Narrator: Imagine your life is a backyard you're preparing for a party. You notice it's overrun with dandelions, a clear sign of neglect. In a hurry, you simply mow the lawn. For a moment, it looks perfect—clean, green, and presentable. But within days, the dandelions are back, their yellow heads defiantly pushing through the grass. You realize that mowing was just a surface-level fix. To truly solve the problem, you have to get your hands dirty, spend the afternoon pulling up each dandelion by its deep, stubborn root system. This messy, time-consuming work is the only path to lasting change.

In his transformative book, How Am I Doing?: 40 Conversations to Have with Yourself, psychotherapist Dr. Corey Yeager argues that our lives are much like that backyard. We often settle for quick fixes and behavior modification—mowing the lawn—when what we truly need is to dig deep and address the root causes of our struggles. Through a series of 40 profound questions, Dr. Yeager provides the tools to move beyond surface-level adjustments and begin the essential, and sometimes messy, work of genuine self-discovery and restoration.

Narrator: The book's journey begins with a foundational, and for many, a radical, principle: you must be the most important person in your own life. Dr. Yeager challenges the common misconception that prioritizing oneself is an act of selfishness. Instead, he frames it as a necessary precondition for being of service to anyone else. Before you can be a good parent, partner, friend, or colleague, you must first be good to yourself.

He illustrates this with a personal practice he calls a "Corey day." When Dr. Yeager feels overwhelmed by the demands of his work and family, he recognizes the signs of burnout. He proactively communicates to his wife, Carrie, that he needs a day for himself. On a "Corey day," he doesn't take calls, not even from her, and he might ignore the doorbell even if someone can see him inside. This isn't about being rude or neglectful; it's a conscious act of self-preservation. He understands that by taking this time to recharge, he replenishes the energy and mental clarity needed to be fully present and effective in all his roles. This practice isn't about reflexively putting himself first, but about consciously moving with an awareness of his own needs, ensuring he can continue to give to others without depleting himself.

Narrator: Too often, we allow others to write our life stories for us. We follow paths laid out by family expectations, societal pressures, or our own limiting beliefs. Dr. Yeager insists that to live an authentic life, we must seize the pen and become the authors of our own narratives. This requires deep self-reflection and the courage to ask "why" we are where we are.

Dr. Yeager's own life is a testament to this principle. Growing up, his story was written for him: he was a talented football player, and a professional career seemed like his destiny. He dedicated his youth to this single pursuit, even signing with a semi-pro league. But when he wasn't selected in the NFL draft, that story came to an abrupt end. For a time, he was lost, drifting between jobs. However, this failure became an opportunity for a new beginning. By embracing curiosity and exploring new interests, he discovered a passion for psychology and therapy. He rewrote his story, transforming from a failed football player into a respected researcher, therapist, and author. His journey shows that endings are merely opportunities for new beginnings, and failure, when combined with curiosity, can lead to the most unexpected and fulfilling chapters of our lives.

Narrator: The conversations we have are critical to our growth, both the ones we have with ourselves and the ones we have with others. Dr. Yeager emphasizes the profound power of our inner voice, noting that positive self-talk leads to positive outcomes, while negative self-talk becomes an echo chamber of old criticisms that blocks new opportunities. He uses the example of a basketball player on the free-throw line. After a miss, a negative inner voice might spiral into a loop of self-doubt about the coach's disappointment and future contract negotiations. A positive inner voice, however, would offer encouragement: "I got this. Let's go." That choice in self-talk can be the difference between a slump and a comeback.

At the same time, we need external perspectives. Dr. Yeager advises creating a personal "supreme court"—a small, trusted group of three to five people who provide honest wisdom on life's big decisions. These aren't just people who agree with you; they are truth-tellers. He learned this lesson from his mother. When he was struggling in college and wanted to quit, he called her for support. Instead, she told him, "You chose it. No one forced you. It’s time to step up and figure out how to make that choice the right one." That difficult truth was a turning point. He realized the hard work wasn't in making the right choice, but in making the choice right. This is the role of a supreme court: to offer the grounding truths we need to hear.

Narrator: In a world that often prizes strength and perfection, admitting weakness can feel terrifying. However, Dr. Yeager argues that embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a courageous act that unlocks profound growth. Hiding our insecurities takes an immense amount of energy; acknowledging them is freeing.

During his PhD program, Dr. Yeager, a first-generation college student, struggled with technical writing but tried to hide it from his advisor, Dr. Doherty. He feared it would undermine his credibility. The effort was exhausting. Finally, his wife told him bluntly, "You’re not going to be able to hide the inability to write in a PhD program. Everybody’s going to know." Taking her advice, he confessed his struggles to his advisor. Dr. Doherty’s response was simple: "I know. I’m reading your stuff." He then laid out a plan: "Write like crazy. Then give it to me. I’m going to mark it up and you’re going to write it again." This process of continuous, tough feedback was only possible because Dr. Yeager had the courage to be vulnerable. It required him to say, "Okay, I'm ready to be a beginner," which, paradoxically, takes incredible strength.

Narrator: When we decide to make a change, it's crucial to understand what kind of change we're seeking. Dr. Yeager introduces the concepts of first-order and second-order change. First-order change is an adjustment within an existing system. Think of it like redecorating a room by taking pictures off the wall—the room's structure remains the same. Second-order change is a fundamental transformation of the system itself, like knocking down a wall to create an open-plan living space.

This distinction is vital because we often try to solve second-order problems with first-order solutions, leading to frustration. For example, a couple on the brink of separation might try first-order changes like improving communication. But if the core issue is that their fundamental values no longer align, they may actually need a second-order change, which could mean ending the relationship. Recognizing whether you need to adjust the picture on the wall or tear down the wall itself is a critical step. It requires patience, visualization, and the courage to face the possibility that a deep, structural change is necessary for true progress.

Narrator: The final question of the book asks, "Does your life have movement?" Dr. Yeager uses a powerful metaphor to guide the answer: we should strive to be rivers, not ponds. A pond is stagnant, its water still and unchanging. A river, however, is in perpetual motion—constantly flowing, regenerating, and adapting to the landscape. This doesn't mean a life of frantic activity, but one of psychological openness, fluidity, and continuous growth.

This idea of flow connects back to his mother's advice about "making the choice right." It's about trusting that the moment will unfold as it's supposed to, without forcing things that don't fit. Sometimes, being still is the work. It's about staying present and adapting to what comes, just as a football player must recalibrate when a planned play goes sideways. True forward movement isn't just about external motion; it's about integrating our experiences and aligning our inner flow with the rush of life. By staying fertile, present, and open to change, we ensure our lives are like a river, always moving and never ceasing.

Narrator: The central, unifying message of How Am I Doing? is that true freedom comes from within. It is born from the courageous and consistent practice of self-awareness. Dr. Corey Yeager guides readers to understand that the answers they seek are not in external validation or surface-level changes, but in the quiet, honest conversations they are willing to have with themselves. By asking the right questions, we can dig beneath the surface, pull up the dandelions by the root, and cultivate a life of intention, purpose, and grace.

The ultimate challenge posed by this book is not merely to read the forty questions, but to live them. It's an invitation to shift from a life of passive reaction to one of active authorship. The real work begins when you close the book and ask yourself, with genuine curiosity and without judgment, "How am I really doing today?" and have the courage to listen to the answer.