex: Exactly, but that's a mistake. The book “really” emphasizes that resistance isn't a sign you're on the wrong path – it's actually a clue. It shows you where you need to grow the most. Once we understand what resistance “really” is, we can start to break it down. Michelle: Okay, easier said than done, right? I mean, I can spot resistance in myself – it's usually me avoiding a tough talk or procrastinating like crazy before a deadline. So how do you actually move past it? Alex: Well, one of the most useful things the book talks about is reflective writing. It's about making a safe, private space where you can “really” dig into your fears and resistance, and just be honest with yourself. Michelle: Okay, sounds good, but how does that actually work? Alex: It helps you take all those jumbled, overwhelming thoughts out of your head and put them on paper where you can “really” look at them. One thing they suggest is responding to prompts like, "I don't want this because…" or "I would hate to succeed at this because…" Michelle: Wow, those are pretty direct. So, it's about dropping the act and facing what's “really” going on underneath? Alex: Exactly. Take Jerry's story in the book. He was a successful editor, but he started hating his job. When he tried reflective writing, he wrote, "To like this job would mean I'm not a writer – I'm an editor." That one sentence exposed his whole identity crisis. It wasn't just about being unhappy with editing; it was tied to his fear that he'd given up on his dream of being a screenwriter. Michelle: Oof, that hits close to home. So his resistance wasn't about the job itself, but about what he thought it was taking away from him – his writing dreams. Alex: Exactly! And once he figured that out, he could start doing something about it. But the most important thing here is honesty. Reflective writing works because it forces you to face uncomfortable truths, and that's the only way you can start moving forward. Michelle: Alright, writing's got potential. But let's talk about those mistakes everyone's afraid of. If resistance is one obstacle, the fear of failure is definitely another. Alex: Absolutely. To get past resistance, you often have to be okay with making mistakes. And the book makes a great point that mistakes aren't failures at all – they're actually essential for growth. Michelle: Hold on a second. Society doesn't exactly celebrate screw-ups. If anything, it's more like, "Don't mess up, or you'll be judged forever." How do you change that kind of thinking? Alex: You start seeing mistakes as stepping stones, not dead ends. Take Nina's story in the book – she quit her teaching job to pursue her passion for art full-time. At first, she struggled and felt like she'd failed. But when she decided to teach part-time again, it wasn't a "setback"; it allowed her to balance her responsibilities with her creative work. Michelle: So what felt like going backwards actually helped her move forward. It's about rethinking what success “really” means, right? Alex: Exactly. Resistance often comes from having “really” strict ideas about success – "I can't fail" or "I have to figure everything out now." When you accept mistakes as part of learning, you become more flexible. Nina learned that structure didn't limit her creativity, it actually supported it. Michelle: Alright, so we've got writing to dig up fears and a new way to think about mistakes. But what about fear of success? I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that one. Why would anyone be scared to succeed? Alex: It's actually more common than people think. Fear of success often hides behind worries about how success might change your relationships or your identity. Look at Lisa's story in the book. She kept messing things up for herself whenever she got close to reaching a goal at work. Michelle: And let me guess, it wasn't “really” about the goals themselves, but about what success meant to her? Alex: Exactly. For Lisa, success felt like a betrayal – she worried it would push her away from the people she cared about, especially her less ambitious friends. When she “really” looked at it, she realized this fear came from childhood experiences where doing well led to her being left out. Michelle: I get it. So success wasn't just about hitting a target – it threatened her sense of belonging. Alex: And once she saw that, she could start seeing success as something that brings people closer instead of pushing them away. By dealing with that underlying fear, Lisa stopped sabotaging herself and went after her goals with a lot more confidence. Michelle: That's a major shift. But it also makes me wonder – how much of this resistance is tied to old baggage? Can we ever “really” get rid of these subconscious fears, or are they just always hanging around in the background? Alex: It's less about getting rid of them completely and more about learning how to handle them. Resistance might come back when you face new challenges, but the important thing is to recognize it for what it is – a sign that you're growing – and use your tools to face it head-on. Michelle: Alright, so resistance isn't the enemy – it's more like that annoying friend who shows up uninvited but actually gives you some decent advice if you're willing to listen. Alex: Exactly. And when you start seeing resistance as a way to transform yourself, it stops being so scary. It becomes a chance to grow, refocus, and take meaningful action. Michelle: Okay, that's a good way to look at it. We've talked about reflective writing, reframing mistakes, and understanding fear of success, but also, that resistance as a whole becomes manageable when we understand, address, and even accept it. Alex: Right. Every story in the book shows us that you can break through resistance, and you can learn the tools to do it. Whether it's small actions, thinking through your feelings, or just changing your perspective, each step helps you break down those obstacles – making the impossible feel not just possible, but empowering.

Alex: Healing from past wounds gives you such a clearer view of the future, doesn't it? Which is the perfect lead-in to another powerful section of the book: healing from the past and how to break those self-sabotaging loops. Michelle: Oh, sounds fun! Because who “doesn't” just adore untangling all those emotional knots we didn’t even realize were there? So, Alex, how does the book structure this discussion? Alex: Okay, this time, we're definitely wading into some deeper emotional waters. The book really breaks down how those experiences we had as kids shape the patterns we see in adulthood—especially those self-sabotaging ones. And then, it gives us some actionable tools for reflecting and healing. Things like tracing your emotional roots, reframing those hidden agendas we all have, and even, yes, re-parenting our inner child. Michelle: Re-parenting... is that like when you have to parent yourself because, well, nobody else volunteered for the gig? Alex: Exactly! And the through-line here is really hopeful: no matter what patterns or fears you've picked up, you actually can rewrite those narratives and, more importantly, stop self-sabotage in its tracks. Michelle: Alright, Alex, unpack my childhood trauma... Let's do this thing. Alex: First, like the book says, we have to lay the foundation, because self-sabotage almost always goes back to experiences that shaped us when we were young. Think about early parental expectations, maybe some criticism, or even neglect…these things can plant those seeds of self-doubt, perfectionism, or, you know, just plain old fear. The protective things we did back then might have helped us at the time, but… not so helpful when we’re adults. Michelle: So, it’s your classic “past-you problem”, where what felt like survival mode at, say, age ten, decides to just overstay its welcome when you're thirty-five. Alex: Precisely. The book explains how those protective habits often show up as internal voices or behaviors that keep us stuck. Think about it: whenever someone hesitates, procrastinates, undermines their own goals, there's usually some pattern at play. Michelle: So, I’m guessing there’s some kind of, like, worksheet in the book to help you pinpoint when and where exactly you picked up all this baggage? Alex: You’d be right. It’s called "Jet Clarity". It’s a visualization exercise designed to help people trace their feelings of fear or resistance back to the source. Michelle: "Jet Clarity?" Is that supposed to be like, imagining yourself outrunning your fears at, you know, supersonic speed? Alex: Not quite, but I love that image! It’s more about sitting quietly with your emotions and letting them point you back to specific memories. The point is to identify where that original wound might have come from and then think about how it's still affecting your decisions today. Michelle: Sounds… intense. Do you maybe have, like, an example? Did someone actually dig through their emotional archives? Alex: Absolutely! Sylvia’s is a great story from the book. When she was a child, she lost her mother, which created this deep need for external validation. She didn't realize until years later that her drive to overachieve – always chasing that next promotion – was her really just her way of seeking love and acknowledgment to fill this void. Michelle: Okay, wow, first of all, ouch. I can see how something like that would make success feel less like, you know, an achievement and more like some kind of craving that you just can't ever quite satisfy. Alex: That’s exactly what it became for her. She finally used the Jet Clarity exercise to reconnect with that grief and see how it was fueling this need for approval. Once she saw it for what it was, she was able to stop chasing validation from other people and start actively working on building her own self-worth. Michelle: So, in essence, she basically had to be brutally honest with herself and rewrite the whole story she’d been telling herself about her life. That’s a lot of work. And, you know, necessary work, but… exhausting. Alex: It is, but it’s also incredibly liberating. It’s the same with reframing what the book calls “hidden agendas.” Michelle: Hidden agendas, you say? Please, please tell me more about these sneaky, little saboteurs... Alex: Those are unconscious motivations that are linked to this sense of unfinished business from your past. A classic example is someone who thinks they want to have some high-powered career. But, really, the goal is just to prove themselves to a parent who, say, questioned their ambitions. Michelle: Wait, so… it’s not really the goal itself, but what the goal represents? Like, you're trying to even some kind of invisible score? Alex: Exactly. You’re on autopilot, driven by these old emotions. There’s a case in the book about Patrick, who grew up just feeling overshadowed by his overachieving siblings. He ended up unconsciously sabotaging himself by choosing career paths where failure was practically a given— so he’d never have to compete with them. Michelle: Wow, that’s… heartbreaking, but, yeah, honestly? A little relatable. Let me guess, he had to basically confront that dynamic head-on? Alex: He did. Once Patrick recognized the hidden agenda, he stopped trying to compete—or avoid competing—with his siblings. Instead, he just redefined success as figuring out what “really” mattered to him. That shift really allowed him to escape the self-sabotage cycle and create his own path. Michelle: So, there's a theme emerging here, for sure: self-awareness really unlocks everything. But I'm still curious. How do you actually break the emotional hold those old stories have on you once you’ve acknowledged them? Alex: Great question! And that is where re-parenting the inner child comes in. Michelle: Ah! Here we go… self-parenting 101. What exactly does that even involve? Alex: I promise you, it's really approachable. The idea is to connect with the part of yourself that was shaped by childhood experiences— what a lot of people call the "inner child." Then, instead of letting that child make all your decisions, you step in as that nurturing, encouraging voice they needed way back then. Michelle: So you're not letting six-year-old-you drive the car anymore, but you are also offering them some snacks and, you know, some reassurance along the way? Alex: Pretty much! Take Andrea’s story. She struggled with being passive in her career because, when she was a kid, she felt invisible. Her accomplishments were never acknowledged. Once she recognized what that wound was doing, she started consciously re-parenting herself. She used affirmations to reinforce that she was worthy and definitely capable of making bold choices. Michelle: And that was... enough to actually break that passive cycle? Alex: Over time, yes. She went from constantly deferring to other people to actively advocating for her herself. It was a process of building trust within herself – a trust that she didn't have the chance to nurture when she was younger. Michelle: That's fascinating. It feels like a blend of psychology and self-coaching— digging into your past, while also, you know, equipping yourself to move forward. Alex: Exactly! And the data actually backs this up. Studies show over and over again that unresolved childhood trauma can lead to avoidance, fear, and hesitation later in life. But, they also show that reflective practices like these can lead to significant emotional and professional growth. Michelle: And I imagine the book doesn't shy away from just how deep those wounds can run, does it? Alex: Not at all. Chris’s story really drives that point home. He basically avoided attention for most of his life after just watching his father berate his siblings. His coping strategy was to just, disappear. It kept him safe as a kid, but it also left him stuck as an adult, afraid to want anything or, you know, take any risks. Michelle: That's rough. And let me guess-- he had to sit with all that buried fear to even start unraveling that pattern? Alex: Exactly. By tracing it back to how it started, Chris realized just how much his childhood fear was still influencing his decisions. He started taking deliberate steps to step outside those self-imposed limits: small things, like speaking up in meetings or making decisions instead of just deferring to someone else. Michelle: And with each of those little steps, he started chipping away at that old narrative, right? Because that really feels like the big takeaway here: our patterns might be sticky, but they're definitely not permanent. Alex: Yes, exactly! By acknowledging them, reframing them, and nurturing ourselves with compassion, we really can rewire those patterns. It’s literally the kind of work that transforms every part of your life – relationships, careers – you name it. Michelle: Okay, so healing from the past isn’t just about closure, it's also about creating a future that isn’t shackled to old fears or stories. That's pretty powerful stuff. Alex: It really is. And these examples show us that through self-awareness and intentional action, we can actually break the cycles that hold us back and unlock the freedom to live authentically.

Alex: So, with a healed perspective, we can redefine success on our own terms. It sounds amazing, right? Liberating, but, yeah, maybe a little scary too. Michelle: Scary is right! Are we talking about chucking it all and going off-grid, or just, like, tweaking the system a bit? Alex: More tweaking, definitely! Our final topic today suggests that this is a lifelong commitment to being authentic and growing, constantly redefining success. It’s a journey, not a one-time thing. Michelle: Redefining success, huh? So, ditch the big house, the fancy car, and what, take up pottery? Alex: Not quite. It's about shifting away from the world's definition of success—you know, money, titles—and focusing on what truly matters to “you”. It’s asking yourself, "What really resonates with me?” The cool thing is that success isn't set in stone. As you change, your values evolve, and your definition of success should too. Michelle: Okay, but practically, how do you even begin to figure out what your values are? It’s easy to say “follow your heart,” but how do you find your heart, you know? Alex: Well, the book suggests something called the "Touchstone Exercise," and I love it. It’s basically looking back at moments when you felt truly alive, purposeful, and like you were making a difference. Michelle: So, instead of just pondering your navel, you’re actually looking at the highlights of your life and seeing what the common threads are? I like that. Alex: Exactly! The book gives the example of Lydia. She wanted to start a computer business from home – seemed practical, right? But something felt off. Then, she remembered that her happiest moments involved caring for animals. That’s when she realized she'd always secretly wanted to be a vet. Michelle: Ah, so the computer business was just another "should," another thing society tells you to do. Alex: Exactly! Her story shows what happens when we chase what’s practical instead of what genuinely moves us. This Touchstone Exercise helps close that gap by boosting clarity and self-awareness. Michelle: Okay, but what if you do this exercise and come up with, like, ten different touchstones? Maybe you feel alive when you’re dancing, when you’re teaching, and when you’re volunteering at a soup kitchen, all that. Do you just pick one, or try to do it all? Alex: That’s where the "Lost and Found for Dreams" exercise comes in. It basically gives you permission to hold onto multiple dreams without feeling overwhelmed. It’s like a box where you can keep all your aspirations, a place you can revisit when the time feels right. Michelle: So, it's shelving ideas, not abandoning them. More like, "I’ll come back to this when it fits into my life,” right? Alex: Exactly! Lydia used it too. While studying to be a vet, she put her dreams of starting a business and traveling on hold. Writing them down meant she wasn't afraid of closing doors; it opened her to future possibilities. It's empowering because you can prioritize without deleting any part of yourself. Michelle: I can see how easing the pressure helps. You’re not saying no forever, just "not right now." But what about the forces of society? These expectations of success, they don’t just vanish, do they? Alex: No, and that’s why redefining success can be so hard! Take Lisa. She was about to get a huge promotion—a dream for many—but it clashed with her values of community, connection, and family time. Michelle: Let me guess, she freaked everyone out by turning it down? Alex: Yep! She realized a bigger paycheck wasn't worth sacrificing the relationships and projects that gave her life meaning. Instead, she took a less demanding role so she could focus on what “really” mattered. Michelle: That takes guts! Her story shows you sometimes have to choose personal peace over applause. Not everyone can do that. Alex: Exactly! That's why inner reflection is key. It helps you ask, "Am I doing this for myself, or because I think I should?" This clarity brings not just peace, but a sense of purpose too. Michelle: But clarity alone isn't always enough, right? It's hard to silence those nagging voices that say, "You'll regret not climbing higher." Any tips on tackling those mental roadblocks? Alex: Absolutely! The book talks about the emotional cost of conventional success. For instance, one study showed that 98% of people felt disconnected from their work. It wasn't about the money; it was because their jobs lacked meaning! Facts like that prove how essential it is to align your career, or anything you do, with what truly matters to you, not what impresses others. Michelle: So, this isn’t anti-success, it's about defining it in a way that’s authentic and sustainable. Fulfillment, not just achievement. Alex: Exactly!! Creating a life where "success" feels deeply personal, tailored to who you are—and who you're becoming. It’s an ongoing journey of exploration, adaptation, and growth, as the book says. Michelle: Exploration, huh? How do we keep that alive long-term? Doesn’t there a risk that once you redefine success, you get comfortable? Alex: That's where the lifelong exploration comes into play. Knowing that self-discovery is something that doesn’t end once you’ve redefined success. It’s about continuously tweaking your goals as your passions and values evolve so that the growth and fulfillment remains front and center. Michelle: It 's less of a final destination and more of a constantly updated map, then. Alright, Alex, I get it! Reflect, experiment, and don't be afraid to rewrite the rules. I'm almost ready to create my own "Lost and Found for Dreams" file!

Alex: So, today we've really dug into redefining success, haven't we? It's about shaking off those external expectations and really getting into a lifelong journey of self-discovery. It all starts by figuring out what you want, versus what society tells you to want. And then, using small actions, reflections, and exercises to reconnect with your core values. Michelle: Exactly. It's like untangling a really messy ball of yarn, right? And we’ve learned that action—even tiny action—is the best way to get unstuck. Clarity doesn't just fall from the sky, does it? You’ve got to try things, mess up, think about it, and then try again. And resistance, that feeling of “ugh, I don't want to do this”? It's not the enemy. It's actually pointing you toward what matters most. Alex: Yes! And I think one of the most freeing ideas is that success is whatever you say it is. It's fluid, it's personal, and it's always changing. It's really about letting go of those pre-set ideas and just embracing exploration as a lifelong thing. Michelle: So, what's the big takeaway here? Give yourself permission to try things! To fail, even. And most importantly, to keep growing. Whether it's dusting off an old dream, rethinking what success even is to you, or turning down the volume on everyone else's expectations... remember, it's never too late to change the story. Alex: Absolutely. Your path is yours alone, and every little step towards being authentic counts. So, here's what I want everyone to do: Just take one small step this week. Maybe just think back to a moment that really shaped you, or explore something you’ve always been curious about. This journey of self-discovery, it starts with doing something. Michelle: Okay, folks, that wraps it up for today. Until next time, go out there and build a life that actually feels like yours.