Narrator: In early 2007, a woman’s life imploded. Convinced by her boyfriend to quit her job and give up her apartment for a new life together, she discovered he had been lying about having cancer to hide a drug addiction. He had drained her finances, and just as she uncovered the truth, she also found out she was pregnant. Then, he vanished, leaving her jobless, homeless, broke, and alone. This wasn't a fictional drama; it was the rock bottom that forced life coach Andrea Owen to confront the painful patterns that led her there. She realized she wasn't alone. In fact, she saw these same self-undermining behaviors in women everywhere.

Her journey of piecing her life back together led to the insights in her book, How to Stop Feeling Like Sht*. Owen argues that many women are held back not by grand, external forces, but by a set of fourteen common, destructive habits—subtle, insidious behaviors that masquerade as coping mechanisms but ultimately keep them from happiness.

Narrator: Owen explains that two of the most pervasive habits are being an asshole to yourself and feeling like a fraud. The inner critic is that relentless voice of negative self-talk. It’s a habit illustrated by the story of Suzanne, a woman who speaks to herself in a way she would never speak to another human being. If she makes a mistake, she berates herself with words like "stupid," "fat," and "ugly," wallowing in the feelings even when she logically knows they aren't true. Owen points out that this voice often originates in childhood, from family dynamics or cultural messages that made us feel inadequate.

Closely related is the imposter complex, the persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud. It’s the feeling that your accomplishments are due to luck, not skill. Owen shares the story of Rachel, a nurse who graduated with honors yet works every shift in the ER convinced she’s the least competent person there. She constantly fears her bosses and coworkers will discover she’s just guessing. The book argues that overcoming these internal saboteurs requires conscious effort. It involves recognizing the negative self-talk, challenging its validity, and actively practicing self-compassion and self-forgiveness.

Narrator: Many women wear heavy armor in their daily lives, believing it will protect them from judgment and rejection. Owen identifies two key pieces of this armor: perfectionism and people-pleasing. Perfectionism isn't about healthy striving; it's a defensive move driven by the fear of shame. It’s the belief that if you can look, act, and be perfect, you can avoid blame and pain. Owen illustrates this with a painful memory from her own life. At fourteen, she quit the tennis team on the day of tryouts—not because she wasn't good, but because she was terrified of not being the best. The fear of failing in front of others was so paralyzing that she chose to quit rather than risk imperfection, a decision she regretted for twenty years.

People-pleasing is the other side of this coin, where self-worth becomes dependent on the approval of others. It’s a habit often learned in childhood, where being a "good girl" meant prioritizing everyone else's happiness. The book tells the story of Jessica, a woman who, even in her thirties, still calls her mother daily for validation on every decision, from parenting to her career. Overcoming this requires setting firm boundaries and internalizing a crucial truth: you are not responsible for other people's feelings.

Narrator: When life gets overwhelming, it’s natural to seek an escape. Owen highlights two common but destructive escape hatches: numbing and isolation. Numbing is the act of checking out from difficult emotions through behaviors like overeating, drinking, shopping, or endlessly scrolling through social media. The book makes a critical distinction between comfort, which is done with self-control, and numbing, which is about disassociating from your feelings. Owen shares her own past struggles with addiction, explaining how she used these behaviors to avoid the pain of fear, shame, and grief, which only left her feeling more disconnected.

Isolation works in a similar way. It’s not just being physically alone, but emotionally hiding your true struggles for fear of being judged or seen as a burden. Wendy, a woman from one of Owen’s classes, appeared to have it all together but was crumbling inside. When things got tough, she would hide out, pretending everything was fine while feeling numb and disconnected. The antidote to both habits is vulnerability. It requires the courage to feel difficult emotions and to reach out for connection, finding "compassionate witnesses" who can listen without judgment.

Narrator: Our perspective on life is often distorted by two powerful habits: comparison and catastrophizing. The "compare and despair" cycle is a mind game with no winner, and Owen notes that social media has become its primary playground. We compare our real, messy lives to someone else's curated highlight reel. The author shares her own experience of going on an Instagram unfollowing spree. She had followed fitness and yoga accounts for inspiration but found they only made her feel inadequate. By consciously controlling her feed, she took back control of her self-esteem.

Catastrophizing is the habit of waiting for the other shoe to drop, even when things are going well. It’s a fear of joy, rooted in the belief that we don't deserve happiness or that it will be taken away. This is shown through the story of Nisha, who found herself in a wonderful new relationship but was so uncomfortable with the joy that she spent her time worrying about how it would inevitably end. The solution, Owen suggests, is to practice gratitude and intentionally step into joy, even when it feels vulnerable.

Narrator: After identifying the habits that hold us back, the book presents the ultimate tool for creating a better life: defining and honoring your core values. Values are the roadmap, the personal North Star that guides your choices. Without a clear sense of your values—like courage, connection, or integrity—it’s easy to fall back into old patterns. The book provides exercises to help identify these values, not by what you think they should be, but by what feels true to you.

Owen uses the story of Amanda, a woman who worked in a company with manipulative management. For months, she felt angry and resentful. Instead of quitting or continuing to complain, she identified her core value of courage. She scheduled a meeting with her managers and, with grace and honesty, voiced her concerns and asked for changes. While the company didn't meet her needs and she ultimately chose to leave, she walked away feeling proud. She had honored her values. The book emphasizes that this is the goal: not necessarily to win, but to act in a way that aligns with who you truly are.

Narrator: Ultimately, How to Stop Feeling Like Sht* delivers a powerful message: the self-destructive habits that cause so much pain are not deep character flaws. They are learned behaviors, often born from fear and a deep-seated need to protect ourselves. The path to a more kick-ass life isn't about achieving a state of flawless happiness, but about cultivating relentless self-awareness and self-compassion.

The book challenges you to stop running from discomfort and instead turn toward it with curiosity. It asks you to recognize the inner critic, the people-pleaser, or the perfectionist not as an enemy to be destroyed, but as a misguided protector to be understood and retrained. The most profound takeaway is that you have the power to change, not by becoming someone else, but by courageously and consistently choosing to honor the person you already are.