Mark: Americans check their phones about 47 times a day. But for people between 18 and 24, that number jumps to 82 times. Michelle: Whoa. That’s not a habit; that’s a nervous tic. That's basically every few minutes you're awake. Mark: Exactly. And it turns out, that’s not an accident. It’s a design feature. This is the central, chilling premise of the book we're diving into today: How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price. Michelle: And Price isn't just some pundit, which I think is so important. She's an award-winning science journalist who started investigating this after a very personal moment. She was feeding her baby in the middle of the night and had this out-of-body experience where she saw herself just staring down at her phone, not her child. Mark: That was her wake-up call. She realized that if this device could pull her away from one of the most fundamental human experiences, something profound and potentially dangerous was going on. It’s that personal stake that makes this book feel so urgent and, thankfully, so practical. Michelle: Okay, so this isn't just another "tech is bad" rant. It's an investigation. Mark: It's a survival guide. Price argues that our relationship with our phones has become dysfunctional, but not because we lack willpower. It’s because there are, as tech ethicist Tristan Harris says, "a thousand engineers on the other side" of the screen working to keep you hooked.

Michelle: A thousand engineers… that's a terrifying thought. It reframes the whole thing. I always thought my mindless scrolling was a personal failing, a lack of discipline. Mark: And that's the first myth the book dismantles. It’s not a fair fight. These apps and devices are engineered to exploit our brain's most primitive wiring. The key player here is dopamine. Michelle: Right, the pleasure chemical. You get a like, you get a little hit of dopamine, you feel good. Mark: That’s what most people think, but the science is more nuanced and, frankly, more manipulative. Dopamine isn't just about pleasure; it's about the anticipation of a reward. It’s the chemical of seeking, of wanting. It’s what kept our ancestors foraging for berries, and it’s what keeps us scrolling for new information. Michelle: So it’s the possibility of a reward that gets us hooked, not the reward itself? Mark: Precisely. And tech companies have perfected this. Price uses the perfect analogy: the slot machine. You pull the lever, and you might get a reward, or you might get nothing. This is called a variable reward schedule, and it's the most addictive pattern known to science. Every time you pull down to refresh your email or your social media feed, you are pulling the lever on a slot machine. Michelle: Oh, I know that feeling. That little pause before the new posts load… that’s the moment of anticipation. Mark: Exactly. And some companies take it even further. The book tells this incredible story about a company called Dopamine Labs, founded by a neuroscientist named Ramsay Brown. His company literally creates code for app developers to make their products more addictive. Michelle: Wait, hold on. There's a company that openly sells addiction-as-a-service? That sounds like something from a dystopian movie. Mark: It’s real. Brown explained in an interview how Instagram, for example, deliberately withholds showing you new 'likes' on your photos. It waits. It collects them. And then, at the moment its algorithm predicts you're most likely to close the app, it delivers them all in a sudden rush. Michelle: No way. So that flood of notifications I get sometimes isn't random? It's timed? Mark: It's a precisely calculated dopamine bomb designed to keep you engaged. Brown’s own words were that users are "guinea pigs in a box, pushing the button and sometimes getting the likes." They are running massive, real-time experiments on millions of us, all the time, to see what keeps us scrolling. Michelle: That is… deeply unsettling. It’s one thing to know you’re being marketed to. It’s another to realize you’re a lab rat in an experiment you never signed up for. It’s not just about ads; it's about hijacking our brain chemistry. Mark: And it works. It rewires our brain. The book cites a famous study on London cab drivers. Before GPS, they had to memorize 25,000 streets—a test called "The Knowledge." Brain scans showed that the part of their brain responsible for spatial memory, the hippocampus, was physically larger than in non-cabbies. Their thoughts and practice had literally changed their brains. Michelle: I can see that. Practice makes perfect, and the brain adapts. Mark: Right. But the book asks a chilling question: if London cabbies are training their brains for navigation, what are we training our brains for every time we pick up our phone? Michelle: Distraction. Skimming. Task-switching. Mark: Exactly. We're building a brain that's excellent at being distracted and terrible at deep focus. Research from Stanford showed that heavy multitaskers—the very people who think they're good at it—are awful at every cognitive task they tested. They can't filter out irrelevant information, they can't organize their thoughts, and they're slow to switch between tasks. We're not multitasking; we're just shredding our attention into tiny, useless pieces.

Michelle: Okay, that's terrifying. I feel like I need to throw my phone in a river. But the book's title isn't 'How to Destroy Your Phone,' it's 'How to Break Up With It.' What does that actually look like? It sounds less… violent. Mark: It is. And that's the most hopeful part of the book. The goal isn't abstinence; it's consciousness. A breakup isn't about erasing the other person from existence; it's about redefining the relationship so it's no longer toxic. The book lays out a 30-day plan, but it starts with something she calls "Technology Triage." Michelle: Triage. Like in an emergency room? Mark: Precisely. Before you can fix the problem, you have to assess the damage. The first week is just about observation. You download a tracking app—like Moment or RescueTime—and you just… watch. You see how many times you pick up your phone, how many hours you spend on it. The book is full of stories from volunteers who did this, and they were universally horrified. One guy, Dustin, guessed he spent maybe 45 minutes a day on his phone. The app revealed it was over two hours, with 81 pickups. Michelle: Oh, I’m afraid to even look at my own stats. But I get it. You can't change what you don't measure. So after you've horrified yourself with the data, what's next? Mark: You start changing your environment, not just relying on willpower. This is key. You make small, physical changes that create "speed bumps" between the impulse and the action. For instance, turn off almost all your notifications. That constant buzzing is the cue in your habit loop. No cue, no craving. Michelle: That makes so much sense. You’re not fighting the urge; you’re preventing the urge from even starting. Mark: Exactly. Another big one is to change where you charge your phone. Get it out of the bedroom. The book cites a study showing that the blue light from screens suppresses melatonin, the sleep hormone. But it's more than that. Having it by your bed means it's the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning, plunging you straight into a world of stress and other people's demands before you've even had a chance to connect with yourself. Michelle: I am so guilty of this. The "bedtime scroll" is my biggest weakness. Mark: The volunteer, Dustin, who was horrified by his screen time? He moved his charger to the kitchen. He said his sleep improved dramatically, and he felt less anxious because conversations were allowed to just… pause overnight. It didn't have to be a 24/7 stream. Michelle: That actually sounds doable. It's a simple, one-time decision that pays off every single day. What about social media apps? They feel like the biggest time-sinks. Mark: Price has a great strategy for that. She calls it "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Apps." You go through your phone and ask of each app: Does this genuinely help me live a better life? Or is it a "slot machine" app? For the slot machines, like Instagram or TikTok, she suggests deleting the app from your phone. Michelle: Whoa, delete it entirely? That feels extreme. Mark: But here's the clever part. You don't delete your account. You just access it through your phone's web browser. It's clunkier, it's slower, and it doesn't send notifications. That little bit of friction is often enough to break the compulsive checking. A volunteer named Siobhan did this and said it made a "huge difference" because it was no longer effortless. She had to consciously decide to check it, and most of the time, she realized she just couldn't be bothered. Michelle: That’s brilliant. You’re not forbidding it; you’re just making it slightly less convenient. You're re-introducing intention. Mark: You're turning it from a temptation back into a tool. And as you do this, you start to find what Price calls JOMO—the Joy of Missing Out. You realize that being disconnected, even for a little while, isn't scary. It's peaceful. It's where creativity, reflection, and real connection happen.

Michelle: So when you put it all together, it feels like a two-part journey. First, you have to accept the uncomfortable truth that your attention is a commodity being mined by incredibly sophisticated systems. Mark: Right. Understanding that architecture of addiction is what frees you from the self-blame. It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility to do something about it. Michelle: And then the second part, the "breakup," is about taking that responsibility. It’s a series of small, intentional, and often physical changes to your environment that allow you to build a new, healthier relationship with this powerful tool. Mark: Exactly. The book isn't anti-technology. It's pro-life. It argues that our life is simply what we pay attention to. If our attention is constantly being fractured and sold to the highest bidder, we're giving away the very experience of living. Reclaiming that attention is the whole point. Michelle: I love that. So, for anyone listening who feels that pull, that digital tic, a great first step from the book is to try the "WWW" check next time you instinctively reach for your phone. Just pause and ask: What for? Why now? What else? Mark: It’s a simple mindfulness practice that creates that crucial speed bump. It gives you a moment to decide if you're using the phone, or if the phone is using you. Michelle: It all comes down to that final, powerful question the book leaves you with. It's a question for all of us to carry forward: "This is your life—what do you want to pay attention to?" It's a simple question, but it changes everything. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.