Roger: Hey everyone, welcome! Today, we're diving into something that can really level up your career and even transform your workplace: emotional intelligence. Patricia: Emotional intelligence, huh? Because, let's be honest, who doesn't want to feel more self-aware while navigating office politics? I mean, it sounds a bit touchy-feely, no? Roger: Well, have you ever felt like your technical skills just weren't enough to solve a team issue? Or noticed how companies “really” take off when leaders connect with their employees? That's emotional intelligence at work. Patricia: Right, so we’re talking about this HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Emotional Intelligence. I had a quick look, and it seems there's more to leading than just crunching numbers and... well, ordering people around. Roger: Absolutely! The book “really” breaks down the core elements of EI – things like self-awareness, empathy, and social skills. And it shows how these "soft skills" can “really” improve team performance and overall success. It's full of research, practical tools, and stories about leaders who use EI to boost fairness, nail feedback, and promote innovation in the workplace. Patricia: Okay, sounds good. So, what's the plan for today? Roger: We're going to explore emotional intelligence through three key ideas. First, we'll look at the core components like empathy, self-regulation, and motivation. Then, we'll dive into some real-world examples of how these skills help resolve conflicts and build strong relationships. And finally, we'll zoom out and see how EI can transform entire organizations into hubs of collaboration and innovation. Patricia: Okay, you've got my attention with the promise of transforming entire organizations. Well, let's see if you can convince me, and all our listeners, of the power of EI, because I still think emotion in the workplace sometimes is a disaster.

Roger: So, Patricia, let’s kick things off with the basics: emotional intelligence in leadership. This is really the foundation for everything we're going to talk about today, and understanding the fundamentals is key before we get into the nitty-gritty. Emotional intelligence, or EI, is basically your ability to understand, recognize, and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of the people around you. It’s typically broken down into five components: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Patricia: Okay, Roger, let’s break this down then. Self-awareness – so you’re saying it’s the key to EI. Sounds great in theory, but what does real-world self-awareness look like? Is it just about saying, “I’m in a bad mood today,” and that’s it? Roger: Not at all! Self-awareness is more than just acknowledging your moods. It's about understanding how your emotions affect your thoughts and actions, and then using that knowledge to improve the way you behave. For example, think about a manager who noticed that her impatience when deadlines were tight was impacting her team. Instead of just getting upset, she thought about why she was getting so stressed, talked about it with her team, and changed how she approached things. She was open about the stress and delegated tasks more effectively. That turned a negative situation into one of trust and teamwork. That's self-awareness in action – it's proactive, not passive. Patricia: Got it. So, noticing the emotion is only step one, and the real trick is in how you deal with it. But what if someone isn’t naturally very self-aware? Can you actually learn to build this skill, or are some people just stuck without it? Roger: That’s a really good question. Self-awareness isn’t some kind of magical gift; it’s a skill that anyone can improve. Practices like journaling, or even just taking a few minutes to think about your day, can help you find emotional patterns. And things like 360-degree feedback give you other people’s perspectives on how you come across – which can be like holding up a mirror to your behavior. Patricia: Okay, makes sense. Now, what about self-regulation—managing your emotions so you don’t explode, either on the inside or all over your team? This seems like where things can get tricky. Is it just about keeping a straight face no matter what? Roger: No, there's much more to it than that. Self-regulation isn't about hiding your emotions or pretending everything's perfect; it's about directing them in a useful way. Think about an executive whose team completely failed during a presentation to the board. Instead of getting angry, he stayed calm and took a solution-oriented approach. He gave the team feedback in a constructive way, which maintained morale and encouraged them to regroup and do better. Patricia: But, Roger, wouldn’t most people feel like they had a right to blow up in that situation? After all, the team’s failure reflects on his leadership, too! It sounds like he had to bite his tongue just to not yell. Roger: Exactly, but he didn’t bite his tongue, he regulated himself. A leader who freaks out only makes things worse. Self-regulation isn’t about denying your feelings; it’s about using them in a productive way. It’s about showing resilience and building trust. If your leader loses it when things get tough, how motivated would you be to face the next challenge? Patricia: True, a meltdown definitely doesn’t inspire confidence. So, self-awareness helps you see the storm inside, and self-regulation prevents you from turning it into a hurricane for everyone else. What comes next? Roger: Motivation - and I’m not talking about bonuses or promotions. Intrinsic motivation is the internal desire to achieve something because the work itself is meaningful, not just because you want the reward. Leaders with intrinsic motivation inspire their teams because they are driven by that genuine commitment. Patricia: Okay, give me an example. Passion is great, but how does it actually impact results at work? Roger: Think about a manager who started making changes to the company's processes to improve efficiency. At first, her team resisted, because change is always difficult. But because she had a real belief in what she was doing, she stuck with it. She communicated her vision, celebrated small successes with her team, and kept going. Over time, productivity and morale both improved significantly because she was committed to the project even when it was difficult. Patricia: Okay, you can’t really fake that kind of drive. If your team sees that you genuinely believe in what you’re doing, they’re more likely to get on board. But what about empathy? I feel like that’s pretty easy to understand, but hard to actually do. Roger: Exactly – it's simple, but it’s not easy. Empathy is about understanding and connecting with other people's emotions. For instance, during a company merger, one division manager went above and beyond to deal with all the fear and uncertainty. He didn’t just hold required meetings; he listened to his team’s anxiety, acknowledged their concerns, and was transparent about every step of the process. His approach built trust and engagement at a time when most teams would be dealing with high turnover and stress. Patricia: So, being empathetic isn’t just nodding and saying, “I understand.” It’s really engaging with their fears and showing them that you’re on their side. It’s like he took the emotional temperature of the room and then acted accordingly. I can see how that builds loyalty. Roger: Exactly, and empathy is essential for building strong, resilient teams. It’s especially important during periods of big change, when people need reassurance and thoughtful leadership. And finally, we get to social skills, which are really the glue that holds everything together. Patricia: Ah, social skills – the trick of dealing with people without losing your mind. What’s the leadership angle, though? Isn’t this just basic people management? Roger: It's more than that. Social skills are your ability to influence others, communicate effectively, and resolve conflict. For example, one leader was able to step in and mediate a conflict between two employees whose tension was threatening to derail an important project. Instead of pointing fingers or ignoring the problem, he created a space where both people could share their perspectives and work toward a solution. By listening carefully and guiding the conversation, he not only fixed the problem, but also strengthened trust and teamwork. Patricia: Okay, I see it now. Social skills aren’t just about avoiding conflict – they’re about using tough situations as opportunities to build stronger teams. It’s like emotional intelligence in action, bringing everything together. Roger: Exactly! All five components – self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills – work together. When leaders master these things, they create workplaces where trust, collaboration, and innovation can really thrive.

Roger: So, now that we've covered the fundamentals of EI, let's dive into how it actually affects leadership and teamwork. This is where emotional intelligence moves from theory to practice. Honestly, it's why EI is so essential, not just for personal growth, but for tackling real issues in the workplace. Patricia: Finally! We’re getting to the practical stuff – how emotional intelligence plays out in the real world. Because I’m always a bit skeptical of these things at first, I’m curious: how does EI hold up when you're swamped with deadlines, dealing with office politics, and, let's face it, some less-than-stellar behavior from colleagues? Roger: Okay, that's a fantastic question. Let’s start with managing incivility in the workplace. It's a problem that often gets overlooked, but it can slowly poison an entire organization. Remember we talked about how incivility can cost companies like Cisco millions in turnover and lost productivity? It's proof that those "bad vibes" aren't just annoying; they have a major financial impact. Patricia: Okay, I get it. Businesses get sunk by rudeness. But when we want to address workplace rudeness , are we talking about giving out Emily Post’s etiquette guides in HR? Roger: <Laughs> Not exactly. It’s more about building a culture where respect and politeness are actually valued and rewarded. Take Zappos, for example. They have a "Wow" recognition program where employees can publicly acknowledge the positive contributions of their colleagues. But the cool part is, these shout-outs come with bonuses! And the top prize – the "Hero" award – comes with a cape and bragging rights. It turns acts of kindness into something fundamental to their culture. Patricia: A cape? Okay, that… actually sounds kind of fun. But what happens when those civility issues run deeper than a simple shout-out can fix? What if you're dealing with someone who's genuinely toxic? Roger: Right, that’s key. Danny Meyer, who founded Union Square Hospitality Group, has a zero-tolerance policy for incivility, no matter how talented someone is. He says, "Customers can taste employee incivility." Basically, if there's disrespect inside the company, it will spill over and affect the customer experience, which hurts everything. By dealing with toxic behavior head-on, he creates teams that can actually work together instead of falling apart from the inside. Patricia: So, it’s a combination, then – reinforcing the good while making it clear that there’s no room for the bad. Seems like a balanced approach. What else is in the emotional intelligence toolbox? Roger: Feedback! Using feedback for growth is a huge stumbling block for a lot of leaders, right? That's where emotions can really get in the way. If you're defensive, have a bruised ego, or just deny the feedback altogether, it can completely derail your progress. Patricia: Let me guess: you have a story about a feedback disaster? Roger: Oh, absolutely. Think about Angela. She was a mid-level manager who was passed over for a promotion because of some ongoing performance issues. But instead of dealing with the feedback she got, she just shut down emotionally. She didn't analyze what she was doing wrong; she just hoped the problem would go away on its own. And, surprise, it didn't. Angela's stagnation really highlights how ignoring feedback can rob you of opportunities for growth. Patricia: This is such a common thing, though, isn't it? Nobody “likes” being told they're not perfect. So, how can leaders actually change their relationship with feedback, turning it into something useful instead of something painful? Roger: It comes down to acceptance and action. First, you have to acknowledge your emotional response. You need to understand your feelings – maybe it's resentment, shame, defensiveness, whatever. Then, you can start to reframe the feedback as something constructive. Take Gary, for instance. He was told that he wasn't approachable enough as a junior manager. Instead of getting defensive, he used that criticism as an area to improve, and he actively worked on his social skills. Over time, he built better relationships and grew as a leader. Patricia: Baby steps, then: acknowledge, reframe, act. Great. Do we have an example of someone who broke it down even further? Roger: You bet. Consider Jane and her fear of public speaking. The feedback she got on her presentations was that they were lackluster. Instead of letting it define her, she tackled each issue one piece at a time. First, she studied great speakers. Then, she reworked her presentation material. Finally, she took a professional course. By building gradually, she transformed her biggest weakness into a core strength. Patricia: Okay, I see the pattern. Small, practical steps can make a big difference. But this isn’t just about the individual, right? There's gotta be a cultural component to how organizations handle feedback. Roger: Absolutely! Some startups are doing amazing things to encourage open feedback, where criticism is seen as a chance to build the team. With brainstorming and collaboration as the norm, feedback sessions lead to actual innovation. When people see feedback as an investment in their development, agility and adaptability naturally follow. Patricia: Makes sense. And I guess that all helps a team weather difficult times – which brings us to resilience. That feels like the ultimate test of emotional intelligence, doesn't it? Roger: Exactly. Resilience is the ability to adapt and thrive, even when you're under pressure. Just look at how UPS responded after Hurricane Andrew. The devastation crippled supply chains, but instead of panicking, UPS empowered their employees to make decisions on the ground. They came up with creative solutions and made sure vital deliveries got to the affected areas. That shows how developing resilience allowed them not only to survive the crisis but emerge stronger. Patricia: Classic example of people stepping up when it matters. But hey—most of us don’t get a literal hurricane to test our resilience. What does day-to-day resilience look like? Roger: Admiral Jim Stockdale's POW story is a timeless example. During his captivity in the Vietnam War, he maintained both brutal honesty and strategic hope. He didn't fall into the trap of thinking he'd be released any day now, but he also refused to give up. That paradoxical approach kept him grounded for eight years while keeping hope alive. It’s a powerful approach for facing the tough challenges in life: Accept what you can’t change, but never lose sight of the long-term goals. Patricia: So, resilience is having one foot in reality and one in aspiration. Translation: stay calm, stay focused, and don’t let setbacks derail you. Roger: Exactly! And when you pair resilience with emotional agility – where leaders understand their emotions and align them with their values – that creates profound strength. Cynthia, the lawyer who was trying to balance work guilt and family life, is a great example. Instead of letting the guilt control her, she reframed her emotions, created a solid schedule that matched her priorities, and regained control of her work and personal life. Patricia: I like that connection. Resilience isn't just about bouncing back; it's about growth, even when things are stacked against you. So, how does this all fit together? Roger: The practical uses of emotional intelligence keep pointing back to this essential idea: managing emotions, using feedback effectively, promoting civility, and encouraging resilience, they aren't just separate actions. Together, they build workplaces centered in trust, collaboration, and productivity. And ultimately, those are the environments that will truly succeed. Patricia: Alright, Roger, you’ve convinced me. Emotional intelligence isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s essential for anyone who wants to lead effectively.

Roger: So, after looking at the practical side of EI, we need to consider its broader impact on growth, both personally and within organizations. What's really fascinating is how emotional intelligence connects individual progress to the bigger picture of the workplace. We're at the 30,000-foot view now. All the pieces of EI come together here, it shows how emotionally intelligent leaders can “really” reshape not only themselves but their entire organizations. Patricia: Okay, so we're zooming out. I'm curious, how does EI morph from being a personal skillset into something that can transform a whole organization? What’s the link between, say, one manager being self-aware and the overall vibe of a company? Roger: It's about influence, really. A leader's emotional intelligence isn't just an isolated thing—it spreads throughout the organization. Teams tend to reflect the emotional tone set by their leader. There's even research that calls this "emotional contagion," which means one person's mood can ripple through the entire workplace. Leaders who are emotionally smart can foster creativity and teamwork, while negative leaders can create a climate of fear. Patricia: Sounds like a domino effect, doesn't it? One leader's reaction could set the stage for success. Got a concrete example? Roger: For sure. There was a case where a manager was leading a “really” crucial board meeting that had gone completely off the rails. Instead of focusing on blame, he shifted the focus to finding solutions with a positive attitude. This simple action not only rebuilt trust but also ignited a sense of determination within his team, ultimately saving the project. Patricia: This manager sounds like a superhero—cool under pressure and all that. But you're painting a pretty picture, Roger. What happens when things go the other way? How damaging can negativity from a leader “really” be? Roger: Oh, it can be worse than you think. Leaders who exude negativity, whether it's constant frustration, pessimism, or just plain hostility, they create a "toxic atmosphere." This atmosphere stifles innovation, saps energy, and discourages teamwork. Employees become disengaged, morale plummets, and turnover goes through the roof. The cost isn't just emotional, it's financial because these environments simply aren't sustainable. It's the opposite of what we're trying to achieve with positive workplaces,. Patricia: Got it, so emotional intelligence isn’t just some soft skill; it’s crucial for an organization to survive. But what about resilience? To me, that's a real test of a company's EI—how it deals with unexpected problems. Roger: Exactly. Think of resilience as a litmus test. Emotional intelligence amplifies resilience, in people and organizations. UPS's response to Hurricane Andrew is a perfect example. The hurricane completely disrupted operations, but the company bounced back by empowering its employees. Drivers came up with delivery plans on the spot, prioritizing aid where it was most needed. That emotional trust made employees confident in their decisions during a crisis. Patricia: That’s impressive. They weren’t blindly following orders; they had the freedom to adapt and succeed. It’s like the organization itself was flexible and emotionally in sync with the crisis. But that’s a pretty extreme example. What does resilience powered by emotional intelligence look like in everyday situations? Roger: It often boils down to mindset. Admiral Stockdale's story illustrates this well. During his eight years as a prisoner of war, he didn't give way to despair or false optimism. Instead, he balanced realism with purpose. This approach, accepting the brutal reality while maintaining hope, became the base of his resilience. Leaders who use this principle, whether during a tough project or organizational change, create a culture where employees can adapt without unrealistic expectations but with a clear sense of what to do. Patricia: So resilience isn’t just about getting back up; it’s about how you get back up—with clear-eyed determination and adaptability. Makes sense. But how does this connect to innovation? Being resilient sounds reactive, while innovation feels more proactive. Roger: That's where emotional trust comes into play which unlocks collaboration --a crucial part of creative breakthroughs. When employees feel a high level of emotional trust, they’re more willing to take risks and contribute fresh ideas. Take Zappos, for instance. Their emphasis on respect and recognition has created an environment where creativity flourishes. Their “Wow” program, which rewards acts of kindness, is just a small example of how they integrate emotional health into everyday interactions. The result? Teams that truly care about their work and each other. Patricia: A little public recognition goes a long way, huh? It’s not just about the reward itself—it’s about the message those gestures send. "You’re appreciated, so we expect you to invest more of yourself in what you’re doing." Roger: Exactly. It's also measurable. Companies like Cisco realized that incivility cost them millions in losses each year, while promoting civility and emotional intelligence boosts innovation and reduces turnover. Zappos's recognition programs fundamentally changed its organizational culture to boost engagement and productivity. Patricia: I get it now. From creativity to collaboration, EI fuels the changes to the company culture. But here’s a tough one—what about companies that are already dealing with a toxic atmosphere? Can emotional intelligence turn things around, or is it more of a preventative measure? Roger: It definitely can. Take Mark Jones's story. When he became CEO of a manufacturing company, the workplace culture was, well, dysfunctional. Employees saw leadership as detached and harsh. Through deliberate steps like executive coaching and integrating EI into leadership development, Jones not only transformed his management style, but the whole company culture. Transparency, empathy, and a focus on personal growth became the new norm. Patricia: Wow, that's a major turnaround. What was the result? Roger: It was huge. Employee morale improved, innovation increased, and the company became known as a great place to work. Jones's leadership changes didn't just change his career; they improved the organization's long-term success. Emotionally intelligent leadership aligns personal values with workplace goals, creating lasting, meaningful change. Patricia: Alright, Roger, I’ll admit it: cultivating emotional intelligence isn’t just about making people feel warm and fuzzy at work. It’s a strategic move that touches on every aspect of an organization—teamwork, innovation, crisis response, everything. Roger: Exactly. Whether its fostering resilience like UPS, promoting collaboration like Zappos, or driving cultural transformation like Mark Jones, emotional intelligence is the common thread. It's what allows leaders to balance personal growth with organizational impact, creating environments where both people and business can succeed.

Roger: So, Patricia, to sum it all up, we've really dug into how emotional intelligence can transform leadership. We've talked about those five core areas—self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills—and how they play out in the real world, like dealing with difficult people, taking feedback well, and staying strong when things get tough. Honestly, EI isn't just some fluffy, nice-to-have thing. It’s a powerful tool that can truly impact your success and the success of your organization. Patricia: Yeah, absolutely. And I think the big thing is that emotional intelligence isn't just about being Mr. or Ms. Congeniality, right? It's about setting the stage for trust, innovation, and teamwork. Think of teams that really excel because their leader gets it, or entire companies that bounce back from setbacks because they're emotionally intelligent. EI shapes results in ways you just can't capture on a balance sheet. Roger: Precisely. So, here’s a challenge for all our listeners: This week, really think about your own emotional intelligence. Start small, maybe just paying closer attention to what sets you off emotionally, or trying to be more receptive to feedback. Even tiny, deliberate efforts to improve your EI can have a huge effect on how you lead and connect with people. Patricia: And look, don't aim for perfection right away. Emotional intelligence is a work in progress, not something you master overnight. But even small steps forward can lead to better results—for yourself, your team, and, yeah, even the whole company. Roger: Great point, Patricia. Thank you all for tuning in today; let's work towards creating workplaces—and developing leadership styles—where emotional intelligence truly thrives. Until next time! Patricia: Catch you later, everyone!