Dr. Warren Reed: Chay, let me ask you a question. How much of your day do you think is driven by conscious, deliberate choice, versus an invisible script you learned as a kid? We wake up, grab our phone, drink the same coffee, react the same way in traffic... Dr. Nicole LePera, in her book "How to Meet Your Self," argues that most of us are living on autopilot, run by what she calls our 'habit self.' And this is the very thing that can sabotage our confidence and our goals.

Chay: That's a powerful and slightly terrifying thought. The idea that we're not fully in the driver's seat. It makes you question everything, really. How many of my 'preferences' are actually just deeply ingrained habits I never chose?

Dr. Warren Reed: Exactly. And that's what we're unpacking today. The book is a workbook, a practical guide to reclaiming the driver's seat. Today we'll dive deep into this from two perspectives. First, we'll explore this powerful, and often hidden, 'habit self' that's been running the show since childhood. Then, we'll discuss a game-changing idea: that the key to changing your mind is actually starting with your body.

Chay: I love that. It sounds like we're moving from diagnosis to a practical prescription. I'm ready.

Dr. Warren Reed: Great. So let's start with that first idea: this 'habit self.' What is it? LePera's point is simple. From our earliest moments, our brains are recording everything. We watch our parents, our caregivers. We learn how they communicate, how they handle stress, what they believe about the world. We absorb it all unconsciously to figure out how to get our needs met—how to be safe, loved, and accepted.

Chay: So it’s a survival mechanism.

Dr. Warren Reed: Precisely. This collection of learned behaviors, beliefs, and reactions becomes our 'habit self.' It's the autopilot program. The problem is, that program was written by a child, for a child's world. And we keep running it as adults, even when it no longer serves us.

Chay: And we don't even realize we're doing it.

Dr. Warren Reed: We're completely blind to it. LePera shares her own story, which I think is so powerful. For years, she lived as what she calls a "chameleon." In any group, any relationship, she would instinctively morph into whatever she thought the other people wanted or needed her to be. She put everyone else's needs first, constantly seeking their approval and validation.

Chay: Wow. That sounds exhausting.

Dr. Warren Reed: It was. She describes feeling this deep, simmering resentment and a profound sense of emptiness. She was successful, a practicing therapist, but she felt like a fraud. She had this moment of realization, asking herself, "Whose life am I even living?" She was living the life of her habit self, the one that learned "I must please others to be safe," not the life her authentic self wanted.

Chay: That 'chameleon' story is so relevant today. It's like the analog version of curating a personal brand online. You're constantly performing, showing only the 'acceptable' or impressive parts of yourself. You post the successes, the perfect vacation photos, the witty captions. It's a full-time job being the person you think the world wants to see.

Dr. Warren Reed: That's a brilliant connection. And the book says this constant performance, this chameleon act, erodes self-trust. Can you see why?

Chay: Absolutely. If you're always ignoring your own real feelings or needs to get a 'like' or to avoid conflict, you're essentially telling yourself that your authentic feelings are wrong or unimportant. You're betraying yourself, over and over. How can you trust yourself to have your own back if you're always abandoning yourself for external approval?

Dr. Warren Reed: That's it, right there. LePera writes, "Every time we return to our habits... we betray ourselves and erode our self-trust." Building self-confidence, then, isn't about learning new catchphrases. It's about ending that self-betrayal by becoming conscious of the habit self.

Chay: Okay, so that brings up the big question. If our habit self is so deeply wired from childhood, and it's running on these powerful, subconscious survival patterns, just 'deciding' to be different feels impossible. It feels like trying to stop a train with your bare hands. Where do you even begin to fight that?

Dr. Warren Reed: That is the million-dollar question. And LePera's answer is radical, and it’s why this book is so different. You don't start in your head. You start in your body.

Chay: Okay, unpack that. Because my interest in nutrition and wellness is built on that idea, but I'm curious how she applies it to psychology.

Dr. Warren Reed: She introduces the concept of the 'trauma body.' Now, 'trauma' is a big word, but she defines it as any experience that overwhelms our ability to cope. It doesn't have to be a major event. It can be chronic stress, emotional neglect, or feeling unsafe as a child. That stress, that overwhelm, gets stored in our nervous system. Our body learns to live in a state of high alert, or 'survival mode.'

Chay: So that's why you can feel anxious or on-edge for seemingly no reason? It's not a thought, it's a physical state.

Dr. Warren Reed: Exactly. Your body is physically re-experiencing a past threat. Your heart races, your breathing gets shallow, your muscles tense up. You're in fight-or-flight. In that state, you can't think clearly, you can't connect with others, and you certainly can't access your 'authentic self.' Trying to use positive affirmations when your body is screaming "DANGER!" is like shouting into a hurricane. It's useless.

Chay: So the first step is to calm the hurricane.

Dr. Warren Reed: You have to signal safety to your body. Physically. The book is full of simple tools for this, but let's try one. It's a grounding exercise. For everyone listening, you can do this right now. Wherever you are, just take a second. First, silently name three things you can see around you. Just notice them. My laptop. A cup. A window.

Chay: Okay, I see my microphone, a water bottle, and a notebook.

Dr. Warren Reed: Good. Now, name two things you can hear. Maybe it's the hum of a computer, or traffic outside.

Chay: I can hear the air conditioning and the sound of my own breathing, now that I'm paying attention to it.

Dr. Warren Reed: Perfect. And finally, notice one thing you can feel. The sensation of your feet on the floor, or the chair supporting your back. Just bring your full attention to that physical sensation.

Chay: The pressure of my headphones on my ears.

Dr. Warren Reed: And that's it. What you've just done is pull your brain out of the abstract world of worry and future-tripping and anchored it in the present, physical moment. You've used your senses to tell your nervous system, "Hey. Right here, right now, you are safe." This is how you begin to regulate.

Chay: This is so different from the usual 'just think positive' or 'don't worry' advice. That advice is actually invalidating. But this... this is a physical tool. It's not about ignoring the stress, but about changing your body's state so you then deal with the stress. It's so practical.

Dr. Warren Reed: It is. LePera calls this building an 'internal support system.' Instead of needing someone else to calm you down, you learn how to do it for yourself. This is the foundation. You can't meet your authentic self if you're not at home in your own body.

Chay: So it's a two-step process, really. First, you have to become the witness to your own life, to see the 'habit self' in action. And second, you have to learn the physical tools to regulate your nervous system, to create that inner safety.

Dr. Warren Reed: That’s a perfect summary. It’s about moving from being reactive to being conscious, and that consciousness starts with the body. It’s not about fighting your thoughts, but about creating a calm internal state from which new thoughts and choices can emerge.

Chay: It reframes self-confidence completely. It's not a personality trait you either have or don't. It's a skill you build by learning to trust yourself. And that trust is built on a foundation of self-regulation and self-awareness.

Dr. Warren Reed: Exactly. And to give our listeners a concrete starting point, LePera offers a brilliant, simple tool in the appendix called the 'Future Self Journal.' It's not about writing pages and pages. The entire concept is this: make and keep one small, daily promise to yourself.

Chay: A micro-promise.

Dr. Warren Reed: A micro-promise. So, for everyone listening, here's the challenge. What is one tiny thing you can do tomorrow morning that is for your, not your habit self? Maybe it's drinking a glass of water before you touch your phone. Maybe it's doing five deep breaths before your feet hit the floor. Maybe it's stepping outside for 60 seconds of sunlight.

Chay: It's not about the grand gesture. It's about the consistency.

Dr. Warren Reed: It's about the act of follow-through. That small act of keeping a promise to yourself is, according to LePera and the principles of neuroplasticity, how you begin to rewire your brain. You are creating a new neural pathway. You are building evidence that you can be trusted. That is how you build real, unshakable self-trust.

Chay: It's about proving to yourself, one small action at a time, that you are worthy of your own care. That's the foundation of what the book is really about. It's the practical application of loving yourself first.

Dr. Warren Reed: Couldn't have said it better myself. Start small, and start tomorrow.