Mark: Alright Michelle, before we dive in, if you had to describe the typical self-help book in one, slightly cynical, sentence, what would it be? Michelle: Oh, easy. 'Just think positive, and here are 200 pages of reasons why it's your fault if you don't.' Mark: Perfect. That is exactly the stereotype we are going to dismantle today. We're diving into a book that became an instant New York Times bestseller for doing the opposite. It’s Healing Is a Gift by Alexandra Elle. Michelle: I like the sound of that already. A gift, not a chore. Mark: Exactly. And what's fascinating is that Elle isn't a psychologist or a therapist. She's a writer and a certified breathwork coach whose entire career grew from her own pre-teen journals. She started writing as a kid to process her own trauma and depression. Michelle: Wow, so this comes from a place of lived experience, not a clinical textbook. That feels much more inviting. Mark: It’s the heart of the whole book. It’s less of a "how-to" manual and more of a "here's how I did it, and here's how you can find your own way" invitation. It’s been widely praised for that gentle, non-prescriptive tone. Michelle: Okay, so if it's not about 'fixing' yourself with a five-step plan, what is it? Because let's be honest, the goal is usually to feel better, right? To get over the hump. Mark: That’s the first big idea we need to tackle. The book argues that there is no "hump" to get over. There's no finish line. Healing isn't a destination you arrive at. It's a continuous journey.

Michelle: Hold on, that sounds a little exhausting. You mean you’re never… done? You never just get to be healed and move on? Mark: That’s the exact reaction most people have, and Elle addresses it head-on with her own stories. She makes it clear that even she, a wellness teacher, is still on the journey. There's this one story in the book that just perfectly illustrates this. She calls it the "Peach Cobbler Incident." Michelle: I'm listening. Anything involving peach cobbler has my full attention. Mark: So, she’s on a trip with her good friend Erika. It’s a cozy, relaxed evening. They’re talking, sharing, and Alex—the author—decides to bake a peach cobbler. For her, baking has become this sacred, healing practice. It’s something she found liberating after a childhood where cooking felt forbidden. Michelle: I can picture that. The warm kitchen, the smell of cinnamon… it’s a whole vibe. Mark: Totally. So she bakes this beautiful cobbler, she’s proud of it, it represents her growth. She takes a picture and texts it to her mother. And her mom replies with a backhanded compliment. Something that on the surface sounds nice, but is just dripping with criticism. Michelle: Oh, that is brutal. A single text message can just curdle a whole perfect moment. I know that feeling. Mark: Instantly, Alex is triggered. All the joy evaporates. She feels discredited, small, not good enough. She breaks down in tears right there in front of her friend. This woman who facilitates healing workshops is suddenly undone by a text about a peach cobbler. Michelle: Okay, but she teaches this stuff! Doesn't that feel... I don't know, like a failure? Like she should know better or be immune to that by now? Mark: And that is the entire point of the story. Her friend Erika says something profound. She just looks at her and says, "We all have triggers that we’re still working through." It wasn't a failure. It was a data point. It was a reminder that healing isn't about building a fortress around your heart so nothing can ever hurt you again. Michelle: That makes sense. It’s more like learning how to navigate the storm when it hits, not pretending you can control the weather. Mark: Precisely. The healing wasn't in avoiding the trigger. The healing happened in the next moment: when she allowed herself to be vulnerable with her friend, when she showed herself compassion instead of beating herself up for feeling hurt, and when she realized she had a choice. She could keep seeking a different reaction from her mom and getting hurt, or she could make peace with the reality of that relationship and protect her own energy. Michelle: So the gift of healing isn't a magic shield, it's more like a compass and a first-aid kit for the journey. Mark: That's a perfect way to put it. Elle writes, "Healing is a forever thing... a constant reminder to love and care for ourselves." It’s a practice, like exercise or meditation. You don't just do it once and you're fit forever. You show up for it, again and again. Michelle: I can see how that would take the pressure off. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be present for yourself when things get messy. Mark: Exactly. The goal isn't to become immune to the mess. The goal is to build a toolkit to navigate it. And that brings us to the most empowering idea in the book: you can become the author of your own story.

Michelle: Okay, I love the sound of that, "become the author of your own story." But what does that actually look like? It sounds a bit abstract. Mark: It's the most practical part of the book. It’s about taking agency. Instead of being a passive character in a story someone else wrote for you—your family, society, your own inner critic—you pick up the pen. The book is filled with stories of people doing this, but one of the most powerful is from Dr. Thema Bryant. Michelle: I’m curious. How did she do it? Mark: Dr. Bryant is a trauma psychologist, and she shares that when she was in college, she was sexually assaulted. In the aftermath, she was struggling with depression and anxiety, unable to focus. She felt disconnected from her own body and her own life. Michelle: That’s incredibly difficult. How do you even begin to write a new story after something like that? Mark: She turned to the arts. She was a dancer and a poet. She started using dance to reclaim ownership of her body, to let it be a source of expression and power again, not just a site of trauma. And she used poetry to put words to the experience, to shape the narrative herself instead of letting the shame and silence define it for her. She literally wrote and danced her way back to herself. Michelle: Wow. That’s not just coping, that’s creating. She’s building something new out of the wreckage. Mark: That’s the core idea. And it doesn't have to be so dramatic. Alexandra Elle shares her own version of this. In her first therapy session, at age twenty-three, her therapist asked her to list things she loved about herself. And she just… couldn't. She drew a complete blank. Her mind was empty. Michelle: Oh, I’ve been there. That question can feel like an ambush if you're not in the right headspace. Mark: She felt totally defeated. But then the therapist did something brilliant. She shifted the question. She said, "Okay. Let's list what you want to love about yourself." Michelle: Oh, I like that. That’s a subtle but huge difference. It’s not about what is, it’s about what could be. Mark: Exactly. It gave her permission to dream. It was the first draft of a new story. That list became her guide. She started journaling about those qualities, acting as if they were true, and slowly, she began to embody them. She was literally writing the person she wanted to become into existence. Michelle: So it's not about lying to yourself or "faking it 'til you make it." It's about setting an intention. It’s like writing a 'to-be' list for your identity, not just a 'to-do' list for your day. Mark: That’s a great analogy. And the book provides very concrete tools for this. It's filled with journaling prompts designed to help you do this work. Questions like: "What is a story you've been telling yourself that no longer serves you?" or "Write a letter to your inner child about what they needed to hear." Michelle: Okay, so for someone listening who isn't a poet or a dancer, the pen and paper is the starting point. The journal is the studio. Mark: The journal is the studio. It's the safe space where you can write the first, messy, honest draft of your new narrative. You can identify the old stories—the ones that say "I'm not good enough" or "I'm unlovable"—and you can consciously choose to write a new one.

Michelle: It’s all starting to connect for me. We start by accepting that healing isn't a finish line, which takes the immense pressure off being "perfectly healed." And then we use these tools, like storytelling and journaling, not to erase the past, but to build a future narrative that we can actually live inside. Mark: Precisely. And that's why this book has resonated so deeply with so many people, especially in communities that are often left out of mainstream wellness conversations. It’s not a top-down prescription from an expert in an ivory tower. It’s a grassroots invitation from someone who has been in the trenches. Michelle: It feels more democratic, in a way. Like anyone can access these tools. Mark: Absolutely. And it reframes the entire act of self-care. Elle has this incredible quote: "When we heal ourselves, we start healing our lineage, our communities, and ourselves. That, my friends, is a radical and necessary act." Michelle: Wow. That gives me chills. It reframes self-care from something selfish into a powerful, even revolutionary, act of community care. It’s not just about you feeling better; it’s about breaking cycles. Mark: That’s the ultimate gift of the book. It gives you permission to prioritize your own healing, not as an indulgence, but as a responsibility to yourself and to those who come after you. Michelle: I love that. It makes it feel so much bigger than just me and my problems. So, a simple takeaway for our listeners might be to just notice one story they tell themselves. The one that runs on a loop. Just notice it today, without judgment. Mark: That's a perfect first step. And maybe ask yourself a simple question to take with you. Michelle: What's that? Mark: What's one story you've been telling yourself, and what's a new one you'd like to write? Michelle: A question to ponder. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.