Mark: Here’s a wild thought for you, Michelle. Brain scans show we operate on subconscious autopilot about 95% of the time. Michelle: Hold on, 95 percent? So for every twenty decisions I thought I made today—what to eat, what to say in that meeting, when to check my phone—nineteen of them were actually made by old programming I'm not even aware of? Mark: That's the science. It's why so many of us feel stuck, running the same patterns over and over. It feels like we're passengers in our own lives. But what if you could actually grab the controls? Michelle: Okay, I’m listening. That feeling is way too familiar. What’s the secret? Mark: It’s the central idea in a book that has taken the world by storm, How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera. And what makes her perspective so powerful is that she’s a Cornell and New School-trained clinical psychologist who hit a wall herself. She felt burnt out and realized traditional therapy, the very field she practiced, wasn't giving her or her clients the full picture. Michelle: Wow, so this book was born from her own professional and personal crisis. That adds a whole other layer of credibility. She’s not just an academic; she’s lived it. Mark: Exactly. She calls herself 'The Holistic Psychologist' and this book is her guide to a new kind of self-healing.

Michelle: That’s a bold claim, that traditional therapy has limits. So if that model isn't the complete answer, what alternative is she proposing? Mark: She argues that we are our own best healers. The core idea is that lasting change doesn't come from a weekly session, but from the small, conscious choices we make every single day. It’s about moving from being a passive recipient of therapy to an active creator of your own wellness. Michelle: That sounds great in theory, but it also sounds like a lot of pressure. Where do you even start? Mark: Well, she tells this incredible story about a woman named Ally Bazely. Ally was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, MS, and had a severe reaction to her medication. She was physically debilitated, depressed, and felt completely hopeless. Doctors didn't have many answers for her. Michelle: That sounds like the definition of being stuck. Mark: Absolutely. But then Ally came across Dr. LePera's work and decided to make one small, daily promise to herself to rebuild self-trust. It started with just drinking one glass of water every morning before her coffee. That was it. Michelle: Just one glass of water? Mark: Yes. And once she kept that promise for a while, she added another: journaling for a few minutes. Then she started incorporating gentle movement, like yoga, and eventually changed her diet based on another doctor's anti-inflammatory protocol. She wasn't trying to cure her MS overnight; she was just trying to keep one small promise to herself each day. Michelle: And what happened? Mark: Over a year later, Ally's MS went into remission. She lost eighty pounds, regained her ability to walk, and started running and cycling. She felt more alive and clearheaded than ever before. Michelle: That’s a staggering story. But I have to ask, the skeptic in me wonders how much of that is just the placebo effect? Believing you'll get better makes you feel better. Mark: That’s a great question, and Dr. LePera would say you're exactly right—and that the placebo effect isn't a trick, it's proof of our power. The book dives into the science of epigenetics, which shows that our choices—our food, our stress levels, our thoughts—can literally turn genes on and off. Our DNA isn't a fixed destiny. Ally didn't just believe she was getting better; her daily actions were changing her biology. Michelle: So the belief has to be backed by action. The "work" is actually doing the work. Mark: Precisely. It’s about understanding that your mind and body are in constant conversation, and you have the power to change the script.

Mark: And a huge part of changing that script involves understanding something most of us think we're immune to: trauma. Michelle: Right, when I hear the word 'trauma,' I think of soldiers, major accidents, or severe abuse. Most people, myself included, would probably say, "That doesn't apply to me." Mark: And that's the exact misconception Dr. LePera wants to dismantle. She argues that we need to radically redefine trauma. It’s not just about those big, catastrophic events. Trauma can be any experience that overwhelms our capacity to cope, especially in childhood. It can be the consistent emotional neglect from a parent who was physically present but emotionally checked out. Michelle: So, a parent who was always anxious or distracted, or who never really saw you for who you were... that can be a trauma? Mark: Yes, a profound one. Dr. LePera shares her own story, which is fascinating. She had almost no memories of her childhood. Not bad memories, just… blank spaces. And for years, she thought that meant her childhood was fine. But as she did the work, she realized this memory loss was a coping mechanism. Her home was filled with a low-grade, constant anxiety, and her way of surviving was to emotionally disconnect, to essentially float away from her body. Michelle: That’s chilling. The absence of memory being the evidence of the wound. Mark: Exactly. She calls this the "trauma body." It's the idea that unresolved emotional wounds don't just stay in our minds; they get stored in our nervous system. They show up as chronic gut issues, brain fog, anxiety, and physical tension. Her own wake-up call was when she started having fainting spells. Michelle: Fainting? From emotional trauma? Mark: Yes. She tells a story about being in a hardware store with her family during the holidays. The bright lights, the crowd, the underlying family tension—it all became too much for her dysregulated nervous system, and she just collapsed. Her body was screaming what her conscious mind had suppressed for decades. Michelle: Wow. That makes the mind-body connection so visceral. It’s not an abstract idea; it’s your body literally shutting down because it can't handle the stored stress. Mark: And this is where she brings in polyvagal theory. It sounds complex, but the idea is simple. Our nervous system is constantly scanning our environment for cues of safety or danger. When we grow up in an environment where we don't feel consistently safe and seen, our nervous system gets stuck in a state of high alert—fight, flight, or, in her case, freeze. We then carry that dysregulated system into our adult lives, and it dictates everything.

Michelle: Okay, so we're running on autopilot, we're all probably more traumatized than we think, and our bodies are keeping score. It sounds a little bleak, Mark. What do we actually do about it? What is "the work"? Mark: This is where the book shifts from diagnosis to a practical toolkit. It’s about consciously building the skills you were never taught as a child. Two of the most powerful tools she offers are setting boundaries and reparenting. Michelle: Let's start with boundaries. That word gets thrown around a lot. What does she mean by it? Mark: For her, boundaries are the key to self-preservation. She tells the story of a client named Susan, who was completely enmeshed with her mother. Her mom would call multiple times a day, show up unannounced, and use guilt to control her. Susan felt like a "doormat," constantly exhausted and resentful because she had no space that was truly her own. Michelle: I think a lot of people can relate to that, especially with family. Mark: Absolutely. For Susan, the "work" was starting small. It was learning to let the phone ring. It was learning to say, "Now is not a good time for me, can I call you back later?" It was terrifying for her at first, but each small boundary she set was an act of reclaiming herself. Michelle: And what about 'reparenting'? Honestly, that sounds a little... out there. How does that work without feeling like you're just talking to yourself in a corner? Mark: It's less about talking to yourself and more about acting for yourself. Reparenting is about identifying the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs that weren't met in your childhood and consciously choosing to meet them for yourself now. If you were never allowed to be sad, it's allowing yourself to feel sadness without judgment. If you were never allowed to play, it's scheduling time for purposeless fun. You become the wise, loving parent to your own inner child. Michelle: That makes more sense. It's about giving yourself permission. But this is where some of the controversy around the book comes in, right? The idea that you can just 'heal yourself' has been criticized by some as being dismissive of traditional therapy. Is that a fair take? Mark: It's a common critique, but I think it's a misunderstanding of her message. Dr. LePera isn't anti-therapy; she's a psychologist. Her point is that therapy is a powerful tool, but an hour a week can't undo a lifetime of conditioning if you're not doing the work in the other 167 hours. The book is a framework for that daily practice. It's about empowering you between sessions, or providing a path for those who don't have access to therapy. It's a 'both/and' approach, not an 'either/or'.

Michelle: So when you put it all together, it’s not about finding one big, magical fix. It’s about becoming conscious of that 95% autopilot and making tiny, daily choices to start steering the ship yourself. Mark: Exactly. The big takeaway is that healing isn't something that happens to you in an office; it's a conscious process you live every day. It's about recognizing that your anxiety, your relationship patterns, your chronic pain—they are all messengers. They're not who you are; they're signals pointing you toward the work that needs to be done. Michelle: It’s a much more hopeful and empowering way to look at our struggles. They’re not life sentences; they’re invitations. Mark: That's the perfect way to put it. And the beautiful thing is that this work isn't just for you. As Dr. LePera says, "As you heal yourself, you heal the world around you." When you break your own cycles, you stop passing them on. You show up as a more whole, authentic person for everyone in your life. Michelle: That's a powerful thought to end on. It makes the personal journey feel like part of a much larger, collective healing. For our listeners, we'd love to hear what one small promise you could make to yourself today. It could be as simple as a glass of water. Find us on our socials and share your thoughts. Mark: We'd love to see it. This is Aibrary, signing off.